Motivation_Follows_Action

After 3 years away from this site...

5 posts in this topic

I can't believe I remembered my password, when I forgot so much about my life.  

I was an avid poster to this site, so much so I was granted admin rights... this is about 3 years ago, so hello old friends ;)

For those whom I don't know,  I quit Adderall many times, and thought I had it beat, but went on year long bender when my husband and I broke up and I lost everything. While I can't say I think adderall is solely to blame, I do know that I behaved like a total meth-head towards the end, my behavior was totally out of control.  I was taking around 120mg/day, not sleeping, eating, drinking water, nothing. I would walk home from a bar in midtown at 4am in 3 inch heels just for the "fun" of it. I lived near wall street.

I eventually got fired from every job, lost all my money, and returned to my hometown to live with my mother. As a woman in her early 40s that was not easy.  I got a job eventually and I've gained 30lbs, but that dark period of my life from 2011-2015 was so confused by my adderall binges that I am just getting over the ptsd of what I did to myself.

Anyway for everyone on here who tried to reach out, I'm sorry.  All I can say is that I still get cravings for adderall and I am working on rebuilding my life. I am happy for family, and for self forgiveness.

Stay strong, friends. 

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Omg you helped me SO much in my early days.

Welcome back! I'm glad you're alive and kicking. There's a lot of hope going around the forums these days. I hear the secret is motivation follows action, or something like that...

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What were the steps in between those binges of 120mg a day to where you are now, if I may ask? I just ask because I am kind of in that same rut right now of binging and meth-head-eske behavior to some degree. I'm also averaging about 120mg a day (sometimes more) and was just wondering what you did right after your "dark period"? Did you tell your doctor? go to rehab? Just to read that those binges were someone else's dark period really hit me (especially the part about referring to the aftermath of adderall binges as ptsd) because that's kinda where I am at this very moment. I'm trying to taper down as best as I can but ya know as an addict that doesn't pan out all the time. :) thank you and i am happy to see you've started to rebuild your life, that's actually inspirational to me. Congrats on all your progress!

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Hey hey, MFA!

Welcome back.  We've missed you around here.  Sorry to hear of all the struggles since you left, but it sounds like you are in a better place now and back on track.  The good thing for you, is that you really do know how to quit and stay off the shit for the long term and that is huge.   It looks like your administrator rights have stood the test of time.  We haven't been plagued by spam hardly at all since the IPS upgrade last fall.  Looking forward to hearing from you again.

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I followed your posts many years ago and they inspired me to quit. Life will rebuild and happy you are back. I did the same thing and am still doing the same thing. I pray for your strength. Thank you for sharing.

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