Craythur

Mr. No personality

39 posts in this topic

Well stated. I understand you know the truth. I am just having a tough time letting go of that script. As many of you know, some of these controlled substances are like currency and they are good to have for "rainy days". 4 days and I feel fine.

Letting go of the script is the toughest part of getting over the addiction. No arguments here. All I can say is that doing it is necessary if you want to get your life back. And you can pull strength from the many people here who have cut off their doctors and flushed their stashes and are living so much better than they once did.

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Well stated. I understand you know the truth. I am just having a tough time letting go of that script. As many of you know, some of these controlled substances are like currency and they are good to have for "rainy days". 4 days and I feel fine.

Do you mean currency in that you intend on selling them? Or that you intend on taking them if the going gets tough? Just clarifying.

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But the truth is you can pay attention in a meeting or lecture or seminar without it. Just do what regular people do. They go to a meeting without adderall. They sit there and they listen. That's it.

Well said. Most people just go and sit there and listen.

They also space out and daydream and stare at the clock and pretend to pay attention while doing stupid shit online, or doodling, or writing poetry when they "should" be writing notes, or whatever. They smile and nod.

Attention comes in and out. It's human.

Being hyper-focused like adderall brings out is not human.

I used to think that everyone else around me must be taking adderall if they were functionally getting through the day. If they were seemingly capable of listening and doing stuff. But now that I'm not taking it, I realize that (with a few possible obvious exceptions) nobody else is, either. Most people can't even drink caffeine at night. Most people have trouble paying attention. They struggle in school, struggle waking up, etc. Most people have other shortcuts than amphetamines, like b.s.ing their way through it, or doing a good job with other ways of self-management.

I mean, what human being can just sit there like a robot-zombie like that for hours on end and actually care about all those stupid details?

I relate to you 100% on the feeling that you need it. But once you let go of it and give yourself some time, you'll find that you really don't need it.

And especially now that you've crossed that addiction line, adderall won't even work that way for you anymore. You'll have to take a ton of it for it to work, and you'll be sitting in that meeting all tweaked out and either not even paying attention, or paying too much attention.

Past a certain point with adderall, there is nowhere to go but downhill.

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Well said. Most people just go and sit there and listen.

They also space out and daydream and stare at the clock and pretend to pay attention while doing stupid shit online, or doodling, or writing poetry when they "should" be writing notes, or whatever. They smile and nod.

Attention comes in and out. It's human.

Being hyper-focused like adderall brings out is not human.

I used to think that everyone else around me must be taking adderall if they were functionally getting through the day. If they were seemingly capable of listening and doing stuff. But now that I'm not taking it, I realize that (with a few possible obvious exceptions) nobody else is, either. Most people can't even drink caffeine at night. Most people have trouble paying attention. They struggle in school, struggle waking up, etc. Most people have other shortcuts than amphetamines, like b.s.ing their way through it, or doing a good job with other ways of self-management.

I mean, what human being can just sit there like a robot-zombie like that for hours on end and actually care about all those stupid details?

I relate to you 100% on the feeling that you need it. But once you let go of it and give yourself some time, you'll find that you really don't need it.

And especially now that you've crossed that addiction line, adderall won't even work that way for you anymore. You'll have to take a ton of it for it to work, and you'll be sitting in that meeting all tweaked out and either not even paying attention, or paying too much attention.

Past a certain point with adderall, there is nowhere to go but downhill.

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No, I dont sell them. currency is a bad analogy. What I mean is for example, being a person who has access to something people want. Also, occasional01: you show understand this well. I think your description is truth to power. This adhd thing is a fucking joke.

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No, I dont sell them. currency is a bad analogy. What I mean is for example, being a person who has access to something people want. Also, occasional01: you show understand this well. I think your description is truth to power. This adhd thing is a fucking joke.

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Hi, I am still not using adderall or celexa or ritalin for 11 days or so, and I feel great. My mind and health are definitely better, but my underlying anger problem has resurfaced too. I have contimplated popping an adder in the near future to "get some shit done" in work, but I'm going to try and stay off the mind control pills.

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Congrats on getting through 11 days.

1) I don't know celexa - isn't that an antidepressant?

2) As you go through withdrawals, all kind of shit will surface. For the first 2 months I went from being exhausted to elated to agitated and anxious to furious and all over again, sometimes within a 2 hour period! And I still get bouts of this all the time. I am about 5 months in and I am still pretty tired most of the time. So my point is it takes a long time, you need to just learn to accept the storm and ride it out. It will pass, and you'll be better for it.

Have you done LILTEX's cost/benefit exercise? You might find it helpful....

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Craythur, 11 days clean is worthy of a huge celebration!!!! You're doing great!!

You know, if you take one addy just to "get some shit done" one day, you might wind up full-on relapsing.

I don't recommend telling yourself you can eat just one, because chances are, as a fellow adderallic, you probably can't. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it's just being honest from everything I know about quitting substances.

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Well said. Most people just go and sit there and listen.

They also space out and daydream and stare at the clock and pretend to pay attention while doing stupid shit online, or doodling, or writing poetry when they "should" be writing notes, or whatever. They smile and nod.

Attention comes in and out. It's human.

Being hyper-focused like adderall brings out is not human.

I used to think that everyone else around me must be taking adderall if they were functionally getting through the day. If they were seemingly capable of listening and doing stuff. But now that I'm not taking it, I realize that (with a few possible obvious exceptions) nobody else is, either. Most people can't even drink caffeine at night. Most people have trouble paying attention. They struggle in school, struggle waking up, etc. Most people have other shortcuts than amphetamines, like b.s.ing their way through it, or doing a good job with other ways of self-management.

I mean, what human being can just sit there like a robot-zombie like that for hours on end and actually care about all those stupid details?

I relate to you 100% on the feeling that you need it. But once you let go of it and give yourself some time, you'll find that you really don't need it.

And especially now that you've crossed that addiction line, adderall won't even work that way for you anymore. You'll have to take a ton of it for it to work, and you'll be sitting in that meeting all tweaked out and either not even paying attention, or paying too much attention.

Past a certain point with adderall, there is nowhere to go but downhill.

That's a good way to put it!

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This is your insurance program outlined below. Keep that in mind please. :)

. Ive been up for 21 straight hours after sleeping for 23? On this stuff for five straight years give or take. xr 20s. Woke up tired, late for work. Didnt care. Got my assignment, popped a 20, worked on ten different things...all poorly. People went to break, didnt ask me to go cuz they know i say no. Went to work on "creative" presentation that was the result of a major fuckup on my part. People came back, and i felt ashamed and distracted that they would see me obsessing over the smallest detail of page 1. I retirned to my mundane busy work, and felt more comfortable. Mouth was dry so I got an iced coffee with a shot of espresso, and popped another 20. Now I was a work animal. I could do any stupid thing fearlessly and probably badly. Then it wore off less than hour later. And I was a bum. People were rapping about life all around me. I couldnt even open my mouth. They didnt notice. Its been so long. I thought, " what has happened to me?" I used to talk and care and yes procrastinate and flake, but I was fun. And I laughed and I broke balls, and my work was fine. Now im a fucking zombie on speed. Im quitting. Pray for me.

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Congrats on getting through 11 days.

1) I don't know celexa - isn't that an antidepressant?

2) As you go through withdrawals, all kind of shit will surface. For the first 2 months I went from being exhausted to elated to agitated and anxious to furious and all over again, sometimes within a 2 hour period! And I still get bouts of this all the time. I am about 5 months in and I am still pretty tired most of the time. So my point is it takes a long time, you need to just learn to accept the storm and ride it out. It will pass, and you'll be better for it.

Have you done LILTEX's cost/benefit exercise? You might find it helpful....

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What's lil tex cost/benefit? I can barely read this site on the iphone. I must admit, I am really looking for an excuse to "party". I'm bored as hell, and still a mess at work.

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congratulations!!!

This site can be a great distraction from work - stay with it!

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