bluemoon Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi everyone! So I am getting close to being a year off Adderall. Some days I feel great, but a lot of days, not so much. One thing I know for sure is that I am doing a million times better than I was while I was taking Adderall. There are no more crazy ups and downs, no more insane bursts of unwarranted anger, no more suicidal thoughts, no more intense cravings for Adderall, no more staying up all night organizing socks or god knows what... Lol. And guess what? I can do my job just fine (if not better) without Adderall, and I can clean my house without taking pills too. Who would have thought?? haha One thing I still do struggle with is fatigue. Still tired all the time, no matter how much I sleep. And I still have yet to lose the all the weight I gained - but that's my own fault..... laziness and over eating. I definitely am still struggling with depression, but at this point I don't feel I'm justified in blaming the depression on Adderall withdrawal. While on Adderall, I made a crazy decision to move across the country for a job. I do not think I would have made this decision if I had not been taking Adderall. Not only did I move across the country (I'm in Canada btw)... but I moved way up north in the middle of nowhere!! A small town of 60 000, and the next closest town is 5 hours away. I'm so far north that there are signs on the highway for Alaska, lol. So, it's dark when I wake up, it's dark when I get done work, and there is never much of anything going on. The people are super different here than what I'm used to, and not in a good way. I've been depressed since moving here three years ago. On and off Adderall for two of those years. The Adderall kinda numbed the pain of being stuck in a place that I don't want to be. Yet, if it were not for Adderall, I wouldn't be here. Anyway, I'm not exactly sure what my next move is. I don't think going back to my hometown is the right decision, however I do want to be back east (I am originally from southern Ontario, close to Detroit). Nashville has always been a dream of mine, but it scares me to make such a big move without being 100% sure what I want. And what if I get to Nashville and living there isn't what I thought it would be? The other reason I am having a difficult time making a move is that I get paid 3x the amount here of what I would get paid elsewhere doing the same job. It will be a difficult adjustment financially once I do decide to make a move. I need to stay here at least one more year to be financially ready to make a move. Anyway, sorry for rambling - but my point is that I think I need to make a change in my life to move forward with my recovery. I don't think I'm going to be able to really bounce back from my depression until I change my environment. Hope everyone is having a great day and thanks for listening to my pointless story!! Haha 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msb1128 Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hi Bluemoon, I'd be miserable up there in the dark too now that winter is coming! Have you considered getting one of those therapy lights to treat depression and seasonal affective disorder? It really helps in the winter and gives you a boost of energy too. I'm in the Detroit area, and the long winter months are bad enough here!Even if you don't think you can move right away, do you think you could start taking specific steps to plan for your move? Start really exploring your location options, deciding on a move date and starting to do the prep work now? Maybe if you could see progress toward your goal to move, it would show you the light at the end of the tunnel to get you through the rest of your time up there. You would know that although you still have some time left there, you're in a sense already on your way! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 DITTO what MSB said above! That sounds tough being in all that darkness! Have you been to Nashville to visit? It really is such an awesome town. Are you able to work remotely at all? It would be cool if you could manage to stay there for a week working remotely to get a real feel for it. So glad to hear you're doing well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted October 25, 2016 Report Share Posted October 25, 2016 i for one can say that a change in environment can be soooo helpful, although the adjustment period is always a bit awkward congrats on appraochign your 1 year anniversary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted October 27, 2016 Report Share Posted October 27, 2016 Bluemoon glad your doing better! Living up north has to be hard with little daylight I couldn't do it even here in the Midwest during the winter I sometimes go to the tanning bed just for the light not a tan and it helps but don't want skin cancer so do it on rare occasions. I hope you can figure out what's best for your future I'm sure having a clear head now you'll make the right choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted October 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 I have been to Nashville lots of times - it's only 9 hours south of my hometown, so I used to often go down for long weekends. I just wonder if it would be different actually living there than visiting there for fun. But, you know, I plan on taking some time off after I'm done working up here... So maybe I can take a couple months down there just to see how it goes. Something in my heart is telling me I just have to give it a real shot. I'm kind of leaning toward spring 2018 but that still seems so far away. One thing that kind of scares me is that by the time I'm ready to move, I'll be 30 and single and trying to start a new life in a new place. I'm sure I will manage just fine, it just sounds a bit daunting. But the best part is that I will be doing this all Adderall free!!!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbagump99 Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 Omg I'm so pissed I was just replying this long ass reply and it disappeared wtf😡 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbagump99 Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 Let's try this again😡 You said you make 3x more now but is the cost of living more expensive where u r? I think you should pack up ur sh!t and leave. You obviously aren't happy there. Do you think that will change? It doesn't seem so. So whynot just pack up and go somewhere else? Think about the things that can go right, not just 'omg but all these things could happen'.. think good thoughts. And if the worse happened and u didn't like it guess what? You can move again! That's how life works. It's not permanent. No one is gonna hold you down and make you stay if it doesn't work out for you. and while it is awesome to have money- while I was reading ur post I could hear that saying 'money doesn't buy happiness' screaming in my ear. Basically- it sounds like you're miserable there- (I can relate to that, believe me). But what could be worse- getting up and moving and actually finding happiness (and sunlight). Haha OR twenty years from now sitting in the same spot wondering what if.. when you're 50! You're still young! Go now! Sorry if this reply comes off as obnoxious I'm just pissed my last one got erased and I'm annoyed lol But I really think you should move. Life is short. You're wasting your time away being miserable when you COULD be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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