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Shonuff92

Husband,Dad,Supervisor..& Addicted

13 posts in this topic

Heres my story,

My name is Michael.I have an amazing wife,2 awesome kids (one on the way),a very good paying job. I started working in the "oil-field" 5 years ago. Well my first hitch out, it almost killed me. I worked harder than ive ever worked before in my life. But, I made it, It got easier. So I had decided that if I was going to be gone 6 months out of the year,Why not make as much $$ as I can? So I did,I busted my butt day after day. I got promotion after promotion. Im currently in a spot that most men work 8-12 years to be in. (Im 24) So I am very blessed, And very thankful. But here's my problem= After about my 2nd year, I decided to go to the Dr. about being constantly fatigued/sleepy. I was then prescribed Vyvanse. It made me twice the worker I'd ever dreamed of being.Over time I swapped over to Adderall etc. and Adderall is what I'm currently taking. I HATE it! I cannot function without it. I have quit cold turkey last month, I slept for literally 4 days straight. Woke up just to eat/shower then right back to bed. Keep in mind I work 2 weeks gone/2 weeks home, so this is time im supposed to be spending with my pregnant wife,boys, and doing all my other house/yard duties. My wife doesn't work (pregnancy problems), I have 1 wife+2 boys+1 new baby that depend on =Me. I Love my family unconditionally, and will do anything for them. But this MED has made me anti-social,irritable,un-able to show affection, etc. I am at work now, laying in my bed, Have been stressing this for months now and came across this website. I feel alone,I have a family that needs a Strong Dad,6 men that work for me that need a Dependable Boss,and bills that just have to be paid. Advice?Support?Comments?

Thanks -Mike

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Glad you reached out!

 

It sounds like there are many reasons you could use to justify continuing your usage, and supporting a family with a child and a newborn is amongst the most noble I could ever think of.  But it sounds like you know you need to stop.

 

I think you need to set up some time off of work for yourself to deal with the crash that will inevitably ensue.

 

If this is going to be financially difficult, maybe some preparations involving reducing expenses will be in order first.

 

The good news is that you are super young and you can make a full recovery from this drug relatively quick.  But it will still be challenging to adapt to life without it.  If you have always been using it consistently and not for partying or binging or whatever, then that would mean that quitting wont be an urgent issue of life/death.  So you can use some time to prepare for a well thought-out quit.

 

The bottom line is that you know you cannot be the father you want to be while jacked up on that shit.

Good luck and extreme kudos to you for reaching out!  You can beat this and change it all!

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Welcome to the forum.  Take some time and read the articles on this site. I'm a bachelor, so I won't give advice on what you should do with your wife. But I hear communication is cornerstone of any marriage.  Recovery and getting off Adderall is a DIY project , tailor your recovery to your life.  You may want to consider some kind of Anti-D for the depression. Its is very common to be sleepy for the first months. 

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Welcome to the boards. It's great that you've recognized that this is an issue and now it's great that you are taking action, you said u quit last month right? Have you stayed off since? In the meantime try to go easy on yourself and maybe explain the situation to your wife and maybe that will take the pressure off at home. And at work just do your job but no need to be a superstar or anything, bc that will only drive you to want to take more. Quitting is the most important thing. Being on an amphetamines is not a sustainable lifestyle, once you've reached the point where you feel can't live without it. Make sure you make this a priority bc if you don't have a sober foundation everything can come crumbling down. Hang in there!

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Thank yall for your advice! I quit for those couple of days last month and that was it. I didnt want to spend my kids time sleeping. But Starting yesterday, I cut my dosage in half. Im pretty tired, but its manageable. Hopefully Next week I can cut it in half again,then the week after that cold turkey (I will be home).

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My husband did not understand, so I showed him the article "How to help a friend quit Adderall".  Take a look at that one and then let her know.  I'm betting if she understands how you are feeling she will be supportive.  She probably misses the "old you", but doesn't know how to address it.  Just some thoughts.  Welcome to the site!  You can do this!

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Your plan sounds rock solid man! keep posting and stay positive!

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Welcome to the forum! I think telling your wife that you may not be as active for a while may be good. Maybe have her read some of the articles on this website so she can get a good idea on what to expect and how she can help you. I think deciding to quit is a great idea, especially for your family.

 

I also agree with Greg above, go to work but don't expect to be a superstar. Try to relax and be patient with your lack of energy-it will come back it will just take a lot of time. I also think everyone will appreciate the new you! I'm wishing you the best of luck!

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It sounds to me like you knew you were an amazing worker even before you got prescribed. It took me a while to realize that I was an amazing song writer, before I was prescribed. But when I took the pills I thought I could ONLY write songs and do incredible things on the pills. It is totally an illusion and since I quit my creativity and motivation came back... slowly but surely. 

 

I suggest you just spend as much time as you can sober and with out the pills and soon enough you'll realize who you can be without the pills. It sounds like you don't even need anything to make you the person you are. You can be a great dad, a great husband, and a great employee. All by yourself with your own two hands and a good nights sleep. I believe in you, you should do the same :)

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Thank you Cats, I needed that motivation, and thank you everyone else for your support!8 days ago I went from 60mg to 30mg. 2 days ago I went from 30mg to 15mg. I am very,very,very tired!But I go home this weekend,and am planning on going Cold-Turkey 0mg the day I go home.Even though im exhausted,Ive been making myself hit the gym,and I am already starting to figure out who I am, Not who adderall is. Of course my work ethic is changing alot, But my crew is telling me they feel like im starting to like them lol.Please just keep me in yalls prayers! Once again Thank everyone, Yall dont know how much it means to have non-judgmental support!

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Hey I'm also a father of two with one on the way. What's been amazing to me is how much better my wife likes me off adderall. Even if I am less productive at times. That part is all in our heads. I own my own business and thought adderall was helping me for a long time. Working like crazy. But I was an ass. And unpredictable. And it was me who was putting all that pressure on myself. Not my wife. I felt like she was at times, but in reality, she just wasn't happy with her jacked up husband. She's really proud of me now. Other people can see our progress easier than we can sometimes. Bottom line is,.. I think getting off adderall will definitely help your family situation long term. Actually I'm sure it will. Where as staying on it could very well damage you're relationship( I know that was the case with me). And money really can't fix that. also as my kids were getting older I knew I couldn't fool them for ever. And I Didn't want them to realize one day that there dad had an addiction. I knew I needed to break the cycle.

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