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ashley6

What have you learned from recovery?

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It's so cliche, but I seriously now believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I was thinking of what I've learned from quitting adderall and creating what felt like a whole new way of living. Recovery can be so difficult, lets be real, so I was just curious what you all think you've learned during your quit that has become an asset in your life? I've learned a lot, but patience...SO...MUCH...PATIENCE....is what sticks out to me. What about you all?

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At first I thought I would never be able to live without stimulants - never. I didn't think it was possible, and I didn't see myself ever living without them. I've learned that it is actually possible to live without stimulants in your life. And I've learned how much better life is without it. I learned that all the things I came to rely on Adderall for are things I can do without it -- which is pretty much everything. I used to feel like I was a slave to those pills. I no longer feel like a slave. Even though I remember how damaging these pills were to my brain and body, i have also learned how important it is to stay vigilant, how it is possible that I could one day relapse, and how scary the thought of that is. Lil tex, you and I have had the same time clean Time from adderall and yet I can understand how easy it was for you to be so tempted again just last week.

I know that I must be the exception to the rule, but after nearly 4 years clean I still mentally , at times, crave adderall. But at the same time I am relying on my disgust for the drug would to never let me touch it again. But I hate it that I must continue to live with the threat of adderall returning.

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Such a great question Ashley!

 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about addiction and recovery as a whole.  Recovery from addictions of all kinds: substances, food, people, exercise, work, etc.   I think recovery is a whole process.  It's not just about quitting one substance.  It's about becoming whole again, and learning not to depend on external sources for what we can generate on our own.

 

So I think I might have summed up what I've learned in a text I recently sent to my codependent, substance-abusing ex:

 

"I believe that true peace and happiness and lucidity and energy have to come from within.  Not from other persons or places or jobs or money or substances.  It all has to come from YOU."

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For starters - Patience, faith, humility, empathy and letting go of control.

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I learned to appreciate things I took for granted. I don't know where I would be now had I never taken speed, but I know there is some insight I now have that I wouldn't without having gone through the addiction, abuse and recovery. For instance I now appreciate the natural God-given dopamine releasing mechanisms that I previously didn't realize I was getting pleasure from.

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For starters - Patience, faith, humility, empathy and letting go of control.

I love this!!  Letting go of control...yes, that just about covers it all. 

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Love this Ashely! 


 


That I can survive without Adderall. Life goes on. I am stronger than I thought. Life is good without it and hopefully will keep on getting better and better. It's also really nice to have a group of awesome people whom you've never meet - who are there for you and have been threw similar experiences and situations. 


 


Also, I don't miss it as much as I thought I was.


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I learned that it's ok to be afraid, when I was on adderall I didn't care what anyone thought. Adderall was a crutch, but this was unnatural. I learned it important to accept who you are, and if your not happy with it improve your self naturally. Addy was bad cuz it made you always want more and more but once it wore off you were just you.. Again. Not superman/woman. I learned that you are who you are and no drug will change that. One of my problems was that if my relationship with someone was with adderall-me I was afraid to show them regular-me in fear they wouldn't accept me or like me.

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Great topic.  First and foremost, I learned...this time around...that I am indeed an addict.  Substances, food, alcohol, sex...whatever takes me out of me...I want more of it to my detriment.  I discovered Adderall after being 15 years sober and thought I could take it safely after getting an ADD diagnosis.  WRONG.  The speedy effect made me crave alcohol and when I finally caved into the craving for that the vicious cycle of addiction really began and kicked in.  Speed in the morning and throughout the day to behave like superwoman, a bottle of wine and pot to come down in the evening and then a Xanax to knock me out so I could get up and start all over again the next day.  Four years I spun on that merry go round until I crashed and burned...BAD.

 

So, now clean and sober for a year and a half. Finally have stopped craving Addy for the most part.

 

I've learned so much about myself as a human and addict.  I've learned that the human spirit is capable of anything that stems from your truest and most authentic self.  I've learned that the authentic me I ran from for years is actually worthy of my self love and commitment to health and wellness

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