Trinity

Frustrated at lack of productivity

5 posts in this topic

Hellooo!  I need a bit of advice/support/whatnot on an issue I'm having currently.

To say that I was addicted to Adderall is an understatement.  I was taking 200-300 mg per day at my heaviest use.  It was utter hell, but I got things done.  I've toughed it out, and celebrated one year off of Adderall on Jan. 19th.  As proud as I am of being off for this long, I'm growing very frustrated with how little I get done during my day.  I will sit down and write a list for things that I want to accomplish the following day, only to sleep until 11am, putz around all day long, and then end up feeling guilty about not getting a damn thing done all day long the next evening.  I do a pep talk "tomorrow will be different....I'll wake up and work out and clean the house, and blah blah blah" make another list, and then repeat.  I'm so frustrated at myself.  We own our own business, and I have plenty of time to get stuff done, since I'm a work at home mom.  But, I rarely get things done in a timely manner, and my poor husband has had to hire someone else to do my end of the job to make sure it gets done.  My house is a disaster.  I've gained a ton of weight.  I've gotten depressed.  I just want to be a productive member of society-- why can't I do it?!?

I'm hoping someone will tell me that this is normal, and that it's what happens right before you actually get up off your behind and start living life to its fullest.  Please tell me that this isn't what I've become forever.

Any ideas on how to kick this?  I know part of my problem is social media, so I'm trying to not go on as often.  (Unsuccessfully, thus far.)  I am at the point where I'm debating if I was wrong to not use medicine to help me.  I really hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that I don't have to go back to medication for relief of symptoms.

Thanks!

Edited by Trinity
spelling error!
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Wow, congrats on one year off this horrible drug! I am at 9 months and I'm hoping for some natural motivation as well. What I've learned is that this is completely normal for people coming off Adderall. I find that motivation follows action. This sucks because when I was using, I would pop a 20mg pinky and just wait 20 minutes until it kicked in and then I'd find myself doing all kinds of "productive" shit. This is not normal. Normal people don't get super excited about cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry. They just do it because they have to. That's how I operate these days. I basically don't do anything until I absolutely have to. Haven't showered in 2 days, take a shower. Have no more clean clothes, do laundry. Have no food and am starving, go to grocery store. Have an 8:30 work meeting, wake up at 8:15. I'm just layin' the cut. Doing exactly what I have to do to survive. Nothing more. Lately I've been wanting to do more though. I want to have a social life again and have a little fun but I don't think the motivation has caught up to the desire yet. I feel like any day now something will kick into gear. My only advice is to force yourself to just do it. Whatever you need to do, just start doing it. Once you are doing it, it's not that bad. This applies to everything. Don't procrastinate. No matter how small the task, just do it. 

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On 1/31/2017 at 10:20 PM, Danquit said:

Normal people don't get super excited about cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry. They just do it because they have to

That really sucks and is depressing... 

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Trinity I feel you 100% !  I know this site helps tried to stay off it a month made it couple weeks. Thought maybe I was not moving on because I kept coming back here and focusing on being a ex addict. But what I've found is this site is very important we are a small minority of the population going through the excact same thing helps to hear from others and give encouragement. I hope to get back to who I was pre addy know I'm not at that point yet. I'm not looking to be superman again but like you said just be a productive member of society. 

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On 1/31/2017 at 0:14 AM, Trinity said:

I'm hoping someone will tell me that this is normal, and that it's what happens right before you actually get up off your behind and start living life to its fullest.  Please tell me that this isn't what I've become forever.

That sounds similar to my experience. I was elated after getting one year. Then I felt like I backslid and couldn't get off my tush for a few months.

"Start before you're ready" is some of the best advice I've gotten since getting clean. It's the opposite of how we're wired/grew accustomed to doing things on Adderall.

All I can say is keep going. It wasn't a straight line for me from there, but there was significant improvement in my second year. 

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