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  2. My story living with my adderall addicted wife

    My exhusband had an affair after being on Adderall. He was doing shady things prior to starting Adderall though. I tried to get him to notice the changes I saw when he got on Adderall but he would just say I am taking the meds his doctor prescribed him.
  3. Is Adderall Ruining My Marriage?

    My exhusband got on Adderall through a doctor started in his 50's he had an affair and lost his family due to his uncaring and out of character behaviors. He became selfish and self focused. No one recognizes him anymore. He later said he got off of Adderall but who knows anymore he ghosted me and his family since then.
  4. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    Thank you so much @DC011381! And congratulations to you!! You have made it through the hardest part! @Danquit Thank you! I totally agree on feeling recovered at this point but still reflecting on the experience. This has definitely shaped who I am as a person. And boy do I get the weight struggle. It has taken me two years to lose twenty pounds!! Lol so glad to hear you are still doing well. @m34 thank you!! You can do this! @EricP thank you!! As for improvement between years 2 and 3, it's hard to say. I am infinitely happier now than I was at the two year point, but I'm not sure if that is because of the good things that have happened over the last year or if it is because more time has passed. I do think that life in general improves simply because you are living your life true to yourself. I look forward to seeing your year 3 update!
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  6. I am 15 days clean today. It wasn’t as bad as I expected but I’m still pretty tired all day. Is it normal to still feel like this 15 days in? Thank god I took a month off work!
  7. Welcome to the Forum. Backpacking in the mountains is such a special experience! I'm sorry that your trip was ruined by a bad adderall experience. You've come to the right place to quit. With adderall, it's all or none. I suggest kicking them ASAP.
  8. My doctor told me that same thing. That he himself uses Adderall. And I should have no side effects. BUT I do! I am an adult male in my 50's and have been taking this for about 2 years. It has helped me tremendously. Not so much at work, which is not a high concentration job. But more in and around my home and getting out of the house and remembering to do things I need to do. I recently went to this new doctor when I was thinking something wasn't right. He increased my dose dramatically. from 20mg XR to 30mg XR and 20 mg as needed in the afternoon. Sometimes,I don't feel much when I take them. But other times I feel, maybe a bit of a high or happy feeling? I cant seem to take them as I am prescribed either, I am all over the place. None yesterday 60-80mg two days ago. Today I HAD to take 30 to get up and move. But I felt nothing from it. I hate being on any meds. Doctors all my life have fed some antidepressant this or that down my throat. Ive suffered from Cluster Headaches. And depression from an insane violent childhood. In the last year Ive quit going to the gym, and find myself confused and loss of short term memory. Having little panic attacks. 3 weeks ago I was backpacking alone in the Rocky Mountains. I had been taking my meds daily. Maybe more then I should im not even sure. I was laying in my tent hammock and really stressing and having a big panic attack. I then began to hear people talking. I felt I was being watched. I became terrified and began crying and freaked out. There was no one anywhere near where I was. I was very lucky as where I was in the mountains I was able to call my adult daughter and she helped me calm down and pack my gear and walk out. It was a terrible episode of panic and some kind of delusions. That episode should of made it easy to throw them out and move on. But the pills still have a hold on me. I have not refilled my prescription nor spoken with my doctor. I have such a backed up amount of meds. I dnt blame my doctors or me really. I have such a mixed up scrambled brain. Its almost impossible for me to have a single thought track. I cant watch a whole movie if sitting by myself. Even a half hour show can be hard. I hear so much noise in my head. I feel very emotional and cry over the dumbest things. I do not feel suicidal or angry. So yes I feel the medication had some positive effect on whatever my condition is, but it is extremely addicting and dangerous. That's why I am here.
  9. I started by trying to do a 10% taper every week. I made it to the 2nd week and realized I was personally better off going cold turkey. Definitely a good idea to try though. I also ended up going on anti-depressants (Prozac) not too long after quitting adderall. My new psychiatrist thinks that my ADHD symptoms could have actually been stemming from depression and anxiety. I still don't have the dose figured out and I'm still struggling but just wanted to offer a little bit of my experience to help.
  10. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    Congrats to 3 years! So Awesome! Do you feel like you felt any improvement between year 2&3 or was the first 1-2 years the most of your progress? Just curious as I am at year 2 and still hoping for some improvement... Thank you for the encouragement and sharing your journey!
  11. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    I’m at 6months right now. Needed to hear this Appreciate you sharing and congrats!! gives me hope!! Thank you
  12. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    Congratulations! At three years is when I considered myself officially “recovered” and it felt great! I still think about the whole experience and how it has shaped my life and I try to apply what I learned to better appreciate what I have now. Life is so much better without Adderall because it is real. I am currently struggling with losing weight but I know that I can do it without Adderall. It is motivating me to exercise and to eat healthy and I appreciate the process. I remember that first brutal year and the suicidal thoughts and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. So glad to see others reaching this milestone and checking in. Congrats again and keep moving forward!
  13. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    First and most importantly, a big big congrats. Secondly, thanks so much for your words of encouragement and empathy - it is truly helpful - it will be 8 months for me on Monday...
  14. THREE YEARS!!!!!

    Hey QA friends! Hope everyone had a great 4th! It has been awhile since I've posted, but Tuesday will officially mark 3 years off of adderall!!! I remember reading the posts of those who were reaching 3, 4, 5 years and beyond and how unattainable that seemed in the early days of my quit. While there is no easy way to get through this process, if you commit to staying quit no matter what life throws your way, these milestones will be reached, and quicker than you'd imagine. Adderall becomes but a distant memory, along with a life you used to live. My life is truly great these days, certainly not perfect, but I can say that I am both happy and optimistic about the future. I finished my first year of grad school, got a promotion (the second since getting clean), and have found my soulmate who I can't wait to build a life with. Most importantly though, I am happy with myself and so proud of the person I have become. None of this would have been possible if I were still on adderall. I was a shell of a person, isolated, empty, nothing more than a slave to a little orange pill. Quitting has and probably will always be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I will never forget the agony and the despair of that first year when suicide seemed like the only way out. I feel so deeply for all of you who are going through this right now. It's not in your head, you're not crazy, this shit really is that miserable!! So miserable! Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to do (or not do) what you need to get through this. I promise you that the life you deserve is waiting for you on the other side.
  15. Hi, I'm new to this forum and really need help. I started taking Adderall about 4 years ago to focus on my studying. I would take 20 mg based on the time I was studying. It was like magic. Sitting in one place, figuring things out, took in tons. Felt great and boosted self confidence. After a few months I started with the xr. I realized I was enjoying the euphoria and expanded to the 25mg xr to enhance experience. More recently I'm steady on the 25xr in the morning at about 9 and between 20-30 mg of the reg adderall pill. Im not tolerating not being on the pill and my day became useless when I'm not on it. Its causing so much irregularities in my relationship and self growth. I became totally dependent on this and cant function at work or any intense conversation without it. The doc is now prescribing wellbutrin as a way to treat the ADD, possible depression due to recent trauma of family losses, increased smoking (which I enjoy more on the adderral- would be great to hear feedback on this) as well as decreased libido. Was also recommended as a way to wean off the adderall as wellbutrin is non addictive. My life just became a big mess, similar to other posts on this blog. I would love to get some real advice, real help. Thanks
  16. Helpful Podcasts/Books!

    Matthew, Thank you for your response! I, myself have also run out 2-3 weeks early and it is the absolute worst. I will have to check out On Speed and continue to find some helpful tools that I will share. Good luck!!
  17. Helpful Podcasts/Books!

    First off, congrats on taking the first step toward sobriety. Recovery is a journey not a destination and it took me months of on again/off again use and tapering to finally be a month sober. Currently reading On Speed, which came highly recommended from this forum. It's amazing and eye opening into the history of stimulants and how pharmaceutical companies worked to market the drug with the diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. I am still in the early stage of recovery but what I have learned from my personal struggle and through this forum is just how difficult it is to recover if you continue to refill your prescriptions. I thought I could just cut back and use it "as needed" but if you believe you have an addiction to it then it is next to impossible to do so. I know the feeling all too well of running out of my script 10 days early (or even 2-3 weeks early at my worst). It's a difficult and frightening leap to not refill but it is the only thing that has worked for me this far. I hope this was helpful! I am new to this community but have already found it extremely helpful and I'm sure you will too.
  18. Helpful Podcasts/Books!

    Does anyone have any recommendations for some podcasts or books that have been helpful in the journey to becoming sober from add meds? I am also struggling with alcohol dependency/abuse. I have listened to podcasts like The Bubble Hour, Recovery Happy Hour, and That Sober Guy, which have helped some at least with understanding my out of control drinking habits, but I haven't found much on adderall addiction recovery. I am currently reading More, Now, Again which hits pretty close to home but am interested in seeing what you guys may have found that has helped you. I am currently feeling a little motivated right now...I ran out of my scrip 10 days early (per usual) again and was dreading an upcoming move I had to make. This past weekend, I moved from once city to another and I actually got through it, with energy, without my drugs! I packed and unpacked and sweated and actually found myself smiling at times when usually I'm so jacked up, serious, and super focused I have to force myself to smile. I was feeling so much dread and anxiety the days leading up to the move because I know I wouldn't have my fix that gave me energy and hyper focus for the ever so stressful process of moving. And to be honest I don't remember the last time I moved without it (been on adderall or a form of it since middle school and currently 28). I actually thought about not refilling my next scrip because of how great I felt at the time...HA! That didn't last, unsurprisingly. Looking forward to hearing from you all. Happy 4th!
  19. I am new here and I am so thankful I have found you people. I have been on adderall for the past 8 years. Lead to failing out of college with no degree and buried in student loans. This drug is pure hell and has ruined my mental, emotional and physical health. I have been clean since March 3 and it has been the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Coming from someone who was naive enough to think that I would never be one to face addiction square in the face. I’ve learned that addiction does not discriminate and it can happen to anyone. Gained 37 pounds in four months, no energy or motivation most days to even get out of bed and brush my teeth and shower. Digestive issues, 3 colon surgeries, 4 root canals, loss of my hair and scars all over my skin from picking. Damn this battle is hard. Does it ever get any easier?
  20. Relapse binge after over a month.

    sounds like a lot of positive things happening in your life right now! FWIW, i too manage to turn positive things into stressful things, such that those types of temptations can come to the surface. it is as you say a trap - you knew what the result was going to be, but maybe the underlying problem is that you didn't have enough confidence in yourself to deliver on your writing commitments? it sounds like religion is hugely important and helpful to you, which is great! but don't let that replace addressing the confidence thing, because you are a great writer, you just need some wins without stimulants to really know that (:
  21. I’ve been on adderall more than half my life....

    @Morethanhalfmylife So sorry to hear about what you’re going through. You will survive this. It’s a very long process but you’re still young and your body and brain will heal. Don’t take @quit-once comment that it’s all mental after acute physical withdrawal to infer you won’t deal with “real” withdrawal symptoms long after the drug has physically left your body. You will, and you it’s important to realize it’s not just “in your head” Read through the hundreds of posts on this forum and learn as much as you can. Good luck and stay close to the forum for support!!
  22. I got two poetry books published recently and had another publisher solicit me to write a third for them. I also wanted to start a novel. So I fell into the trap of thinking I needed stims to be productive and got a pack of inhalers from Walgreens. I have felt truly in hell these past few days. It doesn't help that I am weaning off my antipsychotic medication to live a chemical free life. Anxious, psychotic, manic, depressed, all at the same time. I need to do exactly what my previous plan that helped me be sober says, that I bailed on. It was: go to church and pray every day and do Jungian journalling. I don't want to do AA. It feels like a cult to me. Feel really shitty right now. But angels kept coming to me these past few days and told me to trust that I will have the resolve in time.
  23. 2 Years!

    I really like sugar-free red bull, and I really haven't noticed a down side to having one once in a while when I want a lift (or a mix with vodka). I also really enjoy my daily pot of coffee. Wow, it sure doesn't seem like it has been two years since you first started posting. I remember your early profile picture was a helicopter and I thought that was pretty cool. Thanks for sticking around and providing your valuable insight!
  24. I’ve been on adderall more than half my life....

    Wow, that must be awful! You had no preparation or notice that you were going to have to quit? I can only imagine how debilitating this must be for you. Your doctor was rightly concerned about your well being considering your heart condition. The good news is that after a few days, the struggle is entirely mental once the physical withdrawal symptoms have subsided. And quitting cold turkey gets the worst of the withdrawals over with in one lump sum so you can move on with your life and recovery from your 20+ years of adderall use. I wish you the best! Welcome to the forums. There is plenty of support here!
  25. Hi, today is day 3 of no adderall for me. I e been on 20 mg adderall twice daily since I can remember. I was prescribed adderall at 12, for school purposes, and I am 33 years old. I quit 1 time for about a year while I was pregnant and breastfeeding, and it was horrible! I was forced to quit because after having my son 7 years ago I developed a heart condition. My doctor told me a few days ago he will no longer prescribe adderall Bc he fears it will kill me. I’m terrified!!!! I feel like I have no idea who I am without this medication. I am having horrible withdrawal symptoms, and I don’t even know what to do with myself. I am currently receiving disability due to my health issues, so luckily this won’t negatively affect any job interactions but I feel useless!!! I’m a single mom, and I can’t even get off the couch to care for my son. Thank god my parents are able to step up and help with him, but it makes me so depressed that I can’t do the one thing I should be able to do, raise my son. I need help! I can see this ending very badly if I don’t get some sort of support. I feel like I’m in a dark hole and everyday I’m going deeper. I’m terrified. I am currently looking for motivation, advice, suggestions for supplements, etc.. any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
  26. Day 215 - I feel like the fog is slowly lifting. That’s all I got for today. (:
  27. A Future Worth Traveling To

    A Future Worth Traveling To is Reserved for those who have the Capacity and or willingness to plan for it....... The defeating thought that I keep having as I struggle with the ability to recognize which action to take next. This executive functioning/adulting seems almost unattainable. Feel like I have the mind of a child.
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