Popular Post AlwaysAwesome Posted June 20, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 I have been clean since June 5th. Two weeks of uncertainty, stress, hunger, regret, happiness, clarity, sadness, drama, boredom…you get the idea. I am starting to feel better. I have been working out, eating junk food, laughing and playing with my kids, enjoying my coworkers, struggling to stay focused on the task at hand, and generally feeling more normal than I have in 5 years! I started adderall about 5 years ago when I asked my doctor if there was a good treatment for adults with ADD/ADHD. I have always been ADHD, Type A personality, an over achiever, etc. I am fortunate that I had been able to function, very well, as a “jack of all trades and master of noneâ€. I could do anything well, but never stayed with any one thing long enough to become great at it. I needed to be able to focus on my job tasks and maybe clean one room in my house completely before moving on to another. So, I jumped into Adderall with both feet. 15 mg instant release Adderall in the am. It was AMAZING!!! I was suddenly as awesome as I knew I could be! I excelled at everything I tried. I finished projects at work. I was never tired, so I hardly slept. I quickly began to have headaches. I told my doctor that it was the Adderall wearing off in the early afternoon. So, he increased my dose to twice daily. WOW! I could eat anything and maintain my weight. I could finish tasks, but the headaches came back. So, the dose increased to 30 mg twice daily…and the headaches never went away…but I didn’t care. I knew the adderall was causing them, because they went away if I ran out of the meds or tried to quit. The weight gain and miserable sluggishness always made me run back to the doc and pharmacy. “I am not an addict. I have a prescription.†Really? Not really… So, 4 years into adderall addiction, I began to lose my temper more often. I noticed that I was overwhelmed by life…a lot. I didn’t want to interact with my family, coworkers, etc. I wanted to be left alone and it didn’t work out that way. So, I was annoyed very easily and let it show, a lot. I started to let my house work go. I was gaining weight, WHAT?!? I was still having headaches. I started to think about getting off adderall, or getting a higher dosage. It was a Matrix moment; red pill or blue pill. ‘Deep breath’…I chose not to call the doc for a refill. I told my husband I was going to quit. I was serious this time. He was like “okay then, whatevs†and I felt supported. LOL, he didn’t believe me at all, but I was serious. I had been taking 1 ½ pills a day instead of the two prescribed. So, on June 4th I took the last ½ pill and said goodbye to adderall forever. On June 5th, I ransacked my house for an old prescription that I saw a couple of weeks earlier. On June 6th, I continued the search. On June 7th, I jogged in the neighborhood. I played for 1 ½ hours with the kids in the pool. I slept from 3pm until 10pm. I searched for the prescription again on the 8th. On June 9th, I found the prescription. The next morning, I told my husband to take it to the pharmacy for me so that I could pick it up that evening. He looked at me for what seemed like forever…and said no. My husband then told me that if I wanted it, then I could take it myself. I went to work pissed off and found this website. I confided in my coworkers, and I decided not to refill the script. I was tired, hungry, grumpy, and thrilled with my decision. I am grateful to my friends, coworkers, and especially my husband and kids for their support. I can see myself returning and I am realizing…I missed me. So, I may not be “always awesomeâ€, but I am always me. I chose the more difficult road and, to quote Robert Frost, “that has made all the differenceâ€. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted June 20, 2014 Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Hey awesome, just wanted to welcome you to the site. Your story is like so many of ours getting off the pills is a big transition. You'll likely need some crash time. Tapering down is a good way to start a quit and sounds like you've been doing that. Take some time to read through the articles on this site. We are all here on the same journey. Reach out with any questions you may have. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted June 21, 2014 Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 Glad you found us!! Welcome. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted June 22, 2014 Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 You go girl. Glad your here, welcome and you can do it! We are here for you every step of the way. This website has helped save my life, seriously! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted June 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 Thanks everyone! I was so motivated to get off the adderall, and I knew I would eventually feel so much better! So...I took my 11 year old daughter off her Concerta. Kids handle it much better than we do. She is not having crazy, freak out, scream out loud, nutjob fits anymore. When she would come off her dose in the evening, she would spin into orbit and eat everything in the house. I just stopped giving her the Concerta on Saturday, June 7th. I told her she was going to quit like me. I told her she could do it. Saturday was hell on earth ( I slept through most of it 😉) so my husband wanted me to just give her the pill on Sunday. She said no and we haven't looked back. She spent a few days adjusting to life without it and she ate everything in sight. She already looks healthier and seems relatively even keel ( she IS an 11 year old girl). So I'm 17 days clean and my daughter is 15 days clean. Yay! Some day I will write out her story, but it makes me sad, so not right now. Thanks for all of the support and great motivating stories. I love ya'll!! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted June 23, 2014 Report Share Posted June 23, 2014 Good job in quitting, your path in life pre-adderall sounds very similar to mine. I like the "relatively even keel" of an 11 year old girl; my daughter is 10 and the drama is staggering at times. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2014 My daughter's mood swings seem to have subsided and, for the first time in a year or so, we are almost a normal family. I am never going back! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneDoe Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 I have been reading the forums on this website for a while now, but don't ever have the energy to comment . . . because like the rest of you I am tired, unmotivated, etc. I am finally deciding to write because your story struck a cord with me. Like your sweet, innocent daughter I too was put on concerta when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I switched to adderall at some point during undergrad, but had been on concerta for many years. I am now 27, just finishing graduate school for holistic medicine. Oh the irony. Since diving into the natural health field about 3 years ago, and finding out the truth about these prescribed poisons, I have always told myself that I would attempt going off of the meds once I got finished with school. (I attempted quitting cold turkey a couple of times while in school and that was just a nightmare) So I began tapering down my meds about 2 months ago. As you know, it is SOOOOOO hard. I won't go into all of those details, but I just wanted to share some of the emotions I have been experiencing. Let me first say that I am not an angry person. I typically do not have "fits of rage" or hold grudges. If anything, I am probably too forgiving. BUT now, looking back over my life and realizing that being put on ADD meds has been the cause of SO MANY problems, I am REALLY pissed off. I know it wasn't directly my mother's fault, but I'm still mad. Both of my parents were alcoholics/addicts and I have worked so hard my entire life to rise above all of that and have considered myself to be pretty successful. Until now. I have been on ADD meds for 17 years and I feel like now I'm stuck. I want to go back so badly and just kick my mom for doing this to me. Once again, I know it's not directly her fault, but just knowing that one sweet, innocent little girl, just like I was, is being saved from the hell that concerta caused me through the years, is so uplifting. You are my reason for smiling today. You have no idea the psychological trauma and physical problems that you are saving your daughter from. I commend you for not taking the easy route. I PROMISE you are doing the right thing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really, really needed some hope today and you have just given it to me. =) Also, your daughter will be able to fully develop into the body she was created to have, unlike me. I am BY FAR the shortest person in my family, to the point where I KNOW concerta stunted me growth. God created your daughter so perfectly, just the way she is and it makes me so happy to know that she will be able to discover that. I just hope that one day I am able to find out who I was truly meant to be too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 Oh Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words. Welcome to the forum and I can't wait to see your success posts! One other thing...try to cut your mom some slack. The doctors are so very convincing that it is hard to fathom the damage it can cause. I am fortunate that my daughter's psychiatrist is very holistic and open minded. Also, that she listens to me and did not argue at all when I informed her of my decision. Thank you again for your kind words. I have to go and touch up my mascara... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 Somehow, I missed reading your original post last summer. When it came back up a few days ago, I read the entire thread. I am so glad that your Quit was successful and that you are still hanging around this community. Recovery from an Adderall addiction is a long and slow process and it really helps to stay connected with others going through it too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 This is where I turn when I am feeling lost and weak (adderall memories creep into my brain and call to me sometimes). I find strength in the success stories! Thanks to all of you for being a great support group. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 21, 2015 Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 (adderall memories creep into my brain and call to me sometimes). Reminds me of an experience last weekend. My (ex) dealer sent me a text message out of the blue asking me if I wanted any "addy". At first it disturbed me. Then it pissed me off. Then I forgot about it for a few hours. Later, I thought about it again, but this time in a curious, maybe, "what if" frame of mind. I realized that train of thought was no good, so... I immediately located my phone and deleted the message (I had already deleted his number years ago). I considered sending a reply requesting he delete my number as well, but I just wanted to get rid of it ASAP, and I don't do text messages very well. Instant relief. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 It's the scale that makes me dream the insane adderall dream. Weight gain = need pills. But, I have to get healthy and adderall is not the way. So, back to my grain free lifestyle with no preservatives, no sugar, no artificial sweeteners. I am one day in and I feel better already. I need a 30 day challenge post for my wheat free days! In some ways, it is just as hard to kick all things wheat as it is to kick adderall. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mila490 Posted January 21, 2015 Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 Hey AlwaysAwesome, I can completely relate because my weakest moments seem to be related to the scale too. I find myself looking down at a number on the scale or at my reflection in the mirror (no longer a size 0 like while using) and desperately thinking Adderall is the answer. Having the motivation to go the gym or not pick up that cookie/donut/etc. is definitely harder than popping a pill, but at least I feel a sense of accomplishment when I lose any weight because I worked for it. You're right, adderall is not the way! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope4future Posted January 23, 2015 Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 When I first started taking Adderall I thought it was the perfect supplement to my eating disorder (would not have admitted having an eating disorder at the time) and the effect it had on my appetite and weight gave me a high that was often more addictive than the highs I got from it more immediately/directly/neurochemically. Intense combination of addictions to the same drug. It seems the weigh "management" aspects of taking Adderall have only made my unhealthy, drug-abusing lifestyle more deeply engrained and hard to escape from than ever. Sometimes it seems too hard to quit the drug that satisfies TWO addictions, especially when quitting would require me to completely rebuild my self-esteem when I start to have an increased appetite and gain weight? It seems impossible 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 I wish that I had some motivational words for you. I just know that I feel better being me, and buying a larger size for a year or so is not that bad. I just bought a treadmill and started back on my Wheat Belly Diet. I am feeling better already. Take a look at Wheatbellyblog.com. Maybe it would help for you to do an intense lifestyle change like this or Paleo. It might give you something to obsess over, but in a healthy way. Eating disorders are tragically difficult to overcome. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted June 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 It feels really good to read this after one year clean! I do not miss that way of life, at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survived Posted June 16, 2015 Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 I was reading this like "yes...yup...that happened to me too." ..."Oh i know what that feels like!" lol! Yes! I struggled through so many of the same things. It was fabulous at first wasn't it? You're almost invicible..you can do anything and even better...with a smile on your face! So when it started to work against you and not work anymore, it's confusing...."maybe I need to increase..." etc etc its the Adderall road to the crash and burn. Thank goodness we escaped it. How does your hubby feel about having the old you back? I'm sure he and the kids are extremely happy to have mom back! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted June 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 Yes, true story. That is what my husband just said. LOL, he and the kids are more laid back now that I am more laid back. It is nice... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted June 25, 2015 Report Share Posted June 25, 2015 I am so happy for you. It sounds like you are doing really well. I think your post has reminded me that I started to feel really anxious and stressed out before hitting the severe depression I finally hit with Adderall (like I did last time) about three weeks ago. I knew exactly when it really started to turn on me. But about a month or so before, i was having insane anxiety and just felt totally overwhelmed by so much. I think some of this was a the low dose of Wellbutrin added in (which never agreed with me) but mostly the Adderall. I was starting to have feeling and thoughts that if I didn't get my stress levels under control, I was going to get sick with cancer or something. I really felt that way. I have cut down on it by almost half and even that is helpful, as my anxiety is not as bad. For now, I'll take the brain fog and feeling heavy over that sort of anxiety and feeling of stress. Congrats again! I think it took me about two weeks as well to begin to start to feel better once I was down to my last taper and then totally off. But it was hard. I was in space land and had to nap a lot. I think I will go just a bit slower this time because I have a lot to do before I move out of town and I don't want to put myself into a totally dysfunctional place, but I'm doing what I can. Really look forward to being off of this stuff again and not pick it up ever again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Welcome! I hope all is going well with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 Posting here for smhjen to see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beback17 Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 I know this was an old post of yours, but I like it. I like your timeline of the events after you stopped taking Adderall. I like the fact that 18 months later, you are still off of it. I am a rather "new" Adderall user. 3 months on December 28th. I'm a little scared. I went from 20 mg a day to 30 mg twice a day and I usually take more than prescribed. 80 mg at the most. It's freaking me out. I'm a single mom, professional, and in a new relationship with a great guy and I don't want to lose all of these things but I'm not sure how to go about quitting. my paid time off at work is gone from the holidays, I don't know if I can sustain the new relationship after telling him "hey, I am not just "prescribed" this stuff, I'm already abusing it and I have to withdraw now." I don't know how my colleagues will react to a blob, tired, confused, cranky version of me when they are used to me being on top of things. I don't know if I can handle gaining weight when I am typically lean and fit (not so much fit lately). I read your story and related to it the most. I'm hoping you are open to chatting with me on this site. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 I am here for you. I understand all of these issues. They were the reason I always went back. But, 18 months later, I am so much happier and healthier. I can't recommend anyone stay on Adderall for any amount of time. It is a bitch to get rid of. Send me a message if you need to chat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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