Leila

I just flushed the last of my Adderall!!

8 posts in this topic

IDK if anyone's been reading my journal but I've been struggling to stay off adderall. Been on it 8 years and the past few months I decided I needed to quit.

Tried taper, cold turkey, taper, cold turkey...

Then I was sober almost a week, and had a bunch of 5mg pills left. I thought I could just pop one here & there. As the days went by it turned from every 3days to every other day to every day. And 5mg to 10mg to 15mg today.

(I'm hyper and adderalled up right now. 15mg is a lot since I don't take it regularly)

Anyway, I was sitting here thinking, at this rate I'm just going to feel crappy till their gone...

So I flushed them all!!

And I'm scared and exhilerated and I feel free. I don't have to battle my will power. They are gone. I told my old Psychiatrist I wanted to go off them and he's out of state anyway. To get a new script I'd need to go to 3 evaluations and return every month and it'd cost a fortune. SO. That was it.

They're gone. I'm going to be me again. I feel so brave, lol. I'm really proud of myself.

That is all. :-)

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I-immediately-regret-this-decision-anchorman.gif

LOL, okay not totally but a little.... oh lord I just jumped off a cliff. I can do this. I can do this. I am awesome. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

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It's natural to regret that decision - that's why you have to take such a drastic step, and it's the only way. Good job.

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Grieving is part of recovery - you haven't seen what you're to gain and you're looking at everything you've lost. But you made the right decision. And you already are getting some of your good jugment back! You ARE a powerful person and you did something that takes a TREMENDOUS amount of strength. Congratulations! You have taken a big leap forward towards becoming the person you want to be.

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Yeah Leila!! This is a HUGE accomplishment! You ARE amazing, and (as much as I love books and nice spaces,) it's not really about what's in your apartment. It's about YOU!

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I-immediately-regret-this-decision-anchorman.gif

LOL, okay not totally but a little.... oh lord I just jumped off a cliff. I can do this. I can do this. I am awesome. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

LOL

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Congrats on taking that step! It is really hard and you feel like you made a terrible mistake, but it is actually the best thing you could do for yourself. I should know, after 9+ months of being sober I had a slip yesterday and today, so this evening I flushed the pills again. It takes time to allow space for the real you to emerge, but be gentle with yourself during this time. It will get better.

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