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  1. Today
  2. One Word Status Update

    challenged.
  3. Yesterday
  4. It's frightening! Hell I could sit down for 6-8 hours straight playing MW2 or zombies or really any video game. It seems as if after Adderall, I just can't anymore. It's awful as even things I love like video games and movies just seem like they'll take so much effort and that I am incapable of playing them, yet I had no problem doing that until this past year.
  5. You're so right! Whenever I'm backed against a wall with a deadline for anything, I'm able to get it done without an issue, even if I've procrastinated for weeks. I guess I really need to bite the bullet and harness the inner motivation I know that I have to apply it in a way that I don't need to be in those situations. I'm gonna stop being soft and push myself to go to the gym every single day, no matter how tired or unmotivated I am. I thank you for the words of motivation. Once I show myself that it's not impossible, I hope it'll put me on a much better track.
  6. That's what I really hope to be my man. I want to build up self-control and mindfulness to be able build myself a much better study/homework plan for next year so that I don't have to take meds at all. It started off fine, I've been on them for about four years and didn't really have a problem until I started seeing that I was taking my meds and telling myself I had all this work to do. In reality, the workload wasn't awful and I shouldn't have needed them, but I started to get to a point where my baseline mood and motivation was being on these pills and after that it just became the only thing that could push me to do anything.
  7. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    congrats!!!! something else to get you through the next six months - think about how you felt 6 months ago compared to now. i know its hard while you're going through time, with PAWS coming and going, but when you reach these milestones is a good time to reflect on the larger period of time. 6 months from now will be so much different (:
  8. Started off great, recovery now getting harder

    hey there @clifking you've already got some great advice above, the only thing i'll add is consider how powerful this statement is: i know this to be absolutely true, cause i didn't play videogames for like a year after i quit, and videogames were a BIG part of my life before adderall. isn't that scary as hell? stay far far away from stims.
  9. Day 180 - I’ve been looking forward to this day. Six months clean off of amphetamines... Never thought I’d make it this far. Now I’m in the limelight cause I rhyme tight. (Biggie, anyone?!) I can’t lie. These first six months have been hell on earth, but what is going to take me through the next six months are those little slivers of natural happiness and hope that I experienced a few times. Gotta stay positive....
  10. Just got to pay the piper man. It’s going to be rough for a little while but to resume the speed is just prolonging and also extending the period of lows you’re going to have to inevitably face. Just ride it out man. Do what you can. We a lot of times feel so down and drained but if someone had a gun to your head or you were running from a pack of lions ready to eat you a live you’d find some pretty profound energy and motivation. What I’m saying is it’s not like we’re incapable or it’s impossible it’s just hard. Real hard. But we have to fight through it, be strong, be a fucking beast and own this shit. You’re not the first or last to be in that position and many people have bodied that shit, fought through, and made it so you can too. Good luck man, and much love. Cameron
  11. Hey @clifking, welcome. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well for your first few weeks off the meds. Your body needs some time to recover from those all nighter study sessions. Keep spending time with friends, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. Most importantly, do whatever you can to get through finals without the drugs next year. There is no substitute for good time management, procrastination will catch up to you at some point. It did for me a few years after college. Let us know how you’re doing in a few weeks, I suspect things will get better for you quickly.
  12. So I went cold turkey off Adderall, Vyvanse, and Mydayis after a brutal finals week brought me to my worst physical and mental state. It’s been a little over three weeks and I haven’t touched anything. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I’d be upon returning home for the summer, was fine hanging out with friends and all that. It seems that in the past week or so, even after 10-11 hours of sleep, my energy seems to “deplete” around 2-3pm leaving me with no choice other than to lay in bed and then fall asleep for a few hours. I’m still able to sleep at night regardless of the naps too. I’m taking vitamins and eating great too. I’ve started to drink coffee (although i’m iffy on caffeine based on my history with stimulants especially caffeine itself) to keep me at a somewhat normal energy level through the afternoons. Other than that, my interest/motivation levels SUCK, which is what is the hardest part and edging me closer to taking my meds again. Unless I’m with friends I sit around and do nothing, I don’t even have motivation to go downstairs and play Xbox or pursue things that I want. Does anyone have ANY tips to help me with this?? It’s unbearable you know? That feeling where you want to do so much but just can’t and it’s awful that I know stimulants were that tool to just lock me into anything and make me enjoy it no matter what it was. Thank you guys
  13. Last week
  14. Celebrating 18 months clean

    I am sure it is somehow related to my Ritalin usage as it all started once I stopped. Though I am not considering myself as a depressed human being , I actually start to think that quitting the pill that cause to lack of energy makes me depressed. Depression goes hand in hand with physical symptoms as far as I read. Do you think it might be an option?
  15. Tired of Being Tired

    Thanks for your response. I haven’t always been this tired in my recovery so that is the good news. You’re right I’m probably just In a rut. And it makes a lot of sense what you say about how when you find something you are passionate about it lights up that inner drive. I hadn’t thought of that. You have some really good ideas. Adderall made me feel excited about things artificially. So off of adderall I’m no longer interested in what I was interested in while I was on and I feel lost. I’m going to work on finding things I’m passionate about naturally and see if I can’t break myself out of this. Good job on being off addy and I hope you break out of your rut too.
  16. Tired of Being Tired

    i can't say for sure that it's not the Adderall still (12 years is a long time), but sounds more like you're in a rut. i don't have the answer to this, cause i too am in a rut, but i'm beginning to think that "natural energy" only comes as a result of being passionate about something. my only evidence of this is that i still get really excited about things like videogames. i know it's not a "productive" type of energy, but it's a legitimate hobby that i enjoy thoroughly. i therefore wonder if there's some project or calling in my future that will revitalize me as a whole? or maybe it will come and pass because i don't have the energy to seize it?
  17. Tired of Being Tired

    Guess I just need to vent because I know there is no solution to being tired all the time. If you know a magic recipe to naturally increasing energy I am desperate to try anything. I’m much older now than before I got hooked. But I have been off for 2 years and 3 months and I feel tired all the time and all I want to do when I have spare time is rest. Is this normal or could I still be experiencing the aftermath of being on adderall for 12 years? Maybe this is the way people who were never addicted to adderall feel at age 44? maybe it’s hormonal? For the past two years I have allowed myself to be as lazy as I wanted. But I’m beginning to wonder if I am ever going to feel natural energy again. Is it all downhill from here?
  18. Day 176 - Looking forward to orientation at my new job today. I hope this part-time job puts me in the right direction. I am in a good place mentally today. I hope I have more mornings like this..
  19. Celebrating 18 months clean

    18 months is a huge success! I am very near 2yrs and still have odd symptoms. I think the brain takes a long time to heal in some areas however everyone is different. Some bounce back quicker than others and also even believe in my case that I over think some symptoms and mentally make them worse than they are. This journey has make me a hypochondriac on more than one occasion...
  20. Unfortunately there comes a stage when tolerance builds to the level where these drugs no longer become effective for getting work done and yield no benefit whatsoever. Unfortunately, the user continually needs to take them to ward off the negative withdrawal side effects such as sleeping 24/7. My dr also told me I couldn’t get addicted which couldn’t have been further from the truth! These pills robbed me of 2+ yrs of my life, my advice is to quit now whilst you are still ahead!
  21. Earlier
  22. One Word Status Update

    3 years!
  23. Wow. The real miracle is you found this site this soon!! Stop the speed! Save yourself! Lol but seriously.. read around and take it into deep consideration to stop.
  24. Thank you so much for this, @sleepystupid ! If what I've been experiencing is similar to the path others here have been down, then it sounds like I should stop taking these pills ASAP. Thank you!
  25. Day 173 - I’m starting to think I need to do something about my depression. It has been BAD this past week, and no amount of “keeping myself busy” has helped it. I might stick it out a little longer, but I’m having a very hard time mentally and emotionally right now. Has anyone else experienced crippling depression and anxiety around the 6 month mark? How did you deal with it?
  26. hi @workingmom welcome! you are right to be apprehensive about this. that doesn't mean your doctor is wrong in prescribing dex, but there's more to the story than he's telling you. unfortunately there's no such thing as a "legitimate" diagnosis. symptoms for adult ADD are so vague and easily identifiable, most people could convince themselves of it with little effort. most doctors will similarly diagnose pretty easily because.. well why not? their patient fits the criteria, and the diagnosis will secure a returning patient. i am not in this category, but there are plenty of members here that fit the low dose for years, but "zero side-effects"? not a chance. you're ALREADY experiencing side effects on the weekends! depends whether you believe you're truly ADD. the argument for prescribing stimulants is that those with ADD have faulty receptors by default. this means that they don't get as much "reward" for doing simple "normal" things like most people do. this in turn causes them to be restless and continually seek stimulation. so, when you introduce a stimulant, they are now satisfied by the normal stuff which in turn calms them down. that being said, you should know that everyone will feel an effect from amphetamine, cause its a drug. that magical, miracle feeling you described? that's just feeling high. it won't last forever, and when it disappears, you'll be left with a pill that you literally take just cause if you don't you'll be a tired depressing mess.
  27. TL;DR: I started taking dextroamphetamine (similar to Adderall) about 3 weeks ago. I started having some troublesome side effects, which made me worry I was getting addicted. I googled around and found this site, which freaked me out. I brought this up to my psychiatrist, and he brushed it off saying that when people with legitimate ADD (which I do have) take these drugs, there is no long-term damage and it is "impossible" to get addicted as long as I stick only with the prescribed dosage, which is a "baby dosage". It may be worth noting that HE suffers from ADD and HE takes dex, so he used himself as proof. I'm SO confused! I've read reports that these drugs are essentially harmless (I believe the WIkipedia entry for dextroamphetamine says there is no chance for physical dependency), etc. ... but then I read the stories here and I don't know what to think! The longer story: The first week I took dex, I literally thought I had stumbled upon a miracle. ADD has afflicted me for decades, and I thought that now, finally, in my 40s, I'd finally be able to reach my true potential at work. Procrastination was a thing of the past as I zoomed through every item on my to-do list. I felt like I could accomplish anything! That weekend, I decided to give myself a "Rest" from the drug. And this is when I started to worry. That weekend, I had a really hard time getting out of bed. I felt incredibly tired and groggy, as if a head cold were coming on. The next week, I took the dex M-F, and once again was thanking God that I had found this miracle drug. During the weekend, though? I ended up SLEEPING almost the ENTIRE weekend. I could barely get out of bed. Huh, that's weird. I took it for another week -- once again, had an amazing week...and then went on a one-week vacation. During the vacation, I did not take my pills, and I slept pretty much the entire week. I could barely keep my eyes open. So, I started to feel like I needed the pills just to be able to be awake. And then -- far more frightening -- during the end of vacation I thought: "I can't wait for this vacation to be over so that I can go back to work and take my magic medicine again!" Um... wait, what? Isn't a thought like that a CLASSIC addict's thought pattern? "Needing" the drug, just to even function? Wanting to go back to work, to have an excuse to take it? So I set up an appointment with my psychiatrist, who told me I had nothing to worry about, that millions of people with ADD take dex / adderall for years with zero side-effects, and anyway I'm on a "baby" dosage. He said that addiction is only a problem when people who don't actually have ADD take it, OR when people with ADD go beyond the prescribed dosage. Oh, and when I told him that I get devastatingly tired on days I don't take it? His response: "Well, just take it every day, then!" I was getting ready to start re-taking it again today (it's currently Monday morning), but then I remembered this page and thought I'd reach out first before taking the magic pill again. So I guess my question is -- did anyone on this thread *start out* with 1) a legitimate ADD diagnosis and 2) taking low doses for years and 3) have zero side-effects? I'm feeling so lost. I'm not going to lie -- I LOVE how I feel on this drug, WHEN I'm on it. And so many articles seem to imply that it's perfectly safe and in fact it might even be better in the long run for people with ADD to take them. But something about this seems fishy. Won't my dopamine receptors get damaged, regardless of whether or not I have ADD? Regardless of whether or not I stay on the minimum dose? Won't even a small dose be bad for me, long-term? In sum, if my story sounds like yours, and you now regret (or don't regret!) taking this drug, please let me know -- I will deeply appreciate it. Thank you!
  28. Celebrating 18 months clean

    hey that's great news! congratulations (: it's hard to say regarding PAWS - as i'm sure you already know, it comes and goes in waves and is very different from one person to another. all i can say is that it is certainly possible to feel it 18 months out. the other possibility is that even normal people go through periods of feeling down or off - perhaps its that and you're just attributing it to your recovery?
  29. Optimism

    Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. I was having a moment when I wrote this post. The first couple weeks after hitting one year have been tough on my patience. It’s easy to feel like I should be further along, but it took me 4 years to get into this mess and it’s going to take some more time to get out. I’m at peace about losing that job opportunity. It did turn out to be bad timing. I still need to work on my confidence and belief I can function in the real world after spending the last year focused on recovery.
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