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  1. Today
  2. Congratulations! One year is huuuuge and it only gets better from here. At one year I was still struggling but I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Year two will be easier but still pretty rough in terms of motivation and some depression. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and getting more days under your belt. Try to enjoy the good days because they will start to be sprinkled in there. The trick is to recognize when you’re having a good day and remember that feeling for when the bad days come. You don’t need Adderall to have a good life, you know that now. Congrats again on a major milestone.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Last week
  5. Thank you both for your responses. Really helps to hear from people who have been there, family and friends try, but just don't get it. It is hard because it truly is like starting ALL over in life... my likes and dislikes are more gray and not as sharp, and some times just blah. Started working out for the first time in 20 years...something I certainly wouldn't have thought possible a year ago when I decided to quit.
  6. Congratulations Kimber! Making the first year is something to be proud of. Dont be discouraged if you feel “mushy” and like your “treading water”. Your brain is providing you with some accurate feedback, something you weren’t getting while on adderall. It might be that now isn’t the best time for “what’s next”- rather, what is... It’s a common response to want to “take control” after being driven for so long every which way by adderall. Just remind yourself you took control when you stopped taking the drug! Now you need time to reconstruct a life that is driven by well thought out decisions. Not random amphetamine fueled actions. And this takes a long time. So when you feel pestered by thoughts of “what’s next” remember that could likely be a leftover thought process from your adderall days. Start small. Make meaningful decisions daily that you can associate with a larger goal. Just don’t rush the process. I was on Adderall for nearly 15 years at a high dose. I’ve been off now for 2 1/2 years. Things do get better! Be kind to yourself, God bless
  7. this is really strong work- congratulations!!!! (: i can't even imagine what 17 years of adderall does to a person's fundamental human qualities, but here's what i do know: "treading water" is a very normal feeling! most people at one point or another in their lives have the same experience. the difference for us is that we have this additional experience of a pill that seems to magically fix the water treading. as we've all come to realize, it's not true, but it's impossible to un-know how amphetamines feel. that also means that all of the things and activities you've truly enjoyed while on adderall may not feel as satisfying anymore (for a while anyway). i definitely struggled around the 1 year mark with trying to get back into things i enjoyed, but it would always be a constant comparison to how it felt on adderall. but that's okay- maybe that thing you're ready for is to try something completely new, an experience that adderall has never touched or influenced?
  8. Whew. I can't believe it has been a year ago today that I tore up my last Adderall prescription. Physically I feel 100% better. Mentally I still feel "mushy" ... 17 years is a long, long, long time and it really probably became more a part of me than I cared to admit or could possibly understand. Feel like I'm treading water right now. Not really going anywhere and trying to not beat myself up about not going anywhere, because that is when I think "if i just could have a couple of Adderall to get me going again"... I'm ready for those thoughts to be GONE! And ready for something, I just don't know what.
  9. One Word Status Update

    grateful. (for all things i have, and all the chances i've been given. things could be much worse) and at the same time... guilty. (for wasting these things and not being as successful as i could)
  10. Update (it’s good this time!)

    @sleepystupid thank you! It was definitely the hardest thing to do, scary as hell, but happy I did it. As for a job, I’ve been working along with going to school already, but I did actually just start working at a new place doing the stuff I’ve been in school for. So far without adderall its been good. I am still in school yes, I am actually doing summer quarter right now but weirdly not behind. There was only one time I was behind and that was the last time I had adderall. Idk, I feel like it just came full circle. I started it to focus in school, now I can’t focus for school when I had it, so it was (among many other reasons) time to let go. But you’re right, I should definitely be thinking ahead. Any suggestions on how to approach that aspect?
  11. Vision Changes

    haven't experienced this myself, but here's an interesting explanation on the physiological effects of amphetamine on vision:
  12. Update (it’s good this time!)

    this is great news!!!! congrats on taking that first step and coming clean. it's immensely difficult to do. (: if i recall correctly, you're in school right? are you on summer break? any plans for the next semester or looking for a job? the next few months are going to be rough, so you should start strategizing as soon as possible.
  13. Earlier
  14. TWO YEARS :)

    I'm at two years and a couple months and I agree with this 110%. But this post and also @Frank B 's recent post about it being quiet on here lately reminded me that we have a responsibility to share our experience, strength, and hope with others. My life is so full and happy now that I rarely log on here anymore but I remember that first year when I was on here daily and wondering if I'd ever not be depressed, lazy, and unmotivated. And it was in those dark times that reading the hopeful posts from others gave me the strength to keep pushing one day at a time. I just got back from an epic 3 week vacation in Europe with my wife. I know I would have never been able to save for a trip like that if I was still using adderall and hadn't found this website, NA Meetings and the strength to give up that shit for good. I'll try to be more active on here
  15. Sure is quiet these days.

    Howdy Frank, It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. You make an excellent point. I’ve wondered the same thing; where are all the new folks looking to quit? I believe I was a few months behind you on quit dates and continue to be free of adderall. I still deal with anxiety issues, but attribute it to my brain still trying to normalize from the benzos. Great to see yours and everyone’s posts here. God bless
  16. Vision Changes

    I don’t get much double vision however definetly blury. Sometimes eye drops help, glasses help also but it’s weird how in the morning I almost don’t need them and afternoons it’s a must. i have read both Adderall and Ritalin can cause these symptoms however most say it goes away when quitting... For me it got worse after...
  17. I think this may be the first time I’ve been on here not going through the motions, likely the first and only time since joining that I have actual good news. Couple weeks ago I had enough. If anyone remembers my use pattern was binge/crash/repeat. Got so fed up with it and mid-binge made an appointment to see a therapist to come clean. I’ve tried to do this several times over the last 4 years but this time I actually did it. Adderall was discontinued and I’m working on undoing all this shit it’s done to me. I feel so fucking good just not worrying about when my next fill is coming through, what I’ll do with it, and at what point during my binge will I come to this site or any other recovery forums online complaining about what I’m doing. If anyone’s struggling with “controlling” your use. If you’ve tried over and over again and are getting to very high doses (for me it was 250-350mg in a day); don’t keep lying to yourself. End it now. Tell someone. Get help. It’s a weight off my shoulders tbh. Im still struggling to write coherently so apologies if this is kinda rambling of a post. Every day gets better! Not sure why I wanted to post this, I was just in one of those moods of gratitude I guess. Not too much activity here lately but figured I’d share anyway take care everyone!
  18. Vision Changes

    I've been getting blurry and double vision lately
  19. Vision Changes

    After quitting Adderall and thru the past year I have had some pretty rapid eye sight changes. Also notice it’s much worse in the afternoon or evening of a tiring day. Just wondering if anyone has experienced this? I’ve got my first readers so I guess I am in the getting old category, haha... I just expected the need for glasses to come on slower and this seems a little related to stoping Addy.
  20. Sure is quiet these days.

    Yeah the FB thing is a little weird. I was on a couple then discontinued. I would get actually “friend requests” from people that had just read my posts and I hadn’t even exchanged any dialog with... As a general rule I don’t friend anyone on FB I have not met in person and invite as a guest in my home.
  21. Sure is quiet these days.

    Might suggest making a mobile app for this site might draw the younger crowd in. But understand this site is ran on donations so sort of limited. I’ve seen few pages on fb started for adderall recovery but very few members but who the heck wants to share all that info publicly? Why I like this site only place you can say pretty much anything you want within reason and won’t come up in a job interview 5 yrs down the road lol.
  22. Sure is quiet these days.

    Yeah I check in often too but not much to see. I'm coming up on 16 months and I'm in a daily outpatient rehab along with starting a part time job. Feeling better each day. Looking forward to this cash flow.
  23. Sure is quiet these days.

    I noticed this too. I’m still in here lurking quite a bit too but I can’t complain too much as I am at 27 months so just looking to help others. I can say I feel quite good about my recovery but now I’m just facing regular life challenges and I can’t relate it to recovery anymore. Thank god I made it through the first two years and it was hugely because of this site. I suspect more people will join as time goes by because I don’t think they stopped prescribing Adderall recently. Anyway, glad to see you and others are still on here.
  24. TWO YEARS :)

    I feel you I’m at about year one of being off adderal and I still feel horrible.
  25. Sure is quiet these days.

    Glad your doing ok summer does seem to help us all. I was just trying to urge some people who just read post to engage it does help.
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