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Topofthemorning

Quitting Adderall

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Hi, I am looking to meet other people who have had horrible experiences on adderall and desire to recover. In 2008 I started Adderall as I started to pursue a degree in College. In 2011 I experienced a trauma and I don't think being on Adderall helped. I was on Adderall 7 days a week 20 mg a day. I stopped taking addy for about 9 months in 2012 and then went back on it for almost 2 years. This time I am quitting bc I had almost all the side effects from adderall. I have 6 months clean right now. I feel the first time I came off of it I went through a lot of physical pain as well as mental but I healed only go back out on adderall. 2nd time quitting the side effects have linguered and wondering when I will be getting better. I have changed my diet completely. I have started clean eating, juicing, taking Juiceplus which is a veggie and fruits capsules, omega3s, and kelp. I have been doing everything I can think of and read about to get better .. People had said I could have had a psychosis the 1st time I got adderall but I didn't think I was experiencing those types of things until this second time around where some really horrible stuff has happened. Since quitting my brain has felt like it is melting and I feel like I have had brain damage. I am better than the 1st day I quit but it seems like an extremely slow process... much slower this 2nd time around quitting. I was borderline narceleptic before getting on adderral in 2008 and I did have ADD. I think bc I experienced this trauma in 2011 just made everything worse in my life and are now suffering side effects from this drug.  

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I'm 9 mths clean right now and I feel a little similar to you. I wonder if I have brain damage or if I just ruined myself long term. From reading some of the past posts on this discussion forum it sounds like most of the members got better past the 1yr mark so I am really hopeful. I really think you will feel better with time too. Congratulations for quitting a second time! That's huge.

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I wonder if it is like quitting cigarettes.  I have read that after you quit smoking  the first time your lungs heal themselves.  But, you do more damage to your lungs if you start smoking again.  Also, that damage is harder to recover from. 

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But, seriously...most of us have tried to quit a ton of times before it took.  It does get better, right guys? 

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Ive been trying to read on adderall induced psychosis on medpub and google scholar but haven't found really any medical information about getting out of a psychosis besides hearing other people to stop doing adderall if you get into a psychosis. Ive read some stories of people being in a psychosis up to 2 years after quitting adderall. I don't think I would have even gotten on adderall in the beg if I knew you could go into a psychosis let alone have your brain melted off by using it. I have no prior drug use or prescription drug use before adderall and I have no known mental illness in my family. I was a very spiritual person before this happened for many many years.  A lot of the side effects seem like they are spiritual issues... I am attending a 12 step group as apart of my recovery. 

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Do you believe you have an adderall induced psychosis? What happens to you during one? Just curious. I haven't read up on the topic myself.

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Congrats on 2 months.   You are still very early in recovery things will be still rocky try to focus on your routine eat well, sleep well, exercise repeat. Just allow this process to happen , sleep, go to meetings,etc. Your job is to recover right now.  You haven't melted your brain. Most of what you are experiencing is depression and well it sucks.  If you want to research look into the recovery process of people getting off speed and meth.  It is a similar recovery process.  The problem with Adderall is little research exists I suspect a lot has been suppressed.  

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I can't really add much to this but I at the very least in my case, having healed for about 2 months and then gone back on the drug was psychologically damaging.  I feel like it was where I began to really question myself and whether I really had any say in the matter.  I totally lost faith in my ability to quit and I went right back to crazyland for a good 3 months.

I don't have any valid medical opinion but I do think you will get a great reward from breaking through that 9 month mark where you finally feel like you are making new ground.  I could just be projecting my hopes and what I want to believe.

 

Either way hang in there it is so awesome that you made it 6 months clean I am looking up to you!

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Thank you roobiki. Congrats on your one month!

 

I had lost my faith the first time I got off Adderall for 9 months and then went back on to adderall for almost 2 years still trying to get my faith back as I was devout in my spirituality before I even got off of adderall bc I didn't think anything was wrong in using adderall as I was using it as prescribed or even less than prescribed. 

This second time around quitting and having 6 months now is completely different than the first time. I keep trying to cleave unto my faith and spirituality even though it seems like it is non existant some times. 

This second time around I went into a psychosis which intrusive and bombarding thoughts hit my head every second questioning my faith trying to change how I looked at things and preceived things. Thoughts about even if I was on planet earth. They were the stupist thoughts I've had and I do believe this was a psychosis bc I have never thought of stupid thoughts like this until this second time around on adderall.  These thoughts have really started to destroy my faith ... I am still trying to stick in there and try to ride this thing out.

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Adderall seriously fucks with your brain chemistry.  What you are experiencing is a calibration of sorts which is why you sleep a lot in early recovery.  Its hard to think clearly and easy to be distracted. When I was at 2 months I was filled with grief and heavy with regret.  Depression had really set in and I was feeling horrible about everything and sleeping alot.

 

Maybe stop looking for your failth and let it find you.  Just distract yourself with excercise, netlix or any activity you can loose yourself in. The negative thoughts you are thinking are a product of depression, which is very common in early recovery. I struggle with the big D still.  Many here go on anti-depressants you may want to explore the option with your doctor.  Exercise is the best anti-depressant , i know every fiber of your being is telling you to stay inside with windows drawn. But you have to make it your mission to get out for a walk or the gym.  

 

I'm praying for you. I know things seem bleak. But when the first rays of light break through it will be glorious. 

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