missg1970 Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 the first step on the road to recovery is admitting you have an addiction. I am a wife and stay at home mom of two and I have been addicted to adderall for basically the past 3 years. This is the first time I have ever admitted it to anyone besides myself and my husband, whose adderall I have actually been stealing from him, otherwise I probably wouldn't have admitted it to him. hard not to know when half your bottle is missing! My husband has been add his whole life, only to be diagnosed 5 years ago when we suspected our son may have it. adderall has tremendously helped him, although even when he takes it, he still struggles with everything. The reason I am telling you about him is because this is how my addiction started. having a spouse with add has been no party let me tell you, but I love him dearly. Years into our marriage I started to see how his add was affecting me and our family. He was like my third child, all adult responsibilites left to rest on my shoulders, and in the beginning it wasn't so bad. I was organized, I was type a, I could do it. but as the years go on, the stakes got higher, to the point where I am filing his tax returns, etc. just to make sure it gets done. I just couldn't do it all and do it well anymore, and I thought I found a miracle. in the beginning it was just pill a week, on sunday, to get everything clean and everyone organized for the week ahead. you know the story.....I loved that I could get everything done on that day-it's like time stood still and I had super powers. that didn't last very long. fast forward to today, where I am taking it 3-4x/week, 25 mg. this means my husband has about half his rx every month. It has caused major fights, major distrust, major resentment, and not even sure we can work through this. I have done some shameful things on this drug. I have been to the er once thinking I was having a heart attack, I forged a prescription of his by changing the date to get it sooner, ( a felony) got caught, but no charges pressed, and last year on my daughter's field trip I lost I kid in my group because I was so brain dead-it was an out of town field trip-it all turned out fine- but now I'm known as the mom not to trust with your kid because she may leave them at some museum in a strange city. All of this makes me feel really great about myself (eye roll) this drug has changed me completely-I drink too much, i spend too much-another problem in my marriage-while on adderrall I have racked up some major debt-and can't even pay the bills unless I pop a pill and spend hours with them all spread out before me. I feel like I am ruining my kids' future. I am half the mom i used to be-when I don't take a pill our house looks like it's on one of those hoarding shows and I can't go to the grocery store without it either-basically any chore that most normal people can do without any thought at all will leave me paralyzed all day just thinking about it. It's gotten ridiculous really. My family deserves better. I deserve better-my life is crumbling around my feet. I cannot go on like this. I'm so happy when the rx runs out and I know I won't have any to take for a week or two-i basically sleep for a week, doing the minimal, until a fresh supply comes in, and the cycle repeats itself. My husband tries to hide it, but as add as he is, he cannot remember where it is. I can always find it-but when I can't-I basically won't talk to him all day, because he won't give me a pill so I can get my fix. I through temper tantrums like a 2 year old until he gives in. this month he bought a safe to lock it in. I can feel major fights coming on. but I know quitting would be the best thing to do, solve so many of my problems, I'm sick of ignoring my kids because I'm too wrapped up in some random task-I want my old self back-I know she's there, I have to find her again, before I lose everything. I have to do this, it's been too long. I have loved reading through all the posts this past week, deciding whether or not I was going to join-it feels very supportive, and a very trusting place. thanks for reading. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 Welcome to the forum, Soccer Mom. Before i got my own prescription I babysat for this family. They had two boys and I think both were on Adderall, but the older boy took mega amounts of it, like three or four pills a day. And his last pill was labeled "only if he needs it." So naturally if he didn't need it that evening, I would keep it. I cannot imagine being a mom in that type of situation. Point being I'm amazed at the moms and dads on here who have families with legit ADD who need their prescriptions and who quit. You guys have the strength to hold your family together AND to want to quit Adderall with pills in the house. Unreal. Utmost respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missg1970 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 thanks for your reply- it is not going to be easy-but needs to stop! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 15, 2013 Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 Hi there - sounds like you need to make some hard choices. Can you talk openly with your husband about what quitting will involve and come up with a plan for how you will manage your recovery? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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