blesbro Posted November 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2013 I experience those exact scenarios. It's like adderall has killed my ability to be vunerable anymore. I'm more focused on what other people think rather than what I think. I think now it's a battle of remembering that this forever. Theres times when I'm feeling great off adderall and then worry about the future and question whether I can always do this. But that's the change I have to make. Is remembering that this is the reason why I'm quitting adderall. Its the hope that you will be able to conquer all your dreams and expectations without adderall. I have to go back to school on campus in January. I hope this time I make it. I need to overcome my fear of studying without adderall. I think I need to figure out what is going to make me happy from studying and doing school. Because that's where adderall kicked in. It was motivator to study hard and become this great mathematician. And now I don't know what is going to keep me happy. I hope I find a new reason and meaning for life in general. Breaking the association of adderall and homework is really hard, but you can do it. It's not gonna happen by January, but you have to know that if you decide to take it again in January not only life will continue to get worse and worse, it will continue to become harder and harder to quit. If you stay sober for one full year, I can almost guarantee that you'll be able to get lots of homework done no problem. I can understand how difficult this is for you, especially considering you've been taking it since 8th grade. That means most of the homework you've ever done in your life was on adderall. Obviously you can't expect homework to be easy after a few months of being off adderall. You've been taking adderall for way too long. Trust me man, you really gotta just man up and push through this. It's hell and it sucks but it is SO WORTH IT. There was a time when I couldn't imagine doing homework without adderall. And now I do homework every day without it. It's not as fun, but definitely doable. There are other people on this forums like Ashley and Liltex who are finishing up school over a year after quitting. And they're doing great. They were also in the same exact place as you in the early stages of recovery. With that said, your NUMBER ONE goal should be to never take a pill of adderall ever again. If that's not your number one goal, then other things like school will cause you to relapse. It's a pretty common story. Many adderallics relapse to get school/work done only to realize that they made a HUGE mistake. Set yourself up for success and either take next semester off, or drop a few classes. Stick with it bro. Blesbro 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2013 Adderall is the ultimate mind fuck. It undermines your confidence and replaces it with a false sense of confidence. One of the pro's of quitting for me is I truly don't give a shit what others think anymore. I can relate 100%. Nobody else's thoughts of me will ever bring me down again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ddw5053 Posted November 19, 2013 Report Share Posted November 19, 2013 Breaking the association of adderall and homework is really hard, but you can do it. It's not gonna happen by January, but you have to know that if you decide to take it again in January not only life will continue to get worse and worse, it will continue to become harder and harder to quit. If you stay sober for one full year, I can almost guarantee that you'll be able to get lots of homework done no problem. I can understand how difficult this is for you, especially considering you've been taking it since 8th grade. That means most of the homework you've ever done in your life was on adderall. Obviously you can't expect homework to be easy after a few months of being off adderall. You've been taking adderall for way too long. Trust me man, you really gotta just man up and push through this. It's hell and it sucks but it is SO WORTH IT. There was a time when I couldn't imagine doing homework without adderall. And now I do homework every day without it. It's not as fun, but definitely doable. There are other people on this forums like Ashley and Liltex who are finishing up school over a year after quitting. And they're doing great. They were also in the same exact place as you in the early stages of recovery. With that said, your NUMBER ONE goal should be to never take a pill of adderall ever again. If that's not your number one goal, then other things like school will cause you to relapse. It's a pretty common story. Many adderallics relapse to get school/work done only to realize that they made a HUGE mistake. Set yourself up for success and either take next semester off, or drop a few classes. Stick with it bro. Blesbro I agree with what your saying 100%. I wish I had more time to recover before going back to school where I'm most tempted to take this drug again. Unfortuantely, I have already committed to returning and made plans that cannot be reversed. But I do truly believe that anything is possible and will not give up no matter how hard this path is. I do already plan on taking an easy schedule so I don't get ahead of myself. That's another thing about adderall, is it gives you a false reality that you can do anything without being realistic and honest with yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2013 I agree with what your saying 100%. I wish I had more time to recover before going back to school where I'm most tempted to take this drug again. Unfortuantely, I have already committed to returning and made plans that cannot be reversed. But I do truly believe that anything is possible and will not give up no matter how hard this path is. I do already plan on taking an easy schedule so I don't get ahead of myself. That's another thing about adderall, is it gives you a false reality that you can do anything without being realistic and honest with yourself. It's definitely possible for you to make it through the semester. I quit while at college and ended up withdrawing or failing 3 of my 4 classes but I got an A in macro because there was hardly any homework. Just going to class and taking notes was enough. I didn't have the mental capacity to go all out on all four classes so I ended up just focusing on one. I feel like I can do anything now that I've been sober for 11 months and I'm being honest with myself. Quitting was by far the hardest things I ever had to do and I feel like now that I've more or less overcome that challenge, nothing can stop me. Except for adderall. That surely would stop me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ddw5053 Posted November 19, 2013 Report Share Posted November 19, 2013 It's definitely possible for you to make it through the semester. I quit while at college and ended up withdrawing or failing 3 of my 4 classes but I got an A in macro because there was hardly any homework. Just going to class and taking notes was enough. I didn't have the mental capacity to go all out on all four classes so I ended up just focusing on one. I feel like I can do anything now that I've been sober for 11 months and I'm being honest with myself. Quitting was by far the hardest things I ever had to do and I feel like now that I've more or less overcome that challenge, nothing can stop me. Except for adderall. That surely would stop me. Haha I bet, it stops us all. I'm at the worst stage right now and I can't wait to be 11 months clean. I keep thinking about how much time I've already wasted on this adderall its rediculous. It really is a deceptive, evil drug. It makes you think over and over again it's ok to take and will benefit you to succeed. All lies! I realize each adderall we took is setting us back, not moving us foward. I'd be better off a lazy bum, who never took adderall but just needed some motivation. But instead I'm two steps behind that guy and it's hard to take. It's hard to suck up your pride and realize your not above everyone else. Your acutal self worth without adderall is next to nothing and now it's a matter of reinventing yourself. It sucks now, but hey at least I'm not backtracking anymore 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2013 Haha I bet, it stops us all. I'm at the worst stage right now and I can't wait to be 11 months clean. I keep thinking about how much time I've already wasted on this adderall its rediculous. It really is a deceptive, evil drug. It makes you think over and over again it's ok to take and will benefit you to succeed. All lies! I realize each adderall we took is setting us back, not moving us foward. I'd be better off a lazy bum, who never took adderall but just needed some motivation. But instead I'm two steps behind that guy and it's hard to take. It's hard to suck up your pride and realize your not above everyone else. Your acutal self worth without adderall is next to nothing and now it's a matter of reinventing yourself. It sucks now, but hey at least I'm not backtracking anymore It seems like you got your head in the right place. That's exactly true, each adderall sets us back rather than pushing us forward like we thought. I had a strong work-ethic before adderall. After relying on adderall to do my work for me for two years, I had no work ethic. That's just an example of how adderall really sets you back. Rather than actually making you hard working it makes you lazier and lazier. Reinventing your self is exactly it. It actually becomes fun getting to know who we are for real and reinventing ourselves. Recovery is a perfect time for you to decide who you want to be. Adderall is simply a crutch. If you go on crutches for 10 years, yeah it's gonna be damn hard to walk but eventually you'll learn to walk without your crutches and you'll be up and running before you know it if you keep at it every day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Let us know what you think about the AM workout! The AM workouts seem to get me in "get shit done mode" nice and early in the morning. Well three days later I made it to the gym for the first time since I took adderall. I've been walking and cycling and taking advantage of the weather...another blizard hit today. Winter is going to be a motherfucker this year. So I headed off to the gym /pool. I think I have to do it more than once every six months to feel any positive effect. Just trying to get into the routine then I can start crushing it and saying things like "bro do u even lift' 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Well three days later I made it to the gym for the first time since I took adderall. I've been walking and cycling and taking advantage of the weather...another blizard hit today. Winter is going to be a motherfucker this year. So I headed off to the gym /pool. I think I have to do it more than once every six months to feel any positive effect. Just trying to get into the routine then I can start crushing it and saying things like "bro do u even lift' Good job. 80% of life is just showing up. Haha "bro do u even lift" that made me laugh. It might help to not hold yourself to any crazy workout and instead just make sure you get to the gym and do something. Even if you don't go all out. Consistency is key. I've never seen a Canadian winter. I'm just on the other side of the border though. Winter in Minnesota isn't going to be fun either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 yah thats pretty much my plan is to just show up and do stuff for the next 2 months. I'll avoid the weights and just do push ups and stuff until i can do a couple orientations. I'll try some different gyms and stuff just to keep it different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Good job. 80% of life is just showing up. Haha "bro do u even lift" that made me laugh. It might help to not hold yourself to any crazy workout and instead just make sure you get to the gym and do something. Even if you don't go all out. Consistency is key. I've never seen a Canadian winter. I'm just on the other side of the border though. Winter in Minnesota isn't going to be fun either. Minnesota shares a border with Alberta my province I imagine winter is pretty much the same for you. We've already got a ton of snow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'm headin towards 6 months. I am doing good feeling like the worst of it is over. I have some major hurdles to overcome yet. But I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and making small improvements daily. I am soooo much better than I was 4 months ago, I've really leveled off in terms of the depression etc. Now it really is just working towards incremental improvements. Thanks for being so positive. I'm going to go to the gym in the AM for the 1st time in a long time largely due to your positive posts. Haha whoops I just realized I said congrats on hitting 11 months my bad. I knew you weren't that far yet. Brain fart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 yah thats pretty much my plan is to just show up and do stuff for the next 2 months. I'll avoid the weights and just do push ups and stuff until i can do a couple orientations. I'll try some different gyms and stuff just to keep it different. Good stuff. Keep me posted on how things are going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Minnesota shares a border with Alberta my province I imagine winter is pretty much the same for you. We've already got a ton of snow. Haha lucky you. No snow yet in MN. But it's definitely cold enough so it won't be long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Haha lucky you. No snow yet in MN. But it's definitely cold enough so it won't be long. It's supposed to start snowing again tomorrow night; I heard 1-2" on the radio this morning. I had no clue you were a fellow Minnesotan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blesbro Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 It's supposed to start snowing again tomorrow night; I heard 1-2" on the radio this morning. I had no clue you were a fellow Minnesotan. Damn really? Yes sir! Born and raised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Me too, lived here all my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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