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Negative associations


Krax

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Yes, all of the obsessions I acquired while taking the drug; Rock hunting, looking for heart shaped rocks, landscaping, hardscaping, manual labor for the fun of it. I don't feel compelled to do these obsessive activities anymore.

 

The stuff that was important to me, and seems to have evaporated somewhere during my Adderall usage, is my 30 year practice in photography, reading for pleasure, writing for pleasure, taking vacations, day trips and anything else that requires effort, motivation, drive, desire or confidence.

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FW like home recording, digital?  That's my activity, or it was.

 

Yeah. I've been doing it all my life! Without it I feel lost...I hope I find that zest for music that I once had. While on addy, I was a music making dynamo! I have some incredibly siq trackz that I am almost scared to look at or take a listen to because of who I was and where I was when I wrote them... I'm at a crossroad. What's your story??

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Yeah. I've been doing it Ibly siq trackz that I am almost scared to look at or take a listen to because of who I was and where I was when I wrote them... I'm at a crossroad. What's your story??

 

I got into recording, mixing ect when my son was in a band in junior high. I had always been interested in it and it gave us an activity together, which was cool.  This was shortly before the ritalin era, as I call it.  At the time, I had external pressures to learn what I was doing, for their sake, and it was rewarding.

 

When on ritalin, I went real crazy with doing my own stuff, some hardware but mostly virtual instrument stuff on cubase and numerous plug ins. Just went nuts! I'd be up all night just on some drum loop, or whatever, totally obsessed. Since I quit though, absolutely no intererst. In fact, thinking of it kind of turns me off as it reminds me of the ritalin days. You know some of the IOS apps are killer: electrify, DM 1, Funkbox, the Korg apps, it's just crazy, but I can't keep any motivation or interest going very long.  So it's like a part of my past now.

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I used to geek out on fixing or building anything.  On adderall I purchased literally tons of tools / machine tools; my garage shop is now well equipped but I don't have the energy or vision to organize the thing and thus I have soured on building things.  My major build project at work has stalled (I keep making budgetary excuses to cover my butt).  When I start working on something now I have no stamina and peter out after a short time.  Somehow I managed to put a new battery, starter, and windshield washer pump in the truck last week but I didn't enjoy turning a wrench like I used to.

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JustinW said:

 

I used to geek out on fixing or building anything.  On adderall I purchased literally tons of tools / machine tools; my garage shop is now well equipped but I don't have the energy or vision to organize the thing and thus I have soured on building things.  My major build project at work has stalled (I keep making budgetary excuses to cover my butt).  When I start working on something now I have no stamina and peter out after a short time.  Somehow I managed to put a new battery, starter, and windshield washer pump in the truck last week but I didn't enjoy turning a wrench like I used to.

 

 

It is sad that we have lost our passions. What could be a higher emotional price to pay?

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My belief and experience so far has shown me that the passions I had before adderall will and do return, although it's hard to remember 7 years pre- adderall use. But it took me a long time. When they do, it's a great feeling, because it's real! Those things that were our "passions" we took up while starting adderall probably won't, because I don't believe they were true passions at all. I know this isn't necessarily true for everything, but it's been my experience.

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I realized 3 more this weekend:

#1 bow hunting

#2 technology

#3 mental gymnastics (puzzles)

 

Trying to get back into the swing of things is tough and every time I run into the smallest amount of resistance in anything I find myself giving up and defeated.  So maybe I'm just soured on anything that requires mental stamina?

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