Freedom's Wings

" THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!

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Thank you grumpy cat and always awesome. Day 1 is just about over and I want nothing more than to go to bed. You two replying sincerely helped me get through the workday- thank you again. I know my journey has just begun, but I feel like I already regained some dignity that I may have lost along the way.

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This is only the beginning!  Every day you get closer to who you are.  If you didn't like yourself before Adderall, then it is time for you to work on that.  If you loved yourself before, it does take a while for your old self to come back completely.  Don't get discouraged.  Enjoy the glimpses of your old self...and stay clean.  It'll come. 

 

I hope that makes sense.  I tend to ramble...

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Day 2 done! I'm freaking exhausted and have been eating nonstop. But I made it through the day. Praying the withdrawal doesn't last too long. Always awesome - your post Absolutely made sense. Thinking about trying NA. I've been in and out of AA for about 7 years...haven't had a drink in 5 years, but sadly, I found a different way to numb my feelings.

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embrace your hunger :)  don't deny yourself the snacks you crave but remember to eat healthy stuff too, even if you dont feel like cooking you can always break down and just buy pre-made stuff that is quasi-healthy

 

congratulations on your progress so far!

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Day 1 and I am terrified. I don't have a lot of time to post right now, but needed to put it out there that today is my first full day Adderall free. I've been abusing my prescription off and on for a little over a year now. Dreading the withdrawal. And I have a client dinner tonight. Ugh. Just gotta make it through the day, one minute at a time. So grateful for this website and knowing I am not alone in this struggle.

Awesome! I know day 18 (i hit 18 today!) seems like an eternity away... but it WILL come. It WILL get here... and then the march continues to a better you. And you are certainly NOT alone.

Congrats!

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Thanks!!! I'm on day 7! Kinda miserable today and still sleepwalking through the days and eating everything. Listened to your advice grumpy cat and allowing myself to give into the snacking, just making sure I get some healthy stuff in too. Do you guys find that despite how tired you are, you almost have insomnia? I've been having a hard time sleeping the past 2 nights.

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I did for a while.  I think you (as in, all of us) have so jacked up your circadian rhythm that it takes a while for it to stabilize...

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Totally!!!!  I would lounge around all day in bed watching TV, then when the time came to actually go to sleep, my mind would be racing with thoughts (usually negative unfortunately) and would just feel too shitty to sleep.

 

I highly recommend small doses of melatonin to help sleep.  It works really well and is relatively quite easy to stop when you decide it's time.

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Melatonin is great, but make sure you have plenty of hours of sleep.  It is rough dragging your butt out of bed after 5 mg of melatonin and only 6 hours of sleep...  :sleep:

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Day 11.  Just checking in.  Feeling physically much better.  Mentally is another story.  Not too bad, but I am terrified that I will never again be productive at work.  It's a scary, scary feeling.  I'm trying not to be too hard on myself at work, but it's tough.  The funny thing is, I mentally torture myself, but I still haven't been able to get done the same amount of work I used too…so I am wasting so much energy obsessing about not being able to do work, and still not getting it done, when I could just be breathing deep and staying calm.  All in due time I guess.  

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Hey Bee, Congrats on day 11!!

 

I think we can all relate to that too!   The best advice I can give you is to just let it go and know this phase of lower productivity is totally normal.  It will pass.  So don't spin your wheels over it.    Instead, think of it as being sick.  You need to rest to get better.  So you have an excuse to slack off right now!  Might as well enjoy it :)

 

You WILL be more productive at work eventually, probably more than you were on adderall. 

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PS the insomnia is also normal, and will also pass.  Give it time :)

 

For me, a Klonopin prescription did the trick after sleeping 4 hrs/night for 3 months.  Its long acting so I finally was up to 7-8 and the racing mind calmed down.   But you risk getting hooked if you take that route.

 

Working out helps a lot too.   With sleep, confidence, everything!  When you're ready :)  Keep pushing forward! 

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Day 1...again:( but I took a big step yesterday and cut off my supply. I got a new doctor and told her the truth about how I've been abusing my medication. It sucked to say it out loud but was also very freeing. Let the withdrawal begin...ugh. The doctor said to think of it as having jet lag for a few days. I don't know why, but it kinda helps.

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Day 19.....haven't taken any. It's been a few days since I been to this site and I could feel the urges coming. This site and this thread is so great. I'm at day 19 but my body is still feeling very weak. I've been running. Somewhat. I signed up for a run next weekend.

It's helpful to read that other people felt the physical heaviness at this time in recovery. Then I know and can think of it as part of recovery rather than just feeling lazy.

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Bee0830

You can get right back in your recovery. I quit for 10 days awhile back. Relapsed for two weeks then was back at day 1 just like you are.

I am day 19 now. For me, the first 10 days (the second time around) were really hard but I knew I had done it before. I also knew to be careful when I got to day 10 because the first time around I think I stopped checking this site and lost my confidence and forgot my reasons.

I am very motivated now not to relapse again because this is my recovery and I've already made progress. Be realistic about recovery and the time it takes. Be gentle with yourself when you feel unproductive. It takes time but will be worth it.

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Day 3: started out depressed. Saw my psychologist, uncovered some deep stuff that led to my relapse. Went to my meditation group, left with the peace of knowing that "this too shall pass". My body is craving carbs, so pizza bagels just happened! Now Netflix and chilling out. Brain chemistry will take some time to get to where it was, but it gets better each day! Speed sucks. Only Love is Real!

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I just started watching Sense8 last night, I finished Narco's in about 3 days, I've been through the office several times, probably my favorite show since I live in Scranton and love all the references to local stuff. Bob's Burgers was a good one too. Got any suggestions?

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i just binged bojack horseman because i was hungover yesterday like a fool.  there is a pretty good adderall scene that accurately portrays the illusion of genius pretty well, can't remember what episode though

 

sense8 i just couldn't get into really - was bored of feeling confused, let me know if it gets good i might give it another try.  Narcos i watched the other week and enjoyed quite a bit.

 

There is a netflix thread somewhere with a really good list but here are some ones I have enjoyed recently - you may have already watched them though

 

-bloodline

-Salem (US only, first season is pretty good)

-bojack horseman (As i said its pretty good once you give it a couple episodes)

 

 

And of course these ones go without saying, if by some chance you haven't seen them all, I envy you.

 

-breaking bad

-dexter

-prison break

 

These ones aren't on netflix but if you are download/torrent savvy you can find them easily and are the two best shows in existence in my opinion

 

-game of thrones

-the wire

 

Oh and if you feel like getting emotional and watching something that will make you cry, try Derek with Ricky Gervais.

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Day 23. Plugging away. So hungry all the time. Sleeping well most nights.

Had to sit through a training today. Difficult without adderall but I probably remember more. And probably actually networked better than I would have with adderall.

Want to get to the 30 day. And beyond of course.

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Keep it up!!!

You probably also managed to remember things that matter more, rather than latching onto non-important digressions that don't really matter except to adderall's obsession with detail.

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Day 9: depression and anxiety is not so bad when I wake up. Getting back into prayer and meditation. Have to work on developing a written remediation plan to present to my grad school program so they'll consider not kicking me out. It's frustrating because I believe there is unspoken stigma associated with addiction that is causing them to view me as morally defective as opposed to having a chronic brain disease that is subject to relapse. Addiction is like having a gun to my head 24 hours a day, and if I'm not constantly vigilant over my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors my hand seems to have a life of its own that always goes to pull the trigger if I lose awareness. I'd appreciate some prayers or positive thoughts with this grad school thing, I've got 3 credits left to finish and I may be dealing with an administration who believes people with addictions don't belong in the counseling field. I love you all, thanks for the support, I probably would still be all spun out wondering if the next pill would be the one that kills me if it wasn't for you guys!

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I wish i had some advice for you on the grad school thing.  As for staying clean you are doing great. 

 

I'm so glad you are feeling at least a bit better physically and mentally.

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