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  3. 20 MONTHS SOBER

    its crazy how obviously everyone see's the monster that we fail to see while we're strung out on speed! so glad to hear things are on the up & up for you. @LILTEX41 i'm doing pretty well (all things considered), though I have some life circumstances that have kind of stalled my progress to the "next stage". its not a bad thing necessarily but I'm kind of stuck in bachelor mode for another year or so lol. its nice because I still have a lot of time to myself, but has seen my alcohol and weed consumption go up quite dramatically. its crazy how quickly you can go from drinking a couple of nights a week to every night, immediately after logging out of work. i think i need a dry month to reset!! regarding the slowness around here, I know that activity kind of fluctuates pretty regularly, but I wonder if this time it coincides with the lockdowns and many people working from home? Adderall is the kind of addiction that is perfectly happy to be home all day with little to no supervision from bosses or interruptions from co-workers (or people, or family or basically anything!)
  4. Last week
  5. 20 MONTHS SOBER

    Congrats on 20 months! And two years is right around the corner. I am running on a parallel track. I got 20 months too. I've been so much better I havent been on this site too much either. This site has been such a great support for the past 20 months. I think I still get some PAWS even at 20 months. But overall, so much better. My wife still cant believe she put up with my adderall for so long. She says I am a completely different person. We laugh all the time now. And I am excited that we still have more room for improvement. Have a great weekend. Thanks for sharing.
  6. 20 MONTHS SOBER

    Hi SS! Thank you so much! How are you doing?! I'm surprised to hear things are slow around here. I wonder why?
  7. Earlier
  8. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    The following is from one of my old posts and its how I felt about 5 months into my new drug free life: I have experienced almost every single one of the common withdrawal symptoms on this site but ALL of them were manageable. (Michael Scott was really helpful during these times...lol) The first month sucked and going back to work sucked but my motivation has been coming back slowly but its there. I still have anxiety 2 or 3 days of the week but the first months were pretty bad. I only had 1 or 2 good days for the first couple of months but slowly started getting better days. PAWS is very real but all the tips they give on the website work, you just have to find the right ones for you. Food cravings and extreme hunger were under control after about one month. My hunger levels are now normal and I'm able to have a healthy diet. My weight on Vyvanse was at around 175 lbs and gained about 20 pounds after I quit. I'm now back down to 175 and even have a healthier diet than before. What really helped me was walking 4 miles everyday and doing intermittent fasting to get back to my normal weight. Now that my weight is back to normal, I feel that my food cravings are even more under control than when I was on the drugs. (UPDATE: I'm now at 165 lbs and have never felt better. Look into intermittent fasting....it changed my life.) I quit drinking alcohol 100% which I personally think everybody should do. Alcohol does nothing good for your mind and body and I believe someone in our situation should not be drinking something that will alter your mood. A lot of the stories that I read about relapses have been during or after an alcohol binge. I've had about 5 major breakdowns in which I wanted to get back on the drugs and they all had to do with stress from work. I pulled through them and was able to overcome the stress by coming to this website and getting support from my wife. It is because of these situations that you need a strong support group to bring you back to reality when those difficult times sneak into your life when you least expect them. My only advice is not to give up.....there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep trying new techniques to cope with your PAWS until you find something that works.
  9. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    Congratulations and don't give up. I'm gonna be honest....its not going to be easy and it will get harder but your mind is stronger than your body and with enough motivation and persistence you will be able to quit. My 1 year sober anniversary is coming up and I was on a 70 mg Vyvanse binge that lasted 15 years and I'm still working on getting used to not using the drug. ( You can check my first post under my profile to read my story) Your post acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) will be intense the first few months but will diminish gradually. My PAWS manifests mostly as anxiety and minor panic attacks caused by my new drug free work life and it mostly goes away within a day. The frequency of these "attacks" is greatly reduced as the months go by. Its uncomfortable but doable. At the end of the day its the best thing I could have done and I'm grateful to God that I have been able to do this. Don't give up.....pray and keep strong! God Bless!
  10. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    Thanks guys! Tomorrow is 14 days of 0 adderall and 0 caffeine. I already gained 5 lbs lol but the last couple days my will power towards food has become more manageable. Keep my expectations tame is good advice. Thank you. I'll remember that when I notice my expectations being too high, which they usually are but ill try to remain tame. The fence project is getting closer lol I think it will be a success. Thanks again
  11. 20 MONTHS SOBER

    this is awesome news - congratulations!!! things are a little slow around here lately, but that's indirectly a good thing? lol looking forward to hearing about this exciting project!
  12. 20 MONTHS SOBER

    Hi all!! I just wanted to stop by and share my excitement that today marks 20 months sober for me. I feel bad I haven't been on here in forever, but wanted to drop in and give my best. I've been working on a really exciting project and I can't wait to share it all with you. It has kept me very busy, but it's a good kind of busy that has been incredibly rewarding so far and is only just beginning. Anyhow, much love everyone! <3 Lil Tex
  13. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    Congratulations for quitting and welcome to the forums. I quit after nine years on much higher dosages than you were on and I was about ten years older. I also quit nicotine about the same time. It can be done, and it must be done, because nobody can expect to spend the rest of their life on stimulants. and the nicotine will kill you. Weight gain, depression, anxiety, and lethargy are the classic symptoms of quitting. Keep your expectations for yourself tame and focus on the Quit and not going back. Things will be much better after a year or so. I gained about 15-20 lbs after quitting and it took about two years to get back to my pre-quitting weight. Best of luck to you!
  14. One Word Status Update

    sleeeeeeepyyyyyy
  15. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    hi @TheRealBigfoot welcome to the forums! congrats on finally taking the plunge - 10 years is a long time! certainly, it is going to take some time for your natural energy levels to return, but you'll feel progress along the way. first couple of months you'll feel like a zombie, then staying awake through the day will become easier but your energy will be unfocused. learn to recognize and appreciate the small but decisive steps, challenge yourself when you feel ready (that fence project seems perfect!). don't worry about "losing" weight - eat healthy, but eat enough that you're satisfied. just listen to what your body wants for a while till your past the initial hump! (: gl and keep us posted!
  16. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    Thank you! I noticed a natural laugh today a few times(1 by myself watch TV lol) and it was a good feeling.
  17. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    Hello!! So nice to meet you and read about your story and get to know your situation. I just logged back on here after months of being away. You are in a good position, especially when thinking about my own situation, comparatively! Your 20 mg is a much smaller dosage and some coffee and dip I can't imagine are too much more to add on! I think you will be able to get through this much better than you realise!! I have been experiencing the heart things also, I'm 28. I haven't been on here in a while and I'd hope this didn't read or come off as some kind of competition, ha!! I'm just trying to let you feel the situation as a little less heavy and overwhelming as you maybe felt you had started from. So much comes from right inside of our minds! I have totally missed my laugh also, it's much harder to physically find a laugh when I'm stimulated.. Cool thing on the fence, fun project and will add so much value to your home!! Hope you are doing as well as possible. I'm so afraid of getting through this. The food, oh goodness. I just love to self soothe. We'll all help eachother !!
  18. Day 8 after 10 years of stimulants

    Greetings, I'm 36, a husband and father of 3. I was on 20mg adderall xr for 10yrs. And I also drank coffee and dipped grizzly wintergreen like a maniac. Today is day 8 of 0 adderall, 0 caffeine and I replaced grizzly wintergreen with Zyn 3mg pouches for a little nicotine fix. I think I'm doing great except for my diet lol. I'm eating like I'm starving 24/7. I also have no energy. I'm trying to lose 30lbs before the summer and not gain 30lbs. I quit caffeine because I was drinking too much coffee and had heart palpitations lately due to stress and stimulants but I've had 0 heart palpitations in 5 days and my BP went from 135/85 down to 110/62. There was 3 days in between those readings. I can't believe how much that changed. I honestly feel okay now except I have 0 energy and my diet is going crazy. Those 2 reasons are the only reasons I would want to take adderall again but I won't!!! It's just hard to fight those urges. I can start to feel myself coming back a little, especially my humor! and I've missed that a lot. I'm also planning on putting in a new fence this spring and it sounds terrifying without Adderall or chew lol but I'm going to try my best and get it done! Thanks for reading!
  19. 2 years clean after 11 years of use!!

    totally this^! another thing along the same lines - consider quitting social media for a while. everyone posts the best versions of themselves and when you're feeling really shitty about yourself, it can easily lead you to a spiral of comparison and shame. curious whether you had the insulin resistance tested and diagnosed? I had the same suspicions for some time, also some related diabetic symptoms like swelling of hands and feet. I never got tested but I think I'm fine, though I still have a bad GI system and lots of bloating (mainly from spicy foods which I used to be able to eat no problem). I am not sure of the specific metabolic mechanisms at work, but I do believe that years of stimulants will have some lasting impact. wish I had more concrete advice on this, but I suspect that we simply need to work harder than normal for a while!
  20. Cleaning up adderall-messes at 15-months clean

    hi @LuLamb this certainly could be PAWS. i've experienced similar types of anxiety attacks, months after quitting, though I liken it more to a mild PTSD effect. I also had a very specific trigger for the episodes: it would be when I was driving down a certain stretch of road on the way home from work, and suddenly my mind would flood with all these anxious thoughts, worrying that there tons of things I'm forgetting about that are piling up (unpaid bills, errands, IMPORTANT SHIT!). in reality, I was doing pretty okay. I think part of the problem is that we don't let ourselves truly believe that we're okay. there's some lingering sense of "residual damage", its almost like your subconscious doesn't trust your conscious mind that everything is okay. It may be that deep down you're still waiting for a sign (like a big accomplishment or win) to truly feel normal again. those anxiety attacks subsided for me once I had firmly convinced myself that I was "recovered". that said, if the anxiety is crippling or interfering with your progress, you could see a doctor about it but be careful with prescriptions - anti-anxiety and benzos are often MORE addictive than stimulants! hope you feel better, you've made such amazing progress (:
  21. Hey all, I’m officially 2 years clean after 11 years of Adderall use (25 mg XR) and I'm 32 years old. This community has been a true gift and I’m so grateful for everyone here. I’m feeling like myself, random bursts of goofy energy is back, and my motivation has mostly returned. The biggest issue I’m still having is that I’m still insulin resistant and have a lot of trouble losing weight. Sugar sets off instant bloating and makes it really hard to get back to a healthy weight. Sticking to a keto diet is helpful but it’s tough to do for so long when the results aren’t what you expect. If anyone has any suggestions on resetting your metabolism or pancreas or weight loss - I would love any input. To everyone new on the journey, the first year is BRUTAL, but then every month life gets more colorful again. You got this and don’t compare your “performance” on adderall to everyday life. It was an artificial and unnatural, comparing yourself will drive you crazy. Love, Andy
  22. I don't know what's real. I've been having terrific bouts of anxiety lately. A few nights a week I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic-usually something related to my business or one of my clients and the big trouble I am somehow convinced I am going to get into. But the anxiety could show up and attach to anything at times. Last night it seemed even more ludicrous than usual. I was in a total panic about THE CLOUD and losing everything I've got on it. I've accomplished so many things in the last few years, and quitting Adderall was sort of the kingpin. Since quitting in October of 2019, I also quit smoking, went to 100% telehealth with my practice because of COVID, and moved back to Arizona, which I had been wanting to do for years. I love my new home and the solitude I feel like I'm able to finally get. My energy and motivation have been pretty good since I last posted. I have been going for long walks in the desert every day. I've been meditating regularly. But I feel like I'm losing my mind lately. Is this PAWS?
  23. 2yrs

    So happy for you! Congrats!! Two years is so great! 2 years is huge because I think it takes two years for the brain to heal and adjust after long term use. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
  24. 2yrs

    Congrats on hitting 2 years!! That’s amazing! Could you share what type of struggles do you still deal with?
  25. 2yrs

    @m34 this is awesome! congratulations!!!! this is such a terrific attitude, but also so honest. it's a recognition that there is still room to improve, which is frankly true for ALL people, not just us addicts and users. that recognition, that I'm now facing challenges that everyone faces, made me feel "normal" again. it's a huge win and helps you shift your focus from recovery to just plain ole self-improvement (:
  26. 2yrs

    I officially made it to two yrs clean yesterday. I never thought this day would come. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m def never going back to adderall. I’m so grateful to have hit two yrs. if anyone is struggling keep going. It was worth it all to get to where I am now. I just made more money than I have in many years. My relationship with husband has improved. I’m just in a good clean steady place. I am also 1 yr (almost) 2 months off alcohol... so that prob contributes to how good I feel today. Thank you for all the support on this site :-) We can get better and we do it just takes time. Keep going. Sorry I sound so cliche but it’s true. Hang on and don’t give up
  27. Pen Pal or Advice Please :/

    I'm so sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I completely understand the appearance piece of it.. sometimes the urge is so strong to go back and take it. I'm happy to help and am here as well sending love back!
  28. Weight Gain/Body Image

    YESSSS. Adderall gave me an eating disorder. I didn't realize it, bc i never thought about food while i was in my addiction but I loved the adderall skinny body I had, and people would ALWAYS compliment my body saying whats your secret!!! if only they knew it was a diet of cold brew and adderall. I am now a year off and those first few months i gained 10 pounds and then I lost the weight, but didnt get back down to adderall skinny which would make me spiral and want to use. I did try wellburitn for a few months which also decreases appetite which i loved. but I got off that too. I just passed the year mark and its a never ending struggle of wanting to take adderal for the purpose of masking hunger. Im coming to terms that this is deeper than just being addicted to adderall and i might need to seek treatment for an ED. just wild because i had a great relationship with food pre adderall.
  29. Pen Pal or Advice Please :/

    @Ruby I am so glad I came back on here tonight. I am feeling the lowest of lows in my life. I didn't keep up with stopping the adder all and have been taking that dosage and more just to self sooth or whatever. It makes me so sick... Gosh am I nauseous and crying so much. I am so afraid every day how I feel. So much is appearance related. Body image or something so devastating that is so trivial in reality. Gosh, your comment really did brighten my spirit. I think I might stop this from now on. I don't know how to survive this way. Sending love to you!! I'll try to keep coming back here.
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