I'm ready

[Rightplace]

I think it's always hard to be ready to quit if you haven't felt enough pain from the consequences of being on adderall. I've tried in the past but never really saw its damage until now.

I'm 37, business owner, creative, single, prescribed this drug to help me with staying on task. I decided for myself I must be ADD and the doctor was easy to get to go along. Maybe I even am ADD who knows?

The drug helped and my business went from mediocre to big success. I have money and a good lifestyle, am blessed on that note. I could pay bills, complete tasks, and stay uber organized while working most of the time.

My attempts to have girlfriends suffered meanwhile. I never thought I was abusing because I was taking what the doctor prescribed. But every day of adderall started to take its toll on me mentally. I've always had issues in relationships with slight intimacy stuff , but new problems began and existing problems were exacerbated.

I suddenly became a very critical, demanding, anxious, paranoid, and intense boyfriend. The poor women I dated would find me to be full of expectations. When things didn't go as planned, I would become irate and emotional. Not so much with yelling or temper loss, but with the most anxious body sensations ever causing me to shut down or wall up and fume at an obsessive level about how they aren't good enough. I would focus and focus on their issues and figure out how to fix things. I would tell them what's wrong with them. This never happened before adderall.

This happened for years while my adderall kept at a daily pace, sometimes increasing dosage and sometimes decreasing, but daily nonetheless.

My smoking cigarettes doubled. I stopped going to gym - no time when you're so productive! My art work improved and I took up new hobbies.

But love life was awful and I was always anxious.

My doctor recently told me she didn't think I was ADD and should stop adderall. That sent me into a panic as I pondered her suggestion along with the scary side effects of this drug that she warned me about. In the meantime, after attempting to rekindle things with my ex only to find myself returning to my old crazy behaviors, I finally hit rock bottom. My anger and anxiety and obsessive focusing on negative traits had rocked me to my core and I found myself curled up on floor bawling my eyes out after failing yet again. I knew right there that this drug had probably ruined me. I was nearing 40 and still not any closer to my dreams of having a wife and family. Sure I had business success and money finally, but what good was it when I was in the state I was in, without joy or calmness?

I took myself off of adderall 2 weeks ago and had one relapse last weekend out of desperation as my anxiety practically doubled from its already high levels ! That's the crappy thing with withdrawal...it seems to take my shitty feelings and worsen them.

Now that I know what to expect, I decided I was ready to try again. It's been 4 days now.

I've been emotional and going in and out of crying fits and depression. I lay in bed or on sofa most the day. My mind races and races. I felt suicidal 3 days ago, thinking my life was ruined forever and that I'll never be able to be a loving partner and successful business owner at the same time.

Fuck adderall for being so wonderful at first. Fuck me for not coming on here before starting adderall and educating myself on the dangers. Fuck the doctors for giving in to us and not doing their job. And fuck withdrawal for taking me to the dark places I never thought I'd experience. I need this to get better. And I'm here now on this forum for support and help cause I don't think I can do this alone.

Thanks for everyone that contributes to this great site that exists for people like me randomly googling one day about symptoms and side affects.

[Renascido]

I'm very glad to hear you're making the commitment to rid yourself of adderall for good. It's certainly not the easy way out, but it's the right way out from all of the troubles you're speaking of. I know exactly what you mean about being over critical when it comes to relationships. Adderall ruined any sort of intimacy I had. It took me about two months to see the old me coming back, in terms of not being over critical on girls, friends, or family.

The intense roller-coaster of a ride that you're going through right now is just part of the process. If at all possible, give yourself at least two weeks to do absolutely nothing. Be kind to yourself. If you feel like sleeping, sleep it out. Don't feel like seeing anyone? Then don't. Grab some warm popcorn and watch some Netflix. Just do anything to distract yourself and keep reminding yourself that it is temporary. It's a slow process, but I guarantee you that it is worth it and that it does get easier. Take care of yourself, brother.

[Greg]

I think it's always hard to be ready to quit if you haven't felt enough pain from the consequences of being on adderall. I've tried in the past but never really saw its damage until now.

I'm 37, business owner, creative, single, prescribed this drug to help me with staying on task. I decided for myself I must be ADD and the doctor was easy to get to go along. Maybe I even am ADD who knows?

The drug helped and my business went from mediocre to big success. I have money and a good lifestyle, am blessed on that note. I could pay bills, complete tasks, and stay uber organized while working most of the time.

My attempts to have girlfriends suffered meanwhile. I never thought I was abusing because I was taking what the doctor prescribed. But every day of adderall started to take its toll on me mentally. I've always had issues in relationships with slight intimacy stuff , but new problems began and existing problems were exacerbated.

I suddenly became a very critical, demanding, anxious, paranoid, and intense boyfriend. The poor women I dated would find me to be full of expectations. When things didn't go as planned, I would become irate and emotional. Not so much with yelling or temper loss, but with the most anxious body sensations ever causing me to shut down or wall up and fume at an obsessive level about how they aren't good enough. I would focus and focus on their issues and figure out how to fix things. I would tell them what's wrong with them. This never happened before adderall.

This happened for years while my adderall kept at a daily pace, sometimes increasing dosage and sometimes decreasing, but daily nonetheless.

My smoking cigarettes doubled. I stopped going to gym - no time when you're so productive! My art work improved and I took up new hobbies.

But love life was awful and I was always anxious.

My doctor recently told me she didn't think I was ADD and should stop adderall. That sent me into a panic as I pondered her suggestion along with the scary side effects of this drug that she warned me about. In the meantime, after attempting to rekindle things with my ex only to find myself returning to my old crazy behaviors, I finally hit rock bottom. My anger and anxiety and obsessive focusing on negative traits had rocked me to my core and I found myself curled up on floor bawling my eyes out after failing yet again. I knew right there that this drug had probably ruined me. I was nearing 40 and still not any closer to my dreams of having a wife and family. Sure I had business success and money finally, but what good was it when I was in the state I was in, without joy or calmness?

I took myself off of adderall 2 weeks ago and had one relapse last weekend out of desperation as my anxiety practically doubled from its already high levels ! That's the crappy thing with withdrawal...it seems to take my shitty feelings and worsen them.

Now that I know what to expect, I decided I was ready to try again. It's been 4 days now.

I've been emotional and going in and out of crying fits and depression. I lay in bed or on sofa most the day. My mind races and races. I felt suicidal 3 days ago, thinking my life was ruined forever and that I'll never be able to be a loving partner and successful business owner at the same time.

Fuck adderall for being so wonderful at first. Fuck me for not coming on here before starting adderall and educating myself on the dangers. Fuck the doctors for giving in to us and not doing their job. And fuck withdrawal for taking me to the dark places I never thought I'd experience. I need this to get better. And I'm here now on this forum for support and help cause I don't think I can do this alone.

Thanks for everyone that contributes to this great site that exists for people like me randomly googling one day about symptoms and side affects.

Hang in there. I was bedridden, depressed. crying fits. just like you. I thought it would be impossible. 

 

Since I first joined this site and quit ive completed reinvented myself. I COULDN'T get out of bed. Now I've gotten my MBA. I HAD NO income. Now im saving up for a mortgage downpayment and making tuition payments.. I HAD NO ability to work - not even in retail job bc i was in psychosis and smoking cigarettes every five min. I was living at home and my credit was destroyed directly bc of my irrational behavior from this drug. Now Im independent and paying my own bills, and rent. Now i am sharp and on a clear career path and looked at my LinkedIn profile and i see another person.

 

Im not just saying this...I really truly mean it. NONE - NONE -NONE  of this would have happened if I didn't quit adderall and just force myself to go through what you are going through now.

 

When I quit i didnt have nearly the resources you have now on this site. You have hundreds of forum threads here to draw strength from. Please spend hours reading them as you recover. I have 2000+ posts on this site. This site was my lifeline.

 

You may be miserable but you are making the best decision of your life, and the best investment into your life. So DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING UP. Just keep pushing yourself through it. 

[EstherEmily]

You've came to the right place! The support on this site is so incredible. Your with friends.

I was so convinced my work would suffer, and it did a bit at first, but now I think it's getting better. I no longer spend time on unnecessary details, and get the job done right in half the time.

Hang in there!

[Doge]

So happy you've made that decision to quit.  Do not despair (not too much anyway, I know its a rough spot you're going through now) because things are going to get much better for you!!!!

 

I totally know what you mean about crying and being able to do nothing except lay around on the couch.  Just go with it and try to go easy on yourself and enjoy the twisted vacation as much as possible.  Eat the foods you love and try to distract yourself while you get through the early part.  Life is going to get so much better for you!

[Rightplace]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It feels so much better putting my thoughts out there and even better seeing that others can relate and that there is hope. The last 12 hours have been a little better physically as well as I tried out L-tyrosine after reading some posts on supplements. Ready to start a new day today

[EstherEmily]

Something I did when coming down those first couple of weeks was binge watch TV shows. It really helps get your mind off things.

[AlwaysAwesome]

Welcome to the family!  You are going to make it this time...I just know it!  It is awful in the beginning.  Remember that.  Don't go back to Adderall and be forced to do this all over again when you quit again.  Let this be the last time you suffer with this.