Beback17

Feeling out of control

11 posts in this topic

Disclaimer: I may be one of those jerks who posts some emotional out cry for support in the hopes that someone may say something that will ease the anxiety I face with running out of meds. OR in hopes that someone will share the secret to stopping with minimal difficulty Ha!

 

Here is a bit of my story:

 

September 28th will mark 1 year of daily Adderall consumption.  I am:

 

a professional

a mother

a lover of fitness - the meds fuck this up!

a lover of music

a bit of a perfectionist - a very imperfect perfectionist (very frustrating)

 

And - addicted to Adderall, with intake now at anywhere from 120 - 160 mgs a day.  if it doesn't work, I just take more.

 

Despite this I make sure I sleep, eat well (I Never not eat, I always have something), and I've only lost 5-8 lbs (mostly muscle >insert sad face<) and I have a very spiritual core that has been neglected, as you might imagine!

 

When I filled the prescription last September, I didn't plan on taking it everyday for a long period.  all the other times I was prescribed this mediation I quit within a couple of weeks due to the creepy side effects.  I kept going this time because I wanted to succeed at the opportunities in front of me = workload doubling,  new boyfriend, new social life - and desire to stay on top of everything!!! 

 

I appreciate that this site is here and the positive stories you all share. I pop on an off of this site.  Usually when I've run out of my meds, so there is a bit of guilt inside of me for that.  So, as you can imagine, I'm not here solemnly swearing that I am done with this medication, but I am here to say I need to here someone say I am going to be ok. That my world is not going to end no matter how much it feels like it.  Also, letting a fellow human in on the "secret" wouldn't hurt : P

 

Thanks for your time.

 

Sincerely,

 

Asshole Who Only Reaches Out When Out

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120-160mg a day and still sleeping normally? You don't sound like your ready to stop but maybe at the very least try to cut down to what your prescribed. If you can't do that then understand your a junkie your abusing amphetamines and have no control is that what kind of role model you want for your kids? My kids had a ton of influence on my decision to quit I felt like such a hypocrite telling my teenage son quit being lazy all the time while I was always doing the impossible with help from my pills.

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You seem so easy to relate to ( I can also be that asshole) and really so freaking awesome that if you were on adderall writing this...I bet OFF adderall you would be all those things times 1000!  So you know what? You are going to be better than okay...you are going to be amazing! I admit, I know this from an outsiders perspective-but believe me-I know a lot of people when they are on it...and a lot of people when they run out...I have NEVER met a person yet, that is better on it.  Not one.  Even when they may feel tired, out of the loop, useless and run down...they are ALWAYS genuine when they are out.   This drug seems to steal that first in my own opinion.  Being genuine is a priceless character commodity.   

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To Frank B.  I have no idea how people pull all nighters and take more in the morning and keep going.  I need sleep, and I honestly can't wait to be off of this medication but I am not looking forward to the withdraw, among other things.

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There is no secret. If there was a secret, then the last 9 1/2 months would have been a breeze for me. 

 

You just have to face the truth. If you continue down the path you're on, your life is going to continue to fall apart, and the longer you continue to let this drug have a hold on you, the harder the "real you" is going to be to get back.

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Maisy,

 

I used to do the same thing.  I'd pop on this site when I'd run out of meds and it would help inspire me to want to quit.  That was a good first step.  I had a lot of up and downs with adderall.   What it takes to get off of it for good is maybe a breaking point.  The bad times had to seriously start outweighing the good.  It's different for everyone.  What worked for me may not be what works for you.  

 

It sounds like you are in pre-contemplation stage which is the first stage to quitting so by all means that's a start!  We all have to start somewhere.  Even if you are not ready yet, at least you have a vision of where you'd like to be.  You can't get to where you are going without a map so from the sounds of it you've got the first few things you need so that's good!

 

It will be totally be fine when you are done with this drug, but you will go through some hard times in the beginning.  But we are here to tell you it will get better.  The sooner you quit, the sooner you'll get your life back and be out of the trap.  Just remember that!  As long as you stay hooked on it, you are just like a rat inside a maze forever spinning it's wheels. 

 

Welcome to the site and thanks for opening up to us!

 

LT

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To Frank B.  I have no idea how people pull all nighters and take more in the morning and keep going.  I need sleep, and I honestly can't wait to be off of this medication but I am not looking forward to the withdraw, among other things.

 

 

I just don't know how you get to sleep on that amount that's a very very high dose. Just understand for all the positives it brings you now sooner or later all that will end.

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Thanks for all of the comments and support.  Day two is definitely more difficult than day one.  I did notice my humor returning and food is pretty effin rad....a little too good.  I took the day off of work and went on a 15 mile bike ride this morning.  And laid about with my cat all day.  he had no complaints, lol.  L-Tyrosine - a lot of it - helps.  Not falling into negative thinking helps too.  My brain is in tact, just lazy. Oh yeah, days feel like weeks, that is why I'm giving this update as though I have been off of Adderall for a few weeks.  pretty sure the intensity will fluctuate. 

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I plan on cycling/running for the remainder of the week and hope it helps.  I'll also keep taking supplements and I'll down some veggie juice from Whole Foods.  I'll report back with my finding (i.e., effectiveness, symptom reduction, etc.)

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Thats awesome your hard workout ethic will help you tremendously in your recovery. Since you've only been on it for a year hopefully this won't take the same amount of time it does most of us with several years of abuse. It's not going to be easy but sounds like your a jump ahead with the workouts keep it up.

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you guys are pretty awesome for sharing your stories and giving support.  I feel good today and work was fine.  it was not the dialed in whirlwind of frenzy clock racing it is when i'm taking adderall, but I was happy and content. That is part of the high, numbing out to work.  I don't want to get my prescription tomorrow and honestly, I don't have a choice now.  I just tested positive for pregnancy yesterday, and there will be some decisions to make in the coming weeks.  taking Adderall isn't really copasetic with my current state.

 

Every one of you deserves to be happy, healthy, successful and amphetamine free.  for reelz.

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