bluemoon

Please help me quit for good

60 posts in this topic

BTW bluemoon, how have you been doing?

 

I'm alright, I guess. Thanks for asking. I have never felt so exhausted in my life. Still not feeling much improvement for a while now. But it is the middle of winter and I always struggle with this time of year really. My boyfriend also got me a puppy for Christmas and it has taken a lot out of me. SO MUCH WORK. Probably not the best time to be raising a puppy, haha.. but 62 days down.. and never turning back. :)

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Day 70..... Not a good day so far. My puppy kept me up all night, and sleep is a very valuable and important thing right now... Puppy has been coughing nonstop and needs to go to the vet. GREAT!! I want to scream.... Off to work I go... Why does this have to be so hard? Ugh :(

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Hang in there, bluemoon!  This too shall pass.  Just deal with each thing and move on to the next...

 

You've got this!

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I've had a rough few days. I hate Adderall for not only the time it stole from me while I was taking it on and off for three years, but also for the time it is currently stealing from me. I am so useless and in so much physical & emotional pain, at 72 days into my quit. I regret ever having taken my first pill and I hate myself for the amount of time I let it control my life for. I'm glad I made the decision to quit and didn't drag it on any longer, but I feel like I still have a long road ahead of me until I feel better. I've considered the possibility of antidepressants but I don't want to put any more pills in my body. Ugh :( I need a time machine to fast forward to when I'm totally recovered... lol

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Hello bluemoon. I know how you feel about the loss of time. I think of those years as the dark years-when I started adderall I was young and now I'm almost 40. Not only did I lose that time-I created so much debt that I have to file for bankruptcy. In New York, there was a serious shortage of adderall and dextroamphetamine. I had 2 different doctors and used insurance (which still sucked) for less than half of my scripts and I somehow managed to obtain 3-4 prescriptions a month. For about a year, adderall or dex cost anywhere from $130-$320. The $320 was for vyvanse because they jacked the price of any stimulant you could get your hands on. And I paid that!! I hated myself every time I did it but I couldn't live without it. Not only that but I had a good paying freelance job in the city and they eventually didn't ask me back because I'd come in late or leave early to track down scripts. I'd call in sick whenever I had periods of withdrawal. I screwed myself and my family and at that time, I had accepted that I would never be able to quit that crap and would probably only live a few more years anyway. I felt that my son would be better off without me.

As I said before, I'm still cleaning up the mess I made 2 years later but I had to forgive myself. I was able to do that because I finally took back control and now I am physically and emotionally capable of doing it without needing a pile of pills. Recovery does take a ridiculously long time and I know how it feels to be almost 3 months in and still feel like shit. That's probably what causes people to relapse because they think they feel that way forever. I had a friend who abused amphetamines as badly as I did and for about the same length of time and he stopped 6 months or so before I did. I didnt know about this website but thankfully i had someone to tell me that I will return to normal-it just takes a while. Without knowing that, I'm almost positive I would have gone back to taking it.

Forgive yourself-you took back control. You can't change whats already happened but your on the upswing. Next year you'll think back to where you are now and you'll be thrilled to realize that you don't feel that way anymore-that adderall no longer has a hold on you!!!!

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Omg! I had the most horrible dream last night! I've been having issues with my stomach lately (I have been nauseous for the last couple of years actually, but I always attributed it to the Adderall. I thought it would go away on its own, so I just didn't think too much of it. However, the nausea had gotten quite a bit worse since quitting, but it turns out I have something else going on).... But anyway, I'm on some meds for my stomach that are giving me a really gross chemical taste in my mouth. So last night I had a nightmare that I took Adderall!!! Omg!! I was so mad at myself, and it did not feel good at all - in fact, it felt horrible. 

 

Day 77 and going strong. I am starting to notice a little bit more energy!! Not a LOT of energy, but definitely more than I have had in the last couple of months. I'm so glad I quit when I did. Spring/summer are my favorite seasons and I am really looking forward to experiencing them with a clear mind this year, for the first time in years. 

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I used to have dreams just like you described.  I swallowed a pill during one dream, snorted a pill in another dream,  but the pills never really kicked in and I woke up in a cold sweat fearing a relapse.  I had this recurring dream theme where I would put the pill in my mouth, usually from peer pressure, and then forcefully spit it out.  I have not had any kind of an Adderall dream in over two years now.

 

Around ten weeks post-quit, I experienced that little energy bump you just described.  What a relief.   My next noticeable sustained energy improvement occurred around ten months post-quit, when I finally got off the couch and started walking my dog.

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I had an energy bump at 10 months, too.  More at 18 months...I am pretty sure it will only get better with each passing month!

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Well guys, day 82. And I did my taxes today. Without Adderall. This is going to sound so silly, but when I was on Adderall, I couldn't even fathom the thought of doing my taxes without it. Funny how Adderall can make you think such absurd thoughts, that aren't even remotely close to true. I think I actually got my taxes done faster this year (sober) than during the past few years where I was on Adderall, because I used to hyper focus on the smallest details that didn't matter at all. It's crazy how Adderall creates thoughts that can make the drug have such a tight grip on you, even though those thoughts couldn't be further from reality. To anyone who is struggling and thinks they can't imagine coping with life without the pills, you are wrong and it's the drug that's making you think that. You are stronger than you think!!! :) 

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