Popular Post LILTEX41 Posted April 10, 2015 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 Good morning my quitting adderall friends! I just woke up from a horrid vivid nightmare of having a full bottle of 30mg orange pills. In my dream, I was trying to get home because I still had 3 more hours of work for the day, but I kept getting side tracked (suddenly had an interview, bus dropped me off 5 blocks away from my home, etc.). As I started walking home, I saw a library. I went into the library thinking I could use one of their computers. As I opened my purse, there they were. An entire bottle of 30 mg pills. I knew if I took one, I could probably run home FAST and make it on time. There was a delay of about 20 seconds before spotting the pills and then it going into my mouth. Then paranoia set in. I tried to leave the library, but forgot my purse on the 2nd floor with my pills! I started sweating profusely. I ran back upstairs as fast as I could. I found my pills! I went into a bathroom. I suddenly dropped a pill in the sink and then I couldn't remember if I'd already taken the 1st pill. So I took a 2nd 30mg pill soaking wet. Then I looked down and discovered I dropped the whole bottle of pills in the sink with running water and they were all disintegrating before my eyes. I grabbed the wet pills. Suddenly I was in a vacation home with my best friend and her family going to the beach to swim. Did they know I had adderall? Did they know I was high? Where should I hide the pills? I'm supposed to be working! Oh crap, I'm going to get fired! And then I woke up. It was 7:30 and I was not late to work. EVERYTHING WAS FINE. So today I thought it would be nice to dwell on the gratitude of being clean today and no longer having to live in this state of fear, panic, and anxiety that I used to feel being on adderall. Here is my short gratitude list for today. Gratitude God Sobriety - freedom from addiction Sanity Family Hope for a bright future Health Prosperity No insane asylums Roof over my head Plenty of food to eat Car Nice Job The gift of helping others - hopefully inspire people to get well That's all for now. Have a blessed day my friends! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted April 10, 2015 Report Share Posted April 10, 2015 good clients, loving parents, a mortgage I CAN AFFORD, my cat, good neighbors, reasonably healthy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2015 good clients, loving parents, a mortgage I CAN AFFORD, my cat, good neighbors, reasonably healthy. I'm glad your kitty is okay! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psychgirl617 Posted April 12, 2015 Report Share Posted April 12, 2015 Feeling "normal" in early recovery....i.e. doing things like taking my clothes to the dry cleaner, scheduling a hair appointment (and actually showing up!); Being able to tolerate intense irritability/loneliness without pills; Developing some sort of spirituality; Stability! Not so many ups and downs.... My cat My health My support system 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted April 13, 2015 Report Share Posted April 13, 2015 Not having to worry: am I going to be done this by the time my adderall wears off? I don't miss that tell-tale feeling where I realized my buzz was ending, and then being overwhelmed with the compulsion to take another pill to make it go away. And the thought in the back of my mind (and me trying to push it back further, even as the supply dwindled) dreading the fact that EVENTUALLY I'm going to have to come back to reality.I'm grateful that's gone. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survived Posted April 13, 2015 Report Share Posted April 13, 2015 Great post! I am grateful for my health. My health was seriously declining physically and mentally on Adderall and now in recovery my body is slowly recuperating. I'm so grateful I'm able to reverse some of the damage. I am grateful for my friends and family. They stuck by me when I was not very nice or compassionate towards them. Now, I am showing them all the love I should have never stopped giving them. I'm so grateful to be alive. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2015 Not having to worry: am I going to be done this by the time my adderall wears off? I don't miss that tell-tale feeling where I realized my buzz was ending, and then being overwhelmed with the compulsion to take another pill to make it go away. And the thought in the back of my mind (and me trying to push it back further, even as the supply dwindled) dreading the fact that EVENTUALLY I'm going to have to come back to reality. I'm grateful that's gone. Fantastic!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2015 Great post! I am grateful for my health. My health was seriously declining physically and mentally on Adderall and now in recovery my body is slowly recuperating. I'm so grateful I'm able to reverse some of the damage. I am grateful for my friends and family. They stuck by me when I was not very nice or compassionate towards them. Now, I am showing them all the love I should have never stopped giving them. I'm so grateful to be alive. So wonderfully put. You sound joyful. That's the spirit! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted April 16, 2015 Report Share Posted April 16, 2015 I am grateful for my part-time job. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2015 I am grateful for my part-time job. What is kind of work are you doing Z? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted April 19, 2015 Report Share Posted April 19, 2015 What is kind of work are you doing Z? customer service + cold calling for a non-profit. The job is lame but it really helps with bills. I'm doing some interesting programming projects and such but the project cycle can be slow. Not really sure what the hell I am doing with my life, but I can't hire a high strung crazy corporate culture. I'm hoping one of my freelance clients takes me in house at some point. I live in a very petroleum based economy so low oil prices mean things are little slower. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2015 customer service + cold calling for a non-profit. The job is lame but it really helps with bills. I'm doing some interesting programming projects and such but the project cycle can be slow. Not really sure what the hell I am doing with my life, but I can't hire a high strung crazy corporate culture. I'm hoping one of my freelance clients takes me in house at some point. I live in a very petroleum based economy so low oil prices mean things are little slower. Well, good for you! You are still moving forward. Maybe you'll make some great contacts with the new job or utilize some of the skills for your other job. I think it's great you have a diversified work life. Don't worry Z! It will all work together for your good. I am glad to hear you are doing so great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zerokewl Posted April 20, 2015 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 20, 2015 Well, good for you! You are still moving forward. Maybe you'll make some great contacts with the new job or utilize some of the skills for your other job. I think it's great you have a diversified work life. Don't worry Z! It will all work together for your good. I am glad to hear you are doing so great. I worry and spin but all you can do is push projects forward. My boss is at my p/t job is amazing and super understanding. Just gotta make the quotas and your good. I just need to get into a routine and stick to it and things will come together quickly. Adderall basically destroyed my career and any momentum i had came to a crashing stop for awhile. I am super happy to be rolling again. Just gotta keep pushing forward and good things happen. I am so grateful for all the new and interesting clients I have. I'm grateful for the amazing city I live in. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted April 20, 2015 Report Share Posted April 20, 2015 I have tried to get several higher level positions lately. I can't imagine why I haven't gotten any call backs. Unless...I ruined quite a few working relationships and references may be a problem. Not because of my work history, but because of how vindictive and cruel people can be when pissed off. I am just going to assume that God is at work and I need to be in this boring ass job right now. It is not for me to question, it is only for me to do... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2015 I have tried to get several higher level positions lately. I can't imagine why I haven't gotten any call backs. Unless...I ruined quite a few working relationships and references may be a problem. Not because of my work history, but because of how vindictive and cruel people can be when pissed off. I am just going to assume that God is at work and I need to be in this boring ass job right now. It is not for me to question, it is only for me to do... It will happen when the time is right. Rock on sister! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 23, 2015 Report Share Posted April 23, 2015 What am I grateful for? More than anything else, I value my freedom. I didn't have total freedom while enslaved to Adderall and cigarette addictions. It was a hard way to live. I am grateful that kicking my addictions has entirely restored my personal freedoms. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted April 23, 2015 Report Share Posted April 23, 2015 That's a good one, and I forget it all too often! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted April 23, 2015 Report Share Posted April 23, 2015 I am grateful for friends, family, safety, sobriety, warm weather, good shoes, Monster energy drinks, and a job which allows me to be a slug most times. YAY! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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