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  1. Yesterday
  2. First things first @BK99, I’m sure you’ll feel better when you get over the pneumonia. I think around 100 days is a good time to start pushing yourself a little bit. Just do a little bit more than you did the day before. Feeling like you are ‘functional’ happens slowly one step at a time. Take some deep breaths. Adderall trains our minds to do and expect everything right now. You should feel less rushed the further along you get into recovery. At 10 months I’m just now interviewing for jobs again. Even though it took a while, I don’t feel like it took too long. I’m just glad to be at this point. If you stick with it I’m sure you’ll feel the same someday.
  3. Day 94 - still sick with pneumonia but looking forward to getting to day 100. I’m wondering when others started to feel like a functioning human being in the recovery process?
  4. The first reason it feels this way is because adderall fried your reward system. It’ll be like this for a few years.
  5. Working my way towards 2yrs and motivation is huge issue for me as well. I am pretty good about getting up and going in the morning however my energy and interest in “doing more” fades in early afternoon. On days where I give myself no choice but to work a long day I find myself very fatigued and mentally drained by the evening.
  6. Last week
  7. so how would returning to Adderall solve anything? you already know what the result is! your urge to use is COMPLETELY irrational by your own admission - don't let the drug do the talking and deciding for you! i think most of us can relate - i was always the drug "sage" of my circles, always able to handle my shit, never got addicted to anything .... until Adderall. that shit changes you. those parts of yourself that you feel disconnected from will come back with time. i'll admit, there are some things that i simply don't enjoy anymore that i used to love on Adderall. i'm willing to accept that speed may have poisoned those things for me, but maybe i've just outgrown them as well. maybe its a combination of both? ... but i'm okay with that so long as Adderall doesn't poison me. i can still enjoy new things and experiences that Adderall has never touched. i recall that your usage was very closely entwined with sexual activity - that's certainly a tricky one, but i definitely relate. i had a serious masturbation problem on Adderall, i thought my sex life would be ruined for the rest of my life. i'm happy to report it's quite healthy now! just give it some time and patience. (:
  8. God I experienced so many of these symptoms but to your last post jasonl2017 my dental problems were very similar to yours. I did not know teeth could become transparent. I do now. Receding gums. Dry mouth. Cavities. I now have partials . People who take meth have horrible dental problems. The medical slang name for it is meth mouth. It’s interesting how adderall affects our teeth in similar ways. Just further evidence how similar these two drugs are to one another.
  9. LiberatedMind. Your first paragraph discribes me perfectly right now. I’m almost 8 months adderall free. I’m slowly making progress with anxiety and depression. They seem to come in waves which come and go. The first 3 months were horrible. I won’t go through the details but I had to quit my job. Surprisingly I never really had anhedonia probably because I was so anxious and depressed. As I’m getting better this is now my most pronounced symptom. I’ve literally have not done anything all day except you tube. It took effort just to finish reading your post.I know logically what to do to combat this like exercise but this is such a crippling sensation. I know this is part of the healing process but I have completely underestimated how bad anhedonia can be. Fortunately I have a complete fear of adderall and the pain it’s cost me. That level of anxiety and depression I had is something I never want to experience again. I much rather be bored and lazy then relieve that nightmare.
  10. Day 92 - It turns out my fever actually is something. I was diagnosed with pneumonia yesterday. Yuck. Trying to be even more kind to myself because of this...
  11. LiberatedMind, I feel for you. I am 3 months into recovery and the anhedonia is absolutely crippling. Occasionally a day will be presented to me where I’m not so miserable. All we can hope for is more days like this to come...
  12. The word for what you are experiencing is Anhedonia. It is a classic symptom that we all experience during Adderall recovery. It will pass. Keep up the fight. Summer is coming soon!
  13. I found my trigger. I feel like my life is bland, and empty. Not exciting. Nothing is happening. Things are un-enjoyable, I am bored. Daily grind, everything is boring. Even dates feel stupid to me. Sex is boring. Don't really feel like doing anything. I am feeling lazy in general, my focus on little projects I set for myself has gone all over the place. This is exactly the reason I decided to quit. Because I wanted to live life and enjoy things, and I felt Adderall was taking that option away from me. And here I am 7 months later, feeling the same. I am not very objective right now though, because I am looking at my life through the lens of "You are bored! Want to make things exciting and fun? Take Adderall!".. Maybe this is just who I am, and the person whom I default to and I just placed the blame on Adderall? My mind is not very balanced at the moment. I am constantly searching for justifications to obtain it. I also do not like dealing with certain aspects of myself, and Adderall is an escape for me. I admit this. I try to be as honest with myself as possible, even when I am making bad decisions. I do have some relief expressing my frustration and challenges here, and I appreciate all your support. I really do. I am not trying to ride a pity train here, I just need an outlet to express myself. And I know myself well enough that when I reach this stage of contemplation (i.e. "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no" to getting Adderall) eventually it just turns into a hard yes. I know this because it happened probably well over 25 times already. The only way to not do it is not to think about it, that's how I quit cigarettes. Something is different about Adderall addiciton though. Cigarettes were literally a "habit addiction", I only smoked them because I was used to smoking them. I get zero cravings for them anymore, I hate cigarettes now (I smoked 10 years, and quit 5 years ago). Adderall seems to touch upon my inner self, something much deeper, I almost feel like I cannot connect to certain parts of myself without it. It does give me some relief to express myself here. I hope to be as strong as everyone else here, I am not feeling very strong at the moment.
  14. At 3 years couple months I have motivational issues. I guess people who don’t know they just think it’s bs excuse to be lazy. Yet when I worked 24/7 doing nonstop projects people I guess believed I was doing it all naturally? I absolutely hate being lazy why it was so hard to quit. No matter how much better I’ve gotten I’m still my harshest critique and sometimes can be a very bad thing. I always expect more and to this day not happy with my daily output which i know is still below my range pre adderall. The only time I really felt satisfied was when I worked nonstop no sleep and got a lot of shit done. But know that’s not something I could continue doing and live long why I had to quit plus I was scatterbrained and had huge mood swings ready to argue with anyone over nothing at all times. .
  15. @BK99 I understand how you feel. My dad was like “it’s out of your system in two weeks you should be fine” they have no clue what we’re going through.
  16. Day 90 - Spiked a 102 fever last night and I’ve been in bed ever since. It’s nice to be in bed for something not related to Adderall. I’m getting pretty annoyed with my husband. I don’t think he realizes my struggles with this and thinks I should be like new by now. It’s only been 3 months, and he thinks I should be jumping hurdles at this point..very frustrating.
  17. I’m approaching two years clean. I relapsed around 14 months for a month then again around 18 months for a month and a half. All I did was take me ten steps back. Ten steps I worked really hard for while sober. I stopped showing up for work to a job I worked really hard to get. I stopped working out at the gym. I was staying up too late. It didn’t help me in any way when I relapsed. Don’t do the same.
  18. At months 7-9 after quitting I definitely went through similar cravings. It was the depression and anxiety that triggered it but I didn’t cave and things got better by month 12 because it was a major milestone. Remember, the first year is brutal. There is no way around it, just know that it is normal and it will get better but only if you DO NOT get back on Adderall, nothing good will come of that. Make no mistake, this is the most challenging thing you will ever go through. Stay strong and don’t get Adderall.
  19. 6 months

    Hello, Felt like checking in here after 6 MONTHS off adderall. Mostly wanted to come here and tell y’all how fucking incredible it feels to be off this stuff. How amazing it feels to not have that baggage holding me down. When I want to go for a walk, talk to someone, do something, ANYTHING, I don’t have that inkling thought of, “is this adderall making me do this?” It’s just me. I told my doctor I was abusing and that was the best thing I could’ve done. It was a clean cut and I’d do it a thousand times over if I could. I won’t forget walking out of the room after telling my doctor. Like i could finally live my life again. 100% recommend cutting off at the source like that if anyone use or experience with adderall has been anything like mine. It’s hard as hell to do, I’ve tried before a couple times, but once you bite that bullet, it’s done. Of course there’s no option to taper or take back your confession, but if things are as bad as it was for me, it’s fucking worth it Since quitting, not only have I started a new job in a field I want to be in, I’ve been killing it in school, I’ve even gotten into a university (I wasn’t even planning on that when on adderall, that was a 100% ME ambition). I’m excited to start over somewhere new and fully leave all this behind me in every way. I’ve noticed recently my old interests coming back: outdoors and music were the big two. I thought I lost that, but it’s slowly coming back in spurts and I love it. Much to my surprise, I’ve been able to not gain weight since quitting and have even lost some weight. It’s the result of actively trying, but still, I used adderall for weight loss and all it even got me was binge eating episodes on repeat. Not to say it’s been all great since day one, but once you let go, it only gets better, in my opinion and in my experience I’ve been meaning to post an update like this here for a long time, so that was my little brain dump. Take care, everyone!
  20. @LiberatedMind I’m going through something similar right now. I was on a pretty good streak and then I got hit hard by a wave of depression and cravings. (I’m at 9 1/2 months). Having thoughts about using just seems to happen sometimes, what you do with them is on you. Stay away from people and places that will tempt you while you are weak. Do some soul searching and figure out why you want to use right now. There is no dysfunction drug addiction won’t make worse.
  21. @LiberatedMind I agree with @sleepystupid go back and look at your old posts. But frankly it sounds to me like perhaps you just didn’t suffer enough while you were using... Hate to sound so negative, but a lot of us long time users at 7 months off were still realing on so many fronts that the thought of going back to the hell of using was far from our minds. Good luck to you, hope you decide to weather the current storm.
  22. do you know what your triggers are? the subtle vs obvious ones? maybe something has happened recently that's thrown off your subconscious? go back and READ YOUR OLD POSTS! "I want my mind back. This is taking my inner spirit out. My inner fire. I feel like a zombie, occasionally animated. I need to stop." and remember... it will won't be different this time. it will never be different.
  23. Last time I had Adderall was in July 2018, didn't even touch it once since then. Over the last two weeks, I cannot rid myself of the cravings to take it. And today, I know that if it were in front of me right now, I would take it without a doubt. I am contemplating getting it. I am freaking out here, because I know I shouldn't. What the hell are these sudden cravings? What's going on?!
  24. Earlier
  25. I’ve had a similar weight history pre adderall 165 weight at time of quit 150 weight now at almost two years clean 200 I’m six foot three so 200 isn’t a bad weight. I look the healthiest I’ve been. I’ve lifted weights for ten years so I have a solid muscular frame. Just don’t have the six pack I had pre adderall but my shoulders and arms are way more developed. Working in getting down to 185 that’s where I’ll see a solid six pack.
  26. re: husbands weight "back in the day" marathon training weight: 165 pre adderall weight : 170-175 weight at time of quit after 11 years on adderall: 190-200 weight after first few months of quit: 230 weight after appetite leveled out but not exercising: 195-200 weight after several months of keto diet: 175 weight after adding exercise to keto diet: 165 current maintenance weight with normal diet and exercise: 168-170
  27. congrats on a month! doing "okay" at school is actually phenomenal for where you're at! muscle aches are the worst - but TBH nothing compared to the muscle aches from being ON adderall. i remember there were some days i'd wake up and feel like i got hit by a truck. it was scary stuff. keep on keeping on (:
  28. Way to go, Jason. Happy to see this news!
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