ddw5053

I will never get away

7 posts in this topic

Between my mom, my dad, my sister, my friends etc., I will never get away from adderall.  And no matter how hard I try sober I still feel different.  I'm always sped up, I'm always looking for the next buzz to find myself.  But nothing works.  I sweat profusely when I'm sober, I question myself, I let circumstances dictate my actions.  I can't find myself.  When I'm sober, I tell myself I need to take adderall and take it appropriately.  That is my only escape.  But each time I take it I feel more lost and want to take more.  I feel so fucked.  There is not hope.  When I'm on adderall I need to get off it and when I'm sober I need more adderall.  Wtf.  I can literally spend all day working out and eating healthy and feel unchanged.  Feel unable to talk to anybody or connect with my true self.  I always feel different.  I don't even know I feel so fucked up I can't even explain it. 

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Its hard not impossible to get away from it. It really meses with your mind, but in time you start to understand its lies. Read the articles and stay close to this forum.  You need to understand the enemy to defeat it.  

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Hey ddw5053 --

I read back to your previous posts and I can say I have totally related to a lot of the things you've said in a lot of your posts.  I found myself in a very similar cycle as you, ending up taking adderall just to stay up all night thinking about my addiction.  Can I ask when was the last time you took any stimulants?

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What needs to happen is that you need to make a commitment about whether or not you're going to quit.  If you decide to quit (which based on what you've posted, you probably should), then do it and don't look back.  Stop giving excuses as to why you keep falling off the horse.  We all have hardships.  If you keep blaming external circumstances (family, detox, etc.), then you'll be stuck in this limbo for the foreseeable future.  You have to get your head right before you can get your situation right - never the other way around.  Posting things like "I'll never get away" puts you in a state of vulnerability and is a surefire way to ensure that you will fail.  If you want to accomplish something, then you have to give something up in return.  In the case of giving up adderall, there are a whole slew challenges to overcome.  But you know what?  This site is proof that people can overcome them, and damnit, you can too.

 

I'm fully aware of how harsh this post might seem, but frankly the commitment to succeed at something like this requires a lot of personal accountability.  It is well that you found this site and this community, and I do wish you the best.  Now get out there, keep your head up, and beat this thing!

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Perullo, I couldn't agree with you more and I am in love with the quote you wrote: "If you want to accomplish something, then you have to give something up in return." That is so true with everything in life!

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^^ agreed. I've found countless quotes to help me better understand and cope with this addiction too, another one that really hits the nail on the head for me is "You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.â€

― Joyce Meyer

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Perullo, I couldn't agree with you more and I am in love with the quote you wrote: "If you want to accomplish something, then you have to give something up in return." That is so true with everything in life!

and one of the basic laws of economics!

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