Brandy76 Posted October 1, 2014 Report Share Posted October 1, 2014 I've always been planning to stop, but you know the drill, there's always a reason why "you're not ready" My perscription ran out way too early, so I've been forced to be without if for 6 days. (I'm on IR 30 mg twice a day, but have been breaking up all the pills in pieces and just pop them throughout the day so I can't keep track of dosage) My saving grace however is Wellbutrin. It really helps keep my mood elevated so I feel happy/productive (minus the fast paced speediness). Wellbutrin down side /or sick side is I take an extra dose of Wellbutrin which isn't perscribed, in the afternoons where things can get really dismal at work if I didn't. (I'm only supposed to take 300mg for the day (two 150mg pills) but I now take 450 for the day) I tried not taking the wellbutrin in the afternoon & I was a walking zombie and could NOT for the life of me smile at anyone. Usually I can fake smile/interest, but without that extra boost.....wow I was an evil/miserable person. I still take my perscribed Xanax at night which really helps just make me feel pleasant and not think about "not having adderrall" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mila490 Posted October 3, 2014 Report Share Posted October 3, 2014 I know for me, one of the hardest parts and "when adderall turned on me" (the title of another topic on here) was when I realized just how heavily I relied on a pill to feel a certain way or do certain things. Certain things started out as work and school, then I found myself needing a pill to feel alive at all. It is really miserable when you try to take off a few days here and there because you think that's what life must be like without adderall. But it's not like that in the long run. Now that I'm 50+ days clean, I can tell you that I feel so much more balanced and even-keeled. I found the downs to be very extreme on weekends or other days when I didn't take pills. Once you get through those first few weeks of recovery, things start to even out. Overall recovery is certainly ongoing and much longer than that. I still feel exhausted and it's not all sunshine, but at least I'm not caught in a cycle of such drastic ups and downs. Anyways, your post struck me because it reminded me how frustrating it is to feel so dependent, yet so awful without taking something. It was awful for me in the beginning, but now I'm so happy that I took the necessary steps to stop taking this crap! Also, you're never going to feel 100% ready to quit. You have to reach a point where you decide the downsides are bad enough that you're ready to be done once and for all. This site has so many great tips to help you get through it, because it will be tough no matter what and no matter when you quit. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandy76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2014 I know for me, one of the hardest parts and "when adderall turned on me" (the title of another topic on here) was when I realized just how heavily I relied on a pill to feel a certain way or do certain things. Certain things started out as work and school, then I found myself needing a pill to feel alive at all. It is really miserable when you try to take off a few days here and there because you think that's what life must be like without adderall. But it's not like that in the long run. Now that I'm 50+ days clean, I can tell you that I feel so much more balanced and even-keeled. I found the downs to be very extreme on weekends or other days when I didn't take pills. Once you get through those first few weeks of recovery, things start to even out. Overall recovery is certainly ongoing and much longer than that. I still feel exhausted and it's not all sunshine, but at least I'm not caught in a cycle of such drastic ups and downs. Anyways, your post struck me because it reminded me how frustrating it is to feel so dependent, yet so awful without taking something. It was awful for me in the beginning, but now I'm so happy that I took the necessary steps to stop taking this crap! Also, you're never going to feel 100% ready to quit. You have to reach a point where you decide the downsides are bad enough that you're ready to be done once and for all. This site has so many great tips to help you get through it, because it will be tough no matter what and no matter when you quit. I always enjoy your posts. I been on this site for a while thinking about quitting. But just like you said on the days I give myself a break and don't take them which is usually the weekends, i'm so depressed that I just pop my xanax all weekend so I can be zoned out and not face the reality that I chased everyone away and have no companionship Now I need the drug to do just about anything that requires me to leave the house , which is why lately my weekends have literally been spent in a dark bedroom ordering take out pizza (thank god for my doggie who poor thing gets bored in the bed all day) Otherwise any general weekend task, like cleaning shopping, I need the pill to get going, but on weekends if I do take it I still don't get the tasks done & end up doing mindless stuff on the internet. Now I'm really scared how when I talk to people, they constantly tell me "you've already told that story to me twice" my memory is so horrible, it's frustrating The nighttime depression when I'm back from work & gym all by myself is horrendous which is why I rely so heavily on xanax at night to feel nice And I'm tired of always having to tell people that I took too many fat burners when I'm at a function, because then I come alive but maybe too much lol It's all exhausting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandy76 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2014 but needless to say I filled my perscription & started back on the cycle. It's weird, the ups on addy are very enjoyable so when I had that break there were no ups. Having to function at work with not even an hour of "an up" was miserable, and after work I had no enthusiasm to even go to the gym, which is my life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mila490 Posted October 3, 2014 Report Share Posted October 3, 2014 I was in your position 2 months ago and can completely relate to the horrible nights and weekends. The memory stuff freaks me out because I also had horrible memory for the two years I was on it. Start making a list of all the downsides. Sure, that up felt great when you first started taking it, but now it's harder and harder to sustain and you'll always be chasing that. I can't tell you what's right for you or the right timing, but I know for me it was impossible to ignore a list in front of my face with way more negative than positive impacts on my life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drinkgreentes Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 Hi brandy It's been a few weeks since I quit and I feel good and bad. Probably the fact that your on his site in the first place means that you have the strength to pull yourself through. For me the social benefits of adderall was my favorite, like you mentioned at work. I couldn't work without adderall, or people would make me feel bad and I was a lifeless zombie like you described. But things get better as cliche as that sounds. Remember adderall is a love option that tricks your mind into believing everything is enjoyable. This however is false lol people hate work and people just think your weird if you enjoy it. I love how mila mentioned her realization of her dependency. Let me tell you from the bottom of my heart. The grass is indeed greener on the other side. I never have to worry about my prescription anymore. I can stop and close my eyes and enjoy the breeze on my face and enjoy my life again which you will too. I can drink coffee again to also. Good luck brandy You can do it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sepiroth Posted October 21, 2014 Report Share Posted October 21, 2014 i know for some reason that you can beat this crap out of you, i believe in you. the fact that you build so much courage to post your story is quite a remarkable one, and i salute you for that 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerbean Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 Brandy--you're taking a pretty nasty mix of drugs. Have you considered getting off the xanax before the adderall? I quit xanies about a year and a half before adderall. I ask this because xanax, as i understand it, prevents you from entering into slow wave sleep--the restorative sleep cycle. If your body isn't really getting rest because of the xanax, then quitting will be impossible/miserable. Please do not try to quit xanax with out talking to a doctor though-- Xanies are physically a lot more dangerous to quit than adderall (can cause psychosis, death, etc. if you stop cold turkey) as an iside, the xanax to sleep, adderall to wake is a really nasty and horrific cycle that some of us find ourselves in. for me, the adderall is mentally more difficult for me to cope with losing, but the physical withdrawal from xanax was fucking terrifying....like nothing I have ever experienced before....and hope never too.... if anyone readign this is on the xanax/adderall coaster, here's some good reading about benzos: http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/ --i think the benzos (xanax being a really strong benzo) might be the priority to cut out of your life first because they likely screw your body up more...i guess the adderall was kind of a life saver getting off benzos, but i couldn't imaging trying to quit adderall while on benzos. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerbean Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 i'm sorry if i'm sort of off topic, i just feel really strongly about benzos (xanax in particular) because it began to ruin my life emotionally and physically a lot faster than adderall, adn i think that in the US the FDA has been really terrible by not banning these drugs. they are horrific to quit....like nothing i have ever experienced before, and I just feel really strongly that people who are putting those drugs into their bodies should have all the information available to them about how the drug works and what it does to you. it quite literally stamps down your senses...when you quit it, you hear things you ordinarily cannot, things look sharper...things taste different....you also hallucinate and have the most horrific expereinces dreaming/sleeping imaginable while your body starts to catch up on lost REM and slow wave sleep. all in all--getting off xanies--was an experience that was awesome in the best and worst ways imaginable. i still remember coming into work, pressing my ear to the floor and listening to cars driving towards my building, the raods making these crazy sounds I never heard before. I literally lost my mind for a while. anyway....digressing....i know this is not a quit xanax site, but a quit adderall one, but i don't think it's uncommon for people to have a script for both becuase it helps having a xanax at night if you want to turn off your adderall addled brain, so i'm throwing this information out there for anyone who may find it useful. especially, again....the ashton manual: http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/ maybe we should make a similar manual for quitting adderall. i know the ashton manual saved me when i quit benzos... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandy76 Posted October 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 Brandy--you're taking a pretty nasty mix of drugs. Have you considered getting off the xanax before the adderall? I quit xanies about a year and a half before adderall. I ask this because xanax, as i understand it, prevents you from entering into slow wave sleep--the restorative sleep cycle. If your body isn't really getting rest because of the xanax, then quitting will be impossible/miserable. Please do not try to quit xanax with out talking to a doctor though-- Xanies are physically a lot more dangerous to quit than adderall (can cause psychosis, death, etc. if you stop cold turkey) as an iside, the xanax to sleep, adderall to wake is a really nasty and horrific cycle that some of us find ourselves in. for me, the adderall is mentally more difficult for me to cope with losing, but the physical withdrawal from xanax was fucking terrifying....like nothing I have ever experienced before....and hope never too.... if anyone readign this is on the xanax/adderall coaster, here's some good reading about benzos: http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/ --i think the benzos (xanax being a really strong benzo) might be the priority to cut out of your life first because they likely screw your body up more...i guess the adderall was kind of a life saver getting off benzos, but i couldn't imaging trying to quit adderall while on benzos. Wow thanks so much for all that info on Xanax. I never realized it doesn't put you into REM sleep. Before addy I only took Xanax to fly so I could pass out & not be so nervous. So maybe like 3 times a year I used Xanax. But once I started addy I noticed I couldn't fall asleep no matter how tired my body felt. I would lay there for sooo long before falling asleep. I don't think I have a problem with xanax since I would never take it during the day because it just makes me too tired and I don't like that feeling. Taking 1mg a night doesn't seem all that bad. Someone once mentioned you're a xanax addict when you start taking the xanax "bars" But you're right; it's a horrific cycle I'm in. I'm always tired no matter how much I pass out on the weekends (xanax induced stupor lol) I'm sure if I stopped the addy my body would be so tired I won't need xanax to calm down or fall asleep. Normally I'm a very calm person; never have panic attacks and just never liked that downer feeling, so I don't think xanax is my problem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandy76 Posted October 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 i know for some reason that you can beat this crap out of you, i believe in you. the fact that you build so much courage to post your story is quite a remarkable one, and i salute you for that Aww thanks!! Telling my story is easy...now actually having the courage to quit is the challenge. There's always some event I have to be in shape for....so I"m scared of what would happen if I stopped appearance wise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerbean Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 i was up to 4mg xanax at bedtime. had been on it for a year. i think my body sort of started telling me to stop taking it. sometimes i'd wake up gasping for air (it was causing me to develop sleep apnea). If you do decide to stop xanax, just please read the entire Ashton Manual first as knowing/recognizing the withdrawal symptoms and realizing that they are a sign yoru body is healing will make it a lot less terrifying. If you don't experience anything with withdrawing from xanax, then consider yourself lucky and stay away from it (imo)! in any event--i'm not tryng to sound know-it-allish...i just went through such terrible hell with xanax. like you mention the xanax felt just kind of convenient to help deal with some left over adderall stuff. that made it easy for me to toss my left over xanies without any desire to go back, but the physical withdrawal was still a terrifying and horrific experience. So...i guess i am just trying to share my experiences in hopes that it might make things easier for the next person because I did it all alone (with the ashton manual, juice and tv!). but...i suspect you will know when you are ready to quit....xanax/addies or both. you'll get there. i sort of was in your position for about six months. burning through my adderall scripts really fast, facing like 10-15 days of withdrawal a month. then one month it was really bad. i took all my adderalls in like 7 days time. i got pretty okay with sleep, normal functioning before my refill, but i figured starting my new adderall script would be like a new honeymoon period with it (having been off of it for more than 20 days at that point i thought it'd be like that first dose again). I was sorely disappointed. i burned through my next script just as fast with almost no noticable benefits from the adderall. That's when i decided I was done. You will know when the time is right. what i can say that might help you, is that i found that after about six months of burning through my scripts early, the immediate withdrawal seemed to get easier each time around. I'm not sure if it's because i knew what to expect and how to make myself more comfortable, but it helped a bunch. when the time's right, you'll know it, and you'll be prepared and ready to kick ass at it because you've got the information and some experience (whether you wanted it then or not). Kudos to you for reaching out and educating yourself about everything--even when it wasn't the right time to quit. i agree there's no "convenient" time to get sober, and no better time than the present, but you have to want it. you'll know when you do. best of luck!! /hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerbean Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Aww thanks!! Telling my story is easy...now actually having the courage to quit is the challenge. There's always some event I have to be in shape for....so I"m scared of what would happen if I stopped appearance wise this is tough for me too. i put on 22lbs and am only about 30 days sober. but you know what? about a week ago, i noticed a huge natural energy spike. I'm working out 2x more frequently than i did on adderall, and i've lost 4lbs of those 22 i put on. I just need to put my eating back into check and i'm doing that by gradually cutting out the bad stuff...a little at a time. of coursse, for me, my tolerance of adderall had gotten so terrible it barely impacted my appetite anyway. i thnk i ate a lot more after quitting because of the comforting effect eating junk food can have on a person not because i was hungry for the first time in years. also remember your hair, nails, skin, teeth will be healthier after quitting adderall. i always had super dry mouth on addies (plus an irresistible urge to smoke cigarettes--i can kiss my boyfriend as deeply as i want to now without worrying that my mouth is dry and stinky! on addies, although i was thinnner, i just felt like my body was shriveling up...aging away. or...as Bilbo said, i felt like too little butter scraped across toast! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandy76 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 this is tough for me too. i put on 22lbs and am only about 30 days sober. but you know what? about a week ago, i noticed a huge natural energy spike. I'm working out 2x more frequently than i did on adderall, and i've lost 4lbs of those 22 i put on. I just need to put my eating back into check and i'm doing that by gradually cutting out the bad stuff...a little at a time. of coursse, for me, my tolerance of adderall had gotten so terrible it barely impacted my appetite anyway. i thnk i ate a lot more after quitting because of the comforting effect eating junk food can have on a person not because i was hungry for the first time in years. also remember your hair, nails, skin, teeth will be healthier after quitting adderall. i always had super dry mouth on addies (plus an irresistible urge to smoke cigarettes--i can kiss my boyfriend as deeply as i want to now without worrying that my mouth is dry and stinky! on addies, although i was thinnner, i just felt like my body was shriveling up...aging away. or...as Bilbo said, i felt like too little butter scraped across toast! I hear ya with the hair & other stuff getting better. On addy my hair got so thin I actually had a britanny spears moment and just cut it all off, which normally would've been a huge thing to me since my hair was my everything. But it's sad that being on addy I pretty much felt nothing when I had to cut it to start from scratch. I'm same way with addy & appetitie, I can eat a lot on it. The wellbutrin though has squashed my appetitie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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