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Doge

relapse dream

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dreams where you relapse and go back to the pills are so creepy.  such a weird weird weird feeling.  had one last night where I met a new friend who kept feeding me a supply.  I dreamt that I accidentally took so many I was sure it was going to kill me but woke up immediately after.  so unsettling....

 

about a week ago I dreamt I started doing cocaine and picked up another addiction doing that and chasing a supply.

 

sure feels good to wake up and realize it didn't happen though, and one day further away from that nightmare

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I went to a buddies the other night and he was doing cocaine. I was so tempted for a second I just stood there staring at like, I did when I first saw adderall.  I had a choice that day. I made that choice.   I skipped the coke for a beer and that was that.  So much power in that moment. Cocaine scares the hell out of me. 

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I went to a buddies the other night and he was doing cocaine. I was so tempted for a second I just stood there staring at like, I did when I first saw adderall. I had a choice that day. I made that choice. I skipped the coke for a beer and that was that. So much power in that moment. Cocaine scares the hell out of me.

I think it's time to find some new "buddies" u can't put yourself in those situations espically if your drinking.

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probably a good idea. He smokes too... relapsing on cigarettes would be an expensive tragedy. 

 

I think it's time to find some new "buddies" u can't put yourself in those situations espically if your drinking.

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I had one about a week or two ago! It felt so real to me. I was taking the Adderall and I was telling myself that I'm only going to take it for "a little bit". I had like 7 pills in my hand in the dream. I remember feeling like such a failure for going back and I really thought it was real. Typically, I know when I'm dreaming. I woke up so relieved that it wasn't! so so relieved!

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I continue to dream almost every night about taking Oxycontin pills but not adderall. I guess the pain pills overall have more of a stronghold on my subconscious.

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I had a crazy smoking dreams when I quit. I'd wake up looking for a lighter. 

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