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  1. Past Hour
  2. Did husband leave marriage because of his Adderall?

    It really sounds like the Adderall does not agree with him and seems to exacerbate his bipolar. Also the fact he is mixing it with pot and alcohol is likely making this a lot worse. you need to give yourself more time. It’s only been 5 months so it is pretty normal to be grieving but you will start healing and there will come a time that the pain will no longer be there and you will discover you have moved on. From what you have described, he sounds like a manipulative bully and unfortunately because you have allowed this behaviour for sometime, he doesn’t have respect for you and treats you poorly. you deserve far better than this. Also, had you become pregnant, it could have been very frightening for your future children to witness his outbursts which will likely get worse the longer the addiction continues. It’s more than likely the pot and Adderall have reduced his sperm count so he should be blaming himself and not you for the fact you didn’t get pregnant. please see it as a blessing that this emotional bully is out of your life and don’t let this affect your self esteem or self worth. Are there any clubs, activities or hobbies you can join to help keep your mind occupied and meet other fun non drug taking peeps? It will take time but even if it takes half a century (which it won’t) it is still far better than remaining in an abusive relationship.
  3. Today
  4. My story living with my adderall addicted wife

    @tiptoe for sharing your story, reading about your experience with your wife’s addiction has given me some more insight into my own behaviour. I feel part of the reason I’ve become isolated in the past 2 yrs is due to my horrible mood swings I inflict upon others when I am withdrawing from the drug. I used to think everyone else was to blame but I’ve come to realise it’s because of this stupid addiction that I can no longer sustain. Maybe pointing your wife in the direction of this forum might help if she is having doubts about Adderall as she is likely to relate her experience to others stories. Each story on here reads almost like my own experience and I am beginning to see how much worse things can get the longer I continue. This forum may help to reinforce any negative concerns your wife is having about Adderall and encourage her to give consideration to quitting. You really need to look after yourself too. I know it’s awful for your wife to be experiencing this endless trap of Adderall addiction but her irrational behaviour is making your life pretty damn awful too. You may need to consider whether it is worth continuing this way if she refuses to quit or walking away. You may get another chance of happiness independently or with another woman in the future. I think she needs to see that if her behaviour continues then you will leave the relationship and will not be part of her life unless she quits Adderall. I wish you and your wife good luck. I really feel for both of you in this situation.
  5. Social vs Socially Awkward

    @SeanWIt’s been pretty much the same for me, for the first 2 hrs I am clear headed, social, empathetic, outgoing and come across as someone of intelligence. When the drug starts to wear off it’s like my brain becomes scrambled and I can’t string a sentence together, I become so anxious about my inability to talk or think straight that can’t give eye contact to anyone and try to avoid any interaction
  6. My story living with my adderall addicted wife

    Welcome tiptoe! You seem like a very patient spouse (and probably person overall). It was very loving of you to post this. Your wife sounds like she could have a substance abuse dual diagnosis, meaning both an addiction and a mental health disorder (such as depression or anxiety). I'm not sure if she'd be open to therapy but it could be a marriage (and life) saver. Anyway, I wish you the best & please continue to post on here whenever you need!
  7. Yesterday
  8. This drug really regresses you emotionally. You end up very immature, avoiding any responsibility, playing the victim and so on because you’re out of touch and want to just keep getting high and avoid the person you’ve become and all the problems that have developed from your drug abuse. Some people come to realize this fact and this realization was a big part of me getting clean. It broke my heart to see the person I had become and to look back remember the person I was and realizing I destroyed that guy and all the years it took to develope that good character that I had before this drug. This has been a big motivator for me to stay clean because I loved who I was and I want to get that back. It’s also a depressant because I’ve spent 19 months trying to get back what I lost and there’s been little progress. Although it did take me 22 years of sobriety to become the person I was before I started adderall. I hope your wife eventually developes some self reflection because that will be a big part of her quitting. I know what it’s like to deal with someone who blows up when you discuss touchy subjects. Thats a method of emotionally manipulation. They do this to keep you from bringing it up. Don’t give them what they want. Stay strong, confront them, fight, argue, whatever you go to do but they need to face these issues. You’re not helping them by giving them what they want, what they need is to be held accountable. If you’re thinking about leaving you mine as well before you go give it a shot to confront and discuss these issues. Worst case she just keeps blowing up and it doesn’t help and you leave as planned or possibly you’ll get through to her and save things. Anyway, I wish you the best and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
  9. I also read a story on this site from @JSS4321 from July 2017, which then compelled me to write my own. This portion of the post I could really relate to: http://forum.quittingadderall.com/forums/topic/3961-is-adderall-ruining-my-marriage/#comment-29379 Yes, I thought I was crazy too. My situation made me literally question myself, but I knew it had something to do with this medication. Everyone’s story on the site has helped me see what a user goes through; what he or she experiences when taking this drug. I had only wished I had found this site sooner. I may have still had a marriage. I experienced the same with my STBX starting projects that he did not finish. Making grand plans etc. I just read the post about the “8 Stages of Amphetamine Use/Abuse”; pretty certain my STBX is at stages 6 & 7. I notice stage 6 is the blaming of everyone and everything. http://forum.quittingadderall.com/forums/topic/879-8-stages-of-amphetamine-useabuse/#comment-4040 I wanted so much to help my STBX, but it is out of my hands now. I fought to save my marriage for almost 3 months, until he really threw it in the toilet. He walked away and chose a different path on what he believes . I lost my marriage and my best friend. I miss who he was so much, but that person I knew has been gone now for 2 years. I hope you can help your wife.
  10. Things better than a high?

    The idea of traveling. I remember looking up various places like Japan and finding out that it’s illegal to bring Adderall. (I think you can bring Vyvanse now) I pretty much crossed anyplace off my list that wouldn’t allow me to bring it. Now I can go anywhere and not have to worry if it’s legal, how many pills I have, what if I lose it out of the country. It’s such a handicap for any sort of travel or adventure. Also, I luckily didn’t have many physical side effects, but I was at universal once on a fast ride that really made my heart race and it scared me so I swore off rides and amusement parks. Will be fun to go back without worrying about dying on a roller coaster.
  11. Last week
  12. Letting Go Completely

    Thank you all for the feedback! This addiction nearly took everything from me, yet sometimes I remember the experience as wonderful. It’s a lie, sometimes I need the reminder from you all or I’ll start believing it!
  13. Thanks to all for taking the time to read my story and offer your thoughtful replies! I know this is mainly a forum for those addicted to and recovering from adderall, but your insight into your own behavior while on adderall are very helpful to me in trying to understand and help my wife. Thank-you @SeanW Your compassion is sincere, thanks for your insight into how you felt while on adderall.... it helps me understand my wife more. I hope you are doing well now! Thanks @Frank B! Yes, I have brought up the issue of the adderall to her, several times, and in never ends well. She replies that she's on a "baby dose" and that its prescribed by a doctor who diagnosed her with ADD. At this stage she really believes that everyone else is the problem, not her. Thanks @DrewK15 I hope so as well. @nic123 Thanks, yours was the first story that I read this morning and the one that compelled me to write mine. There are very many similarities between our stories and it is truly heart warming to know that someone else really understands the agony of dealing with an adderall addict. My wife has started many projects over the last few years only to abandon them my day two. She has many great plans as well, but they usually only include talking about them and perhaps buying some items, but never anymore than that. If I tried to insist on having a serious discussion with her about her behavior she would eventually break down crying and proclaim what a horrible life she had and that she wanted to slice her wrists.... when someone you loves starts talking that way you just back off, and you become hesitant to bring it up again. And yes, I was always to blame... I can't remember a time the last few years that she claimed responsibility for anything. Thanks again.
  14. Man does your story sound a lot like mine. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I just came to this site the other day and posted my story about how I feel I lost my Husband to adderall and possibly a mental illness. I understand the eggshells. I feel I had to pick and choose times to bring up anything, because I wasn't sure about his mood. He lacked sooo much empathy after Adderall. When he first started Adderall now two years ago, he immediately started insulating our garage and wanted to do so many projects that I knew were out of his league. I remember saying to myself, he thinks he could build the Panama canal himself. He had such Grandiosity. He would be easily irritated, anger, raging, he would slap himself tear shirts off himself and threaten to shoot himself. This was my life the last 1 year and a 1/2 . He had other addiction issues as well. We also did not go out much either anymore, usually just picked up something to eat. But then I got blamed in the end. I was blamed for everything. I am now in the process of a divorce ( his choice) and have no contact with him other than divorce matters. I hope you can help your wife recognize there is a problem and I hope she really listens to you because I have seen what this pill can do to a relationship, especially if it is abused.
  15. Thank you @SeanW and @JumboJimit is horrible to watch something take over a person you love and you cannot do anything to stop it. I am somebody who does not give up easily. But I tried to save my marriage, I put myself through hell to save US and now I'm just at another level of hell trying to get over US. He just went and FUBAR'd the marriage without a care. He wanted to go out in the world and date. I guess it was easier for him to walk away than to look at what he was doing. I have read a little bit about everyone's back story and I want to congratulate each and everyone of you who recognized their addiction and had the courage to face it and overcome it. I'm sure from what I have read, it has not been an easy road for any of you. But, you all deserve to be free of this addiction and in time you will be happy and healthy again.
  16. Social vs Socially Awkward

    For me it had to do with my state of high. First few hours and the peak I was extremely social, empathetic, curious. Couple hours later I could give two shits about anyone or what they thought and had no desire to interact even with my closest relationships. I just wanted to be alone because it felt like a burden to have to think of conversation when I didn’t give a shit.
  17. For Females: hormones

    I've noticed this too, was never certain that it was adderall related, but I gain a solid 8 pounds during shark week which I think is above average, also my PMS/PMDD symptoms are pretty out of control - seeing a doc about it soon.
  18. I agree it would be a great idea to show some stories of similar situations on here to her. Even show her your own post. I think it will help her. She needs to know how much you care and how hard you’ve been trying to stay with her. Of course if she’s deep in the grasp of the addiction she might get angry or lash out because you implying her to stop what she happens to love the most at this moment which is the drug. But if she has happened to have a few thoughts of quitting on her own or second guessed her usage, seeing all the people on here and how closely we can relate to her might give her more motivation to stop.
  19. Social vs Socially Awkward

    the thing i found weird about social interaction and adderall was that it did both for me: made me enjoy being social but also anti-social. i think the best way to summarize the effect is that i only enjoyed being social when it was on my terms. chatting online endlessly? loved it. i was in control of that interaction. friend calls to hang out? pass. to be honest, i'm not so different now, just to a very different degree!
  20. Thank you for sharing @tiptoe. It is really helpful and eye opening to read about this addiction from the outside-looking-in perspective. Your wife cannot see things as they really are right now, things will get worse until she reaches her limit and breaks. I hope you and your kids are able to find restoration with her in the aftermath of this addiction.
  21. It’s very frustrating being with someone who makes life miserable I can relate. I’m not sure if you’ve gone over the fact that you feel the drug is the problem yet or not but it would be good to go so. If possible share this site with her. But the problem is no one can force anyone to get off this drug after all its “medically” needed a doctor said so. But here we all know the truth, getting diagnosed for adderall is the easiest things on earth to do. Even if one doctor says no four more would say yes.
  22. Letting Go Completely

    go back and read your first post here. were they really "good old days"? adderall ruined your life, bankrupted you and sent you to the hospital. despite all that, we all know how hard it is to ignore the voice that says "if you just take a LITTLE, we can get shit back on track!". the one constant in my recovery process has been knowing that my usage will never change. it won't be different the next time. i relapsed after over 2 years, and went right back to week long binges. it's like Jekyll and Hyde - your thoughts seem reasonable now, but the moment you're high, all that shit goes out the window. i'm an addict and a binge user. so were you. it won't be different the next time. once you truly come to terms with this, the urges have no power over you.
  23. Things better than a high?

    Relationships and breaking isolation. Being around people and enjoying their company, having long conversations again, and deeply laughing. Simply being restored to a state of sanity.
  24. Man.. I hate to hear this. You’re really doing good to still be hanging in there with her. This is to a tee exactly what adderall did to me and my relationship. Of course like any sane person my significant other decided to leave me. From the sound of it I don’t think I was even near as bad as your wife has been. I would get a little frustrated, sometimes i’d avoid people or just want to be alone even if it meant away from the person I loved the most. This drug poisons you and your genuine love and all you care about is getting high and other dumb shit. You forget the kind of love and care you use to have and you ignore your own shitty behavior. Good news is everyone eventually figures it out although for some the price is much higher for example losing their family, job, friends, mind. It looks like your wife is on track to lose you and I don’t blame you at all. Until she decides to quit adderall she’ll continue to get even worse than she is now. Luckily after I lost my gf and job and dropped out of school and went to mental health rehab I realize what I was doing to myself and people around me and got clean.
  25. Things better than a high?

    I love sleeping now lol I’ll sleep for 12 hours straight when I can.
  26. So sorry you're going through all this. Sounds like he has MAJOR mental problems and from your post it's obvious Adderall has only made things worse. Like Sean said, he just doesn't know it yet. I've read many stories on here about ruined relationships and lost friendships, and it's because Adderall can temporarily fill any void. I was on a pretty low dose myself yet still recognize this feeling of 'I don't need others, I have my Adderall'. In the end, life will inevitably catch up to him. Make sure you take care of yourself. Take those dogs on nice long walks and be sure to hang out with friends, do fun stuff. Keep the mind distracted. It's going to take time, but always look towards the future. You might not see it right now, but it's bright and filled with opportunity.
  27. Let me start by saying that I am so glad I have found this forum! I have spent the last hour reading many posts dealing with Adderall and how it affects marriages. I thank God that I am not going crazy and that I am not just "over reacting" as my wife puts it. My wife of 23 years started Adderall about 8 years ago. She had just started a new job and was going to be working for a very demanding boss, this boss sent her home with a manual titled " (bosses name) Bible" and she was to read it and follow it to the "T". It wasn't too much longer that she had diagnosed herself with ADD and even pulled me in to confirm her diagnosis, I simply replied that "yes, it does seem that you have some of these symptoms". She made a appointment with her family doctor and was sent home with a self diagnosis checklist that she was to fill out and one that I was to fill out as well. She took both back to her doctor and was diagnosed with ADD and given a prescription for Vyvance, which was soon changed to extended release Adderall and then finally to regular Adderall. The family doctor didn't want to be involved in monitoring the meds so she was referred to a psychiatrist, who has been prescribing ever since. When my wife first took the meds I was really excited for her! She was on the go! The kitchen got cleaned and organized, pots got stacked, lids got hung, spices got alphabetized.... I could go on and on... she was on fire! Unfortunately this only lasted for about 2 weeks and since then it has been a slow decline to the other extreme. Today my wife is unbearable, and before I found this forum this morning I was on google doing research on the divorce laws in my state. Lets start with the anger. Her anger and the things that will say when angry are off the chart. I literally tip toe around the house on egg shells and try everything I possibly can to not set her off. I have come to realize that there is really nothing I can do not to set her off, my mere presence in the room is often enough. She is angry/spiteful first thing in the morning before I even speak to her. I really hope I can convey the constant stress that is always present in my home. I know when she has taken an Adderall... she will become talkative and semi-nice... she will have plans for dinner or for stuff she wants to accomplish for the weekend, but I know from experience that by the evening she will be unbearable again. These positive bumps in her mood used to excite me, but now I resent them because I know they are drug induced and short lived. I feel like she is setting me up to knock me down later. I now realize that there is nothing I can do to keep her in a good mood and that everything I do can potentially piss her off, but for the sake of peace and because of my children (19 &21) I still try to tip toe around her. Everything is always someone else's fault! Its always the "F...tards at work" the "stupid ass cashier" to blame. She has not taken responsibility for anything in years. Just this morning, while backing out of the driveway (late of course), she cut to sharp and got her car up against our mailbox and the rear wheel stuck in the wet grass. I had to winch her out and the whole time she was freaking out telling me to hurry because she was already late and cussing the neighbor because if they hadn't parked in the street she would have had plenty of room to back out and wouldn't have got stuck. Just last week she backed out of the garage (late again) and backed at an angle straight into my daughters car... this time is was my daughters fault...why? I don't know, and she never explains. When she is pushed for an explanation as to why shes mad, or why its my fault she just changes the subject... or gets madder. She always loses things, keys, phone, shoes, hairbrush....and it is always because someone moved them, not because she just dropped them somewhere random. I don't even help her look anymore. How many times have I heard her freak out about leaving her phone in Target (actually she did that once) or the cashier at Walmart kept her debit card, only for her to find the missing item a few minutes later, but only after she puts everyone around trough a living hell and gets infuriated when no one else will help her look. I don't think she is abusing Adderall in the sense that she is only taking her prescribed dose. I do think that she is taking more of her Adderall during the week and skipping it on the weekends. She literally stays in bed all day on Saturday. She might get up around 2ish to start getting ready, but that process literally lasts until she goes to bed (or I go to bed, because I always go first). She never goes out anymore, she would rather me go and get take out for dinner, as she puts it all the time "I hate people". Sunday is the same thing, she will get ready all day and then around 5 or so she will visit her mom. After visiting her mom she will go to the grocery store and do the weekly shopping... texting me non stop from the store about what we need and what do we have and about all the stupid "f...tards" at Walmart etc.... The grocery shopping is the only thing that she does anymore for the good of the family. I have to force her to go every weekend or else that would be the last chore that would get shoveled onto me. I literally do everything else! Cooking, cleaning, fixing cars, cutting grass... basically everything else that can occur in life if my responsibility. She is the victim! She is dying, one day she will be dead and we will all feel bad about how we treated her... she says this all the time. She has lupus and kidney stones... both self diagnosed...and she refuses to go to the doctor to have it confirmed and/or treated. I have offered to go with her, I have bought her supplements and offered all types of advice and encouragement, but she prefers to do nothing. She literally moans and groans all weekend long. On a more personal note, our sex life is now gone. We used to have a great sex life and actually we could never understand how other couples could make it without sex at least a couple times a week. This happened really gradually and then escalated quickly over the last year. Now sex is maybe once a month and that is only if I really, really, really am careful not to piss her off during the day (which means I essentially have to leave the house) and if I fulfill all her wishes that day, then I might get lucky. Many times I have pandered to her all day only to get cut out at the end by a manufactured outrage, eg. "why did you roll your eyes"? I always feel anymore like she is doing me a favor... I have read where others have referred to there significant other as being emotionally vacant, I can totally relate. I really feel as though my wife doesn't feel emotions anymore. She makes cold comments sometimes that make me feel uneasy. I honestly don't feel like she loves me anymore, and have told her so. I know a lot of this may sound like typical marital stress, and I'm sure some of it is, but prior to Adderall our marriage was much better. My wife has zero interest in anything anymore, she goes to work Monday-Friday, stays up most of the night, falls asleep on the couch and then on the weekends she does nothing but stay in bed and on Sunday evening she will go to the grocery store. I am at my wits end and I know the stress of dealing with this is affecting me and my kids. Anyhow, this is my story to date... thanks for letting me share...
  28. Letting Go Completely

    Don't even try to trick yourself into knowing what you'll be doing a few years down the road. Its okay to say "I'm not sure where I'll be in a few years" but for today, I don't have to use adderall. I don't think too much about adderall anymore, and I firmly believe I'll never put that shit in my body again....But I do occasionally romanticize alcohol/drinking and when I start obsessing about drinking at some future hypothetical event, I just tell myself, I'm not sure if will or won't but I know I don't have to drink TODAY. Seems to help close the loop of those obsessive thoughts
  29. Things better than a high?

    this may sound kind of facetious, but quite simply: EATING AND SLEEPING (: there was also this thread a while back that may help.
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