clinx Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 I don't post here too often, but when I do forget why I quit, I come on here to remember. I've been sober for well over a year, and sometimes get really discouraged seeing that by a year into recovery, a lot of you are showing way more progress than I am. I still get days when I'm super fatigued and depressed, and latey it's been so hard to even wake up after 8 hours of perfectly good sleep. I DO have a lifelong history of an eating disorder, and this is also my first full year of not skipping any meals. I'm sure this is also slowing down my recovery (ugh). It's so frustrating. I am procrastinating on things for school and so overwhelmed with tasks to do and really haven't touched any of them! I've tried to talk to my parents (still live with them), but I'm afraid they won't take me seriously if I tell them I'm STILL feeling the effects of recovering OVER a year later. So they often remind me to get things done (like I forgot or something) and it makes me feel useless. I have spent many, many hours on my couch staring at my smart phone looking at things that calm me down and reading my Bible. I guess there is a purpose to this post-- has anyone else/ is anyone else experiencing a very drawn out recovery that can encourage me that I WILL be able to wake up some day without a cup of coffee? And that I can get things done and not take a million naps? Lol. I keep thinking back on adderall memories (of course only the "good") and am in need of a booster. Thank you and I hope you are all doing well in your recoveries! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted July 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 Also-- I should add that I do exercise regularly and eat well (most of the time), and I ask that there please be no commentary heavily focused on those things. This is mainly because it can also be a trigger for my eating disorder. I not only used to starve, but compulsively work out so any tips to work out more may not be a good idea. Lol. Sorry. Addict struggles 😒😩 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carock84 Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 Newbie, Hey I just want to say first of all you are not a lone as you know. Another thing I want to say is Congrats on beating some of those addictions you have faced in the past year. That's an accomplishment in its self. So you are experiencing fatigue and could it be from your eating disorder and from your Adderall experience? yes of course but it also could be from something else. I am sure you want to stay away from meds to help with the symptoms you are experiencing which I don't blame you. You're excercising and eating great which is good but being overwhelmed with stuff is a crutch in this busy fast moving world we live in. Millions of people struggle with stress and anxiety because lets face it we need to keep up with everything going on around us to be "successful". Which in term when we are not living up to our standards and getting all the tasks we need to get done its dreadful and we get frustrated which makes things worse. Everyone feels this way but what I find to be best is get in a routine that fits you. Get in a lifestyle that makes YOU happy that you are your own self. We are not robots and with drugs these days people flock to them to get that edge and you know and all of us know that's not the way to go. I would try some natural vitamins maybe and like I said get in a routine. All the tasks or stresses in your life, make a time a day to have that thinking period where you just try and calmly make that time for just that. With the fatigue It could be a chemical missing or natural component that's not getting produced enough in your body. I would try not to get overwhelmed though and you are definitely doing the right thing with looking for alternatives to better yourself. I run outside a lot and that's my meditation period. Yours could be different its all about finding the right balance which everyone is different on finding their own way which is perfectly normal.. I hope things get better and we as humans need to not beat ourselves up over and over again. Take care! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted July 16, 2015 Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 Now that I've been sober for 3.5 years, I realize that the one year mark was still pretty early recovery for me. Definitely took 2+ years to feel 'totally recovered.' I'm starting to feel a lot more motivation returning this year which is really exciting! So yeah, this is par for the course, and your mental and physical state will continue to get better. Read up about PAWS (post acute withdrawal). This should give you some more perspective about why it takes a long time to recover. Ps. Don't compare your progress to people you don't know who post a success story at one point in time. Someone who has a lot of energy one day might be feeling shitty and battling cravings another day, you know? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted July 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thank you guys! It's definitely hard NOT to be hard on myself as my ED is all about punishment for not being good enough, but these posts really helped me not to be so upset with my progress. Thank you, Cassie! I looked into PAWS and it all makes so much more sense now because some days I feel like I totally have this recovery down and then all of a sudden, BAM, I am dead again and wanting to go find some pills. Like the only way I can get up and be productive is with them. Which is funny because I got better grades this past year in recovery at my University than I ever did on adderall. Hah. And now I have a reputable source to share with my parents as I try to explain to them why I'm pretty useless sometimes lol. And thanks-- I know everyone has a different recovery journey, but it's so easy for me to start comparisons. I will try not to do that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 16, 2015 Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 I tend to read posts when I'm having a crappy day and post my own when I'm having a good day. So it'd be easy to get a skewed sense of what life is like at 5 months clean for me from my posts alone. From what I've heard, 6 years is when you stop thinking about it at all. That's a long time from now but might as well make the most of it in the mean time by taking satisfaction in the small accomplishments! Btw, congrats on being sober for over a year. You are doing awesome and are a huge inspiration! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted July 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Thank you, grumpycat! I am trying to remember how when I was taking adderall, I just wanted to be able to live a normal life without it. I still think about it every day.... But I do believe that it will get better. I need to find more coping strategies!! Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 recover can seem really erratic good days followed by bad days. Bad days for no reason. Focus on eating well, exercising, and things will come together. Routine is everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BeHereNow Posted July 20, 2015 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 Hey clinx, After one year it's totally normal to still be struggling. You'll have good days and bad days. Keep walking. I know that when I post on my major landmarks, I try to focus on the positive achievements. It's part of how I encourage myself, and part of how I try to encourage new people who are just quitting. So I would caution against comparing yourself to other people. We all have our good days and bad days. I'm at 2.5 years and still struggling with motivation, etc. Of course there are other life factors in that, like depression and a death in my family. But I know some of it is my brain recovering. You said your ED was probably part of it too. I just wanted to congratulate you on fighting through that, too. I had an ED myself for some years and I think they are one of the toughest things to recover from. You don't get to just quit eating food, unlike booze or pills. So, a big CONGRATS to you for beating two of the toughest things in existence! Listening to your post, it sounds like you're seeing your recovery through a negative lens. Focused on what you haven't done yet, or on the recovery that hasn't happened yet. I know it's frustrating. Believe me, I get it. But here's what always gets me through. What HAVE you accomplished??? What improvements can you see? Where were you a year ago compared to where you are today? How much BETTER do you feel now?!?! For me, framing my recovery in a positive light motivates me to keep moving forward. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hope all is well with you and you end up doing fine towards the end of it all. If you need any help with anything, feel free to message me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 I am just over a year clean and I am in a bad spot right now. After a successful vacation, there is a let down period. I managed to clean my craft room yesterday, so it no longer looks like a tornado hit a Hobby Lobby (thanks for that mess, kids@#!). However, I am mostly a useless slug. I got out of my normal routine by going on the long road trip. Now, I am having a hard time getting back into it. I need to find some motivation to get back on track. It happens to us all, so don't worry. Maybe we should all try to post more when we are having a rough time. I am like Grumpy Cat in that I really only post when I am having a good day. I will try to be more balanced for the Newbies out there. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nouedis Posted July 27, 2015 Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 It really is sad to know when good people who just want to enjoy life can't because of a certain substance it is they depend/depended on at one point, ya know? I hope all of you guys are doing well. I know words don't mean much especially when typed through a computer, but I truly do mean that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 I am just over a year clean and I am in a bad spot right now. After a successful vacation, there is a let down period. I managed to clean my craft room yesterday, so it no longer looks like a tornado hit a Hobby Lobby (thanks for that mess, kids@#!). However, I am mostly a useless slug. I got out of my normal routine by going on the long road trip. Now, I am having a hard time getting back into it. I need to find some motivation to get back on track. It happens to us all, so don't worry. Maybe we should all try to post more when we are having a rough time. I am like Grumpy Cat in that I really only post when I am having a good day. I will try to be more balanced for the Newbies out there. Me too AlwaysAwesome. Maybe we should all start to be more balanced. Although it's hard because I don't wanna scare anyone away from quitting. Glad you had a good vacation! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Thanks! I am hoping that honesty will help people to not feel like they are the weird person who doesn't feel amazing every single day. We all have days where we still want to crawl back into bed and not get out until the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted July 29, 2015 Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 I don't post here too often, but when I do forget why I quit, I come on here to remember. I've been sober for well over a year, and sometimes get really discouraged seeing that by a year into recovery, a lot of you are showing way more progress than I am. I still get days when I'm super fatigued and depressed, and latey it's been so hard to even wake up after 8 hours of perfectly good sleep. I DO have a lifelong history of an eating disorder, and this is also my first full year of not skipping any meals. I'm sure this is also slowing down my recovery (ugh). It's so frustrating. I am procrastinating on things for school and so overwhelmed with tasks to do and really haven't touched any of them! I've tried to talk to my parents (still live with them), but I'm afraid they won't take me seriously if I tell them I'm STILL feeling the effects of recovering OVER a year later. So they often remind me to get things done (like I forgot or something) and it makes me feel useless. I have spent many, many hours on my couch staring at my smart phone looking at things that calm me down and reading my Bible. I guess there is a purpose to this post-- has anyone else/ is anyone else experiencing a very drawn out recovery that can encourage me that I WILL be able to wake up some day without a cup of coffee? And that I can get things done and not take a million naps? Lol. I keep thinking back on adderall memories (of course only the "good") and am in need of a booster. Thank you and I hope you are all doing well in your recoveries! Clinx I guarantee you that my recovery was much more drawn out than yours could ever be!! At one year I was not in good shape still, at all! I was still suffering from MAJOR adderall withdrawal symptoms, cravings...depression everything, I could barely get out of bed. I could not bring myself to work yet and all I did was read books in bed. And I am several years clean now and still suffer adderall withdrawal symptoms --imagine that. I am currently taking a natural homeopathic supplement to help me with my adderall craving withdrawal symptoms,,,but I am not sure if it is working so I haven't posted it in the supplements section. So definitely DO compare yourself to me and you'll feel better. I don't mention too often that my withdrawal still exists 4 years plus out for fear of terrifying people about how tough the quit is, but that has been the cold reality with me, 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted July 29, 2015 Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 The reality is that recovering from adderall is taking forever and a year For me ..I as well don't mention how bad it was too often for fear of scaring people but if it helps, I gladly will tell all. One year was a laughable milestone in terms of my recovery from adderall...I was still suffering insanely from addiction "headaches" and cravings, fatigue, no motivation, depression...all the classic symptoms. Some days were better than ours but it still royally sucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted July 30, 2015 Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 Ps. Don't compare your progress to people you don't know who post a success story at one point in time. Someone who has a lot of energy one day might be feeling shitty and battling cravings another day, you know? ^this!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted July 30, 2015 Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 How's it going Clinx? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted July 30, 2015 Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 Before quitting, I allocated a year to "recovery" and thought I would be done with it by then. After all, most other big changes in life normalize after a year, right? New job, new location, suffering a loss, etc. So I have had a hard time accepting that many of the challenges of life were actually due to Adderall recovery until much time has passed after those challenges. For example, I had infrequent heartburn well into the second year of my recovery but I thought it was all from the foods I ate that caused it. So I eliminated milk, sugar, flour and fast food from my diet. But now I can eat those foods sparingly and not get heartburn, so I know it had to be somewhat recovery-related. I recently suffered a brief, intense bout of depression and I am still having a hard time accepting that it could have been due to adderall recovery, more than four years after quitting. But it sure felt a LOT like those paralyzing weeks right after quitting where I couldn't seem to get even the most basic important stuff done or make decisions. For me, PAWS(post acute or addiction withdrawal syndrome) equals depression. Recovery time from this awful addiction is indeed a LONG journey, but it unquestionably beats living the life of addiction. The life of addiction is really just a miserable existence with a muddy future. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted July 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 Thank you ALL for the comments! Sorry I take long to respond. I actually check up on this site often but get BAD anxiety about replying-- anxiety being one of the worst parts of this recovery I think. I get overwhelmed about how to respond and then I just exit the page and distract myself. Ugh. So annoying. I know you all understand. Haha. This would be so hard without the support from you guys that are in the same boat that I am in. I can't believe it took me a year into recovery to find this forum. I think I tried to forget completely about adderall and couldn't even bring myself to google anything with the name in it LOL. I'm doing okay. In fact, I went way back to some of the older posts here and it made me realize that I do want recovery. Like really WANT recovery for the first time since I've been in recovery. I really really hate myself. I've struggled with self-hatred my whole life so I just never think that I'm worth anything-- even recovery. I know this sounds crazy, but I honestly stumbled into recovery when I got saved last year (I am a Christian now), and I just didn't go back to adderall after I finished my 90 pill prescription in a little over a week. I usually sat around waiting and basically dying for the next refill, but I just didn't go and get it that month. NOT saying this was easy or not totally my choice. I really wanted to be done with adderall once I realized I couldn't get out of bed and function without popping at least TWO pills. And I was seriously sick of not sleeping. So in the beginning I wanted it (and finally had the strength to do it thanks be to God), but now I feel like I'm actually striving for recovery. I want to be strong without it! That drug is SUCH a lie, and I am so happy that all of you are here fighting it too. You are all worth so much more than a life of adderall pill after adderall pill. Okay, so recovery takes long. But it's worth it and I finally believe that. Today, I was amazed that I got out of bed early this morning, ate breakfast, skipped the coffee (at least in the morning hehe), had energy, and got a lot of chores done before 1:00!! I NEVER thought I'd be able to do that again without taking adderall. I may not be where I want to be, but I'm getting there step by painfully slow step. Lol. Thanks for reminding me why I'm doing this awfully hard and uphill battle of adderall recovery!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 I think one of the things that helped me in this journey is Cassie telling me early on that is was a long process. I probably wouldn't have stayed away from it for this long if there wasn't hope that I would eventually be myself again. However, now that I think about it, do I really want to be my "old self" again? The old me was willing (eager) to take a pill to make life easier...I am never going to be that person again. It feels really good to evolve... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Cassie Posted July 31, 2015 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 Thanks AlwaysAwesome! You've come a long way. On this topic, I'm always annoyed when people say: 1. You'll feel recovered after x amount of time (where x is not that long, i.e. 30, 60, 90 days, 6 mos, 1 year). Physically maybe, but it took me years to feel really good again mentally. 2. You'll feel a little better each day. WRONG. Recovery is NOT a linear process and you'll have major ups and downs. Only looking back over a long period of time will you see the general upward trajectory. I keep it real because people relapse when their expectations don't match their reality. I only succeeded when I lowered my expectations of recovery time. I believe Mike,this site's founder, said it best: "Recovery is a multi-year process." 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 Yes! You are awesome, Cassie!! It helps to have realistic expectations, even if it seems less than inspirational sometimes. lol 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 In terms of managing expectations, like what was said before on this thread....you may feel great one day but that is no indication you've recovered. Those withdrawal symptoms just decided not to show themselves that day...but they are still brewing under the surface and without a doubt they WILL be back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted August 2, 2015 Report Share Posted August 2, 2015 I like this thread because there's no sugar coating here. set your expectations at this level and you will be better prepared. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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