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Hey I'm Josh

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I've taken adderall for 3.5 years. Well, I've actually been mostly quit since late July, but I've had two benders that lasted nearly a week. I'm coming off the second one right now and I feel like a complete and utter failure. I just started going back to school (college), it was my second week of homework and I ended up cramming it all in and not even really getting it all done. I did fine the first week when I DIDN'T take adderall, but what do you know, this week when I went on a "study drug" bender all I did was hack my nintendo wii, get high with the neighbors, and wander around an art festival- not to mention spend hours upon hours reading crap on the internet. If only I would've come here and read a bit. Heh heh. I found the site when I made my most recent quit effort. Despite the benders this has actually been my most successful attempt ever. I desperately need to re-rally myself though. I felt great early on when I was taking vitamins and getting exercise, avoiding sugar and minimizing/not relying of caffeine. Slowly but surely though, I began drinking mountain dew, gulping 5-hour energys, binging on junk food, not exercising, watching tv all day... etc. When I get into the lazy unproductive bump on a log lifestyle my ADD energy starts to become annoying and childlike. I bounce all over and plop on the couch, make fun of people, make funny faces, and just annoy people (my girlfriend mainly). But when I'm eating right and living how I ought to my ADD becomes a shining characteristic. I'm full of energy and sunshine, I make people laugh, I feel fresh and exciting, and smart. Like I'm one of those people that are just electric, that never stops surprising the people around them. When I fall off the wagon and start being that lazy annoying person, I feel like I'm bound to relapse. I just need to figure out how to keep a good thing going. I need it really, not just to stay off adderall, but to do well in general. I do, after all, have ADD. And that means I have to be careful with myself or I'll fly off the handle. Ugggghh.. rambling again. lol. I'd better go. I had a bad night tonight so I just thought I'd say hi. It helped :roll:

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