Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
swervecity

Vyvanse - A Smoother Fail

7 posts in this topic

Sorry for the length of these posts. I appreciate all who read them as I walk this journey.....

 

So, after quitting Adderall almost three weeks ago with little-to-no noticeable withdrawal side effects -- mostly due to the fact that the Klonopin withdrawal was overriding it -- some thing's have changed. As most of you know, I'm in a difficult position here. I decided to give up Adderall IR mid-semester. It got to a point where I noticed the crashes, coupled with the other medications I was taking (particularly Soma), had brought me to my knees after being on them for about a year. School was becoming an impossibility for this former dean's list student.

 

Went into the semester knowing in my gut I was entering a difficult situation. I did well for the first few weeks, but knew the Adderall had to go. It was creating an artificiality in both my work and personality, and ruining me. I would binge and crash so hard that I couldn't move or even eat for days at a time. And, uhh....food, sleep, social support, and routine are pretty fundamental to our health. So the rest of the semester was missed classes and assignments.

 

Asked my professors for some work to get started on during fall break. I noticed two things: The fog was lifting (I was happier and could see things in a less delusional way. "The grass was greener on the other side," if you will), but I was extremely anxious, and I couldn't focus at all.

 

Back to classes full-time, noticed the symptoms of restlessness, anxiety and inability to focus or sit still ten-fold. I was unsure of whether it was the post-acute withdrawal, or evidence of an actual need for medication (I've had these symptoms for years). Made an appointment with the doctor with the intention to be open about what was going on; however, I cannot lie -- deep within me, and I believe all human beings, is a conniving person which stems from our basic, primitive instinct to survive. Couple that with running the streets for 14 years, and feeling the way I was, I could probably convince a doctor that I'm an asexual alien from outer space with 6 penis' and 2 vagina's who needs heroin, xanax, dilaudid, LSD, and pure MDMA in order to reproduce and keep my race going on Planet Zzxyz.

 

I say the following statement without boasting, and with some regret: By understanding the complexities involved on both sides of manipulation, I developed my basic elementary instinct of this particular 'skill' into that of a doctorate level. I would compare this 'skill' of manipulation to that of becoming a Grandmaster in Chess. Helpful in some areas of life; extremely dangerous in others -- particularly for people like us.

 

After a long talk about my past, and what was happening, "we" came to the conclusion that I fit the "criteria" for a person who needs benzodiazapines long-term, especially right now under so much stress. I also mentioned that my inability to focus, the overload of work, and racing thoughts were going to make my head explode. So I mentioned Vyvanse. I'd had some "success" with this in 2011 when I was able to afford it. Part of the reason I went to Adderall IR was it's price. Now that I have good insurance, I can afford Vyvanse and "we" figured I would give it a try.

 

While I can't say it's been a total failure, as it has helped with focus, organization of thoughts, as well helped my depression. And it's smooth. It doesn't pack that powerful punch that Adderall does, which always inevitably led to a crash convincing my brain that I needed more...and more...and more... However, it has not been a great substitution thus far. I'm still way behind in work, and find that while I don't crash anywhere near as hard, I still notice its effects wearing off after about 3-4 hours. This creates a problem for me (and us). I don't know if the dose is wrong, or I need to avoid amphetamines altogether. Nothing else works for my socialization, attention and depression. And, I'm in school.

 

Meeting with the Dean to discuss the possibilities as far as classes go tomorrow at 2pm. I am hoping to drop (or take incompletes/extensions) in 1-2 classes, so I can focus on the other two and get 6-9 credits of quality work, as opposed to getting so overwhelmed by the work that I get paralyzed and give up altogether, which will only earn me F's.

 

Please keep me in your thoughts (and prayers if that's your thing) while I have these important meetings tomorrow. As always, input and insight appreciated, and I pray some of you can relate and were helped by this.

 

Warm Regards,

Overwhelmed

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Couple that with running the streets for 14 years, and feeling the way I was, I could probably convince a doctor that I'm an asexual alien from outer space with 6 penis' and 2 vagina's who needs heroin, xanax, dilaudid, LSD, and pure MDMA in order to reproduce and keep my race going on Planet Zzxyz.

 

 

LOL I laughed hysterically at this line. HAHAHA.

Seriously though, Vyvanse is an amphetamine and all you're doing is replacing one amphetamine with another. Hopefully you see the fucked-up-ness of that. I actually preferred the high of Vyvanse to Adderall (because it lasted all day and it's purer amphetamine - dextroamph) and my addiction really got bad after I switched from Adderall to Vyvanse on a daily basis. Even if you don't like it as much as Adderall, it's just as reinforcing.

Also, you say '"we" came to the conclusion that I fit the "criteria" for a person who needs benzodiazapines long-term' but benzos are not supposed to be used long term. It sounds like you're falling into the trap of "this must be safe because it's prescribed by a doctor."  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14731058

 

I hope you have the strength to get off all these addictive drugs for good someday. You sound like a smart person - you don't need all this shit.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all, you sound like you have a lot on your plate, so I really hope it all works out for you. But I think you knew coming here to a site of people whose goal is to quit stimulants (all stimulants), were going to say Vyvanse was anything but a substitute and on the same level as adderall. I've taken it back when I ran out of adderall. It served the same purpose. I don't want to be hard on you, as you're struggling as it is, but we keep it real here. I believe ADHD is a real diagnosis, but I couldn't focus on much for months and months after quitting adderall. You have to decide your own path. Prayer is my thing, so I will keep you in mine. Hang in there!!!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks. Sugar-coated words are not my thing, Ashley.

 

I guess I just needed reinforcement, and perhaps some suggestions, on what to do BESIDES use Vyvanse in the meantime to get out of the mess I made, because all other options seems impossible. This isn't a willpower thing. If I could will my way to read, understand and write about ancient texts and other things I don't care about then I wouldn't be taking the action I am. Plus, I still don't even know if I have ADD. Signs were there as a child and adolescent, but then I started taking hard drugs -- fast forward 14 years, and I'm back in college after two previous failed attempts. To get here the path was not pretty. Leaving out a decade, I'll skip to the last couple of years: I believe the chain of events leading me here was as follows: ex-girlfriends house, somewhere I can't remember, jail, rehab, hotel room, jail, hotel room, rehab (30 days), rehab (12 months), college IMMEDIATELY after rehab -- probably not the wisest choice. Did really well though. Then Adderall...6 months later, BAM! Downward spiral. I cannot go backwards, and have little options but to proceed with school.

 

There's no doubt that amphetamines calm the racing storm of thoughts in my head and make me want to get out of bed and live. Adderall made me want to be superman. Vyvanse seems to just make me want to be a man. So perhaps this is just a cry for help with answers I knew I'd receive from you guys. On the other hand, I'm sincerely confused and don't know what to expect from this medication.

 

A lot of this is just me journaling my path out of this for all of you to see. Each one, teach one...and I need help. And I look around and it's nowhere to be found on campus.

 

Hopefully I can pay it forward one day.

 

 

*On a positive side note, I truly believe I've learned more in this valley then I would have in the classroom. Unfortunately, the world doesn't care about life experiences, failures and redemption. That won't get me a job. A fucking piece of paper will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi swervecity, it sounds like you already know deep down what you have to do. Quit all stimulants. I was on Adderall for two years and Vyvanse for two years. At first I was drawn to Vyvanse for the same reasons - smoother, lasts all day, crash wasn't as bad. But like Cassie my addiction got worse on Vyvanse as it became a daily, entrenched, reinforced habit - couldn't go a single day without taking one. When I finally quit I couldn't focus at all. However I was able to hold onto my job. Ten months later I'd say I'm getting as much or more done as pre-quit, the hardest part is doing it without the surge and thrill of amphetamine every morning. So making it through school while quitting isn't an impossibility, but it will be a lot easier if you can drop a class or two. 

 

You've obviously dealt with some struggles in your life and have overcome other addictions. You've got this. Good luck! 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Still in talks with the "authorities". So far there looks to be three options:

 

1. Withdrawal completely, lose $15,000. Go home, try to get healthy.

2. Withdrawal from two classes so I can focus on the other two.

3. Remain a full-time student, but basically tell my professors of one or two classes that if they don't give me extensions, I plan on failing the class.

 

No.2 sounds like the best option, but there are implications involved with financial aid (I was given a certain amount of money to be a full-time student that lives on campus). If I drop two, I become part-time and they'd have to figure something out. They have made exceptions in the past.

 

I don't mind #3 either. If I fail, I'll just take it over. Whatever, man. Our health has to come first.

 

#1 -- Meh. Not so much.

 

 

Lesson learned.

 

I did declare my major though. I'm pursuing a masters in Counseling. So eventually I can tell a future one of us the lesson's I did learn during this semester, and hopefully they can avoid the same trap.

 

Textbook counselors with little life experience...well, they're nice people. Thanks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

swervecity

Hay my brother if you are trying to justify the use of any type of stimulants its not going to work . This web sit is devoted for peapal who have quit using adderall or who want to stop using any type of stimulants so don’t go there brother you apparently what our permission so you can use VYVANSE its not going to happen .Your mind is already set and there is no one that can change your mind except for YOURSELF. I guess you have not hit the rock bottom jest yet hopefully you will never because its a fucked up place to be as most of our members have bin there and don that .Good luck in your education I sincerely hope the best for you in your journey to higher learning

THE FALCON

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0