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Gigem2012

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I was prescribed and took Adderall for 2.5 years. I feel as if I took too much but never took more than the prescribed dosage. I would take 30mg a day about 3-4x a week and occasionally got up a little higher in dosage than that. I was prescribed 30mg 2x a day.

 

I have been off Adderall for 16 months and haven't felt 100% normal at any point in the past 16 months. My brain feels like it was fried during those 2.5 years. I have had blood work to check for deficiencies and do not have any. Has anyone else struggled with what I am dealing with? I constantly feel disoriented. I am obviously cognitively slower than when on Adderall and keep thinking I would return to normal but it hasn't happened. I have a full time job and just built a house but feel dumb/confused/weird all of the time. 

 

Not a day goes by where I don't think about the damage I have done. Will I ever return to the normal person I was? I have a hard time focusing in meetings, reading, being motivated. Maybe it is just ADD I am dealing with but I am convinced it was Adderall damaging my brain. I often times find myself just starring off into space and not thinking anything at all. I also have a hard time enjoying as many things as I should in life.

 

Hoping someone can share some light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks!

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Diet is great. No fried/processed foods. I am dealing with headaches from a shoulder problem so exercise is limited to a few days a week but I am active. I take a multi, fish oil, vitamin c and a greens supplement with all of my other vitamins and minerals.

 

I keep wondering when I will discover the new normal. I keep waiting but am not happy with the way I feel.

 

The headaches happened about two months after Adderall and have not went away ever since. I have been to many doctors trying to find the cause and so far it has been unsuccessful. 

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It sounds like you are doing everything right to me!  You've surpassed anything that I am doing.  I struggle with the same issues that you listed but I keep pressing on trying to make small changes as I go in a continuous improvement mindset.  I think it the old saying "Time heals all wounds" is apropos in this situation; at least I hope so.  Keep soldiering on; we'll make it through someday!

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InRecovery,

 

I am assuming you have been through a similar experience? If so, could you share your story. 

 

I was addicted for 12 years. Spent most of my later years in adderall induced psychosis. Went in and out of different rehabs. I've been clean for a few years now. My advice to you is to read the boards and know what you are up against with adderall withdrawal. It's a long process so keep your expectations in check. 

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Feeling "terminally unique" is pretty common for people like us.

 

I'm having to learn to deal with my ADD (or whatever you ant to call it) without stimulants. That's my big goal in this second year clean.

 

Anyway, I can identify with the frustration. But when those thoughts start to creep in, I ask myself  "how the hell do I know how I'm supposed to feel?" I've long given up on the ridiculous idea that I'm going to get to this euphoric place I delusionally attach to my first year on Adderall.

 

Anyway, this guy's first book helped me a lot when I was younger, and I've heard his second is even better. I just ordered a copy:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318

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You'll feel better as time goes on. Nothing is permanent, that's nonsense. The brain is plastic and always changing and adapting. The power of habit is strong. You had a drug habit for a long time - now you're developing and repeating the habit of doing things normally. The more time you're sober, the less you will even remember what Adderall felt like. Try to keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about how you're feeling all the time. Use coffee and/or Wellbutrin for focus. 

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Hypercritical that is so true. When you quit u no longer get to that artifically euphoric place like on adderall. If that is what 'normal' is to you then u will be waiting forever. I have felt like that a few times since I quit, where I feel slightly euphoric, and have all these ideas and I feel like writing a book in 1 day, but it's really discomforting because it reminds me of being on adderall and I feel like I've relapsed. But those moments are brief and don't last all day like on adderall and I just want them to go away.

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This has been the hardest 16 months of my life. I have zero focus, confidence, energy... As long as I know there is light at the end of the tunnel I will be fine. I guess most of the recovery is mental. If only I would have known I would feel this way. Definately my biggest regret in life.

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