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  1. Today
  2. Hi everyone! I have been reading all of your posts over the past 9 months and finally decided I should share my story. Looking back I have definitely dragged out this process for longer than I thought I would but I was able to listen to my body and slowly taper down from 60 mg a day. I decided that this period of social distancing was the perfect time finally go cold turkey. I am 33 and have been taking 60-90 mg/day since 2006. I run my own accounting firm and was terrified my business would spiral out of control w/o it. But after a year of working hard to become a better person/boss/wife/daughter, I realized adderall was hindering my growth and preventing me from learning who I really was. There have been some REALLY hard months, brain fog was out of control Sept and October. But I managed (for the most part) to stick to my prescribed dosing and not freak out. I started working out 4x per week, super early, and that was literally the game changer. The days I don’t workout are so much harder (today being one of them). I also stopped drinking b/c that made the mornings so much harder. I have gained weight, but I’m ok with it, learning to love myself even more and I know it won’t last forever. I know this next month will be difficult, but I am hoping I have eased some of the burden by tapering down. Thank for all for your stories and advice, they have helped make this possible.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Hello my friends. I have not been very active lately but I have been checking in daily. I’m definitely in a huge time of change and growth in my life. Feeling so much of the feelings that Adderall masked and numbed for so long has been incredibly painful but also beautiful. I know that the fear and panic is my brain developing strength and new coping strategies to handle life as it really is. I want to be the rock that others can lean on so badly. I’m 11 months into this journey off Adderall and my life has never been more unstable, uncertain and vulnerable. I have also never been more alive, genuine and real. It’s so crazy how I can literally feel my brain processing the world and events around me in such a deeper and more connected way. My dreams are purposeful and things from 30 years ago are coming to the surface and are being worked out because I guess it’s needed for my continued healing. It’s hard to explain but I’m definitely heading out of the darkness and into a more purposefully contemplative state. I was put on unemployment last week and my wife and I have been quarantined for the last 7 days. Nothing is certain right now but I am definitely glad I quit Adderall. I look more unhealthy now. My job is not stable now. Inside is where the most growth has taken place and that is the area I ignored for far too long. Fuck the superficial external things. This time it’s about digging deep inside and finally being real. I appreciate you all very much. I struggled with reading and writing for many months. It’s a miracle that I can even type this. It may be scattered and confusing but it’s an improvement and that feels good. I wish you all safety and good health. I’ll be coming in to spend time and share more in the coming days and weeks.
  5. I’m going through serious mental gymnastics over here. I really felt like my job was making progress and Id been feeling like my life was back on track before all this shit. We are in shelter in place order where I live. I’m so thankful to be sober and clean off adderall. However, I’m feeling like my world is crashing down around me. Both my husband and I have jobs that are potentially about to be obsolete. We both kind of have side projects going, so guess that could be our plan B. Maybe it’s for the best. My creativity is kicking back in, feeling more like myself (aside from the stress of the pending apocalypse and all). All I want is to escape this nightmare! Sending love to anyone else struggling. Hope everyone is safe and healthy tonight. You are not alone!
  6. Last week
  7. We aren't working from home yet but I work in a very small office, I do construction estimating. I had some really great momentum at work leading up to this pandemic regarding focus and motivation. But my concentration has been shit since this crisis. I know its the worst thing to do but I obsess over the news surrounding it and have neglected my work. Then its a cycle of being stressed that I'm behind on work and further neglecting my work to distract myself from feeling stressed. Its definitely a strange time to be alive. I'm not necessarily worried about getting sick, but I'm definitely weirded out about having to stay in, and everything being shut down and how wiped out the grocery stores are. Just feel very weird about it all, feels like a movie, feels like the type of thing we always assume would never really happen.
  8. that's great! sounds like exactly what you need right now (: i can see it going both ways for some people. early on in my recovery, i actually needed to be out of the house. getting up and going to work forced me into a routine of normalcy, and being around others forced me to work on socializing. stay safe and stay sober everyone!
  9. Hi Guys-I’m very curious to know how others are faring with social distancing and sheltering in place? I’m doing well overall...where I am we are under shelter-in-place orders and I’m able to work from home. I’m very introverted and the orders feel like a big break from the normal everyday pressures...it’s been nice to have to stay home and do so much less. It makes it easy to feel like I am a contributing member of society, and don’t often feel that way!. I hope you all are well and safe.
  10. Earlier
  11. I relate to this! Back when adderall really worked for me the years it “changed my life” and “I would just take as prescribed or as needed. “ everyone else was abusing it I was prescribed... all the pretty little lies I told myself. Calm before the storm. That’s what’s so evil about this drug. It gets you hooked without even realizing it. I would have defended it to the end. It’s therapeutic “My doctor this and researched that.” “It’s not the same as meth.” It’s changed my life. You couldn’t have told me different. We have all been where you are. We hear you. when your ready to quit come back on here. It’s not a matter of if, but when. sadly it’s the same for all the millions of people who it’s effective for...just a matter of time.
  12. lol, i think you're on the wrong forum my friend. try Bluelight instead. good luck with your "wise regimen".
  13. I only expressed my personal experience of close friends who take Kratom. They take it every day and multiple times per day. That just doesn't appeal to me, I don't want to be dependent on anything to feel a certain mood or motivation. As for Adderall, I took the shit a few times per week and as prescribed for years and I would have told you the same thing about how great it makes life and its such an enhancer for focus and productivity and mood. I thought I found the cheat code but theres no free lunch in life. Eventually that shit lost its magic and the only way to get that same feeling is a little more and little more. At the end I was binging 120 to 160mg daily and consumed by the need to attain more pills. It led to panic attacks and constant anxiety and me doing shit that I would normally never do. So moderation is not an option for myself and most of the people on here. Maybe you have the discipline to take it a few times a week for a lifetime and thats cool. Live and let live Peace ☮ ✌
  14. You heard wrong about kratom. No, it has 0 withdrawals as long as you take it In moderation. As I have drank coffee for years without problems, I have drank kratom for years without problems, I mean that, no fiending, no withdrawals, no over intoxication (which is pretty hard to do with kratom because it’s so mellow. You should read from the American Kratom Association. You’re being lied to brother, I don’t know what those people were doing, but they weren’t doing it right. Kratom is fantastic and no more addictive than coffee, which, if you take too much of, has terrible withdrawals. So go get some kratom my man, and don’t listen to the hype. Read David Kroll’s article on Forbes about the science of kratom and how the only people in his interviews that suffered were those who took kratom extract in high doses. No, I do love Adderall, because it can save your life if you need to wake up when driving and coffee isn’t working or if you are running dangerous and expensive equipment like I am and you need to focus. You don’t have to take it all the time, that’s how I am gonna take it, as needed because it works better. I also love how so many people like my coworker Brian said it greatly improved the quality of his life. He trained his brain to work differently so he didn’t need it everyday, now he just takes it once in a while. I just got on here to see if anyone had methodically microdosed adderal in order to eliminate the negative effects of accidentally having too much. you have a jaded point of view brother, these things are only as you make them. Millions of people like me use them to improve the quality of their life. You just need to stick to a wise regimen. If you don’t take more than your doctor prescribes and you don’t depend on it every day, Adderall is a very useful drug. As for the 120mg I took, have you ever had too much coffee or alcohol? I have, and it’s very uncomfortable. I once had 4 shots of expresó because we didn’t understand the espresso machine we were using. Man, it was so intense and disgusting feeling. But that doesn’t make coffee and alcohol something I have to stay away from. It was 120 mg over a 24 hour period, not all at once. I am prescribed 30mg pills so it’s only 4 pillsWhen I realized I didn’t feel good, and concluded that I had taken too much, I took about 5mg of the XR beeds and crunched them in my mouth every hour; and I felt fine. Did this every hour for 3 hours and I felt totally fine. Biggest problem was that I couldn’t sleep and felt nervous , other than that I learned some some pretty beautiful guitar riffs with the energy and focus that this med provided me. Quitting this medicine would be a bad choice for me, I am only on here because I wanted the poster to know that I love him and that I feel for him. You can’t respond with signing up. I came across it when I started wondering what kind of misfortunes people have suffered from taking too much. Notice that the seriously my friend, you’ve been lied to about drugs, go look up “Dr, Carl Hart, Methamphetamine fact vs fiction,” on YouTube. you need to see the honest research on d Amohetamine next to methamphetamine, which are the same drug just the methyl group is different. Yes, Meth and Adderall are the same drug and meth is also prescribed by doctors with success to treat disease. In the hands of a responsible professional, Desoxyn (prescription Meth) helps people. Look up, “Desoxyn user reviews drugs.com, you’ll see that prescription merhamphetamine has helped these people live better lives, and they say it has fewer side effects than Adderall. Like Adderall, when used correctly that drug changes people’s lives for the better. Note: we should all agree that buying meth on the street is among the stupidest things you can do and using street methamphetamine is not wise. As an accredited scientist Carl Hart makes many good points about how drug hysteria harms the public. Hysteria like what you heard about kratom. They found that 85% of people who use drugs do not have a problem with them. Yes the 15% that do have some very serious problems, but that doesn’t mean all people do. They studied drugs like heroin, meth and cocaine and found that this was true. I found it to be a little surprising. Now, I would say don’t ever buy those drugs in the street, it’s not worth the legal risk and the people who sell them are being irresponsible for selling them without care or guidelines to prevent suffering. Yes, those commercials about Meth are hysteria, exaggerating the harms of that drug. I know man, it might sound crazy but you can’t refute the data. Adderall is the same. Some people call it evil but that’s stupid, it has helped millions of people like me to be more productive. I think our doctors are failing us, because they aren’t giving people a better education about these things when they give them. We need to do this will all drugs. The most dangerous drug in society is alcohol. Already in 2020 500,000 people have lost their lives because of misusing alcohol. Think about that. If only they were using it correctly they wouldn’t have died. It’s sad and it needs to change. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I’m told “do not get drunk, it leads to debauchery.” And so I always follow that and I never suffer from using this great drug. Had a Samuel Sadam’s winter ale last night and it was delightful. All we really need my friend, is good guidelines and better assistance with meds, you know? If you ever find yourself saying, “I heard that stuff...(insert defaming statement here)” make sure you go and find out if what you heard was a lie. In this case, it was. If you read the Washington Times Newspaper in 1937 you would have heard about the “new deadly” drug called “marihuana,” and you’d be saying similarly, “don’t use marijuana, I heard that stuff is deadly.” Research shows that 0 people have died from cannabis intoxication and Donald Tashkin at UCLA showed it does not cause lung cancer. But we all know that smoking too much isn’t good...so we should not do that, ever. If you have read this far, I commend you, and I appreciate it. I am very eager to spread truthful information about drugs because the lies And misinformation about them have put many people in cages and have kept people away from medicine like Adderall, which is very helpful when used correctly. “I heard lsd fries your brain” a good lad once said...but then you read and find that the the original scientist who discovered LSD sent it to many universities to test it on themselves and they all loved it and late found great success in treating depression, alcoholism and psychosis. You can find brain scans that show LSD does not fry your brain as ignorant people claim. But then the US government wanted to use it as a weapon so they banned it and started lying about it to the whole world. So don’t believe what you’ve heard, but believe good research. for the minority of drug users who are struggling with drug addiction, recreational and pharmaceutical, I know that it can be hell, don’t hear me wrong. The original post is something that makes me upset because I wish there were more people around him to help the good lad and at least at the time of his post, there weren’t. what if that same lad had a system where he could go get 1-30mg pill a day from his school or from a pharmacist when he needed it? Because he admits that he can’t control it, he needs someone who cares for him that will help him to use it correctly. Then he could prosper. But he was taking way too much and that’s the only reason he suffered so badly. We need a better medical system man....you know? I pray that God will bless everyone who suffers from abusing D-amphetamine and for those who suffer from taking too much of any drug, so that they can overcome their burden with fresh new lives. You say I am in the honeymoon phase with Adderall and I see what you mean, but consider that the real problem you have is your doctor’s bad guidelines. perhaps Adderall should only be taken a few times a week, or just once in a while. My coworker Brian does that and he has seen great success peace
  15. I'd be careful recommending Kratom. I'm sure it probably is more sustainable than adderall but the few people I know that use Kratom, take it Every. Single. Day. and I've heard the withdrawls are pretty brutal. I considered it at one point but I don't really get excited about being dependent on something new. You mention you love adderall but just binged 120mg today. I get it man I used to love it too until I fucking hated it. You say you need it and we all fucking believed we "needed" it but trust me when I tell you that you don't brother... something led you to these forums so I believe deep inside your ready to get off the shit. You don't sound quite ready but your definitely moving out of the honeymoon phase of adderall.
  16. Man, I’m really sorry to hear this bro. That was 2012, I wonder if you are doing ok now. I’m gonna pray for you bro, I heard voices too and no doctor could help but one day after my mom asked Jesus to help me, I heard one voice say very clearly, “the voices you are hearing are not your dead family members”. (I was convinced they were) and she said, “ask Jesus for mercy, ask Him for forgiveness, He is the son of God.” I did that and Jesus answered me. He led me to read The Holy Bible and to believe what it says. I’ve never been happier. I don’t want to commit suicide anymore and no more seeking illegal drugs. what makes me upset about your story is that the doctor isn’t monitoring you more carefully. They should treat you like a son and pay close attention to you. Our medical system is so cash driven that we don’t see this. If you haven’t tried it yet, kratom might help you get away from Adderall, and it is completely salubrious in moderation. i love Adderall, it’s life changing for work but I too have made the mistake of taking too much in order to get strong effects. Just went through 120mg today and I am disappointed so I did a web search to see what kinds of similar stories there were online and if there were any tips to control it. I need this drug, but stories like yours make me think it should be used sparingly. btw, look up “Methamphetamine fact vs fiction Carl Hart and you can hear this neuroscientist explain how Adderall is the same drug as methamphetamine. He says only 10-30% of Meth users develop a drug problem. Sounds like Adderall statistics... i hope you’re ok my friend. May God bless you in every way.
  17. Modafinil / provigil

    Let us know when G-d willing you have a year off both.
  18. I am a strong believer it total abstinence from adderall and all other stimulant drugs. I also kicked cigarettes when I quit adderall because I felt they were horribly linked, somehow, and I needed to quit nicotine for my health anyway. But alcohol, coffee, and weed? I still use them all, almost daily. The key word is use but not abuse them. This is why I believe in total abstinence from Adderall (and nicotine). I know if I take even one drag from a cigarette, I will seek future opportunities to sneak a smoke again, so I use all the willpower I have not to take that first toke. Just the other day, I had a social "non-smoke" with my friend and I went through all the motions of smoking with an unlit cig in hand and I kind of enjoyed it. That same friend is meth recovery and he is also an alcoholic. He absolutely knows that he cannot get drunk because it causes meth cravings he cannot control.
  19. I can relate so much. I think what we all crave and were chasing was that experience we had in the early days of our adderall addiction- before it became so problematic and we fell down the rabbit hole. It is an unfortunate reality that we can never recapture that because we passed the point of no return with our addiction. I stopped drinking in November and I have been having intense moments of craving and even debating with myself if I can start drinking casually again. I rationalize that my drinking wasn’t THAT bad and I had more good nights than bad. But then I remind myself of a metaphor that applies to drinking but also any addiction, especially adderall and that is that you can’t unpickle a cucumber. Once a cucumber has been turned into a pickle, it can never go back to being a cucumber. And I know that I can never go back to being a casual drinker and none of us can ever take adderall without slipping down the slope into addiction hell.
  20. Thanks! Logically-speaking, I know you're right.
  21. you're right in that a slip-up here or there doesn't reverse all your progress - in a biochemical way. as long as you are not flooding your brain with dopamine on a constant basis, you are still on the path to repairing any damage caused by the neurotoxicity. but even an isolated incident of taking a pill one night can open up the negative reward pathways that you've worked hard to shut down. and that's the thing about total abstinence - it's less about the biochemistry and more about containing addictive behavior. a sober you may be fully in control of your desires. but a drunk or high you might just "fuck it" and pop a pill. of course i'm not saying avoid those things - just keep it in moderation and more importantly understand how those substances affect you.
  22. @LuLamb Congratulations on 5 months! Holy hell! As you know, no matter what struggles you’re dealing with sober, are 10,000x better than the struggles of being high. So proud of you. Keep it up!
  23. Now that I'm focusing more on the biochemistry of my addiction-damaged brain and not my "moral failings" (after watching NOVA: Addiction), I'm wondering how different things help or hurt my healing brain. For example, I've had a few "slip-ups" with Adderall over the past five months since I quit. I'm guessing these don't RUIN the progress my brain has made, but wondering, what - exactly, the affect might be. Also wondering about things like "TOTAL ABSTINENCE" (like from everything: I still smoke, use marijuana, drink some alcohol, caffeine, occasionally take cold/allergy meds that contain pseudoephedrine, and have tried Kratom) vs just abstinence from Adderall. Sometimes I feel like I SHOULD abstain from EVERYTHING, but most of the time I feel like it's all i can do to get by without Adderall and tell myself I'll worry about the other substances in due time...
  24. Yesterday I pulled up the letter I wrote to my psychiatrist back in October. To my surprise, it had been exactly five months since i wrote it (October 14th-March 14th)! I seem to have entered a whole new phase in my recovery. Watching the NOVA documentary: Addiction Friday night, was incredibly informative and validating. But now I'm really struggling. It's like the personal shame I had been feeling around getting addicted to Adderall has been replaced with a new kind of shame: something really IS wrong with me: my brain is F****D and while that's not my "fault", it finds me feeling sorta B**CH-SLAPPED into a new reality. Maybe after 14+ months, if I am lucky, my brain will return to some semblance of its pre-adderall state, but when I think back to how I was doing before I got on Adderall, I think, "OMG I DON'T WANT THAT BRAIN!!!"
  25. Day 4

    OMG! I watched the NOVA:Addiction doc last night and it was amazing and so helpful on all levels. I didn’t even realize how much I viewed becoming addicted as a moral failing on my part. This doc makes me feel more empowered to work with my addicted brain in a more compassionate way. It really took the edge off the shame and put so much more into perspective.
  26. Modafinil / provigil

    I didn't make any suggestion, implicitly or explicitly. I just wanted to share a story that is counter to everything else in this thread. I was prescribed nuvigil to help me stop taking amphetamines, used the medication responsibly and had positive results. thats the kind of thing this forum was created to share.
  27. Modafinil / provigil

    Its a stimulant, but not in the way adderall and vyvanse are - no denying that. I guess agree to disagree.
  28. Switching social circles after recovery??

    Same. For so many years I thought it was because I was weak. But now I’m finally realizing the drug is designed to make you its prisoner.
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