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I hate not being on adderall


Drinkgreentes

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My name is mark, I am a 22 year old male.

I went to college for nursing and failed all my classes.

My doctor prescribed my adderall and it changed my life.

I flew through nursing school and I felt like a normal functional person.

I could finally talk to girls And had high confidence.

But I knew it was bad for me, and it was killing me.

I thought hey why not live a short life vs a long failure filled one.

My doctor took me off adderall and I am now on strattera.

But I am afraid that it won't work.

I was so awesome on adderall and now I feel like such a antisocial loser.

I can't talk to people confidently now.

I love how I was when I was on it.

I am scared that I will never be as awesome as I was on adderall.

But I had to quit I know it's he right decision but I hate who I am without it.

I don't stick up for myself anymore.

It made me the person that I always wanted to be and now that it's gone I feel average.

For once in my life, on adderall I was special and above average.

I was different, kind, funny, and smart.

I know that I will never reach that height again and it breaks my heart.

People loved my so much and I felt no shame or pain or embarrassment ever.

I was superman and a fast talker.

Now I'm just like everyone else.

Not special, boring, self conscious, shy, scared, stupid, all these things that were cured.

I wish I could feel like I did on adderall forever but never actually take it.

I've been off adderall for about a week now and life has never been so gray.

I'm afraid my friends and peers won't like me anymore without it. And I'm afraid of failing.

Girls deff don't like me anymore due to my inability to form coherent sentences to them now.

I was so smooth every girl wanted me and I knew it.

Of course there were negatives to the drug, insomnia cured by melatonin, burned out crack look

Weightloss which helped me with running. Tachycardia hypertension heart palpitations with caffeine.

I thought the drug was warring off, so I would take more this lead to addiction.

When someone was mean to me at work I would take more to professionally mentally screw with them.

Without it I feel like I'm not good enough and now I care what everybody thinks.

This strattera stuff sucks.

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Hi Mark, and welcome to the Forum.

I think you are doing the right kind of mental work that will lead to long-term success of being stimulant free.  You have acknowledged many of the benefits of being under the influence of speed.  You have also realized the damage to your life and health that this addiction has caused.  I read in another one of your posts that you are now enjoying music again - that was one of the first things I noticed about being Adderall free too. 

I don't know much about straterra but I hope it is not another stimulant drug.  Speed is speed and it's all bad once you have been bitten by the addiction bug.  This addiction develops quicker and becomes more unsustainable than many others.

Good luck with your recovery and you might want to consider trying L-tyrosine for the depression and fish oil for the brain fog.

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Adderall makes you feel amazing, until it makes you an antisocial crazy person.  Oh, and you are that person long before you notice it...guaranteed.  It makes me think of the scene in Spiderman 3 when Peter Parker thinks he is super cool and all the people he walks by are looking at him like he is a crazy dork?  That wasn't Venom, it was an adderall suit.  LOL !

 

Good luck to you, and hang in there.  It will get better, eventually. 

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This forum on this site is super. I hadn't really decided to quit until I read parts of this site. WOW! It feels like I belong here.

 

I have been on adderall for several years; after my first pill my world changed. I could work 7 days a week, from 5 am till 7 pm. I was teaching then, and i just got so great, and cool, and funny, and sleepless, and LOUD.  And it has continued to change, and now I sound like a crazy nut when I go to the cafe at my retirement community. I have been here for 5 years and I can sleep all day if I want to. But it is still fun to be cool. Guess I didn't mention I have had serious depression for many years (am on meds and see a doctor weekly.)  Being funny is a real joy for a person with depression. I fantasize about being a stand-up comic. (Course here I would probably simply be a sit down-comic.) Anyway, I cut my dose by 25 % and already I can tell I am boring.

 

I hope I can be old and still be on this forum. Am I the only one? I have searched for a site like this for years!!! You are the one and only one that feels right, so I hope I can stay.

I'm 48 and even though many of the other members are less than half my age, the similarities in our experience with this drug are staggering, so your age whatever it is is no barrier to sharing here. Good to have you.

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