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  1. Yesterday
  2. Thank you so much! I’ve been researching it a lot today and it’s a pretty common experience for people in recovery, there’s a lot of science behind why I found helpful to learn and think about when I’m having cravings: https://twodreams.com/dream-journal/266-six-reasons-to-quit-caffeine-during-drug-addiction-recovery
  3. Welcome to the forum and congratulations on 45 days! Caffeine has increased my cravings in the past and I found myself chasing that "high" by drinking excessive amounts of Red Bull. I quit for 90 days last year and when someone would recommend a Red Bull and I knew not to do it because I couldn't just have 1 lol. I guess since caffeine is a stimulant it would trigger that part of my brain that adderall would. Unfortunately after chugging 3-4 Red Bulls in a short period to chase that high I started to feel worse (super shaky, anxious, and overall just crappy) than I would after taking Adderalls and in my head I would just say "I might as well be on Adderall, its healthier for me!"...you know the addiction talking. My friend who's been clean over 4 years used to drink ALOT of coffee when he first quit, to the point where I actually thought he was on Vyvanse or adderall. After a few months he had to drastically reduce his caffeine intake to maybe 1 cup of coffee in the mornings and he went for a few months with no caffeine since it stimulated him so much. He started to consider it a drug of its own (like it was as bad as Adderall lol) cause it altered his attitude so much. But he normally stays around 1 cup in the mornings and thats it. Personally I drink a sweet tea with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which I don't feel like it affects me but when I didn't have one in the morning I noticed the lack of caffeine lol. Everyone is different, I'm currently day 9 at the moment and staying away from the energy drinks because of the way they affect me.
  4. Last week
  5. 45 days sober from over 3 years of abusing Adderall and lurking on this website reading all of your stories has helped me so much! I started going to therapy which has been really helpful and I'm planning on going to some groups this week. Now that I've gotten through the first 30 days and the physical withdrawal period I'm definitely starting to feel like myself again but have recently been feeling some of the PAWS symptoms many of you have written about. I was reading a great article on PAWs which mentioned that caffeine can increase cravings because it stimulates the same part of the brain as drugs. I feel like I've been chasing an amphetamine high with red bull and coffee and it may be making the PAWs worse. Has anyone else noticed caffeine increasing their adderall cravings?
  6. Getting through college...HELP

    Drew, First of all, thank you so much for your reply! What you said here really, really resonated with me and made me take a step back; this internal dialogue that I've been having with myself the past few days has been a lot of romanticizing the work I did while on Adderall and the way it made me feel. The reason I quit was complex. I isolated myself physically and emotionally from my friends and family, had no sense of humor, would become hyperfocused on the wrong things, began to lose control over how much I took...going through a 30-day prescription in <2 weeks, and the comedowns started to be unbearable - making me feel depressed and unable to sleep. Quitting was something in the back of my mind for years, and I knew I would have to face it someday, but I "loved" it so much. I was in denial about my addiction because I thought Adderall helped me have the stamina and focus to accomplish anything that I otherwise couldn't have done. While I know this isn't totally true, a part of me still believes this and I hate myself for it. I so desperately want to change my thinking. But as you said - there will be no "convenient" time to quit. Once my career begins - I will be dealing with a whole new set of challenges and I need to have this behind me. Thank you for this. I'm taking your advice and going to a local coffee shop to get some studying done. Baby steps. My biggest challenge will be accepting that my grades may suffer during recovery. I will try to lower the expectations I've put on myself and see how well I'm able to do without "help", I just hope it gets easier. I will definitely come back to say how it went! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement.
  7. Getting through college...HELP

    Hi Kelly! I’m glad you found us. And your profile picture is awesome by the way. I didn’t quit in school, I actually didn’t even get started until after, but I can relate to what you’re feeling. We all can in a sense. It feels so overwhelming to keep up with the daily demands of life without Adderall. In my case I was in a extremely high pressure job. The first thing I would do at this point is ask yourself why you quit. Did it stop working for you? Were you abusing it? Was it ruining relationships? Making it to 37 days after 7 years of use is no small feat. You’re doing amazing. But you have to remember why you quit in the first place. If you feed the part of you that thinks you’re better off with Adderall, it will continue to grow until you relapse. The second thing I would do is ask yourself if there will be a better time in the future to quit. Will you be able to afford time off after you graduate to quit? Do you think it will be easier to quit when you are dealing with the demands of a new nursing career? I don’t think so. There are a lot of nurses on here that crashed after years of Adderall use. Some people successfully plan a quit for the future, but 99% of the time the best answer is to quit and stay quit now. At 37 days you are through some of the hardest days already. Things will get better. I think you should try your absolute best to study this weekend and take the test Addy free on Monday. Come back on here and let us know how it went! Try studying in little 5 minutes spurts. One little fact or page at a time. Take some deep breaths and lower your expectations for yourself on this one. If you’re used to getting A’s, come to peace with the possibility of a B or C on this first one. Welcome to the forums!
  8. WOULD LIKE ADVICE ON GOING TO MEETINGS

    @LuLamb meetings were huge for my recovery. It’s easy to feel surrounded by people who have it all together in our day to day lives. That’s what everyone wants to show each other, the most polished versions of themselves. Meetings provide an atmosphere and community where a lot of people drop the facade and talk about what’s really going on with them. You can be vulnerable and relate. If the first meeting you go to isn’t great try a few others. They can be a lot different depending on the group of people. AA or NA will work. The core struggles are similar enough to relate. I’m struggling with pseudoephedrine right now too. Took it a week and a half ago for a bad head cold and I haven’t been able to stop. I’m so weak when it comes to stims. Need to bite the bullet and stop taking it.
  9. Getting through college...HELP

    Hi everyone, I'm Kelly. I can't tell you how relieved I was to find this website. I finally feel like I've found a group of people who can understand what I'm going through. Anyway, I'm currently on day 37 (from a 7+ year addiction) and every single day I wake up and can't believe I no longer have Adderall in my life. I feel like I'm in mourning. I'm currently in an intense, accelerated nursing program and it's the beginning of the semester. My first exam is on Monday and I have yet to be able to study because my focus is just nonexistent and my cravings are unbearable. As much as I wish I could put school on hold, it's just not a possibility and this is going to be the first exam I ever took/studied for off Adderall. What I'm really trying to ask is - did any of you attempt to quit while still in school? If so, do you have any tips?? Thank you so much.
  10. Day 4

    right on, @eric! It's past midnight here and I'm still in the office working, on a deadline...it can be done sober! yeehaw!
  11. Day 4

    Well, made it thru day 6. Just a long day but thankfully not to stressful, didn’t think about adderall too much either. Just checking in and wishing everyone a good day tomorrow! Good luck to all!
  12. WOULD LIKE ADVICE ON GOING TO MEETINGS

    I definitely recommend going to NA meetings. They have them everywhere so you should be able to find one close to home. If you've never been, just go into it open minded and keep going back. The first few times I went I thought it was the weirdest shit ever but I could tell the people there deeply benefited from the meetings. I still go to occasional meetings after being off adderall for almost 4 years and no boos for almost 3 years. Its about more than not using. The meetings help keep life in perspective and its a place to go share whats on your heart with no judgement. I tried the pseudephedrine shit when I first gave up adderall but your just prolonging recovery by taking that stuff. I'd ditch it as soon as possible.
  13. Can't Stop Procrastinating!!!

    I have the same issue. Part of my complete struggle this yr. day by day it will get a little easier. Some days I get a lot done. More done than on adderall. Some days (like to day for me actually) I have to force myself to complete each task. It’s strange. It’s part of recovery though and completely normal. Sometimes I’ll do the 54321 method and just start. Not sure if you have heard of her (Mel Robbins) great person to listen to in recovery! Hope your day got better. I’m also stalling right now lol. I completely understand! @DelaneyJuliette
  14. Day 4

    my fellow day counters, @eric & @DelaneyJuliette, where do y'all live? I'm in NYC and open to hitting meetings!
  15. @DelaneyJuliette give it time!
  16. Can't Stop Procrastinating!!!

    Okay so I know it's only Day 6 for me (I keep feeling like I need to explain for those who don't know that I had 27 days, then 3 day lapse, then 2 weeks, then 4 day lapse.) Not needing to explain in order to "qualify" my clean time, but rather b/c to clarify that this Day 6 feels a world different than the first Day 6. The first Day 6 was still AWFUL. This time I am much much much better, but I think b/c of that I am still being a bit too hard on myself. Here's my dilemma -- I own my own business and so I have work I have to do outside of "work hours." (Granted, I am now seeing that I probably need to find a way to schedule that work INTO work hours in the future, but that's not right now.) Anyway, I have never been good at doing things at night b/c I get really tired so I just go to bed. (I used to be able to "get it done" with Adderall though... except of course when that resulted in me staying up all night and still not finishing it, lol.) So for example, I absolutely HAVE to write this letter for a client. It will probably take about an hour. I couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday. I couldn't get started. So I got a babysitter and made plans to do it last night. I was too tired. (Or at least I told myself I was.) I came home early and went to bed at like 9pm and got up at 4:30am in order to do it. (Which has worked in the past.) Well, fast forward to 7:08am and I still haven't started and now it's time to get the kids up and everyone off to school before my first appointment at 8:30am. And I am booked back to back until 8:15pm. UGH. I think this is just part of a larger ADD issue I really do have, but it feels exacerbated off the meds. I'm not going to take meds to deal with it, but I just wanted to share my frustration. B/c the procrastinating is making me more anxious and filled with dread (and honestly I am procrastinating b/c I am scared of it and I don't exactly know how to do the letter or what I am supposed to say so it feels really overwhelming...) Okay... well I'm going to give up on it for right now and aim to do it tonight at 8:15. And if that is just not realistic, than I will again go to bed early and wake up early in the morning again tomorrow to do it. I have to have it in tomorrow afternoon. But it's okay. One thing at a time. I can do this. Breathe.
  17. Day 4

    Good morning Day 6! I am making it a habit to check this forum once a day; morning seems to work best for me. I am anxious in the mornings largely b/c there is SO MUCH TO DO and I can't get myself to do it! But, life goes on and I get it done somehow. Or I don't. I would like to add back in reading for fun or even watching tv. But it's only day 6, so it's okay to just be where I am.
  18. I relate to this SOOOOO MUCH!!!! Everything took forever even though I told myself I was being "more productive"! Now I just can't seem to get started on the "thing." It's very frustrating. I know it would take a lot less time than before if I actually focused and did it, but I can't seem to get started. Grrr...
  19. yes! @Sleepyandsober lol. It’s crazy thinking back to all the times I was “sooooo productive”. Only to dissect it and be like “ umm no” I was literally cleaning for hours, stuff that didn’t need to be cleaned. While leaving the actual stuff that needed to be clean to the side. Especially, my last yr on it. I just wasn’t right. I did this with projects and work. I keep reminding myself about this every day. It really helps me stay clean because that was a horrible time. Sometimes I’d be on a task that I’d know I need to stop and literally couldn’t break away. Not a good place.
  20. Day 4

    Almost done with the workday, just rounding out day 5. I feel super anxious in the mornings too... especially in my job where things can be just fine one second and then all of the sudden all hell is breaking loose (IT job). I wish I delivered mail or something where its kind of the same routine everyday (a close family member is a mailman so I know all about the negatives too) lol. Oh well, for the current time I try to take it one hour at a time during the work day, and in the evenings I normally try to watch at least one Intervention episode and cruise around on this site after dinner and getting my son to bed. GOOD LUCK! Keep Posting!!!
  21. lol! @m34, peak switching between laundry and spreadsheets, I know it too well. We have to have a sense of humor about how crazy this was, yeah?
  22. Day 4

    You are never alone! I am on day 14 today. Like you, mornings are tough. I don't necessarily feel anxious, but exhausted, and those first thoughts creeping in..."oh, I don't have any adderall. I don't take adderall anymore. Shit!" (or something to that effect). I would look forward to waking up in the morning just to take a pill. But then as I dove deeper into my addiction, I wasn't even able to wake up in the morning...or if I did, I was exhausted and sleep-deprived. This morning, I woke up and threw myself a dance party. Something I like to do in sobriety is actively list the things I realize I love, but forgot about or neglected when I was using. I love music and dancing -- but I couldn't feel that when I was using, that is a SOUL thing! Make a list. Listen to music. Dance. EAT something and actually enjoy it. Sleep when you need to. Don't push yourself. And share, share, share. On these message boards and in those rooms of recovery. ♥
  23. New Years resolution.

    Hi!! I totally relate to this post (even though I'm at day 5 right now, I had 6 years substance free at one point) and I was going to respond and then I realized that you wrote this in 2018!! So I'm just wondering if you have any update! How are you doing?! I have worked with several ADHD coaches and found them all to be helpful in different ways. I'm still in the process of creating systems to be most effective, but I went back down the rabbit hole with Adderall and ended up stalling out on all the systems I had begun to effectively put in place 2.5 years ago. It's okay though, I know I will slowly and steadily make progress. Hope you are well!
  24. Day 4

    THANK YOU!!
  25. I do relate to your post Smhjen. I am like that too a lot of the time. I fill my time up with lots of things that stimulate me, and sometimes I can see it as a fun way my mind works. Like, I get to learn about lots of things! I make a list of all the things I want to look up, etc., so when I'm watching the tv show and get bored, I can google the thing I had found interesting (maybe it's just a song I want to know the lyrics to!) and then I never feel like I'm wasting time b/c I'm constantly doing things I'm interested in. However, I have also found it beneficial to do yoga, because it has helped my mind learn how to be calm and still sometimes (like little brief moments in the week, LOL!) I started with hot yoga b/c that was the only type that was physically challenging enough that could actually get me to concentrate on what I was doing without my mind wandering everywhere (as much.) I have no idea if what I do will be helpful for you, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. And in the meantime, embrace your superpower! (P.S. I also figured out that stopping drinking helped in the long run. I like Annie Grace's book Naked Mind and her website.)
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