Brayden Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 Hello everybody! I found this forum today and I am glad I am not alone. My apologies for any poor wording I have been insanely tired recently but I know what it is and I will be better soon. Ok now that that is out of the way I will start my story begins back when I was 8-9. I have ADHD big time and when I couldn't focus in class and wasn't able to get work done I was put on meds. I went through med after med as they quit helping me focus. Always being shunned in school I took shelter in learning and studying everything I could. As I entered 9th grade I went from taking 80mg concerta and 40mg adderall a day to just taking 20mg adderall xr (I only weighed 110 pounds). Adderall xr was great it helped me get things done that before would have never been possible. At first but they kept needing to raise it. I wouldn't take it unless I was in school that day so I could still get the help from this miracle drug. As time progressed I slowly started to get more depressed. Not for any other reason than I wanted to live up to my potential and I wasn't able to focus without adderall. What I hadn't understood was I wasn't even functioning with it. I am now 19 taking 60mg of adderall a day hoping that it will help me like it used to. This is not going to happen and I know it. I am noticing vision problems, paranoia, and even some hallucinations. I thought I was going insane but I never thought the adderall was the problem. I would walk into a room and out of the corner of my eye see somebody on the couch but look over and they are gone. This has happened a few times a day for months. I feel like my sleep deprivation may have been part of this though. I never thought I had a problem until that point. I now know that although I may "need" it for medical reasons I have to find a way to operate on my own without adderall or any other stimulants. I am posting here primarily to vent and get this off my chest but to also look for support as I try to take control of my life and live without these drugs. I am sure many of you have gone through worse and I am not trying to make my experience sound more important or difficult than any other. Thank you for reading this I really need some support to keep on track and not lose focus while I try to cope with living drug free. I am able to quit but I use adderall as a crutch that I put too much weight on so when things get complicated I convince myself I need it to work things out.... I guess I might have a problem now that I see what I have written... This site helped me look into my own experiences and has really helped me think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted June 4, 2013 Report Share Posted June 4, 2013 Hi Brayden, Welcome to the forums! You're not alone-- a lot of people on here have been through similar experiences. It sounds like you've hit a point where you've started experiencing amphetamine psychosis, which is actually not uncommon as I've learned on this site. If you go under the 'Announcements' folder, there is a thread called 'the 8 stages of amphetamine addiction.' Do you relate to any of those stages? It sounds like it might be especially challenging for you to quit since you started at such a young age. Your concern about how to function after you quit is pretty understandable. If you stick around, there are a lot of success stories of people who learned how to function without that pill. You can find a lot of advice and support too, just keep posting. Do you plan to wean yourself off or are you planning to quit cold turkey? Do you have a good network of people who will support you during your quitting process? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 What I hadn't understood was I wasn't even functioning with it. I am now 19 taking 60mg of adderall a day hoping that it will help me like it used to. This is not going to happen and I know it. I am noticing vision problems, paranoia, and even some hallucinations. I thought I was going insane but I never thought the adderall was the problem. I would walk into a room and out of the corner of my eye see somebody on the couch but look over and they are gone. This has happened a few times a day for months. I feel like my sleep deprivation may have been part of this though. I never thought I had a problem until that point. I now know that although I may "need" it for medical reasons I have to find a way to operate on my own without adderall or any other stimulants.. Hey Brayden, You have already gotten the hardest part of quitting behind you: You have accepted that quitting is the only way to move forward with your life and it is an absolute necessity. Now all you gotta do is just quit and stay quit. But you already know that no matter how much speed can help you in the short term it will never work in the long term for the rest of your life. You have nothing to be ashamed of regarding your addiction - you are a victim of the medicated nation. I suggest you find a really good doctor who is trained in addiction medicine - a brand new medical field - to help you get off and stay off the stimulants. Nothing wrong with quitting on your own if you can do it - but I really thind quitting would be better for you sooner than later, before entering adulthood. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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