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Seven Month check-in


oswhid

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My husband made it to seven months today. He is doing well. Exercise is still pretty much on the back burner but hopeful about getting that going soon. I still can't wrap my head around interacting, talking, laughing and being affectionate with the person that I married and was with for nineteen years again. There was one true thing in my life back then - my husband loved me and would never leave me. Yet that person literally disappeared for eleven years replaced by someone (something) that was unrecognizable. Someone filled with rage and was cold unfeeling, and cruel. Someone who mentioned divorce or leaving on a regular basis because "this isn't working". Someone who I could not have even the most casual of conversations with without him finding something to contradict or misinterpret and inevitably turning into either an explosive argument or me walking away in frustration, disbelief and sadness. So much sadness...

Now I just returned from a ten day trip. He couldn't wait for me to come home. And I couldn't wait to be home. I wouldn't say that he is 100% yet but getting there. He is slow to anger and quick to recover but his emotions are still more volatile once they are stirred. But nothing like while he was using. My anxiety about him relapsing has eased a good bit but it's always hovering there in the background.

He still does not seem ready to accept that the damage caused by the decisions he made and the actions he took was influenced by his adderall use. As if he doesn't want to throw his former "best friend" under the bus. That discussion needs to happen at some point but I am patient. Maybe after the one year mark even two.

We became grandparents two weeks ago. Hopefully he will only know us as a loving couple.

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I would love to put this entire disclaimer as a warning label on adderall.  This is such a GREAT detailed explanation of exactly what this drug will do to someone and the effect it has on their loved ones. 

 

I am so glad to hear he's made it to 7 months!  Prayers for your family that things will keep going smooth sailing in his recovery.  :)

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