TreasureJoe

Realization of Addiction and Cold Turkey As Of Now

5 posts in this topic

It all began the first semester of junior year. I was diagnosed for ADD when I was a child, though I never got any medications. But my friend told me about this wonder drug (l didn't know it was garbage at the time) called adderall and how he was achieving new academic heights because of it. His story inspired me to go to my doctor and get adderall prescribed to me. It worked, I got a prescription to adderall and life was looking pretty good at the time.

Fast forward six months. My normal dosage was 30mg/day but I kept working myself higher and higher in terms of the dosages. Today was the last day before spring break and I apparently had three tests to take. Keep in mind I have been a daily prescribed user of adderall for a year now so my reaction was something along the lines of this: Oh no! I'm going to have to take a lot of adderall today because if I don't then bad things will happen to my grades oh no! Sure enough, I took four tablets of adderall, that's right, 120mg.

The realization came to me when I came home. I realized the sham this pill truly is. It tries to deceive you into thinking that with its help, it will chemically pole vault you to whatever you want to do. Sadly, this couldn't be further from the truth. I used to be a down to earth person, a great friend. One of my buds even went so far as to describe me as "the only genuine person in this place full of charlatans and pretentious phonies". But this personality I used to have got replaced by the deceitful poison that goes by the name of Adderall. It turned me into the opposite of my personality and I hated it. But I lied to myself and tolerated it because according to me I got A's. To tell you the truth, I would give all the A's I have ever earned in my life for that one year of my life back. If I could have it back I would develop my personality and establish new heights. But alas, I wasted a year of my life, a year of my youth. Then I realized I had to quit this junk and I had to quit it NOW. This isn't the first time I've faced a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. In sophomore year I looked in the mirror and I didn't like that I was overweight. In six months, I had lost 50 lbs. Now, today, I look in the mirror and I see a pale and sickly version of myself. But I see a ray of hope. It sounds odd, but I feel like my personality is beneath this chemical addiction. I know if I beat the addiction I will get my personality back. With new-found confidence, I threw the contents of the pill bottle down my toilet and made a declaration to myself.

Now it is about 3am and I can't sleep. I'm writing this write now and I am shaking, shivering, and pale. I think I am going through a crash from the extremely large dose I took earlier today. However, crashes are only temporary and my willpower is still very much strong. I will keep you all updated on my self-journey, but for now I must depart. Thank you, yes you out there who took the time to read my story and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And if you are thinking of taking this crap, I hope you heeded my story and are aware of the lows that come with this drug.

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Hey Treasure Joe,

Congrats on your decision to quit and welcome to the forums. Yes all of us here have very much felt the pain and anguish you were going through when you wrote this. So many familiar terms... the deceit, the change of personality, the frail weak person you become when you're addicted.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel - you will go back to your normal self, if you give it time and commitment and patience.

Quitting adderall was (and is) the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Harder than quitting smoking, harder than getting through school and college and working in one of the most prestigious investment banks on the planet, in 4 different countries. The only reason I mention this to you is that i don't want you to think it's just going to be a matter of never taking a pill again. You'll have cravings, you'll be depressed, you will want to start again. It is hard. But if you stick to it, you will gain back the wonderful person you were before adderall.

Stay close and let us know how you're doing!

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Hey guys! Thanks for the kind words motivation, it has helped me along the way. So far I have gone 7 days without adderall and I have been doing great! after the first 4 days it gets easier and easier.

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To tell you the truth, I would give all the A's I have ever earned in my life for that one year of my life back. If I could have it back I would develop my personality and establish new heights.

TreasureJoe, Congratulations on your quitting decision and this huge realization!

I want you to know that reading these words was a huge inspiration to me. I try not to let myself go into the head spaces of regret, but this is a powerful one for staying true the vision of an adderall-free future. I'm still learning (sometimes struggling) to live with the lost/altered work performance that (in some respects) comes with quitting. It's easy to romanticize adderall as the (fake) magic pole vault, and to forget that ITS A LIAR. Your words just summed up the greater cost of taking that crap and are a reminder of all the things in life that are far more important than "perfection."

I can tell you have a lot of personality so I'm really happy to hear you're quitting! It's worth it-- you have a better future ahead of you-- and any more time you spend on adderall is time lost! No more time to lose! You may have spent a lot of time on adderall but now there is no point in dwelling on regret. No place to go but forward!

Hope you stick around here because this place can help you through all the moments that are coming that are definitely (harsh truth) NOT going to be easy.

These forums are one of my biggest sources of inspiration in staying true to the quitting path. I learn so much every day from everyone here, yourself included, and to be honest I don't know if I would still be quit if it wasn't for our little community here.

Congrats & welcome!!

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i just submitted  my first forum post .. yours was the next one i read.  i had to laugh when you said it was 3 & you were of course awake... 

the time of my 1st post this evening:  3:18am

funny, not funny?

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