lunax

To flush or not to flush....

26 posts in this topic

So it's Day 19 for me and I have been all over the place in terms of my mood, energy level, eating habits, sleep patterns etc. But something in my heart tells me that this is it for me...this will be the last and final time I quit. I'm walking down the aisle in 4mths and I refuse to be high on the most important day of my life or the rest of my life for that matter.

Anyway, I still have a few pills left and I know this could be dangerous but something about knowing I have them and not taking them makes me feel empowered. I could just be setting myself up for failure by holding on to them but I can't bring myself to throw them away, not because I want them, but because It's my way of proving to myself that I have control over adderall versus it having control over me.

Has anyone else held on to their pills for this or any other reason?

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Now that is a great post, Lunax I am really cheering for you and your attitude is awesome!  I held on to my pills for a long time just because I didn't have the strength to get rid of them.  The feeling of having them there was indescribable and I can't justify why I felt that I needed them.  How is that for a non answer?

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I think taking them back to the pharmacy for disposal is the correct thing to do.  Maybe you'll need the assistance of a friend. Make it a stop on a happy errand day like picking out wedding cake or something.  The excitement of being married is all the dopamine you need.  

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How is that for a non answer?

that is a little bit of a non answer but I'll take it lol. 

How long did you keep them for? 

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I think taking them back to the pharmacy for disposal is the correct thing to do.  Maybe you'll need the assistance of a friend. 

Is this the "correct" way to dispose of control substances? If so, its a good idea. My best friend is on vaca until next week; she knows about my little issue so I'm sure she would be happy to do this with me. 

 

But i still feel like something is holding me back. Although i honestly feel no desire to take them, it's somewhat comforting to know that they are there. 

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that is a little bit of a non answer but I'll take it lol. 

How long did you keep them for? 

about 6 months.

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Is this the "correct" way to dispose of control substances? If so, its a good idea. My best friend is on vaca until next week; she knows about my little issue so I'm sure she would be happy to do this with me. 

 

But i still feel like something is holding me back. Although i honestly feel no desire to take them, it's somewhat comforting to know that they are there. 

Lunax, I know exactly what you mean.  My bottle sat on the coffee table, full, for a good 3 months before I flushed them.  On the coffee table in the living room, for all to see.  I felt so strong knowing they were there but I didn't take them.  

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Is this the "correct" way to dispose of control substances?

 

 

yes. Flushing them is bad for the fishes or something.  Just drop em off like you are dropping off bottles for recycle. 

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Lunax, I know exactly what you mean. My bottle sat on the coffee table, full, for a good 3 months before I flushed them. On the coffee table in the living room, for all to see. I felt so strong knowing they were there but I didn't take them.

Wow that's will power. I'm not gonna get rid of them just yet, but I did tell my fiancé where they are and how many are left. He knows that I'm serious about quitting so I gave him permission to check the bottle whenever he wants...although I'm pretty sure he won't.

Anyway, thanks for your responses. I needed a little validation on this :)

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I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer to this question.  I think it is totally up for YOU to decide as this is YOUR recovery and NOBODY else has any right to tell you just how to achieve it.  We can tell you how we achieved ours and things that have been helpful for us.  But everyone is different and what works for some people may not work for others.  I know someone else on this forum who has held on to their pills for like 8 months.  For me personally, I was not strong enough to be anywhere near Adderall and I haven't seen a pill ever since I got clean.  When I decided to get clean for good I took my pills and tossed them in the dumpster.  Luckily, I went to detox that week and didn't have an opportunity to go see if they were still there.  Not that I would've, but I've done a lot of crazy things in my life.  

 

So again, I just want to reiterate that IMHO, you need to do whatever works best for you.  Look within and you will find all your answers. :)

 

Hugs!

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LILTEX where does such wisdom come from?  You are like a mythical creature, offering all the right things to say at exactly the right time.  I think henceforth I shall refer to you as "she who doth say awesome things that belie her youth"... 

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LILTEX where does such wisdom come from?  You are like a mythical creature, offering all the right things to say at exactly the right time.  I think henceforth I shall refer to you as "she who doth say awesome things that belie her youth"... 

 

yup!

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I couldn't agree more MFA...this girl (LILTEX) has been my saving grace during these last couple of weeks!

ALL of you have been incredibly helpful. I am so grateful to have found this website!

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Don't be jealous I got to meet her in person :) Seriously though, you've been amazing LilTex! You are so knowledgeable and full of great advice without ever seeming pushy or judgmental...don't know how you do it, lady....but we heart you here.

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I am really happy I got rid of the rest of my pills this morning (I flushed, sorry fishies!) because its days like this that I would relapse. I am incredibly distracted today!…I’ve started everything on my to-do list but haven’t completed a thing.

 

THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!    :wacko2:  :wacko2:  :wacko2:

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I am really happy I got rid of the rest of my pills this morning (I flushed, sorry fishies!) because its days like this that I would relapse. I am incredibly distracted today!…I’ve started everything on my to-do list but haven’t completed a thing.

 

THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!    :wacko2:  :wacko2:  :wacko2:

YAY! It's official now :)

 

In the beginning, I made to-do lists with just one or two things on it. It was easy enough to handle and if I did more then it was just a bonus!

 

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YAY! It's official now :)

 

In the beginning, I made to-do lists with just one or two things on it. It was easy enough to handle and if I did more then it was just a bonus!

 

Yes, I am just trying to breathe through one task at a time. I still feel like kicking and screaming though lol

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You all are so kind and amazing!!! Love you all!!

I have a big interview tomorrow. If I get it I am moving back to Ohio. Just wanted to share because this is kind of a giant turning point in my recovery if I go home. Will def be staying close as support will be much needed.

Hugs everyone!

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Way to go Lunax!! So glad you flushed those pills! Haha or I should say we flushed them together! Today has been okay for me, but it is only my first day. Hopefully your day got better, but as 1bad88 said...Kicking and screaming is totally acceptable at this point! You go girl!! :)

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Yes we are now officially sober sisters! :)

Just so everyone knows, llwilson and I sent each other vids of one another flushing the junk away. We're in it to win it!

Thank you everyone for being so caring and supportive.

P.s: today was better than yesterday. I think it was the maté tea!

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Had a few beers last night and got a sudden urge to take adderall. It didn't last very long but it still made me feel anxious. Drinking definitely triggered something so I have to be mindful of this.

I'm glad I got rid of them and I'm glad I have a good support system in place to help me overcome this.

I'm feeling much better today. Got up early to run errands and have been relatively productive so far. All is well.

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I'm glad I got rid of mine as well, no more temptation. Although the thought of going back to the dr and getting some more has crossed my mind a few times, I know this would be a bad move. Glad I have you guys as my support system. And I know my sober sister has got my back! Lol

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