A few questions...

[Shambo]

1. When do the dreams ease up? They are more bad than good which sucks but the biggest issue is that they're REALLY intense. I didn't dream when I took meds. And I've always had this happen when I don't take them.

2. I'm itching all over. I have a rash. Health wise my body is acting the fool. The congestion is still an issue. My face is breaking out. How is it that I'm healthy when I'm eating speed and smoking a pack a day but when I eat well, only smoke 2 cigs a day and take vitamins I start falling apart? I'm sure my body is detoxing in some way, but dang.

3. The one problem that I find hardest to control when not having meds is my ability to stay present during conversations. I tune out or get distracted easily and later I realize it happened mid sentence and we never finished the conversation. How can I stop that? Does it get easier?

[Cassie]

Regarding #2: doctors used to endorse cigarettes as healthy because their patients got sick when they stopped smoking. Obviously now we know that when you abruptly stop an addictive substance your body goes into withdrawals and it gets worse before it gets better.

#1:.I never remembered my dreams on adderall either. Maybe you can try watching funny video clips before you go to bed. I usually incorporate tv or movie plots into my dreams because it's the last thing i remember.

#3: I felt dumb socially for the first 9 months, but it slowly got better as time went on. You just have to let your brain recalibrate and that takes a long time. Just distract yourself as much as possible with entertainment, outings, errands, etc.

[Shambo]

Thanks Cassie. I never knew that history about cigarettes!

The last few days have been pretty great considering. I'm trying not to worry that I'm about to get super depressed or jones, but if it comes, it does.

It took me four years to jack myself up. I just have to practice patience while this all works itself out. I need to write that down and read it every day:)

[Jon]

Hi AmyQ,

 

Cassie's voice is one of the most friendly and knowledgeable on the forum. Her advise and comments are sound in my opinion.

 

For dreams try lucid dreaming while falling asleep. Think of your dreams before you actually start dreaming. I've done this with some small success. If you are taking other meds that don't squash dreaming like Adderall does, your dreams will really take center stage.

 

Distraction was like being on the pill, yes? It will take some time for the brain's elasticity to comform to a normal response. I know it's not especially good news, but you will only have to bite the bullit once if you stay with it. I am hoping you do.

[Shambo]

Jon, the only meds I'm taking are supplements. I take most of them during the day but I take my iron before bed as I always have. I stopped taking magnesium.... I wonder... I'll take it tonight and see. I will try lucid dreaming too. That's how I fell asleep on meds, but once I was out, no dreams.

I'm feeling strong in my choice to be finished. The only thing I've left to do is call my dr..... I need to do it before the 13th.... I'm just dragging my feet. I'll do it.

[lunax]

Hi Amy,

I'm just curious, are you planning to quit smoking while simultaneously quitting adderall? Although I support both of these things just make sure you're not taking on too much at the same time.

I smoked for 12yrs and quit 4yrs ago this January. I've always had very clear skin, but while I was quitting cigs I had bad breakouts and my entire body felt like it shutdown for like two weeks. I definitely think i was just flushing out all of the toxins during this time hence why I felt like complete shit.

I'm still struggling with #3 myself, I actually just went on the most important job interviews of my life yesterday and kept forgetting what I was talking about mid sentence. Embarrassing and Frustrating to say the least! I think my continued use and abuse of adderall fried a shit load of my brain cells but I'm optimistic about the fact that my brain will slowly but surely heal itself.

Anyway keep up the good work, I have a good feeling that you'll be sticking around here for a while!

[JustinW]

#3 - Squirrel

[Shambo]

@justin Exactly.

@lunax I'm not trying to quit smoking yet.... Even though my guilt is eating me alive since I busted my 15yr old stealing my smokes.... A good parent would stop- I will.... But I know it is too much to ask of myself this soon. I am starting to feel the meds tug at me a tiny bit. Weight bugs me but the biggest urge comes when I'm faced with dealing with the relationship dynamics in my house. I just want to run. I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

Btw, out of curiosity, did you guys break ties with your dr? I'm struggling to face that..... I'm trying to avoid it....

[lunax]

I didn't break ties with my doc because she's a good doc who prescribed in moderation, unlike some of the others I had in the past who were practically spoon feeding me adderall. I also see her to manage my anti depressant medication so there was no need to cut her off.

I did however make it clear to her during our last session that I was becoming addicted to adderall and had decided to stop taking it. She was actually glad that I did and hasn't even brought it up since.

[ashley6]

Amy,

I did break ties with my doctor. I think there are a couple reasons it might be important for you to do so. Only you can evaluate this, but for me, I only went to this doctor to get prescribed adderall. It wasn't like I had a relationship with him, and he wasn't a bad doctor, I just had heard he'd prescribe me. Anyway, there were too many memories of adderall that would probably be triggers of using. Secondly, what kind of doctor do you have? If you are honest with him or her and tell them you are addicted and to cut you off, will they absolutely stop prescribing you? I'm amazed at how many doctors of members on this site didn't take them seriously when they said they were addicted. I just think closing doors where possible when adderall would be easily accessible is only going to be an asset in your decision to quit! Find that strength to call your doctor! It's worth it.

[Shambo]

@lunax & Ashley

My dr is a decent guy. He would stop prescribing me for sure. I don't go to him for anything else though. He's a psychiatrist. I'm having a bad day.... I'm watching modern family w my husband & we both noticed how the wife seems like her character uses adderall or something... So I'm now watching it through a fucked up lens..... Blah. It's almost bed time tomorrow is a new day.

[lunax]

In that case, you need to cut him off!

[Cassie]

If you need to get on antidepressants or something, find a new doctor and tell him you quit an amphetamine addiction. Why would you ever go to that doctor again when there are a million other doctors out there.

[quit-once]

I would like to add an amusing doctor story to this great discussion:

 

I chose my doctor out of the phone book. The local hospital placed an ad on the back cover of the phone directory.  It had all the doctors in town that have an association with the hospital, which is pretty much all of them.  The ad featured the doctor's photo and a description of their practice or specialty.  So I looked at their pictures and picked out the one I thought looked like he would prescribe me Adderall.  Sure enough, the one I chose granted my request and started me out on 5 mg.  A few months later, I told him that 10 mg worked much better than 5mg twice daily and requested an increase in dosage.  I also told him that I only took pills on the weekends.  To my surprise, that pissed him off and he chided me for taking more than prescribed, and not every day.  He begrudgingly gave me the dose I requested, but never granted another increase.  He had no clue that I had other sources and that I was actually bingeing on 100-150 mg per day 3-4 days per week.

 

Although I had some initial blood work done, I never saw this doctor for anything else besides Adderall (but he did give me Chantix for kicking the cigs).  I had an annual physical with him about six months after I quit.  I told him that I quit cold turkey because I didn't like the feeling of addiction.  He said fine, and if you ever need it again, you can always go back on it.

 

He said since I wasn't on any meds I could come back in a year for an annual physical.  That was two years ago and I haven't seen him since then.  So here is my question: is this a doctor I should feel comfortable going to if I ever need treatment?  There really aren't too many adult primary care doctors in the small town (12,000) where I live.  I have a pretty neutral opinion on his practice in general.

[Cat]

Maybe it's just me, but I would have a hard time trusting a doctor who prescribes adderall. I know there are doctors out there who frown upon adderall, which pissed me off and made me feel judged while I was taking adderall, but now those are the doctors I trust more. However, if you live in a small town and don't have better options and won't be triggered by seeing him for something unrelated, like a physical, it's probably fine.

 

To answer Amy's question: My doc basically cut me off - I was only seeing her to get adderall and ambien, and she told me she wanted to focus on other patients with psychiatric issues and that I should find a new doc who would prescribe me meds. (Before you go thinking she had good intentions about cutting me off, she sent me away with an illicit stash of 120 Vyvanse pills "to tide me over while I searched for a new doc.") It was good timing because I was ready to quit, and I'm glad the relationship was severed because during the first month I was sooo tempted to relapse that had it been as easy as calling my doc, I would have. 

[ashley6]

I think the consensus is changing doctors could be for the best. In recovery, it's crazy some of the things that can remind you or trigger adderall thoughts. So if we can eliminate the potential triggers that we actually have control over (prescribing doctors), why not change? It's a personal decision, though.