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  1. Yesterday
  2. One Word Status Update

    bored!
  3. Day 209 - A positive for today - I think my appetite has finally returned to normal. I don’t know about everyone else, but in the first six months of recovery I had a crazy ravenous appetite. In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed my appetite returning to normal human levels. This is a good thing...a very good thing. One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with in the last few years has been weight. The amphetamines stopped giving the desired weight loss effect about 3-4 years ago.
  4. 2 Years!

    totally this~!!!!!! well said! it's so easy to get trapped into a mindset where you're waiting for something magical to happen, or suddenly feel healed one day. the reality is, you won't feel anything until you actually do something that you couldn't do before. congrats on 2 years @EricP (:
  5. Last week
  6. 2 Years!

    2 Years – Its been a very long road getting to this milestone. I feel like the first year was the hardest year of my life and was all pure healing time with many ups and downs; year two is when I actually began to slowly function again. Overall, I am much more myself now than my Adderall days or at any point in the first year of recovery. I actually “want” to do things and have become motivated to work and catch up with my hobbies again. I went from almost out of business to showing a profit again and catching up all my finances mainly in year 2. I still have some odd physical symptoms and low energy days/moments/afternoons are usually when I feel a little down. Evenings are still not a very strong social time for me as by then I am pretty wiped from my day to deal with intense social situations. The feeling of pleasure is still not as great as it once was pre-Adderall… However I am accepting and just trying to make the most of each day. For those new to recovery… My biggest advice would be limit sugar/carb intake and exercise no matter how hard it is and how tired you are. Cardio is a must in recovery! Tyrosine I do believe to be helpful however I cannot say that any supplements I tried (and I tried a lot) gave me any instant relief of measurable improvement. The healing process seems to be slow and unsteady regardless of actions and you really don’t ever feel like things are improving until you find yourself handling a situation that you couldn’t deal with a few months prior. My advice is to never give up and do not give in to temptation. Exercise & eat healthy and do what you can to keep a healthy consistent sleep schedule. Supplements can’t hurt however do your research and don’t over do it… Any product promising energy will likely hurt your recovery process as it will be loaded with caffeine and who knows what else which will just create another dependency. I still find any of these stimulants really affect me now, I can feel really good after an energy drink however I really crash after sometimes for the entire next day… So I avoid anything more than my daily cup of coffee… I’m not here as much as I used to be however, I still read and comment when I see an area that I can offer input or support. Thank you all for your support here it really helped my survival especially the first year!
  7. Quitting adderall podcasts?

    Does anyone have any podcasts that have been helpful in their journey to quitting adderall?
  8. Tiredofit

    @TiredofitHow is it going? Did you ever take the step? I can totally relate to how your feeling. I have just recently quit and am also worried about many things but we can do this!
  9. Quitting after 6 years

    Thank you, DrewK15. Your advice is extremely helpful. I am going to focus on sleep and positive thinking this week. I wish you all the best on your journey of recovery as well.
  10. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos yeah, even at those doses Adderall seriously messes with your emotions and personality. That’s where most difficult recovery takes place. I relate deeply with the fear of not being able to produce feelings of success/confidence without Adderall. Know it does exist. You just have to work really hard for it instead of taking a pill. Take it easy and get some sleep this week. It’ll be hard in the beginning, but Your wife and kids are going to be so thankful for your willingness to recover in the long run.
  11. What motivates you to stay clean?

    This is a great thread. Here are my top three motivations for quitting. 1.) Anhedonia - I want to feel genuine enjoyment again in life activities. I want to feel real happiness again. 2.) Family - I want my kids and wife to know and love me as I truly am, not the false self created by artificially manipulated dopamine levels. 3.) Work - I want to feel genuine pride in my work knowing that I have reached my goals due to my own persistence, hard work, and determination.
  12. Quitting after 6 years

    @DrewK15 also, I did only stick to my prescribed dose and just recently upped my dosage from 10-15mg. It still has had such an profound influence on my personality. As some smart individual (can’t remember who) said recently on the forums, Adderall makes your moments easier, but your life more difficult. That is what it did to me. I have two young kids and an amazing wife and I want to be the best I can be for them. They deserve it.
  13. Quitting after 6 years

    Many thanks for the welcome and words of encouragement, DrewK15! Booze was definitely a problem for me until I quit it cold turkey over a year ago. I would drink in the evenings to ease the comedown, get horrible sleep, then take my pill to deal with the hangover. It was a vicious cycle and one that I am extremely grateful and proud to be out of. I am concerned that, even with the relatively low dose, quitting the pills will be more difficult than quitting booze. Pills gave me the “feeling” of success. It wasn’t real. It was an illusion. Though I know that intellectually, emotionally I am worried that I won’t be able to produce that feeling on my own. I never had this concern with respect to quitting booze. At any rate, I am NOT going back. I already snapped in a fit of rage at something a family member said today and it was followed by a crazy ordeal. It was so uncharacteristic of me. I hope this anger and rage passes soon. I don’t want to say or do something I’ll regret. I feel I am more emotional off of pills but am not sure if that is just a symptom of withdrawals. Thanks so much again for reaching out, DrewK15. It is so helpful and comforting to know there are others out there who understand and can offer wise council. Thanatos
  14. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos welcome back to the forums! I like the way you mentioned and articulated mistaking lifestyle choices for true ADD. That’s so true. In my case it was weed. Of course getting high every night and sleeping poorly was causing focus problems. But I couldn’t admit that. Adderall enabled me to practice bad habits at night and produce at work by day. If you stuck with your prescribed dosage of 15mg your prognosis is quite good. I’m not trying to downplay the struggle because it is very real for you; but that is on the low end of dosage for most of us here. Your physical recovery should be swift, the emotional and psychological work will take longer. Your confidence and willpower will take a hit, but it’ll return if you stick with it. Good luck!
  15. Quitting after 6 years

    Hi all, It’s hard to believe that I posted on this forum roughly 4 years ago about quitting and I’m still here trying to stop. I started taking Adderall 10mg once a day in grad school and now prescribed 15 mg once a day. I think the stress, my eating habits, and the booze made me exhibit ADHD-like symptoms and I mistook that for having the supposed “disorder”. Over the last 4 years or so, this drug has made me into someone I don’t recognize and I have to stop. Well, today is the day. I am out of pills, on a 7 day vacation, and can think of no better time to start my journey (uphill climb) than today. I have a prescription and was going to fill it this morning but decided against it. I just feel this overwhelming sense that now is the time to quit for good. I’m not going to sugarcoat the difficulty of this decision; I am fearful and anxious about my ability to do my job at the level I need to do it, but the pills have made me into a work zombie and I’m just tired of it. I don’t feel joy or feel really anything anymore. I am concerned that my overall health is truly being affected in a negative way by it. I have lurked on this forum for years and your stories and encouragement have inspired me to even consider getting clean of this poison. Thanks for that. There is so much to say but I just wanted to at least get this out there. Thanks for reading. Here we go. Thanatos
  16. What motivates you to stay clean?

    So well said!@Tom23Jones
  17. Checking In, 402 Days

    Thank you for the feedback and encouragement @William @Danquit. I have made so much progress from where I was. By necessity, the last couple days I’ve had to function on 5 hours of sleep (my usual is 8). And I’m doing it. I’m moving around, productive, in a decent mood, and thinking clearly. This was unthinkable even a couple months ago in my recovery. It is getting better. Can you (or anyone else) expand on this? It would be disingenuous for me to tell you I actually believe this statement, as much as I’d like to. I practice gratitude daily and it gets me through. But missing this part of life someday? No way. I can’t wait for it to be over most of the time. Life 5 years from now looks so much better than it is now given all of the damage I have to repair in my life. I know this thinking is hurting me, maybe hearing how this has been true for you will help.
  18. What motivates you to stay clean?

    I stay motivated to keep clean because of the peace of mind it offers. The relief of not having to count pills and wonder where your going to get more when you run out. And stress over where your going to get money to get those pills. It was chaos. Also the peace of mind mentioned above, not having to worry about having a stroke or heart attack. At the end it was a complete obsession, there was nothing fucking fun about it. I'd have constant panic/anxiety attacks and still kept popping them like candy. Fucking insanity. But I never have to resort to that bullshit again. Today I'm grateful for the calmness and clarity I have. So much more time and energy to put towards myself, my family, my health instead of thinking about a drug every waking minute.
  19. Day 205 - I can’t lie - I am really struggling this week. I’m working 35-40 hour weeks and I don’t have any energy to go to the gym as well. I’m on my feet most of the day and I just don’t know how much more of this I can take. I wish I never met Adderall. It still feels like it’s destroying me. Tough Friday. Hope everyone else is doing well.
  20. What motivates you to stay clean?

    On days I was taking 100mg of Adderall, my blood pressure was at emergency room levels - really, really high. As much as I am still struggling right now, having to worry about having a stroke or heart attack isn’t high up on my list anymore like it was when I was poppin.
  21. What motivates you to stay clean?

    Thought I’d check in again. I’ve finally reached the 100 days milestone however, rather than feeling this wonderful sense of achievement I’ve been struggling this past week with PAWS where I’ve suddenly started having strong cravings for my pills again. I think work has been one of the main triggers along with this gloomy cold weather we are having in Sydney. I feel completely unmotivated and have hated my job since quitting Dex amphetamines. I also haven’t been able to find the energy to go to the gym this past fortnight. The one thing that has stopped me from using this past couple of days is remembering what I was like during my acute withdrawal phase. I really put my family through hell and said and did a lot of things to hurt people. I also know as wonderful as it may feel to pop a pill right now, within a fortnight I will be right back where I started, taking 100mg a day of this shit and feeling nothing. Would love to hear everyone’s thoughts about what your personal triggers are? What makes you want to use again and what motivates you to stay clean as opposed to giving in and popping another pill?
  22. Checking In, 402 Days

    You have entered the aftermath of recovery. You made it through the first year and now you’ll have to start building your new life. It’s tough because everything you do is all you, no help from drugs or anything else. This was a struggle for me too but over time it becomes empowering when you accept it. Motivation follows action. Do something, anything, and things will get better. It’s just life so try to enjoy every moment, even the shitty ones because one day you’ll look back and actually miss this time in your life.
  23. Checking In, 402 Days

    Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough patch @DrewK15 I’m sure you’ve read enough posts to realize what you’re experiencing is completely normal. No doubt you just want to switch gears and move on already.. Remember how far you have come! It’s easy to lose track of all that you’ve accomplished when the depression phases come. Don’t dwell there. Keep up the fight! It does get better!!
  24. Checking In, 402 Days

    Hey guys, haven’t been on here or checked in for a while. I’m at a little over 13 months sober and doing okay. Had a couple more job opportunities fall through so I’m struggling with that. Struggling to re establish socially as well, after isolating so long I find myself scared of other people. I’m exercising, eating well, going to counseling, go to recovery meetings, sleep well, etc. I just feel empty and emotionally drained. I’m not going to use today or anytime soon. But it seems appealing again because I just don’t feel like whatever I’m striving for is worth it. Sorry for the downer post. I am grateful to be sober today.
  25. Earlier
  26. Cocoa powder in coffee

    Frank are you still doing this? I think I may try this. Do you notice any difference from the MCT?
  27. All out.... so here we go!

    Day 5, i feel like a garbage person. I've slept nearly all weekend and ate a bag of Milanos cookies. Scared that this will be my life forever! I know I need structure this summer. I'm a runner, although haven't run in past few months, so I'm going to train for a race with my old running club to give me some accountability and motivation. Today though I feel like a garbage person and scared I'll never have true energy again.
  28. Day 199 - I’m laying in bed right now. It’s my first day off from work in about a week. My mind wants to go for a hike, but my body is saying please God, no. I may stay in bed all day today. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow...
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