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dangerbean

this is so hard

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-I've used a LOT of adderall ever since I began attending law school over a decade ago.  I heard of other students taking it to get and stay ahead in a highly competitive environment, so I jumped on that band wagon.  Since then, I have had periods where I have stopped taking it.  About three and a half years ago, I went through a really bad break up and changed jobs.  I got back on Adderall.  At first it helped tremendously with my mood, losing weight, being able to work and not think about my broken heart.  About six months ago, however, I began burning through my perscriptions really, really fast.  Like two weeks early.  And then I would be in withdrawal til the next script day--which was like Christmas.  But even with those scripts, the first couple of days would be good and productive, but more and more, i felt less and less like I did anything besides sit around and think.  So, eventually, when I had burned through a script really fast, I decided not to keep taking them--figuring that the worst of withdrawal was over and they had become counter productive anyway.  For several weeks I did feel like I had a new lease on life.  Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, shopping, household projects were all fun and I was doing them all because it just felt good too--not because I was in absolute dire straights to get them done for the first time in i can't remember how long.  But that feeling seems to have worn off too.  now I just feel tired, and a lot of anxiety.  I know it is work related, but it is so hard for me to get any work done.  It's been about 30 days since I quit.  I also used to be a big pilates buff and I cannot even seem to get the easiest workouts completed, but when I feel that anxiety I try really hard to exercise to help relieve it.  I'm glad I'm not living on adderall, but I still feel miserable.  How can i get myself into good work habits?  how can i get myself in to good eating/exercise habbits?  how can i manage this anxiety/depression?

 

thanks all for listening.

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How are you holding up dangerbean?  I can relate to everything your saying.  I don't have much advice tonight, but offering some support and encouragement.    

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How are you holding up dangerbean?  I can relate to everything your saying.  I don't have much advice tonight, but offering some support and encouragement.    

thanks for the positive vibes...I'm okay.  Some days are better than others.  Breaking bad habits and forming new good habits is the biggest challenge--that and my nasty procrastination bug.  I also discovered it's probably best if i stay away from drinking alcohol since apparenlty one day of hangover laziness will bleed into an entire weekend of it (skipped workouts, delaying chores/projects, eating everything in sights), and even into a monday morning.  It's so easy for me to slip into bad patterns of behavior right now.  Even getting into my car and driving to run errands feels like a monumental task.  Even thinking about doing the things i want to do and need to do feels exhausting.  is this depression?

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Yep, withrawal is a long and tedious process and you have to take a long view of recovery or you will be miserable. You used a drug for 10 years, so think of recovery in terms of years, not months. Your first year sober will probably suck but after the first 6 months or so time started to go much faster for me. Not trying to scare you, just giving you a reality check. Learn to deal with the discomfort rather than avoid it because that's just not possible.

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thanks guys.  i am messing up at work big time....but i work for myself, so i guess i can't get fired....just lose business (not that that is desirable).....i guess reckoning is part of this process.  I'm just trying to find the right emotional balance of how much of the reckoning i should feel bad about (i.e. accepting responsibility and learning from mistakes) v how much i should forgive myself for right now.  and maybe it's a 100% on both sides of that equation.  I just have an anxiety problem and although i've gotten better over the years of managing it, it's always a challenge and i don't really know where i'm going with this post lol.....

 

has anyone tried any anti-depressants post adderall?  going into winter.....well...yeah.....

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