Adderall and Emotions

[Evie25]

I've been 4 months off the adderall since I relapsed, and in general things are ok.

I have more energy, things are fine at work. I'm sleeping a lot better. Went on an incredible vacation to Colorado last week and hiked/biked every day.

One thing I'm constantly struggling with is a recent breakup I went through and the painful emotions I feel from that. They are just so intense and even therapy and antidepressants can only do so much. I miss my ex so much and am not sure how to deal with the intense feelings. Just came back from the grocery store that is close to where he lives and just overwhelmed with thoughts of him.

I think adderall really numbed my emotions. I find myself wishing I had it on days like today, because it would make all my worries and pain go away, if even for a few hours.

I ended up drinking and missing my group therapy appointment today, not good.

How has everyone else dealt with feeling more emotional off the adderall? I don't want to take other substances to replace adderall, but I also don't know how to cope with my feelings many times.

[Cassie]

I think a good solution would be to meet someone new - it will take your mind off your ex and get some new dopamine flowing. Have a fling.

[BeHereNow]

Hey Evie,

Congrats on 4 months!

I think heightened emotional sensitivity is completely normal when coming off adderall. Adderall dulls your emotions, good and bad. I relate to everything you're saying! I'm extra sensitive to everything, good and bad. I cry and laugh really easily now, MUCH easier than before I went on it. When bad stuff happens or people are mean, it's REALLY bad..... And when it's good, it's REALLY good.

So, I try really hard to stay positive, to focus on what's good and to do things that make me happy, to stay around positive people, and laugh often. I try to make the increased emotions work to my advantage.

But like you, I'm starting to realize that sad days and tough life events and mean people are my biggest triggers. It's not even about being productive anymore, it's about missing that emotional numbness. (Also the fake self confidence that makes it easier to say fuck it all!)

On the one hand, I think that mourning your ex is probably a healthy thing because that way you can actually work through those emotions rather than stifling them. It will help you move on in the long run.

That said, it's not healthy to dwell too much in the bad stuff either. Work through it, but don't let it ruin your life! Since both good and bad are sensitized, you can try to work this to your advantage. You are capable of new levels of fun and happiness that were impossible on adderall. So, I have to agree with Cassie: a new romance could be just what you need! (I took that route and it has helped me immensely through my post-adderall breakup.)

And on top of that: FUN THINGS! Being social, playing outside, live music and dancing, things like your vacay to Colorado. I find that making an effort to do fun things that make me happy helps a lot. Sometimes I have to force myself, but it's worth it.

I think and hope that if we just keep moving forward, things will get better and more stable Time heals. And anyways it's soo much better to be experiencing a human life than to live in the dull emotionless zombie-land of adderall. <3

[ashley6]

Occasional said it all very well. Romantic relationships/ breakups are hard... and those of us who have any addiction issues try to avoid feelings at any cost, especially the bad ones. I was with my ex for four years, and when we broke up, that's when my addiction spun out of control. I'm saying this because as bad as it hurts, if you were using it would be much worse. I was an emotional roller coaster. I remember a specific event when I had just quit, and I was vacuuming and accidentally got my friends headphones caught up in the vacuum cleaner. He found me laying on the ground sobbing. I'm just using this story because while your emotions are real, you feel everything times 100. Now we look back at it and laugh. Congratulations on your 4 months, and I promise you, it will get easier if you stay away from those stupid pills. Also, if adderall had anything to do with why you broke up, use it in your favor to remind you that you don't want the pills to cause any other chaos in your life. You'll get through this. Hang in there, and like Cassie said, a fling couldn't hurt

[resetBrain]

Different things work for different people...That said, the more I try to avoid or fight negative emotions...especially something as tough as a relationship breakup...the worse. I kind of try to acknowledge and stare the emotion in the face so to speak. I seem to get over it faster. Or at least not be as afraid of it...

[Evie25]

Thanks so much for the helpful advice everyone. Some days I'm in so much emotional pain that I don't think I can stand it, but what I have to realize is that intense feelings eventually pass-they aren't permanent. Some days are much better than others, and overall, I'm moving on.

Occasional01,

I feel exactly the same when you say that it's not about being productive anymore, it's about missing emotional numbness.

I have my energy back, I'm fairly productive at work, but I miss that invincible feeling and that "fake" self-confidence. I have to just tell myself to accept whatever emotions I'm feeling. That there will be good and bad days, and the pain will pass.

Ashley6,

I think reminding myself that the adderall was partially responsible for my breakup it's what's really helping me stay off it. I CAN'T go back to that place. It was a lesson learnt.

And yes, I'm taking that "fling" advice

[catw66]

I am on my way weaning off of it but I noticed I got a lot more depressed the past few years on it and it took me a while to make the connection. I felt less social, more cut off, and like I ruminated on negative emotions more. Now that I have cut down doing the weaning off thing, amazingly enough, I feel like I can focus better on one thing at a time if I have to. Why is that? I definitely felt severely depressed on it but just dead to the world really on some level though things were still bothering me. I think I was more emotional off of it but the severe depression was its own hell, which I have had enough of over the years anyway. Good luck to you!

[BeHereNow]

Just another trigger day.  I'm really really sad about a few major life things I've been going through, and have been sad for like 3 weeks now.  Found myself dreaming about adderall the other night, and wishing for some today.    I just want to pop a huge handful of adderall, get that euphoria and fake self confidence, and not care anymore about the things that are making me sad. 

 

Then I remember (and remind myself of) Quit-Once's advice:  It quit working for that too.   

 

Right?  It loses its emotionally numbing effect over time.   Too bad we can't go back in time to when it still worked for that..... but theres no turning back.

[resetBrain]

OC, you got it right. There is no turning back. The euphoria and self-confidence would be just what you said: fake. Three weeks is a long time, but you know that adderall would just make everything worse in the long run.

[Kevin86]

That is tough.  Some events in life will leave painful memories forever.  The pain will begin to subside with time.  Drugs and therapy are a temporary fix, but time will heal your wounds.