anonymoose

Adderall and Trichotillomania (hair pulling)

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There is just no one to talk to about this :(

 

I've always been a hair puller, but as the Adderall addiction gets worse, so does my trich.. I was used to coping with it somewhat and hiding it almost completely, but it has become so severe that I consider my body destroyed. My eyebrows are lopsided, my hair that has finally growing in from constant pulling in highschool is disappearing once again, and I ended an amazing relationship because I ran out of excuses as to why I refused to be even remotely intimate. If he saw under my clothes and make-up any longer, we wouldn't have been together much longer anyway. 

 

The worst part is that if it came down to quitting adderall as the only way to control the urges, I know I would choose the drug. I hate myself without adderall and it seems like the rest of the world does too. I guess there will be suffering either way.

 

If there is anyone out there who can relate even to the slightest..... It would add some brightness to my life just to know that i'm not alone, and maybe even that suffering isn't inevitable. 

 

~Thank you all dearly~

 

 

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Wow, my heart goes out to you on this one.  Many people have experienced severe OCD behavior while taking Adderall, so you are not suffering alone.  You do have someone to talk to about it, that is what we are here to do.  We support each other.  When you say "I hate myself without adderall" does that mean you hate yourself during withdrawl or prior to taking it?  Are you currently taking other meds and seeing a p-doc?  How long have you taken adderall and what is your pattern of abuse with it?

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Hi there,

 

I don't really know much about this topic but I wanted to reach out to you anyways. I do have experience with depression, anxiety and self harm though.
My heart goes out to you as well and I'm happy you found us and this site, welcome with opened arms!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe hair pulling is a method of self harm like cutting. You need to figure out the underlying problem what is causing this. But like I said I don't know much about it, I only saw a True Life episode once on Trichotillomania so I'm sorry if I sound ignorant, that is not my intentions. Have you tried doing something with your hands instead; like cooking, baking, drawing, lifting weights, sports, running, or anything like that?

After reading your post, it seems like you have a bit of a self-esteem problem. Adderall could be making that worse. You should definitely seek help asap because there is hope and you can get better!

I do not know you but you said (about your bf) "if he saw under my clothes and make-up any longer, we wouldn't have been together much longer anyways" and I don't believe that's true. He was probably with you because you are a beautiful person inside and outside. And if what your saying is in fact true then fuck him and why would you want to be with someone so shallow anyways. I love this quote by Charlie Chaplin "Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul."

I was on ADHD meds for the last 7 years and have been clean the last 3 months. I'm still very new to this clean and healthy lifestyle but not long ago, like you -- I thought I would NEVER be able to stop taking or live without Adderall. But I am Adderall free now and way happier than I was on them. But it's still a struggle at the same time. I think you are way too hard on yourself and you seem to be under a lot of stress, you should try yoga and/or mediation to help with that. I have been getting great benefits and finding inner peace and self control from hot yoga.

I have overcome a lot in my life (like everyone else on this site); I have had learning disabilities since 1st grade, I'm dyslexia, have ADHD, I got overweight from going threw puberty then got healthy, I have self harmed, I've been depression, I have anxiety, I've abused alcohol (while taking Adderall) and now I am trying to overcome my Adderall addiction. Whatever you are trying to break free of, you can and there is a way. You may just have not found it yet. And sometimes things are too hard and big too overcome yourself and that is when a doctor or talking to someone may help. But life is too short to be stuffering all the time, you deserve to be happy.

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I relate... I relate 100% ... I think I just may be the worst case of trich in the entire world. I have barely any hair at all. I have extentions, and am very good at hiding it... and if your boyfriend is even the slightest "weirded out" about your hair, he doesn't truely love you. 

I have no answers or tips to help cuz right now is the lowest i've been, and well I was on this site for a long time, then went to google to search topics on "adderall and trich" and It led me right back this beautiful web site. 

Please reply back because sometimes I need to talk to somebody who actually understands. I have never met a single person with the same issue. 

I hope to hear from you, and i hope we can help eachother and talk. 

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YESSS!! I RELATE TO YOU!! Oh my gosh I thought I was the only one who did this. I  never had trick before abusing adderall but after year two of abusing adderall while I was at college I began pulling out my hair. It was mostly while I was withdrawing but it was really really bad. I would lose whole spots on my scalp and there were spots that were completely bald. Before I started doing this I had long beautiful blonde hair. AND I can't believe I'm sharing this but after getting home that summer from college, I had a Brittney Spears moment, or more like an (adderall included psychosis maybe) anyways I felt like I was God and I just knew that I could give myself a "little haircut" (because it looked so bad, as I had been pulling it out) anyways I ended up totally messing up my hair (and I have never had my hair cut short) and had to get my hair completely chopped off. It is just after being in recovery now for 16 months that it is completely grown out and healthy again and I don't pull my hair out anymore. You're not alone, there is hope. Suffering is optional. 

 

God Bless

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