blakery123

My Story

38 posts in this topic

Hello,

 

My name is Blake and I quit Adderall about 2 months ago.  I am still very seriously feeling the side effects of quitting.  I am currently in college studying biochemistry at UCSD and things are not well at all.  My sleeping schedule is unbelievably inconsistent, with some nights ending at 6 in the morning.  I almost always nap during the day for several hours and stay in bed, in some cases, until 4-5 pm.  My new roommate must think I am the worst.  I am so lethargic all the time and have no passion toward anything.  It makes me extremely sad to think about it, since before I was on Adderall, I had been an avid guitar player and performer who really cared about entertaining people but haven't picked up my Martin since I quit.  I had been on the drug for about 3 years and wish I had never started.  Grades improved (although I truly believe I could have done well without the pills) and my social life strained.  I am convinced I never truly had ADD and I am skeptical as to whether it is even a real disorder.  Looking back, I can't help thinking "How dare they so casually diagnose this disease!"  I should have expected an MRI scan, with a neuroscientist's opinion on the matter.  "Yep, by the way you're brain is lighting up, we can see that it's likely you have ADD."  Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.  You give them symptoms and they give you pills.  In any case,  I would be really grateful to hear some success stories and any other comments from you guys.

 

Thank you,  

 

Blake

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Blake,

 

I took adderall for 2.5 years and like you, did not really need it. My life was great before adderall. I became hooked and it completely ruined my life. I quit and 26 months later now, I am finally getting to a WONDERFUL place in life. Everything in my life is starting to fall into place. I had to stop going to school for over a year after quitting - I just couldn't do it. I was off in every way, my mind did not work correctly. Even at a year sober, the recovery that my brain was going to experience was JUST BEGINNING. Stick with it bud, it's worth it I promise. My life is better than ever now and I couldn't have gotten here without quitting adderall. Things aren't just going to fall into place, you have to work at it every day. Get out of bed. Play your guitar. Do things that make you happy and challenge you. It's going to be difficult and some days you'll feel like giving up, but I promise it is worth it. Good things are there for people who have the patience to see this through. You'll be amazed by the month to month progress you make over the next couple years until eventually you'll be stronger and better than the person you were even before adderall. This problem will help you grow into something better than you've ever been, you just need to have the patience and perseverance to see it through.

 

Blesbro

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Blake,

 

I took adderall for 2.5 years and like you, did not really need it. My life was great before adderall. I became hooked and it completely ruined my life. I quit and 26 months later now, I am finally getting to a WONDERFUL place in life. Everything in my life is starting to fall into place. I had to stop going to school for over a year after quitting - I just couldn't do it. I was off in every way, my mind did not work correctly. Even at a year sober, the recovery that my brain was going to experience was JUST BEGINNING. Stick with it bud, it's worth it I promise. My life is better than ever now and I couldn't have gotten here without quitting adderall. Things aren't just going to fall into place, you have to work at it every day. Get out of bed. Play your guitar. Do things that make you happy and challenge you. It's going to be difficult and some days you'll feel like giving up, but I promise it is worth it. Good things are there for people who have the patience to see this through. You'll be amazed by the month to month progress you make over the next couple years until eventually you'll be stronger and better than the person you were even before adderall. This problem will help you grow into something better than you've ever been, you just need to have the patience and perseverance to see it through.

 

Blesbro

for myself and other people who have just recently quit or are thinking about quitting, how did things actually start to feel better after adderall? you reiterate it here several times but i don't see any examples really. people say things will be better and that you don't need it but i've been on it for nine years and i just can't imagine getting past the readjustment period and liking my life better at that 

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I feel you man. I am nearly 2 weeks clean from a 1.5 year amphetamine habit. Not a super insane one by any means but I just hate doing everything. I never feel like picking up my guitar, writing songs or even playing video games. It's disheartening considering I used to be a professional musician for a living. I'm ordering a new drum kit with my tax return and kinda just forcing myself back into it. If you have the means, I'd say try to buy yourself new toys (pedals, amps, guitars, etc.), anything to get yourself excited about playing again.

I've quit multiple times and from my experience, it just doesn't come back on it's own. If it does, it will surely take a lot longer to get passion back if you aren't actively trying.

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It's really pretty simple, Blake.  An Adderall addiction is unsustainable.  Can you see yourself on Adderall the rest of your life?

If not, welcome to the forum and good luck with your Quit.  

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I am almost 8 months clean, and I am finally feeling like I can do this.  I don't think about it or need it everyday...and that is HUGE.  You have damaged your brain and you have to give it time to recover.  Welcome to the site.  It has been hugely important for my recovery. 

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I don't think about it anymore.  I read an article about Adderall a little bit ago and it reminded me I should come visit the site.

 

It takes time, but the longer clean time you have the more it becomes a distant memory. 

 

I am just very blessed I go to bed and sleep well every night.  I think that was the worst part for me when taking Adderall.  I would stay up all night long and get like 2 hours of sleep sometimes or sometimes just stay up for 2 days straight.  I was a mess and it made me paranoid, insane, aggressive, jumpy, giddy, hostile, and caused so many problems.  Life is just easier today without it and I don't feel I'm ready to fly off the edge like I used to.

 

It's good to be sober. I am blessed.

 

You can do this!

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Hi, it's been a while since I posted. I just wanted to let you know that it will get better. You will be able to function normally again. I had to take some personal time off from work so I could recover and it was worth every minute. I can function like a normal person again. I don't need to sleep for hours upon end to make it through the day. You will recover, and you are doing great by taking that first step to get clean from adderall. The biggest rule of thumb when getting clean is to not take a single pill no matter how tempted you are. Keep it up and be strong and be really easy on yourself as you recover and know things will get better after the hard days of initial recovery.

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ADD is a difference in cognition not a disorder. Your mind grapes just work different.   Figure out what your good at , what works for you and build an empire.  Play your strengths and hire a good accountant etc for all the other stuff you are not good at.

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Hi there. I was abusing adderall for about 2.5-3 years. HEAVILY.

up to 200mg a day. Running through my script within the first couple of weeks and then waiting in torment for my refill. 

I LIVED for adderall. It was my saving grace at first. 

I had dropped out of college at 18. Had no job, no motivation, just got out of an abusive relationship.

Decided to fake ADD and get a script to lose weight and get some motivation.

It helped me to find my passion for baking, get a new job (which i have been at for three years), and go to and complete my baking degree. 

But, i abused it. I binged, i drank loads of alcohol, smoked weed, partied, barely ate or slept.

Needless to say it took its toll. I became paranoid, so depressed, manic, high and low-you get the point.

I came here, tried to quit numerous times, failed.

Tried again, succeeded. 

Here i am nearly a year later, adderall free. I'll be honest, it took some time for me to get my passion back.

I worried i didn't really like baking, that it was just the drugged me that did. I had and still have self doubts, but i let go and never looked back. I am telling you, if i quit you can quit.

I honestly was ready to die on adderall. Didn't care if i did. 

Now i am so grateful i got off of that horrible drug.

My advice to you is to use this site to your advantage. Write a list of all the reasons why you need to quit-because you will forget why you quit once your a week or two sober. You'll romanticize your abuse and only recall the positives.

If you can tell a friend or family member, do so.

Have patience.

Your energy and positivity will return.

Don't expect to do things (your job, school, writing, exercising) at the same crazy high level you did on adderall. That was a drug induced state. A sober human is not naturally that freaking motivated or excited to be working or cleaning all the time. 

Be good to yourself. Do not talk down to yourself. 

With time, you will feel natural happiness again. Your brain needs time to repair the damage. But it will.

You have to be willing to let the drug go completely.

I have faith in you.

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Blake,

 

I took adderall for 2.5 years and like you, did not really need it. My life was great before adderall. I became hooked and it completely ruined my life. I quit and 26 months later now, I am finally getting to a WONDERFUL place in life. Everything in my life is starting to fall into place. I had to stop going to school for over a year after quitting - I just couldn't do it. I was off in every way, my mind did not work correctly. Even at a year sober, the recovery that my brain was going to experience was JUST BEGINNING. Stick with it bud, it's worth it I promise. My life is better than ever now and I couldn't have gotten here without quitting adderall. Things aren't just going to fall into place, you have to work at it every day. Get out of bed. Play your guitar. Do things that make you happy and challenge you. It's going to be difficult and some days you'll feel like giving up, but I promise it is worth it. Good things are there for people who have the patience to see this through. You'll be amazed by the month to month progress you make over the next couple years until eventually you'll be stronger and better than the person you were even before adderall. This problem will help you grow into something better than you've ever been, you just need to have the patience and perseverance to see it through.

 

Blesbro

Blesbro, i am nearly a year sober and noticed that some of my ambition and motivation is JUST now coming back. Natural brain tingles and happy feelings and such. You said that one year of recovery for you was just the beginning...does that mean my life may get even better? Or that my brain is still a year later recovering from by heavy abuse?

Thanks!

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for myself and other people who have just recently quit or are thinking about quitting, how did things actually start to feel better after adderall? you reiterate it here several times but i don't see any examples really. people say things will be better and that you don't need it but i've been on it for nine years and i just can't imagine getting past the readjustment period and liking my life better at that 

Annie, things are better after adderall because the happiness you feel will actually be real, not chemically induced. 

You also wont have mind numbing down periods when the drug begins to wear off.

Your emotions will not be like a never ending rollercoaster.

You will feel in control of your mind and your actions.

You will no longer be poisoning your body, therefore it will be healthier-as well as your mind.

You wont feel so unstable. You will not be euphoric and happy for a few hours just to feel depressed and restless for the rest of the day/night

You will get a beautiful nights sleep!!! You will dream vivid dreams!

You will speak your mind and say how you feel and say things that matter rather than be speedy and talkative and speaking of things that don't.

You wont be happy 24/7, but you wont be feeling awful and sad either. You will have a steady and fluctuating range of REAL HONEST emotions.

Just to name a few.

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Don't expect to do things (your job, school, writing, exercising) at the same crazy high level you did on adderall. That was a drug induced state. A sober human is not naturally that freaking motivated or excited to be working or cleaning all the time.

I love this !! How sad is it that we can't tell the difference anymore? What is normal anyway? Not being jacked up on adderall, that's for sure.
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I love this !! How sad is it that we can't tell the difference anymore? What is normal anyway? Not being jacked up on adderall, that's for sure.

It is a really hard thing to overcome, but once i kept telling myself it wasn't natural or expected of me to act as i did on adderall it got easier...and now i find myself gaining back a little natural energy bit by bit

xo

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When you guys say 'back to normal,' is it really FULLY back to normal?  Is there anyone on here that feels like they have completely returned to their old self?  My memory seems also completely shot.  I forget so much all the time.  I used to have such vivid memories and now all of high school is a haze.  I really hope that returns as well.  I still work hard and have some goals that I have forced upon myself.  I want to develop a few app ideas and learn how to code.  However, I can't help thinking that I will never develop any logical prowess, which is very important to me.  Can anyone comment on their ability to visualize details in mathematics or coding after coming off of adderall?  I feel like my ability to really internalize this kind of information is gone.  I think probably the biggest thing, however, is my ability to stay on subject.  My mind seems so capricious, and even my ability to care about that, is gone.  

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In my experience, creativity and problem solving skills are in stronger when NOT using adderall.  But the mental endurance to keep going during frustration and stubbornly continue through adversity obviously is aided by the drug.

If you like coding and mathematics while using adderall, you probably like it naturally as well.  You just can't do it for as long in one sitting.  But that's a good thing anyway.

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I guess it's a hard question to answer, but do you feel like your ability to do mathematics and solve problems was at all diminished permanently after adderall? Can you compare or remember how it was before using?

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I can still do mathematics and my problem solving is more logical and easier to explain to others.  Adderall just made me want to do things more, and I don't have that motivation to do tedious things like I did.  I don't live for excel spreadsheets anymore, but I still do them for others.  I do think that at 8 months clean it is still too soon for me to consider going back to school for my masters degree...

 

I really do not remember how it was before Adderall, but I know I was successful in college and in high school...without the drug.

The feeling escapes me, though.  So, will I even know when I am my "old self" again?  Not sure if I will recognize it.  Still, I am content to be present again.  I was missing for so long...

 

I hope my crazy rambling helps a bit.  I am a genuinely diagnosed ADHD girl after all.

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Always awesome, how do you feel 8 months off? Can you describe any symptoms you still feel and what it was like right after you quit? Sorry, if it's too much ask, that's totally cool.

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I think honestly it probably was diminished permanently somewhat.  But I choose not to think about that.

Instead I think about it like this:

My FULL potential was probably diminished.  But I doubt many of us really do ever fully achieve our full potential.

No matter what I know I can still do awesome without it.  I probably could have been more awesome if I never touched the stuff, but that's no longer an option.  And dwelling on it is not productive so I have to make a conscious choice not to.

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Well, I don't always feel awesome.  LOL!  I feel unmotivated a lot.  If it is not very, like super duper mega, important...I don't want to do it.  Today, I started writing some procedures which I have been putting off.  Once I got started, I was cooking right along and didn't want to stop to have lunch!  That is new.  I haven't felt like that in a couple of years.   Remember, Adderall starts to lose its effectiveness after a while.  I chose to quit rather than increase my dose.  The magical feeling of super powers doesn't last.  I am not craving it at all.  I can honestly say that.  I don't want to start it back.  I have recently started to eat better and exercise, so I am going to lose this weight! 

 

A simple answer to your question:  I feel like a human again.  A fat, mostly lazy human.  A happy, peaceful human... Normal?  Getting there!

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Yeah I sounded overly optimistic with

"No matter what I know I can still do awesome without it."

I don't mean to say that I am feeling awesome (or even doing very awesome right now).

I meant sticking it out for the long game.  Trying to to a little bit better each month than the one before.

I feel like adderall just bypasses the whole growth factor and shoots you up to a solid 6 without having to develop yourself to get there.  In the long run, I'd rather be a 3/10 productivity wise now but hold on to hope that one day I can be a 7.

What I meant to say is "No matter what I know I can eventually be awesome without it."

And by "know" I mean "hope", etc.   .. and all that jazz. 

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Oh no, I was referring to my screen name. I chose that name in the hopes that I would always be awesome, but I found myself struggling to just get up in the morning. You can be awesome! I am awesome more and more every day.

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