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My life has been a series of disappointments.


Prism1020

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Despite saying your story is unlike others, it is not.  Specifically, you started with a honeymoon with adderall--followed by it leading you down a path of insecurity and insincerity.  Your behavior you describe is addiction.  YOu went through a lot of horrible stuff very young, and along came a drug that made life seem like you could understand how the universe worked.  All this hope and sense at a time when your life at home--the thing you learned to rely upon as a pillar of your stability--had just fallen apart around you.

 

anyway....you have a tough path ahead of you.  if you want to feel better, you've taken a good step in coming here.  you see a shrink, maybe you should try being honest with him/her about what you want and how you feel.  you've begun to be honest wtih yourself--to make changes you'll need to learn to be honest with others too.  expect it to go slow with slip ups along the way.  good luck  

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