Searchingsoul9

'Happy?'

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Today marks One Week clean from adderall.

And 2 days of healthy eating/non disordered.

I've made the background on my laptop "Make it 1 day without b.p" etc..for each day.

Just as a reminder.

Feeling more 'normal'. A term i am not familiar with.

The only thing i am having a hard time with is understanding that life is not 'fun' everyday.

On adderall (as we all know) my life was about chasing the high and having fun doing stupid shit like grocery shopping.

I am still coming to terms with the fact that mundane tasks will not be as thrilling as they used to be.

I used to spend 30 minutes doing my makeup, had to be PURRRRRFECT. And i has an insane amount of fun doing it.

Now, i rush through it just to get it done. But i suppose that is how it should be.

I feel my personality coming back as well. Not fully as nutso/chatterbox as i can be, but it comes in waves.

I just hope people at work actually enjoy the new me.

No one there knows 'me' They know adderall me. Who constantly wore a straight face, laughed little, and talked little.

The real me tends to ask random questions. Start conversations. Make jokes.

And i like that. On adderall i did not give a rats ass how people viewed my personality, but now i once again want/care about people liking me.

Anyways, i truly believe that a week ago today was my last encounter with adderall.

I am making a lot of positive strides. Even going to yoga tomorrow at 8am on my day off! Who'dah thunk it!! :P

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Positive strides are the best -- good for you! Recovery is such a cyclical thing I need to read upbeat positive posts like yours because I'm so caught up in frustration over not getting my life back on track fast enough. Don't get me wrong, I DO appreciate every minute of every day I'm not on ritalin, I'm just frustrated by old habits being so damn difficult to unload, disordered eating being one of them, and procrastination... I am now trying to practice what I preach, take baby steps and feel a sense of pride in getting anything done. But seriously... back to YOU! You're on a roll so GO FOR IT and make it last !!! xo

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You sound very confident. I truly believe you when you say you truly believe a week ago was your last encounter with adderall. Way awesome.

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The only thing i am having a hard time with is understanding that life is not 'fun' everyday.

On adderall (as we all know) my life was about chasing the high and having fun doing stupid shit like grocery shopping.

I am still coming to terms with the fact that mundane tasks will not be as thrilling as they used to be.

I really do think one of the toughest things to confront about quitting is this new and less exciting way of experiencing day to day life and all the horrible drudgery that goes into it.

I guess it's just something we have to deal with.

For most people, mundane life involves waking up early every day (w/ nothing but COFFEE), traffic, doing a job that's bearable if they're lucky, dealing with people they would never choose as friends, watching the clock, grocery shopping, cleaning, fixing stuff, paying bills, etc.

None of this seems even remotely fun.

On the other hand, anyone who actually enjoys doing alllllll that crap must be on amphetamines and/or kinda crazy and not that fun to be around...... Some things just aren't that much fun. We just have to get through them so we can get to the more fun and rewarding stuff.

On the other hand, getting through the mundane boring stuff carves out room for the truly fun things to actually be fun! GENUINELY fun... not fake adderall-based "fun."

p.s. and somewhat related, I'm SO HAPPY about your personality coming back!!! <3

YEAH GIRL ONE WEEK!!! Hooray!!

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You sound very confident. I truly believe you when you say you truly believe a week ago was your last encounter with adderall. Way awesome.

Thank you!! I was feeling much more confident in myself yesterday. Today i am in a funk. But i know this is a funk that only time can heal, not pills.

xox

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I really do think one of the toughest things to confront about quitting is this new and less exciting way of experiencing day to day life and all the horrible drudgery that goes into it.

I guess it's just something we have to deal with.

For most people, mundane life involves waking up early every day (w/ nothing but COFFEE), traffic, doing a job that's bearable if they're lucky, dealing with people they would never choose as friends, watching the clock, grocery shopping, cleaning, fixing stuff, paying bills, etc.

None of this seems even remotely fun.

On the other hand, anyone who actually enjoys doing alllllll that crap must be on amphetamines and/or kinda crazy and not that fun to be around...... Some things just aren't that much fun. We just have to get through them so we can get to the more fun and rewarding stuff.

On the other hand, getting through the mundane boring stuff carves out room for the truly fun things to actually be fun! GENUINELY fun... not fake adderall-based "fun."

p.s. and somewhat related, I'm SO HAPPY about your personality coming back!!! <3

YEAH GIRL ONE WEEK!!! Hooray!!

EXACTLY. I wish silly tasks were thrilling. But i know it's not meant to be that way ;-/

<3333

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It IS really tough to assimilate back to normal life. I remember doing the same thing with makeup, it was like I had found a new hobby playing dress up with myself. That coupled with weight loss was pretty addicting for me personally. Sometimes I feel like I meet some people who I think might be using adderall, skinny, pretty, perfectly made up, always willing to go out at the drop of a hat, never stop talking, always interrupting, then I think, that used to be ME. When I meet these people they usually tend to annoy the hell out of me to be honest and i just wanna whisper to them, yo, chiiiillllll! haha. Meeting people who act like I used to, make me really uneasy; like there's something just a little bit off in them that makes me feel like I can't trust them. That's not how I want to be perceived anymore, so I'm glad I can finally slow down a little bit and enjoy the mundane things in this world. They make the fun things stand out. Whereas before I tried to synthetically make everything fun with a pill. Unfortunately everything is not fun. It reminds me so much of the Giver, you gotta have the bad to appreciate the good.

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It IS really tough to assimilate back to normal life. I remember doing the same thing with makeup, it was like I had found a new hobby playing dress up with myself. That coupled with weight loss was pretty addicting for me personally. Sometimes I feel like I meet some people who I think might be using adderall, skinny, pretty, perfectly made up, always willing to go out at the drop of a hat, never stop talking, always interrupting, then I think, that used to be ME. When I meet these people they usually tend to annoy the hell out of me to be honest and i just wanna whisper to them, yo, chiiiillllll! haha. Meeting people who act like I used to, make me really uneasy; like there's something just a little bit off in them that makes me feel like I can't trust them. That's not how I want to be perceived anymore, so I'm glad I can finally slow down a little bit and enjoy the mundane things in this world. They make the fun things stand out. Whereas before I tried to synthetically make everything fun with a pill. Unfortunately everything is not fun. It reminds me so much of the Giver, you gotta have the bad to appreciate the good.

Exactly. Pain is there so pleasure can be appreciated.

I was the same. I spent 30 mins on makeup, like an hour on an outfit, just to go to the store for 20 minutes. I felt like a goddamn model or some stupid shit, walking the aisles like i owned the place. Cocky, annoying. Gross.

I am not that person in reality.

I am very humble and obviously insecure.

I want to gain real confidence though, without a pill.

I get uneasy around people that act how i used to as well. Kind of jealous i guess. Like, oh i used to be the half dead looking girl. Why should i be jealous of that?

I was never super annoying and chatty and cutting people off on adderall. Sadly, that is me OFF adderall! lmao, super all over the place, a million thoughts, chatter box.

On adderall i was quiet, and very introverted.

Keep on keeping on girl!

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Positive strides are the best -- good for you! Recovery is such a cyclical thing I need to read upbeat positive posts like yours because I'm so caught up in frustration over not getting my life back on track fast enough. Don't get me wrong, I DO appreciate every minute of every day I'm not on ritalin, I'm just frustrated by old habits being so damn difficult to unload, disordered eating being one of them, and procrastination... I am now trying to practice what I preach, take baby steps and feel a sense of pride in getting anything done. But seriously... back to YOU! You're on a roll so GO FOR IT and make it last !!! xo

Don't worry, you are not alone! My life is not on track at all. I like to hope it will be soon though. And believe me, i am right there with you on the disordered eating.

Today was not a good day, nor was lastnight. Spent half my day over the toilet. We all will have great, good, bad, and horrible days i suppose.

Hopefully tomorrow is a great day for us both!!!

xoxoxo

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Searching soul,

I just want to point out how glad I am to see you being positive. It's really a great thing seeing people overcoming this addiction, and it becomes really obvious even through posts, when the natural self starts coming back. It's not fun, I know, but I just wanted to point it out, because sometimes you don't even notice it in yourself.

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Searching soul,

I just want to point out how glad I am to see you being positive. It's really a great thing seeing people overcoming this addiction, and it becomes really obvious even through posts, when the natural self starts coming back. It's not fun, I know, but I just wanted to point it out, because sometimes you don't even notice it in yourself.

Do i seem less boring than when i was on adderall? I sure hope so.

That's what i look forward to most, getting some wit back

xoxox thanks girl

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SS: I want you to write down all the things you like about yourself on a post here. Not all the things you are disappointed in, the failures you've had or how much you thought you were a "fraud" or whatever on adderall, but just a list of things that you actually like about yourself. You're a creative and unique person with a lot to give. I think you need to tell yourself that more often. Just sayin'... you know, like a good friend would.. xxxx

http://i.minus.com/iZTqh8NWZe6Ls.gif

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SS: I want you to write down all the things you like about yourself on a post here. Not all the things you are disappointed in, the failures you've had or how much you thought you were a "fraud" or whatever on adderall, but just a list of things that you actually like about yourself. You're a creative and unique person with a lot to give. I think you need to tell yourself that more often. Just sayin'... you know, like a good friend would.. xxxx

http://i.minus.com/iZTqh8NWZe6Ls.gif

You got it gorgeous! I will start that post up now,and i expect you to chime in with all of your good qualities.

<33 Love the link btw

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