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  1. Today
  2. So far still feel it has been very beneficial. It does not really give like a energy boost but gives me noticeable motivation and overall depression issues much improved.
  3. Last week
  4. i've tried piracetam back in the day, and i don't remember it being very helpful. this new phenylpiracetam sounds like it's much more potent- did you have any positive experiences with it? obviously nothing is going to be stimulating in the same way as adderall, but that's probably the last thing any of us here want (:
  5. One Word Status Update

    unproductive (but its Friday!)
  6. Coping with Boredom?

    ‘Countin' flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all Playin' solitaire 'til dawn, with a deck of fifty-one Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do’ Boredom = motavtion to do something. I’d say if your feeling bored that’s a good thing. For most of my recovery doing absolutely nothing was just fine with me.
  7. Curious how you're doing with lithium orotate as well. I recently found info on it and keep revisiting. Am cycling off and on aniracetam and phenylpiracetam with fleeting success.
  8. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    @Nicole88 nope, but we do integrate with Epic (: we're in the outpatient rehab market actually. it's bad enough struggling to be motivated, but it's often times really discouraging being around my boss (owner of the company). he has this natural amount of energy and drive that's just unbelievable to me- it's like in the cosmic dice roll, he got the winning brain chemistry. i have a pretty good relationship with him, but sometimes it's really discouraging to just hear him go on and on about how much he accomplishes. he simply enjoys being productive. MUST BE NICE.
  9. Struggling. 5 months out.

    aside from toughing it out, which is undeniably tough, i can personally say that a low to moderate dose of wellbutrin definitely helped and helps me to this day. it's an atypical antidepressant, so it's quite different than the others which have wildly fluctuating effects on people. it's an SNRI which means it acts primarily on norepinephrine and secondarily on dopamine, (but not in the way adderall does). some people are quite averse to hopping onto another pill (understandably so), but what i can say about wellbutrin is that there are very few side-effects and it is easy to start and stop at low doses. if it means the difference between misery and function, it may be worth discussing with your doc. (:
  10. Struggling. 5 months out.

    "This too shall pass." Cliche but true. Keep on keeping on. (damnit, another cliche).
  11. Struggling. 5 months out.

    5mo is still early, be as strong as you can... Its one day at a time literally. I am just a bit over 6mo and for me I just recently fought off the depression. Still waiting for more things to improve once I make it a year plus... it will get better just stay close to your support here and keep sharing your thoughts
  12. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    Thank you both!! @sleepystupid those are strikingly similar backgrounds. Are you working for Epic or Cerner by chance? And I agree, it can be a struggle some days to get motivated. I also don't have any real hard deadlines, it's more or less just keeping things moving in the right direction which some days i do a better job than others. Ive come SO far, and I'm grateful that I've managed to adjust off of adderall. Felt like an impossible feat for sure!
  13. Struggling. 5 months out.

    I just want my life back. I am more depressed than I ever knew was humanly possible. Full of anxiety about things that I've never had anxiety about before. This is not who I am...
  14. Cleaning my shop storage area

    lol i know EXACTLY what this is all about. funny story- back in the midst of my addiction, i was absolutely obsessed with audiophile gear and upgrading my A/V life. given that i spent a LOT of time in my car (simply cause i just never wanted to go home), i spent hundreds of dollars on audio gear for my car. i figured upgrading a car's audio can't be much different than a home theater.. BOY WAS I WRONG. i spent a week tearing apart my car, pulling panels off the inside, tracking wires... basically geeking the fucking out. guess what ended up happening to that project? lol. i dont have that car anymore, but i never even replaced the panels or installed any of that gear. it's still sitting away in storage haha. i collected so many wires, cables, connectors, adapters- a/v stuff.. i was living at home with my parents during much of my addiction, and my father just had years and years of electronics hoarded up in the garage. i'd spend SO MANY NIGHTS in the garage, chain smoking, headphones on, dancing around the garage discovering "exciting new things" (in reality it was all completely useless shit, and was in the garage for a reason!). i would hoard not only electronics, but even more so, digital downloads. i just scoured the internet for random shit, torrents, downloaded terabytes of e-learning material, books, software.. shit i knew i was NEVER going to use, but i simply couldn't stop collecting knowledge and utility. and now, its hard for me to care about any of that stuff anymore. i still enjoy having nice things (who doesn't), but its surprisingly unimportant now.
  15. Sort of a bitter sweet task finally have motivation to tackle. I have piles of misc electronics and parts I collect during my addy days. So many hours spent in this area buzzed out of my mind on addy, Oxy and alcohol. Even recall one night being all screwed up having fun messing with some project “Boy this will really be a motherfucker quitting I’m so addicted.” I was right been very hard but glad I did it. I’ve sort of avoided this place for the last two years. Many things I toss away knowing it’s taking up space still other things keep thinking I still may do something with it, but prob won’t lol. Just crazy how I took so many things apart during those days.
  16. One Word Status Update

    optimistic
  17. Just need to vent

    We've emailed off and on. He def still sees donations, albeit sometimes takes him a few months. Think he's busy with other projects...a gift of getting and staying off Adderall for a long time. ; )
  18. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    whoa- i have the exact same background and made a very similar change to IT. my background is healthcare administration, but now I am working as a Product Manager for an EMR company.unfortunately the autonomy and seniority i have here is a bit too much.. some days i struggle to advance on projects because there are never any hard deadlines to meet.. but i am super thankful to have a good steady job- it was honestly the only thing that kept me sane through recovery, not having to worry about money and my career going to shit. congrats on the promotion! it's awesome to be appreciated for strong work that was ALL YOU, not some pill. (:
  19. I have no idea. Scared

    Details please.
  20. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    Congrats Nicole! You absolutely are better without Adderall. Everyone thinks they are rock stars on Adderall but the truth is they are emotionless, arrogant, cracked out robots. Enjoy your new role and never look back. You did this all by yourself with no Adderall, revel in it!
  21. Just need to vent

    Love that! I wish there was a way to put in words the gratitude I feel for this community, I truly feel it saved my life and I know countless others feel the same. Does Mike still come around/see donations made to the site?
  22. Just need to vent

    It happens. Glad it helped. Grateful for the community on here. : ) Every time I have felt hopeless over the last 4.5 years. Every. Time. Tremendous growth was just around the corner.
  23. I think it's super important to mention all of the wins we have in this brutal process, and not just the struggles. I made a post a few months ago about how my boss asked if I would be interested in a promotion to the lead for my area. Obviously the answer was yes! Well the job description/title was FINALLY approved and I found out today that it will become official after the new year. I am still so blown away by my abilities OFF of adderall. For so long I attributed everything I had accomplished to being on it, but the reality is that I am so much better without it. Even more is that my job allows for a lot of freedom in the projects I work on and is very autonomous. For those who don't know, I have a background in healthcare finance/accounting but currently work in data analytics/informatics. I've been working on a self directed project the past few months in any spare time and finally sent out the communication today. I seriously could not have asked for better feedback. They want me to roll out the BI dashboard to Csuite and senior management ASAP. I'm just so proud of myself I could explode! Lol! Going to try to ride this high out as long as possible Thanks for letting me share!
  24. Just need to vent

    Thank you for sharing this. Wow, so much great advice. I read over these posts several times over the past few days and they really helped me get grounded again on why Im doing this in the first place
  25. Coping with Boredom?

    i don't know if this is weird or not, but somehow i've managed to avoid all major social media: facebook, twitter, snapchat, instagram, etc. , but honestly it's not because of some admirable discipline or anything.. it's more about not wanting to be constantly bombarded with people advertising the best version of themselves and comparing my depressing life to everything constantly. yea, this is the really difficult part of recovery- you feel fine physically and mentally for the most part, but things you used to enjoy just don't seem as fun, so it's kind of hard to occupy yourself and have it not feel like an effort. i'm not sure i have a good answer to this- in fact this is partly what kind of led to my relapse recently. FWIW, i started on an anti-depressant (wellbutrin), and i feel a bit more positive about things... but also it feels a little bit like now i'm just not as depressed about being bored (: sorry if that wasn't helpful, just wanted to share that i understand where you're coming from lol
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