JustinW

One Word Status Update

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Facilitating (my first face to face Smart Meeting on Monday).  :)

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OVERJOYED!!!!   I did it.  I facilitated my first Smart Recovery meeting and it went so well.  It's only been 3 years since I did the training, moved 1200 miles back home, bought a condo, found a meeting relapsed on alcohol for 6 months, got 6 months clean time back (mandatory time to be a facilitator) and now finally facilitated my first meeting.  Wow, it so rewarding.  Feels great to check another item of the bucket list and finally be able to give back. Joy!

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Cool.  Do you feel like you are "mostly" recovered?

 

Close enough. Such a hard question to answer. Adderall completely blew up my life,  I'm still picking up the pieces. But I'm moving forward, I quit smoking 2 years ago today also. I've even lost some weight. In total its been 5 years since I heard the word adderall, and it put a colossal crater in my career, relationships and finances.  I am stronger from the experience. But I'm just glad its over. Tho I don't think we ever fully recover but close enough lets get on with life.  

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I need a job a decent job that pays my bills and causes me a normal amount of stress and gives me time to work on my side projects.  

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I need that same job Zerokewl. Seems so much has to do with the amount of stress we allow in our life. Trouble is it's a great balancing act. To much stress caused by higher wage job may pay the bills and then some, but can create the perfect trap for relapse; "work hard, play hard..." Low stress job that pays squat creates financial stress with no money to pursue personal interests... I know I'm being mr. obvious here, but for such a simple concept I haven't found the answer yet.

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I need that same job Zerokewl. Seems so much has to do with the amount of stress we allow in our life. Trouble is it's a great balancing act. To much stress caused by higher wage job may pay the bills and then some, but can create the perfect trap for relapse; "work hard, play hard..." Low stress job that pays squat creates financial stress with no money to pursue personal interests... I know I'm being mr. obvious here, but for such a simple concept I haven't found the answer yet.

 

well as it stands the old career path is kinda derailed. My life was entirely about my career for so long, I find it frustrating that I can't find something. Ideally a small company with an easygoing culture and a product that needs to be brought to market, with some revenue streams that allow for R & D. A job that makes my failures seem like just a practice run.  I want something I can sink my teeth into. 

 

While I search for that job, I need something to help supplement my income in the short term and gets me out of the house.  The businesses I started do not produce enough money to live on and pay debts that occurred mostly while on Adderall. I've painted myself into a corner financially and  need to get stable.

 

I'm not complaining this has been an interesting year and there is so much to be positive about. This is just a stage of recovery I need to get through.  It's frustrating that I currently reside in the "has been" category of life.  But I know this is just temporary, fortunes rise and fall and I am moving towards a more stable future. In fact many would be jealous of my unattached life style. 

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You capture so much so well Zerokewl. Your attitude and perspective is absolutely spot on and inspiring. Im trying to develop a similar way of looking at this period of my life. Thanks for sharing your insight.

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You capture so much so well Zerokewl. Your attitude and perspective is absolutely spot on and inspiring. Im trying to develop a similar way of looking at this period of my life. Thanks for sharing your insight.

 

I think this perspective took some time to develop, looking back on my career and life. I was kind of a arrogant prick  when I was younger. Especially when I was on stims.  Recovery means accepting a new normal and new reality. The cool thing is you get to create that new reality. 

 

I think it is key to train for this new reality. That opportunity is coming, if it came today would you be ready?It takes time to build muscle, burn fat and learn new skills. Just keep trying.  3 years ago I slept through the summer in early recovery.  

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Again I absolutely resonate with all that you discuss. It's taking time to realize the extent of my being something of an arrogant jerk while on "stims". I'm doing what I can to accept the fall-out and forgive myself. I've leaned more lessons then I could possibly count. At my point in recovery 5-6 months, I don't feel ready for what's next, I'm in the fight of my life to just press on with what my current responsibilities are. But during moments of relief, brief as they are, I imagine myself back to full-time work, enjoying the comradery of co-workers, planning vacations, on and on... And doing what I can everyday to get that life back. Right now that means sticking with my part-time job even though it is mostly mindless work, doing my share of house chores, no drinking, no nicotine, in bed at 10:00pm, 30-45 minutes walking 4 days a week, and a promise to my wife to never,never,never "give-up" the fight.....

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Again I absolutely resonate with all that you discuss. It's taking time to realize the extent of my being something of an arrogant jerk while on "stims". I'm doing what I can to accept the fall-out and forgive myself. I've leaned more lessons then I could possibly count. At my point in recovery 5-6 months, I don't feel ready for what's next, I'm in the fight of my life to just press on with what my current responsibilities are. But during moments of relief, brief as they are, I imagine myself back to full-time work, enjoying the comradery of co-workers, planning vacations, on and on... And doing what I can everyday to get that life back. Right now that means sticking with my part-time job even though it is mostly mindless work, doing my share of house chores, no drinking, no nicotine, in bed at 10:00pm, 30-45 minutes walking 4 days a week, and a promise to my wife to never,never,never "give-up" the fight.....

 

this is how recovery is done. Brick by brick layer by layer. Things get better. Just keep your routine going and things will gradually turn around. Time heals.  At 6 months I was still pretty lethargic and had a lot of stomach issues. Pretty tough to work full time when you sleep 15hours a day.  Take it slow. 

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