Jon

The 60 day challange "reloaded"

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Good job GDTRFB and mila490! I've been silently cheering for you since you started the 30 day challenge.

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Day 40.

Thanks for the support guys! I love seeing the days add up and am so happy that I finally committed to fully quitting.

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Day 44.

Felt super depressed this weekend and have insatiable hunger in a way I haven't since probably the first two weeks after quitting. I just wanted to sleep and eat all weekend. Experiencing how recovery is up and down and not a linear process for sure.

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Day 41 - Crawling out of the DARKNESS

I am very happy to report, that I am finally feeling stable and have moments of true happiness.

I've been cycling between extreme depression and debilitating anxiety that peaked last week. This period of depression was worse than anything I experienced during my previous 160 day quit. I can't even describe how awful every single minute of the day felt and it was getting progressively worse.

I made a Drs. appt. last Friday and started on Wellbutrin XL at 150mg. I started feeling better within 24 hours of my first dose. It was so terrifying! I really thought I was going to be hospitalized.

I wanted to do this on my own - without any more meds, but am so happy that I tried Wellbutrin again.

I hope you all are doing well.

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Day 47. 

 

Sorry to hear about the extreme depression, G, but I'm glad to hear you're doing better. What was with the past week? I felt way more depressed than earlier in recovery too. Trying to keep busy and active but still in a pretty "meh" mood. 

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Hey Mila!

Sorry to hear that you're feeling blah. Last week was the worst! I'm thinking maybe it has something to do with the 5/6 week period being a particularly rough time. Hopefully we both have better times coming soon! :)

Are you taking anything to help you?

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Day 44 - had fun taking my dog to the park and watching her play with other puppies.

Thanks for the support everyone. It means more to me than you can imagine.

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Day 50!! Between work trips and upcoming friends' visits, I'm happy to report I haven't been too tempted to go back on it. Thoughts have crossed my mind, but I've learned to let them pass without taking action on them.

I'm not taking anything besides supplements. I take fish oil and a one-a-day "energy" formula. Makes me laugh that the vitamin has caffeine in it as if you need a daily dose, but it's been good for me during this period. I'm nervous about relying on anything else besides caffeine at this point. I'm glad to hear Wellbutrin is working for you!

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Day 56. Feeling better than my last post. 

 

For whatever reason I started thinking about taking adderall again this morning. One of those random cravings hit me. Then I thought about how awful it would be to quit again and start counting from 1. Sometimes my number - today, 56 - doesn't sound like much. Then I think about those days when I couldn't get off the couch and just watched Netflix. Those days I just waited to pass to count another day clean under my belt. I earned those days; they're too valuable to give up. Random thoughts for the day! 

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Day 52 - blah - follow up with MD tomorrow for my blood test results

I'm proud of you Mila!

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Day 60!

Wow, I remember reading through this thread when I first discovered the site and I couldn't imagine 60 days without adderall. How would I ever get anything done at work? How would I pull it together enough to be social? Wouldn't I gain tons of weight?

It definitely hasn't been easy and I know this is still early and just the beginning. However, I'm so happy that every day no longer feels like those first few weeks after quitting. Now I open my blinds instead of keeping them shut all day. Some days I feel super depressed, exhausted, and unmotivated and barely get anything done. I only gained about 5 lbs and I no longer have that insatiable hunger. I don't feel great about my weight, but at least I want to exercise now instead of avoiding it because adderall made me sweat like crazy and made my heart race.

Now when I'm overwhelmed and have a lot going on (as most of us always do), I take action and check things off my lists, instead of just making more lists and plans and flailing around.

This site and the people on it are helping me so much. I can't thank you enough.

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174 days - adderall free

I just wanted to check-in with everyone as it's been quite awhile since I've posted.

Sorry to see that the 30 & 60 day challenges are not a part of the community as much, anymore.

Stay strong good people of the interwebs!

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I am 6 months clean today.

 

I tried to quit before, but my quit in August is the one that stuck. I'm not really sure why I woke up at that point to the fact that the cons heavily outweighed the pros, but I'm so glad I did. I gained a lot of confidence by being honest and refusing to lie to myself any longer.

 

Here's to the next 6 months... 

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I kind of lost count now so I'll just go by my ticker.  34 days sounds about right so I'll just go with that.  It's give or take a day from that anyway.

 

So Day 34 confirmed!

Had a couple of cravings today but they weren't interfering with my reasoning too much and it was easy to see them for what they were - just bullshit.

 

Love you guys.

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216 days today, wasn't sure where to post but just need to. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (won't be able to get adderall because it's not a psychiatrist and those are the rules here). I've been incredibly fatigued lately to the point where I can barely go to work because I can't get out of bed despite 8+ hours of sleep. I haven't had motivation to workout and have just been depressed overall.

I hope they find something else (minor and easily fixable!) wrong with me like mono or anemia or something. Because I am way too tempted to go back. The pull this drug has is crazy.

Anyways just needed to post because I was imagining how it'd feel to avoid these forums if I go back on it.

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216 days today, wasn't sure where to post but just need to. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (won't be able to get adderall because it's not a psychiatrist and those are the rules here). I've been incredibly fatigued lately to the point where I can barely go to work because I can't get out of bed despite 8+ hours of sleep. I haven't had motivation to workout and have just been depressed overall.

I hope they find something else (minor and easily fixable!) wrong with me like mono or anemia or something. Because I am way too tempted to go back. The pull this drug has is crazy.

Anyways just needed to post because I was imagining how it'd feel to avoid these forums if I go back on it.

Congrats on 216 days! I was really fatigued and depressed around that point too, as I'm sure all us long timers were. It's normal. You just have to push through it. You say you can barely go to work, but you can go to work. It's not impossible. And not having any motivation for the first year or so is par for the course. After a year my energy levels started improving. Consider wellbutrin for a short term energy boost. Also, eating small meals throughout the day helped me.
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Congrats on 216 days from me also.  I hope everything is OK with your doctor visit.  You are inspiration!

If the doctor doesn't suggest it, I'm not sure how old you are but maybe ask to have your thyroid tested?

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Thanks for the immediate support! I really appreciate it.

I've only been to this doctor once and I was on adderall back then, so I knew this would be triggering. I almost cut her off as she read off adderall as one of my medications and I told her how I quit and how it was really hard to get off of it. I almost caught myself saying the words "I don't know, maybe I should just go back on it?" but I held my tongue.

They gave me a B12 shot which has already has an immediate positive effect so we'll see. I'd consider Wellbutrin too. They want me to come back for more blood work and mentioned thyroid, etc. Although as Cassie said, this is just par for the course at this point.

I'll also mention that when I told her about my fatigue she did think it could still be an after effect of the adderall, even 6 months later. Many doctors are nonchalant about this drug, so I thought it was a good sign that she recognized that.

Day 217...

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