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Temptations


EnigmaticBelle

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Congratulations on three years!! As soon as I start to fantasize about it in my mind, I instantly cut off the thought and I start repeating to myself something that goes like this: "stop anything you are doing right now. You are an addict. Addiction is a disease. This is just your disease talking and not you talking. Your disease makes you think it's good to be on it again and forget about all the bad things its done to you." I just kind of repeat that line of thinking over and over in my head. As for comparing this life from the previous life...I just try to think about all the negatives my addiction caused in my past life to the point I never want to go back there and I start to think of this life as a fresh beginning, a chance to reinvent and be excited about that...

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Congratulations on three years!! As soon as I start to fantasize about it in my mind, I instantly cut off the thought and I start repeating to myself something that goes like this: "stop anything you are doing right now. You are an addict. Addiction is a disease. This is just your disease talking and not you talking. Your disease makes you think it's good to be on it again and forget about all the bad things its done to you." I just kind of repeat that line of thinking over and over in my head. As for comparing this life from the previous life...I just try to think about all the negatives my addiction caused in my past life to the point I never want to go back there and I start to think of this life as a fresh beginning, a chance to reinvent and be excited about that...

Hello, InRecovery. I incredibly appreciate such a personal, detailed response. I have tried thinking negative thoughts about adderall and it did help for a while. I never thought about what you mentioned:

this is your disease talking, not you talking. That is very encouraging for me. Yes, we addicts like to get caught up in the pleasures at the very moment, so it is difficult to meditate on all the negatives that the addiction has caused in our past life. BUT, I will take your suggestion with me :) Something extra to mention: isn't it great to experience the joy of thinking about how awesome it is to make our life happen on our own? And that adderall has nothing to do with it anymore? Wow, you know, I really did not think that there were many others out there like me, with this adderall problem. I felt very alone for a long time. When my brother told me about this website, I became so happy. My sense of hope transformed to something seen, not only sensed. Thanks again for replying!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey Enigmatic,

In response to your question above, I wanted to share some helpful tools I picked up from a recovery program I'm in called Smart Recovery. The links are below. I found them very useful and thought they'd be good to share. Let me know if you have any questions. :)

It's been a year for me since I used adderall, but I still have days (today was one of them) where I miss having it to help me clean and be productive. For me it's no longer an option, EVER. I can't imagine going back to my life as a full fledge addict. I used it for weight control first and foremost, but it nearly almost killed me twice. I could never go back to it. I don't want to. Even though life is tough without it, I know my life was a thousand times more difficult being on it than it is now. I love myself again and feel so good about where I'm at today. I have absolutely zero desire to ever go back on that crap no matter what. I'm into running marathons now. I always felt disgusted by my alcoholic/drug behavior and I just think back to that person I was and I how I don't ever want to be her again. That's what helped me more than anything move beyond it.

In the beginning (I was addicted to it for 6 years) I rationalized it in every way shape and form. There were oh so many benefits and everyone around me saw the good in it for awhile. Over the years, it grew so out of control though. I was a slave to it. I guess that's the thing that makes me so happy today. I have complete freedom in my life now to be whomever I want and I'm happy. I don't have to be ashamed anymore. I may not be the star at work or the cleanest person on earth, but at least I don't stay up for hours on end, days at a time, fixating every moment every hour on when I'm going to take my next pill, get my next high. Thank God I don't have to worry about running out anymore or if my friends and family know about my secret little addiction. It's good to be free.

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBA_Worksheet.pdf

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Facilitators_Handout/Change_Plan_Worksheet.pdf

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBExercise.pdf

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