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Frank B

Craving a boost since childhood

6 posts in this topic

I recall my life as always wanting a stimulant. As a child i begged my mom for Jolt cola once in a blue moon she would give in. In my teenage years I had a pretty bad mini thin habit this was back in the day of the good mini thins it had ephedrine. That was until I threw up blood realized it was not a good thing to have. In my early 20's in college I smoked weed but would rather have coke any time the offer presented itself. I dated a girl who was on Ritalin had really didn't get hooked on it but grabbed a pill now and again and loved the feeling. Then in my late 20's I got my first adderal script then 8 years later I finally stopped. Just wonder to myself why? Why since a child did I always crave a stimulant? What is my body missing why do I want this stuff? I really don't know the answer I'm coping with each day adderal free better and better. I still have a sugar free redbull most days although it does very little. Just wonder is their some nutrient missing from my body that since a small boy I always craved a stimulant.

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Some people crave adrenaline and jump off mountains or out of perfectly sound airplanes.  I think it has a lot to do with your genetic makeup and personality.  That is my personal opinion.

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Stimulants have always been my drug of choice.  I discovered Ritalin in high school and I sought speed ever since then until my addiction ended five years ago.  I still like coffee, tea and sugar free redbull but not in copious quantities.  I was mostly immune to coke and I hated meth so the white powders were never a problem for me.  Before becoming hooked on Adderall, I was always looking for speed.

 

I loved being stimulated.  I look at stimulant drugs as one big, delicious cookie that you can only have once during a lifetime after the addiction happens.  The maker of that cookie (my addiction) went out of business or died so there will never be another one.  Then I discovered that cookies (drugs) don't agree with me and are actually bad for me so I don't even look for them any more. 

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This would describe me 100%. Stimulants are my weakness. I still seek that sped up feeling and will always have to be aware of my weakness in that area. 3 years and 2 months clean now, live is good, but I have a feeling that my need for speed will never go away which is why it's so important to understand your own behavior and make decisions accordingly.

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Congrats on 3 yrs plus! Just kinda looking back on myself my life which I haven't for several years. Being off addy now then looking back wow did I always seek stuff out since a early age I even got busted in 2nd grade by my sister sneaking a Marlboro reds from my pops smoked them in my room, I hid them in my Ghostbusters car lol. I'll admit tried real meth twice and loved it but I saw what happens to meth addicts and knew it was a very bad drug but had to feel it once in my life ok twice. Looking foward I don't miss the adderal feeling but wish I could have more energy and motivation guess everyday gets better. I feel I wasted a lot of time on so many projects that were for nothing instead of looking to make money I took on near impossible task just to prove I could do them stay up all night taking addy and pain pills restoring things in two months that should take a year. I loved it just totally in my zone nothing else in the world mattered to me except getting my project done then posting them on fb to get some praise but no real money what a waste! I'm regretting a lot of mistakes from the last couple of years and if I didn't stop I'd still be making them and probbably be broke in a year damn near broke now but at least I realize it quit spending money I didn't have.

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Yes sir I know the feeling all too well. How long has it been for you? The motivation and energy will come back over time don't worry about it. Just focus on life and staying off of it and your brain chemicals will balance out over time. Even at 2 years off I still didn't have the focus and energy that I was seeking but things have improved since then. Hell, I'm still not where I want to be but that's the game of life and figuring out how to get to where you want to be without drugs or addiction. Real life there's ups and downs, days where you're lazy and days where you feel like getting shit done. It's all a mental game that you can overcome. It's far from easy and there will be times even years into recovery where you will feel like you're not going to make it through. Those are the downs of life but you'll find that maybe a few days from when you're feeling shitty you'll get some good sleep, eat some good food, and feel good again. You'll learn to love you and you'll learn to appreciate the things that addy took from you too like forming relationships, laughing, RELAXING, and being happy with who you naturally are as a person.

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