RestorationMagic

Quitting secretly.

8 posts in this topic

Ok, so i'm going to share my entire story here because i have never told anyone and for years i kept the fact that i took Adderall secret, so now i am quitting in secret & finding this website & just getting this out & knowing i'm not literally as alone as i feel is relieving. 

 

I started Adderall after my ex boyfriend handed me one, & told me it was "just like a pain pill." 

After, Adderall became our entire relationship. I was already seeing a psychiatrist so one day we decided what i could tell him to possibly get Adderall prescribed to me. It worked, we just became two Adderall zombies. Taking dose after dose, we were together but ignoring each other completely except when we were feeling "chatty." Things went downhill the more and more we took it. All the while having our happy Adderall times together, our relationship turned into a dysfunctional mess of violence, paranoia, and apathy as well. Our relationship went on in cycles like this for a year and a half until he decided to leave for the Air Force. 

We thought everything would magically be better. He would come back and everything would be fine. He asked me for all kinds of information, so i would be invited to his graduation, he said he would call when he could, or write, & then he got out of my car & I never saw him again. 

I stayed off Adderall while he was in basic, fully motivated and ready to start our life together, i waited and waited to hear from him. His time in basic was over, i saw pictures of his graduation all over his father's facebook.

This hit me hard, and i ran back to Adderall, he had completely erased me from his life. I started to party a lot, hanging out with everyone i could, mixing adderall with anything around, doing the stupidest stuff, many times i was afraid i was going to die, but i didn't care. I was heartbroken and Adderall distracted me from that until the comedowns. i still waited to hear from him for the rest of the year, having dramatic comedowns. 

 

I slowed down on the partying and going out all the time, and became more seclusive, hiding at home all day on Adderall, doing useless things, speeding around, not leaving the house ever.

 

I kept taking more and more Adderall. My life became a huge fog. I just sped around not meaning anything not truly feeling anything, and being extremely impulsive. I had became a totally different person. 

 

Now, I want to quit. I want to feel like i can do things without a pill. I want to be me and not that person i created from taking Adderall. I am absolutely serious about this. 

This is not how i want to continue to live my life, & I do not want to schedule my life around a drug anymore. I just want to stop completely. 

 

If you read this, i'm really sorry, i should've just summed this up to be shorter hahaha!

But also, THANK YOU. I am too ashamed in real life to admit, even though people close to me no doubt know about my Adderall problem, i have secluded myself from everyone and no one knows i am going through this struggle of quitting... 

 

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Hey I didn't read your story until after I already posted mine a minute ago but I feel like we may be going through a similar situation

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I went through the exact same thing.  The adderall only exacerbated my depression and heartache.  You will be amazed how much better you feel and how much easier it is to cope with life once you are off this drug and back to your normal self.  It took me some time, but I promise you quitting is the best thing you will ever do for yourself.  You can reclaim your life and actually be happy again. 

 

Is this your first time ever trying to quit?  Do you have a plan in place?

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It is crazy how much I can relate to your story. We are going through the exact same thing. I really want to stop, but I know it's not going to be easy. I can barely get out of bed without Adderall and I have a very demanding full-time job. But I know it'll get easier with time.... We just have to be strong. It's nice knowing that there are others who are going through the same thing as me. I would really like to keep in touch and be there for each other in moments of weakness. We can do this!! 

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Thank you for replying, i'm so relieved this site exists. 

As far as a plan i have cut ties to my source of Adderall, i don't get it prescribed anymore, and basically just fighting. Today i made myself get up and go for a drive. little steps. trying to stay positivve and happy, today i used music and it got me out of bed. i got dressed then undressed, then dressed again finally forcing myself to just leave the house. its still a struggle. but im doing this. we can all do this

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welcome! FWIW I lost a 7 year relationship due to adderall, then spent the next two years still seeing her as friends and deluding myself into thinking everything would work out.. she'd come back to me after I cleaned up my act. of course I was still using this entire time. when the day came and I made my intentions clear, it went the bad way. I was torn apart and I just drowned myself in pills.

that was about a year ago. it got really binging bad, but you know what made me decide to quit? meeting someone new and never wanting to hurt someone like that again. there is love, life and happy afternoons still to come, I promise you (:

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welcome! FWIW I lost a 7 year relationship due to adderall, then spent the next two years still seeing her as friends and deluding myself into thinking everything would work out.. she'd come back to me after I cleaned up my act. of course I was still using this entire time. when the day came and I made my intentions clear, it went the bad way. I was torn apart and I just drowned myself in pills.

that was about a year ago. it got really binging bad, but you know what made me decide to quit? meeting someone new and never wanting to hurt someone like that again. there is love, life and happy afternoons still to come, I promise you (:

 

Awe, that's very encouraging Sleepystupid.  :)  I'm glad you found someone to start over with and happiness again.

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