Danquit

What's the craziest thing you did on Adderall?

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I'm at day 78 after quitting and I was just thinking about the two psychotic episodes I had that landed me in the mental hospital when I was abusing Adderall. I remember being in my friend's mom's basement thinking that all of the answers to the world's energy problems were to be found in that basement. I seriously believed there was Atlantean technology buried down there for me to discover and share with the world. The second time was similar, I stayed up for a couple of days researching hidden technology online and was convinced that Tesla had discovered how to transmit power through the air but big energy monopolies squashed the technology. I was so paranoid that I ended up escaping from my roommates and ended up on the side of the highway talking to god who I thought was living in the Sun. These were the two amphetamine induced psychotic episodes that led me to quit for good. Looking back though, everything I did on Adderall was kinda crazy. 

 

I spent an insane amount of money building a recording studio in my apartment in New York. I would spend countless hours rearranging everything in my apartment over and over again. It's like Adderall made me come up with some crazy idea and gave me the energy to realize these crazy ideas no matter the cost. I remember the all night cleaning sessions, holy crap. I can't believe what this drug is capable of when you abuse it. Anyway, I was wondering what you all might have done while on it.

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For me it was mostly just cleaning and rearranging things. I would ditch seeing friends just so I could clean my house. Or I would be out with friends and go home early so I could tackle some ridiculous cleaning or organizational task. Sometimes I would sit at my computer for a literally a full day just organizing my files into folders. What a waste. I don't think I ever really did anything crazy like you're describing... I don't think I ever got to a high enough dose for that, which I am thankful for. 

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The craziest was the night i decided to quit. I had been awake for four days straight and I had to do a presentation at school.. i shut up in the middle of my presentation and left the room because everyone look horrified. that night i had a psychotic breakdown and was screaming and crying and realized i was possessed by adderall and it was trying to live my life for me. I was sure that substances have a consciousness and a motive and wanted to steal my body to live out their own plans because i wasnt living out my own. 

 

one time i got a tiny paintbrush to carefully paint the underside of my toilet seat because some paint had scraped off and obviously it needs to be totally white under there where no one looks .. clean is not good enough

 

Once i came home and my roommate who also takes adderall was sweeping the block. the entire sidewalk around the entire block on our street.. there were no leaves or anything. just thought he'd clean the dirt. think i saw him vacuum the lawn once. just once.

 

I used to keep a notebook of "mind-blowing brilliant" ideas that i would come up with while looking at art or music .. really believed they were earth shattering. they entertained me for hours. thought i uncovered the secrets to the universe and time itself

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Wow, it's so good to hear others' stories about what this horrible drug will make you do. I also believed I uncovered the secrets to the universe and time itself. I thought I was the only one Butterflies but now I know that it was the drug that made us believe this crazy stuff. The scary part is, I sometimes feel like Adderall did open my mind to another spiritual world or something. I know it sounds crazy, but a part of me thinks that we did uncover the secrets to the universe but we are not allowed to remember it when we come back to reality so we can't explain it to anyone else.

 

I look back on how I was on Adderall in disbelief. I really fought demons, communicated with aliens, and invented unlimited energy sources to benefit mankind, all in my head. Wow, what a total mind job. The lesson I learned while I was in psychosis is that I really do want to work on technology that benefits mankind, mainly solar energy, electric cars, electric aircraft etc. I think Adderall opened my mind to my true passions but it took me too far into the unrealistic pursuit of perpetual motion and zero point energy. 

 

My point is, if you can look back to your time on Adderall and try to learn a lesson from it, then the time you spent addicted to it will not be a complete waste. I spent about 4 years on Adderall at 60mgs a day and I abused it pretty much the whole time. I learned a lot of lessons from this horrific drug and I am still dealing with the effects of withdrawal to this day. 

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Wow...Danquit...you just described in detail - what is going on right now in my addicts thoughts, actions and beliefs.  How the hell? I mean you know its not or wasnt real now...for the most part anyway-which I totally understand.  I realize as human's we are capable of a heck of a lot more than we produce right now in these moments...Adderall does have a way of pulling out thoughts that may be hard to reach without a drug or meditation...but oh my...some of these thoughts...I am totally stunned right now.  I swear I thought it was just him.  About how long into your quit did you start to think that something was off with your thought process when you were on it? Thanks for posting that...seriously...totally stunned...I can convey my emotion through text but I can't quite pick my jaw up off the floor right now if you get my drift.

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Wow...Danquit...you just described in detail - what is going on right now in my addicts thoughts, actions and beliefs.  How the hell? I mean you know its not or wasnt real now...for the most part anyway-which I totally understand.  I realize as human's we are capable of a heck of a lot more than we produce right now in these moments...Adderall does have a way of pulling out thoughts that may be hard to reach without a drug or meditation...but oh my...some of these thoughts...I am totally stunned right now.  I swear I thought it was just him.  About how long into your quit did you start to think that something was off with your thought process when you were on it? Thanks for posting that...seriously...totally stunned...I can convey my emotion through text but I can't quite pick my jaw up off the floor right now if you get my drift.

It took several weeks until my initial withdrawal was over and I started to look back on how crazy my thoughts were when I had my psychotic breaks. I chased the rabbit so far down the hole that I ended up in the hospital twice! I don't know if it's because I am prone to psychosis or what but I know that Adderall will definitely make me crazy if I take it again. The thing is, I took it for almost 4 years with no psychosis, but because I mixed it with pot and I did not sleep for 5 days, it opened my mind to psychosis and once that has happened, taking Adderall again will definitely cause another psychotic break. The scary thing with my situation was that I truly believed my hallucinations and delusions.  I'm lucky to be alive.

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The craziest thing I can remember (emphasis on the remember because my memory of what all happened while going through stimulant-induced psychosis is a bit hazy) doing was when I went into my bosses office and asked.. no.. DEMANDED for a raise. I thought so highly of myself that I believed I deserved higher pay than all my co-workers. I marched in there without knocking, placed myself standing in front with both of my hands on her desk, leaned in so I looked her square in the eye and said in the most demanding way I could muster "I deserve a raise. I do more than everyone else. Not only do I do more than everyone, the work I do is of higher quality as well. I am the future of this business and I demand for higher pay". She blinked a few times, trying to figure out what the hell is going on, then answered with a simple, but stern, "No".... No??!?! NO?!? I thought. I then slammed my fist on her desk so hard it made all the papers and items on her desk levitate for a few milliseconds and said "I AM THE BEST DAMNED EMPLOYEE YOU'VE GOT, GIVE ME A RAISE". Now she was mad. She screamed "I SAID NO!". I screamed "FINE!" then stormed out of the office, clocked out, and sped home. Thankfully I still had a job after this ordeal.. somehow. For the record, my boss was underpaying me and I was going to talk with her about it in a calm and rational manner, but after taking three 70mg vyvanse pills, I was absolutely convinced that this WAS the rational approach to achieving a raise.

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Danquit your Tesla theory was not far off he was also bay shit crazy and a genius. He claimed aliens talked to him given his resume of inventions it might be true he is the reason we have cell phones etc today. Anyways my madness was mostly completing restoration projects that should take year or two in a 2 month span. I went off on my family many times with total lack of self control. This weekend I've done hardly anything wonder if the trade off was worth it I know that answer but get fed up with myself not having much motivation

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I can relate to "sweeping the streets..." For several Summer's I mowed the yard of my next door neighbors house and fertilized it for shits and giggles, no cash. With unlimited energy and a cold six pack I was just happy as a clam to be riding around on my tractor. I think back to the countless hours away from my family while I did stuff that had absolutely no significance. Now I stare out the window and think I might need to buy some goats to keep the grass down, cuz it seems impossible to get the motivation to MOW!

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It's almost comical looking back on some of the stuff we considered "productive" while on Adderall. And how sad that we can all relate in one way or another to wasting so much precious time on something that never really mattered in the grand scheme of things. However, it is wonderful how far we have come to be able to look back and recognize how seriously wrong it all was.

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Lol, I am so fucked up for still laughing about this,

But this past spring I was coming home early

Around 6am, and when I entered my complex,

So many geese were in the god damn road

(and of course there's apartment ponds everywhere, so

there's geese everywhere yuck!) usually

if you honk or drive slowly, they will move!!!

but this particular goose did not speed up,

just took its sweet ass time, so I accelerated

and hit the goose *gasps* !!! Before you judge

me, know that the stinkin' goose did not die

& didn't suffer other than, if anything, minor injuries.

I did not mean to hit it, I was positive it would move,

Bahahahaha, guess not.

Btw, I was on a binge and hadn't slept in like 4 days

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inventing excel functions like a mad scientist. I spent hours and days working on a master excel sheet that would dashboard for everything.   

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I used to get paranoid and argue with people over email and in person. I had a lot of delusional moments and would get angry and just blow up on them. People would look at me with some of the most confused faces and I did this a lot until I quit.

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Taught a one hour class, referencing visuals on the screen, and realized near the end I had forgotten to turn the projector on.

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On 7/20/2016 at 0:40 PM, Danquit said:

It took several weeks until my initial withdrawal was over and I started to look back on how crazy my thoughts were when I had my psychotic breaks. I chased the rabbit so far down the hole that I ended up in the hospital twice! I don't know if it's because I am prone to psychosis or what but I know that Adderall will definitely make me crazy if I take it again. The thing is, I took it for almost 4 years with no psychosis, but because I mixed it with pot and I did not sleep for 5 days, it opened my mind to psychosis and once that has happened, taking Adderall again will definitely cause another psychotic break. The scary thing with my situation was that I truly believed my hallucinations and delusions.  I'm lucky to be alive.

Same thing happened to me! Psychosis twice...second time I was 5150'd. I still remember my hallucinations, and at the time I fully believed them. My poor fiance had to witness me completely out of my mind in the hospital; he thought I might stay that way forever. 

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I did a bunch of weird, socially awkward shit. But, the most embarrassing by far was my severe hypochondria and how far I took it. Sorry if this is TMI for the men out there, but at one point I had myself convinced that I was dying of Toxic Shock Syndrome, which happens when you leave tampons in too long. I spent hours trying to find a tampon inside myself that simply wasn't there. I convinced myself that my skin was red, that I had a fever, and that I had hours to live. I drove myself to the ER, had a complete fucking meltdown in the waiting room because they wouldn't see me immediately. Then I texted 10 of my closest friends telling them that I loved them and that I'd probably die so if they didn't see me again I wanted them to know I loved them. I then demanded that the nurses give me pelvic exams (while I was hyperventilating and hysterical), and they tried to tell me that I was just having a panic attack, which made me scream at them. Eventually one of them decided to just give me the pelvic exam so I'd calm down. That was only the first time of many that I drove myself to the hospital for strange, ridiculous reasons. 

Looking back, so mortifying. It's a miracle I wasn't 5150'd because I should have/could have been.

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2 hours ago, Cheeri0 said:

I did a bunch of weird, socially awkward shit. But, the most embarrassing by far was my severe hypochondria and how far I took it. Sorry if this is TMI for the men out there, but at one point I had myself convinced that I was dying of Toxic Shock Syndrome, which happens when you leave tampons in too long. I spent hours trying to find a tampon inside myself that simply wasn't there. I convinced myself that my skin was red, that I had a fever, and that I had hours to live. I drove myself to the ER, had a complete fucking meltdown in the waiting room because they wouldn't see me immediately. Then I texted 10 of my closest friends telling them that I loved them and that I'd probably die so if they didn't see me again I wanted them to know I loved them. I then demanded that the nurses give me pelvic exams (while I was hyperventilating and hysterical), and they tried to tell me that I was just having a panic attack, which made me scream at them. Eventually one of them decided to just give me the pelvic exam so I'd calm down. That was only the first time of many that I drove myself to the hospital for strange, ridiculous reasons. 

Looking back, so mortifying. It's a miracle I wasn't 5150'd because I should have/could have been.

Ah ha. Psychosis and tampons are a bad combo.  Even tho I was on a low dose toward the end of my use I'm pretty sure I was having "mild" psychosis because I was very confused and seeing bugs in the corners of my eyes and I had to stop using tampons toward the end because I could not keep track and would lose them monthly. It never occurred to me until now that my adderall use could be the reason I could not keep track of my tampons.  Ended up at the doctors having one removed.  How awful and embarrassing.  I'm using tampons again now in my sober state and I am able to keep track of them much much better.  In fact since I quit addy I haven't lost any tampons. 

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6 hours ago, Cheeri0 said:

I did a bunch of weird, socially awkward shit. But, the most embarrassing by far was my severe hypochondria and how far I took it. Sorry if this is TMI for the men out there, but at one point I had myself convinced that I was dying of Toxic Shock Syndrome, which happens when you leave tampons in too long. I spent hours trying to find a tampon inside myself that simply wasn't there. I convinced myself that my skin was red, that I had a fever, and that I had hours to live. I drove myself to the ER, had a complete fucking meltdown in the waiting room because they wouldn't see me immediately. Then I texted 10 of my closest friends telling them that I loved them and that I'd probably die so if they didn't see me again I wanted them to know I loved them. I then demanded that the nurses give me pelvic exams (while I was hyperventilating and hysterical), and they tried to tell me that I was just having a panic attack, which made me scream at them. Eventually one of them decided to just give me the pelvic exam so I'd calm down. That was only the first time of many that I drove myself to the hospital for strange, ridiculous reasons. 

Looking back, so mortifying. It's a miracle I wasn't 5150'd because I should have/could have been.

I thought I was dying like, ten-twenty times during my abuse! I went to the ER like, 4 times thinking I had heart failure, liver failure...omg. My poor fiancé had to take me almost every time...Thank you for sharing this, because it's nice to know I wasn't alone. 

In my last psychosis I hallucinated that I was the worst criminal in the history of the world, and was being accessed of crimes I didn't commit. In my hallucination, I was put on death row, and had every single deadly disease on the earth...HIV, pancreatic cancer, Hepatitis of every form. I also thought I passed it on to my fiancé and his family, and I envisioned they were all in the hospital getting tested and each time they found out they had a disease, they would scream at me. Then I thought my fiancé had a new girlfriend, and took my engagement ring and gave it to her right in front of me, and his mother was making me watch them dance. So, I was screaming at people that weren't there while I was in the ER. Finally, I was convinced I had 3 months to live from my "diagnosis." I came out of the hallucination when I was being transported to the psych ward, and the young ambulance driver broke the rules and let me use my phone. I texted my dad and told him I had three months to live and all these deadly diseases. I also told him my fiancé was marrying someone else and took my ring. My dad responded, "No, you gave it to him to keep it safe. What the hell are you talking about?" That's when I broke out of my psychosis.

This stuff is not to be messed with, take it from me. It is so powerful that I still have the urge to use it, even after all that and putting my loved ones through absolute hell.

47 days today!

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On 7/15/2016 at 3:09 PM, Danquit said:

I'm at day 78 after quitting and I was just thinking about the two psychotic episodes I had that landed me in the mental hospital when I was abusing Adderall. I remember being in my friend's mom's basement thinking that all of the answers to the world's energy problems were to be found in that basement. I seriously believed there was Atlantean technology buried down there for me to discover and share with the world. The second time was similar, I stayed up for a couple of days researching hidden technology online and was convinced that Tesla had discovered how to transmit power through the air but big energy monopolies squashed the technology. I was so paranoid that I ended up escaping from my roommates and ended up on the side of the highway talking to god who I thought was living in the Sun. These were the two amphetamine induced psychotic episodes that led me to quit for good. Looking back though, everything I did on Adderall was kinda crazy. 

Omg, Danquit!!!  My incident was so similar to yours!  I thought I had created a global strategy for my company and I created 1,000's of jobs for my company.  I thought I had launched a world phenomena that caught on at the emergency room I was staying at.  I thought there was a control desk and everyone was watching me.  I was so far gone!!  Adderall is some crazy shit!!!

 

 

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i've thankfully never had full blown psychosis, but i've had plenty of panic attacks. one of the craziest ones had to do with disposing of a dead rat in my kitchen. it had gotten caught on a glue trap and died, but it was under the stove and i didn't notice until the kitchen started smelling kind of...funny. so when i pulled the trap out from under the stove, i went into a full blown panic attack just seeing the decomposing rat.

now surely, a normal person may have the same type of reaction.. perhaps called someone else to take care of it.. but I was alone, desperate to get rid of it.. and more importantly convinced that i could invent something out of household objects to do this deed without actually having to see or smell the thing. i spent the next 5 hours or so hyperventilating, inventing increasingly ridiculous solutions: taping garbage bags to broom handles, gluing cardboard to sunglasses, tying a scarf around my face. GOD what i'd give to have a video of that night :lol::lol:  it was probably something like:

aKqwmjW_700b.jpg

 

i think eventually i gave up out of exhaustion. by this point i had been awake for about 72 hours. i caught my landlord leaving for work that morning and had him handle it- thankfully, he was actually a frat brother of mine, and just called me a pussy and took care of it lol.

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This thread is a good read. It gets me thinking about ridiculous things I did when I was on Adderall.

For some reason car trouble would send me into meltdown mode when I was using. I remember one time my battery died in front of a convenience store while I was making my nightly beer and tobacco stop. My first thought was that god was punishing me for being a drug addict alcoholic by disabling my car. So I got out and threw away my newly purchased beer and tobacco thinking that would fix the problem. My car still wouldn’t start, so I moved on to a theory that my car was experiencing total electrical system failure. But being an Adderall fueled Superman genius, it was nothing I couldn’t fix. So I furiously flipped through the mechanical manual in my glovebox and then popped the hood. After unplugging and plugging back in every cord I could find under the hood for an hour, like I was trying to fix a computer or DirecTV receiver, I started really freaking out. I frantically called a family member who suggested my battery was dead. That made sense, so I called roadside assistance who gave me a jump. At this point I retrieved my “cursed” beer and tobacco from the trash can and drove away probably 2-3 hours after the ordeal began...with only one working headlight.

Now I just start by calling roadside assistance. It’s nice to be clean and sober!

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I tore my entire bathroom apart thinking there were cameras in the sockets (and everywhere else in the house). My husband came home and had to fix it all. I told him to never speak of it again...because days later, I knew that was a full blown psychotic episode. :wacko:

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Writing while 100mgs of amphetamine are pumping through your synapses is enough to drive anyone clinically bonkers. Even when it comes to simple tasks like texting a friend, I will obsessively write and rewrite, sometimes for hours, because everything I put down on paper (or on my phone) isn't right or clear or articulate. This point makes no sense, I'll think, normally before I've even completed the sentence. Better tack on a few more words. Y'know, so the reader gets what I mean. Meanwhile, four hours have gone by and I've only managed to string together a paragraph or two. I'll briefly shift my eyes from the glare of my laptop to the digital clock beside my bed. It's 5:30 AM? And I hardly noticed a single minute pass.

This is just one unique example. On Adderall, I can spend days spinning my wheels, working on a project or seeking a job or just jumping from one website to another. Only after the effect of the drug has worn off will I realize how much wasted time I've poured into completing some menial task. It all sounds so insane unless you've experienced it before. Adderall has a way of tricking our brains into mistaking mania with productiveness. It alters perception in a way that convinces you that there's no problem. You're not obsessed; you just hyper-engaged. All the while, you've got this broken mind whispering encouraging yet insidious lies. Well done! Keep up the good work.

Overcoming the illusion is the first indication that your thinking might not be totally shot after all. The next obstacle is even more daunting. Once you subtract the artificial motivation you've relied upon for ages, where do you turn for the healthy, organic kind? I've forgotten what it feels like to care passionately about anything. I know the part of me that's eager to enjoy the company of others and pursue an interesting project or simply participate in life has to be inside of me somewhere. I didn't always feel so hopeless and apathetic. I want that feeling back. The hard part is accepting the fact that there's no magical potion that will make me into that person. Then I remember that's the kind of thinking that got me stuck here in the first place.  

Someone? Anyone? I don't know the first thing about how to handle anything that demands effort. Please help me if you can.

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