6 posts in this topic

My life has turned into shit.

 

 I've been prescribed adderall since I was 18, i have been binge using it for 10 years now.  I never even needed it for add or anything really, definitely never took it as prescribed.  I just abuse it.  I pop all 90 within a week and a half, rarely sleeping and then i crash for 3 or 4 days, am zombie for a week until I buy more from hookups and count days until next prescription.

 

I am an alcoholic drinking at very least a pint of vodka or 12 beers a day.  I work from home, my business is going to shit.  I crashed my car and got second dui.  I just finished probation for that still don't have license or car or sobriety  

 

 My girlfriend of 4 years broke up just broke up with me and kicked me out; i had to move back in with parents.  She said my problems are not her problems and she doesnt want me in life anymore.  My girlfriend before her died of overdose.  I really loved them both.  Now I just sit here and sulk alone and not nearly fucked up enough.  

 

I have no friends left, not that i mind because i hate everyone and everything.  I dont know how to have good time and am always miserable.  I take handfuls of addies and am very productive until i get all sketchy and twitchy and depressed.

 

I see a counselor a few times a month.   I guess it keeps me from killing self.

 

I am so bored and broke and pathetic.  

 

I destroy everything good around me and don't appreciate any of what i have when i have it.  "I am like King Midas in Reverse - everything i touch turns to shit"

 

I am overprivileged piece of greedy shit

 

i think i am too stuck in ways to change #fuckmylife

 

 

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Do you want to quit?  Thinking you might be contemplating this considering you came to this website and life has not been going so well for you.  I'm sorry to hear it's gotten this bad, but maybe all this had to happen in order for you to get some clarity.  If you quit, you are bound to get better and have some things start to go right.  

 

Have you ever been sober for any period of time before?

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i think i am too stuck in ways to change #fuckmylife

 

incorrect. 

 

from your post i take it that you have not tried going to rehab- if your life sucks enough to the point of contemplating suicide, why not give rehab a shot? you have nothing more to lose at this point my friend (except your life). while ive never had sucidal thoughts myself, i think of this scenario as: IF i were sober, would i care to live? if you dont know  the answer to that, then you owe it to yourself to find out. 

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Only you can change it, but you CAN change it.  I like the rehab idea, especially since you are having suicidal ideations.  Cut off your supply.  Admit your problem.  Take control of your life.  You can do this.  You have to.  

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