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Searchingsoul9

Hi

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I am hoping some old users are on here. Pretty sure i've been sober over a year,  i recall two halloweens passing with me being sober. A lot has changed. i moved to nyc, got a new job, left my childhood home. And here i am craving adderall. I have even had thoughts of using again. Finding a new psychiatrist and getting a monthly supply. I'll be honest. I think, 'ill just get a skript and use on weekends;' just like i did before. I know if i got a supply i would use daily. I have not gotten sober. I mean, i drink pretty much every night, and/or i smoke weed. Still abusing cigarettes. So my addict mind tells me...if i am doing all of this shit already, why not add adderall back to the mix? Confused. 

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Read some of the relapse stories on this site. No one ever said "I'm so glad I went back on adderall. I'm not addicted anymore." It's normal to have cravings. A year is not that long. Give it another year, then another. Your brain will let go - it takes time and distance. I went to some Smart recovery meeting when I had bad cravings st 18 mos. I needed to remind myself that I was an addict. I'm still on this site 3.5 years later so I don't forget and do something I'd regret. As for your other habits, maybe just tackle one at a time, if you want to quit.

Again - one year sober from a drug is not that long. Remember this.

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Read some of your old posts you made a couple of years ago - they are all still here.  You really struggled but you fought the good fight and YOU WON!  Why give all that up now? 

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Don't do it!!! don't even think about it! Just smash all those thoughts about relapsing. Now. 1 year clean time is too much to toss away and you do NOT want to lose that clean time! You earned your clean time.

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Read some of the relapse stories on this site. No one ever said "I'm so glad I went back on adderall. I'm not addicted anymore." It's normal to have cravings. A year is not that long. Give it another year, then another. Your brain will let go - it takes time and distance. I went to some Smart recovery meeting when I had bad cravings st 18 mos. I needed to remind myself that I was an addict. I'm still on this site 3.5 years later so I don't forget and do something I'd regret. As for your other habits, maybe just tackle one at a time, if you want to quit.

Again - one year sober from a drug is not that long. Remember this.

Thank you. I know you're right. I honestly don't even think i have the energy in me to seek out a new psychiatrist and deal with all of that bullshit. The reason this thought came into my mind is because i was considering getting on anti anxiety meds. I told myself i'd give it a year and if my anxiety was still bad i'd seek help, then when i thought about pills my mind led me to trying to get adderall. 

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Read some of your old posts you made a couple of years ago - they are all still here.  You really struggled but you fought the good fight and YOU WON!  Why give all that up now? 

That's a good idea, thank you. I will go through them later today. I know i don't want to deal with the crazy highs and lows of adderall abuse. It's just i am going through some messed up shit in my life at the moment and i am craving an escape...when in reality i could escape my current situation by just ending this relationship. Sorry, that sounds cryptic. I just need to evaluate my life and my choices and make the right choice rather than finding an escape through drugs

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You don't need the adderall for whatever reason it is you stated/or may be. What you need is companionship so that you're not so dependent on a certain substance.

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You don't need the adderall for whatever reason it is you stated/or may be. What you need is companionship so that you're not so dependent on a certain substance.

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You're very correct. I don't have anyone as of recently. I moved to NYC and started a new job. I left my best friend behind and have no one but myself and my aquaintences at work

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