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  1. Today
  2. Take Your Pills

    I’m curious about this documentary but being that I recently just quit, I don’t think it’s a good idea I watch it right now. It’s interesting to see what people think of it.
  3. Too long!

    Hi Ashley! Great to hear from you. I'm glad to know your life is going well, and especially that you are now a substance abuse councilor. Takes one to know one, right? It is a good thing you could recognize the potential for a pill train wreck with your recent experiences with the opioids. I know exactly what you mean by "I think it was more the idea of taking pills that I liked". In fact, I used various supplement pills and capsules as adderall pill replacements in the first two years or so of my Quit. I could actually get through a tough day by taking herbal stimulants and slamming red bull. I still like to slam a red bull now and then. But the idea of getting relief or just feeling better from a fucking pill is just part of the fabric of modern medicine in America. As pill addicts, we always need to be conscious of our desire for a quick fix from a pill. Yesterday, I had a long visit with my best friend, who was also my adderall buddy. He quit adderall about a year after I did. But I learned that he wasn't even clean for a year when he discovered meth, and he has been smoking meth daily for about five years. I let him smoke it my home, but I made him do it in the bathroom. He offered it to me several times and I finally got pissed and told him I was absolutely fucking done with stimulants and I didn't appreciate him letting me know it was available. He then admitted he was lonely in his habit. When I quit adderall, I told my two friends whom I used with that I never wanted to see another pill or ever be offered that shit again. For the most part, they have respected my request. So now, my best friend is now unemployed, after getting fired from his teaching job for always being late; and my other addie buddy is now homeless and living in a park. I quit adderall almost seven years ago because my future was uncertain, my health was in jeopardy, and because the addiction itself was unsustainable. No regrets!
  4. Yesterday
  5. Advice for quitting a third time

    Congrats on your 4mo! You are lucky that our fog lifted so early! I am still fighting it and am around 10mo. The vitamin survey was interesting, of course it is a sales pitch however I found the suggestions worth maybe trying. I take about half of them already however have never heard of a couple of them. I also agree finding good sleep and exercise are a must, exercise seems counter intuitive as low energy does not trigger us to think "I should go exercise" however every time I go I am grateful I did!
  6. One Word Status Update

    this got me enthused (:
  7. Advice for quitting a third time

    Congrats on the 4 months @soberica_18!! I’m glad to hear the mental fog does lift. I find myself unable to really do much at the moment besides Netflix haah! I can’t imagine trying to balance a client budget right now! You are so right, I need to be patient with myself, I’m not a patient person lol but I will try. Thank you for the advice and recommendations! I’m going to take that quiz and look into the supplement. The sleep is a big issue too, I find I’m kept awake at night by anxiety or just general restlessness and I end up sleeping most of the day away. I think getting my sleep cycle into a regular pattern will help as well. I totally feel you on the “beating the system” thing, I thought who needs to sleep and eat, well we all need both to survive and thrive! Thank you! That really means a lot. In addition to the anxiety, I’ve been feeling depressed these last few days, which is normal I think? I hope the depression isn’t permanent. I started the gratitude list today and it’s helping put things into perspective! Thank you for that recommendation and support! I appreciate it! Sending good vibes your way! <3
  8. One Word Status Update

    enthusiasm (need more)
  9. acetylcholine trial and error

    @Frank BYeah you are right about the search for supplements. I have gotten a bit sucked in at times. I agree that some things appear to work then fade. I often wonder if it’s more of our minds believing in it sometimes and then the inevitable bad day or crash occurs stripping away the prior hopes. I would love to find a baseline of good vitamins and just stick to a plan however I get frustrated and keep seeking. @sleepystupidI read about pricetram as well a bit among others. Haven’t gone down that route as there are just too many nootropics to choose from and if you read the descriptions of each they all sound a bit “amazing” yet at what other side effects? Too much ACh causes headaches as well. Overall in my discovery leading to this post I basically over did it with vitamins to improve cognitive performance and was getting way too much ACh causing worsened headaches. I already get some headaches that have been remedied by vitamin B2 however adding the increased ACh came really bad Fog and headaches that couldn’t be remedied easily.
  10. Last week
  11. Take Your Pills

    i got around to watching this yesterday (snow day!).. it is definitely triggering so for those of you susceptible to this, be careful. that being said... i thought it did a pretty good job of documenting the history of amphetamines and our society's growing obsession with productivity and speed. unfortunately it did an even BETTER job of glamorizing adderall. almost every story featured a proud, affluent, successful user. none of them were particularly concerned as to whether they actually had ADD or not- it's either a tool that everyone around you is using or the ends (success) justify the means. this is definitely a polarizing film, but i understand why they chose not to speak about the abuse and addiction potential. this documentary isn't about the drug itself, it's about how our society got to this stage. it's the same reason why they chose not to highlight the benefits for "true ADHDers", it simply doesn't help their narrative. there is not a single mention of the long term risk of dependency, there's maybe one passing story about a Wall Street yuppie that took too much and ended up in the hospital. we all know that's not the real danger of this drug. TLDR. the take away message of this documentary seems to be: our society (for better or worse) values productivity. adderall makes you (or your child) effortlessly productive. everyone around you is using it to enhance their performance.
  12. Seattle WA

    Hey! I live in Capitol Hill, and I'm looking for a local support network here in Seattle. I'm about three months deep into quitting, so I'm over the really tough hump, but I'm bracing for future cravings and could really use some friends going through the same thing as me. Message me if you want to meet up sometime! Erica America
  13. Advice for quitting a third time

    @Catherine1, I'm almost to month four, and I can't say the mental fog has completely cleared, but I can say the AMOUNT of fog has drastically decreased. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's actually "fog" or if it's just the fact that I was on this drug for 11 years, and I just straight up have no idea who the heck I am now (which is actually a little scarier to me). I'd expect to feel more mental clarity in about 2-4 weeks, once the amphetamine is actually out of your body. Try to remember that just like a healthy diet+exercise routine takes some time to truly see results, quitting something like this that is so mentally and physically addictive will just take patience with yourself and time. But if you do it the right way, just like a proper diet, the results/new, healthy way of living can last a lifetime. I'd suggest looking in to some vitamin supplements that improve brain functionality and focus. If you take this little quiz thing here, they'll suggest some good supplements, but you can just buy them on Amazon or at the grocery store vs. buying from that site once you get their recommendations. And taking melatonin at night really helped me get back to a normally sleeping human. The sleep will help clear the fog, too, because the brain does a lot of replenishing when you sleep. I always felt like I was kind of "beating the system" when I could be up for days on end, but the harsh reality is that I was paying a physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental toll for that surface-level, "super human" (eye roll) strength. Nothing comes without a cost. But no matter how hard it gets, try to take a moment to feel proud that you are making this life-changing decision NOW, not later. That's such a huge step dude. And everyone in this forum knows how hard even getting to this point can be. Maybe you could try writing a gratitude list of things you're thankful of either throughout the day or at the end of the day to remind you of the beautiful things you're finally seeing again -- even through the fog. Sending love!
  14. Advice for quitting a third time

    Yes! I’m starting to love those things again. Sleeping is hard right now but the eating is super easy lol. A little too much haha
  15. Advice for quitting a third time

    Thank you @soberica_18 for the support and advice! <3 hearing how well your doing is inspiring! is scary to say the least, the anxiety is horrible right now. I didn’t sleep much last night b/c I was worrying about my return to work, if I’ll be able handle it, how I’ll be happy again etc. My friend told me to not worry and we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. That’s a good idea about CMA! I’ve gone to an NA meeting with my friend, but I think CMA would be better given our drug of choice. It is nice to know I’m not alone. How long did it take before the mental fog went away? I’ll send you a message after I sleep for a bit lol, I feel a sleep deprivation headache coming on. Thank you again for the support and advice! I really appreciate it!
  16. Advice for quitting a third time

    well said! the things in life i love? eating and sleeping
  17. acetylcholine trial and error

    @EricP my only experience with acetylcholine was while experimenting with nootropics and piracetam. my understanding is that taking a racetam without a ACh supplement can cause headaches and other issues, possibly because the racetam requires more of it to work effectively? not sure how ACh supplements would work outside of this context.
  18. acetylcholine trial and error

    i'm horrified at myself sometimes, thinking back how reckless a driver i was on adderall- i was on my phone 90% of the time while driving, and not just "texting". doing shit like rearranging playlists, downloading stuff.. it's a miracle i never killed someone or myself. i did get pulled over once for swerving, dead of the night on a turnpike. i must have been tweaked out of my mind (as usual), but the officer simply accepted my "just tired" explanation. maybe if that had gone another way, i might have been off this shit far sooner.
  19. Too long!

    I had a buddy got in a motorcycle wreck deer ran out in front of him he was cruising about 60 mph. He was a complete mess bad road rash a broken rib or two etc. He was never addicted to pain pills but has a lot of close friends fell victims to them. Anyways at the hospital he refused morphine and any pain medication stronger than Advil. He simply did not want to risk becoming what his friends became. He is also one tough sob to me that’s some inspiration. Hopefully if I was ever faced with a similar situation I could be that strong to say no. I know saying yes where that will prob take me. Suggest anyone on here to do the same if possible avoid taking pain pills at all cost. To me pain pills were what give me that lost euphoria feeling in my last couple years taking adderall. It’s very similar and does give a boost of energy also. I recall finally realizing I had one fucked up problem got a couple bottles of liquid codeine from somewhere, taste was aweful but I loved it. I was working in my shop on some big project was drinking Red Bull & vodka drinks , popping adderall downing them with shots of codeine every couple hours for like 48 hrs straight. I’m really amazed I never overdosed pretty sure if I took all that now I’d die. I’m also surprised I never chopped my hand off working with power saws etc with no sleep and hopped up on all that. But doing all that finally realized holy shit wtf have a become? Knew from that point I was either going to quit addy and pain meds or I would die.
  20. acetylcholine trial and error

    If I blacked out behind the wheel from binging on addy for days could have killed someone and actually been in prison. I’d rather take this penalty and should consider myself lucky. Yes it fucking sucks at times but could always be worse.
  21. Advice for quitting a third time

    I've found tremendous hope and success by going to Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and even Crystal Meth Anonymous (cuz, c'mon, chemically, adderall is probably the closest to meth if we're being honest here) in order to access a proven, 12-step program that has actually worked for countless addicts before. Granted, I'm only 90 days deep in giving up adderall, but as a user for more than 11 years, eventually using up to 150+mg every day for maybe 2-3 years of that time, 90 days is a miracle for me. I've given up every drug and all alcohol; I've gone to a one-hour meeting (sometimes two or three) every day since I've been clean; I have a sponsor; I'm working the steps; and I am more confident every day that I will never use adderall again. I've got a resume full of skills I don't enjoy doing and a job I can't stand, and even though it's tough finding my place in this world without adderall, I'm confident that at the end of my life, when I look back on this decision, I will not regret it. Life is about love, happiness, noticing the blue sky, hearing the birds sing, actually being moved by music, laughter, and passion. When you do adderall, it makes all the things that suck in life great, but the caveat is that it makes all the great things in life suck. Even though it sounds super intense, Crystal Meth Anonymous is honestly where I've felt the most at home and with people who are going through an addiction that is just as strong as mine. I'm so thankful for this site because it makes me feel like not as much of a fiend/addict. It's good to see how many others out there are fighting the good fight. Message me if you want any AA, NA, CMA tips or tips on getting a sponsor or just wanna chat about how scary it is to be finding yourself again as an ex-adderallic. <3
  22. acetylcholine trial and error

    Paying the piper , prison is a good way to put it
  23. acetylcholine trial and error

    Bendryl knocks me out. Do your research find out the trick we need you’ll be a hero! I’ve pretty much given up thinking supplements and diet will ever be the answer. Every time I find something I think is working the placebo effect wears off and back to the drawling board. Guess really only time alone heals it’s like a 2-4 yr mental prison sentence we all must pay for the years of abuse we did to ourselves.
  24. After a little experimenting with supplements I have discovered a few things about brain fog. Reading many sites will encourage supplements or a diet containing a high choline to help boost acetylcholine which increases memory, focus and cognitive function. So I tried it... And for me it made it 5 times WORSE. So then I read about having too much acetylcholine and the effects are listed about the same as I experienced using these supplements. So it turns out if dopamine is at a low then acetylcholine tends to be high actually causing a negative effect. Since there is no easy way to boost dopamine without adderall or other prescription methods I decided to stop the choline supplements or any supplement that aids choline; as well as some caution in my diet. While still having the same tiredness and lack of motivation I have noticed a pretty obvious fog lift in mental function. I will continue to experiment and report back however this far this has proven to be pretty useful for me. Also supposedly taking benadryl will also block acetylcholine however in past experience it has a drowsy effect so not sure I will try that just yet. Just though I would share...
  25. Advice for quitting a third time

    Way to go! I’m proud of you too!! Keep it up you can do this!!
  26. Second attempt at quitting failed

    Oh the struggle! Made it past day 3! Feeling less shitty haha! How you doing?
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