Popular Post AlwaysAwesome Posted January 13, 2016 Popular Post Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 Yesterday morning I found an old phentermine bottle in a drawer. I was looking for Neosporin. It was from 2011 and I was soooooo tempted to take some. There were 6 pills in the bottle. I was working it out, and thinking about drug testing at work. Would I get in trouble? It would help me jump start my weight loss. I can just take these and then I won't have anymore, so it would be fine. THEN...I snapped out of it and had my husband get rid of the bottle. 18 months clean and I was ready to throw it all away after just seeing those little blue spotted pills. So, I wanted to share with everyone how important It is to get rid of your stash and cut off all ties with your source. It is too tempting to even have a chance to get a hold of some. Thank goodness for this site. I actually thought about how I would have to post "I relapsed on 6 phentermine pills" if I actually did it. It made me pause just long enough...I just love all of you!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 Wow, that was awesome!! Good job!! I would've freaked out and done the same. Proud of you girl! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 That was a close call. Great willpower and decision making skills. It could have gone the other way and you would be full of regrets right now. Victory! Now go treat yourself to some ice cream! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 NO icecream! I quit sugar and all things carbs. Gotta get this weight off once and for all. I am at 11,167 steps today and more to come! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 Proud of you for doing the right thing! You go girl. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Just a follow up note: I was called for a random drug screen the Monday following this temptation...how would that have been to lose my job over this crap?!? Thank goodness for will power! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survived Posted February 23, 2016 Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 Oh wow!! What a similar post! Crazy! & it didn't even matter to us that it was just a couple of pills. So happy that you also disposed of it quick and didn't cave! <3 Great post. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 We are at the same time in our recovery...imagine if this had happened at month 6. I don't know how well I would have done... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 I would like to chime in here with some details because it's an interesting phenomenon how the brain gradually recovers, and although I hate that I relapsed it gave me some valuable insight. From my timeline over the past year I have learned the following: If I have access to pills and I've been clean for less than 1 month, I won't even be able to stash them let alone throw them out. Like I could be sitting at my desk thinking to myself concentrating on how much destruction it is going to cause to my life, and still not be able to resist. Gotta work tomorrow? Who cares, let's pull an all nighter. I'll call in sick or just go into work on no sleep tweaked right out. People will be able to tell that I looks like a haggard zombie? Fuck em what do they know. If I've been clean for 2 months or so, I'll be able to resist maybe a day or two, then a binge is gonna inevitably happen. For between 3-6 months, I don't know what would have happened. There were definitely times when I was vulnerable and there were times when I was feeling strong, but my willpower fluctuated. I didn't any have any opportunities thought, so I wasn't tested. After 8 months, the temptation was there, and I was in a few dangerous situations where I had opportunities but I was able to wise up and see how stupid it would be. Around the 10 month mark, when I relapsed last year, I caved because I was arrogant. Not because I was unable to resist. I literally and truly believed that I was "healed" and I could control it this time. This is not meant to be an excuse, just an observation of what was going on in my head. I had never been clean for this long so I had no prior information. Ultimately I failed to plan ahead and protect myself from temptation before I was tempted. If you wait until you you are tempted, it's too late. Point being, somewhere around the 1 year mark, I think brain function (particularly the part that looks at a situation) must be back to strong enough so that you can at least reason and think like a non-addict, and make choices according to your judgement. ISuvived and AlwaysAwesome: I think you guys made the right choice because you earned the ability to do so through perseverance and hard work during your clean time. During your recovery you rebuilt your frontal lobe (or whatever part of your brain controls decision making in the face of optional instant gratification vs long term consequences). This isn't scientific obviously I'm just venting my gut thoughts here. On one hand it's really terrifying how when you're in the thick of the craziness, you can sit there and think "man, this pill will burn my life down, like, this is literally brain poison and is going to totally fuck me up and everything I hold dear". Then 5 seconds later you can shrug it off and toss it down the hatch like you don't give a shit. On the other and it's really nice to know that you can recover from this (not from being addicted) but at least from such casual disregard for life-threatening danger. So thanks for being inspiring! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Thanks for the timeline! I have never been clean from Adderall this long. Actually, never longer than a few weeks before the weight would creep up and I would run to the doc. So, everyday has been new and exciting. I think it is good for people to understand that there is no safe time to be around Adderall. At no point in your life will you be able to "handle" taking a pill. We are addicts. Total avoidance is the only way forward. You inspire me, too GrumpyCat! I am amazed at your ability to relapse and still come back and honestly share the journey with others. Bravery. You will do it this time, I just know it! BTW, I am about 10 pounds from where I was when I quit. I can't believe I have lost 30 pounds!!! Motivation does return, thank goodness! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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